第32章

Heturnedwhite，andfixedhiseyesonmeratherthanonthedamagingpieceofevidenceIthrustbeforethem。

“Mydear，“Iwenton，“thisisnotawhip；itisascreenbehindwhichyouarehidingsomethingfromme。“

ThereuponIgavemyselfthegratificationofwatchinghishopelessentanglementinthecovertsandlabyrinthsofdeceitandthedesperateeffortshemadetofindsomewallhemightscaleandthusescape。Invain；hehadperforcetoremainuponthefield，facetofacewithanadversary，whoatlastlaiddownherarmsinafeignedcomplacence。

Butitwastoolate。Thefatalmistake，againstwhichmymotherhadtriedtowarmme，wasmade。Myjealousy，exposedinallitsnakedness，hadledtowarandallitsstratagemsbetweenGastonandmyself。

Jealousy，dear，hasneithersensenordecency。

Imadeupmymindnowtosufferinsilence，buttokeepmyeyesopen，untilmydoubtswereresolvedonewayoranother。ThenIwouldeitherbreakwithGastonorbowtomymisfortune：nomiddlecourseispossibleforawomanwhorespectsherself。

Whatcanhebeconcealing？Forasecretthereis，andthesecrethastodowithawoman。Isitsomeyouthfulescapadeforwhichhestillblushes？Butifso，what？Theword/what/iswritteninlettersoffireonallIsee。Ireaditintheglassywaterofmylake，intheshrubbery，intheclouds，ontheceilings，attable，intheflowersofthecarpets。Avoicecriestome/what？/inmysleep。Datingfromthemorningofmydiscovery，acruelinteresthassprungintoourlives，andIhavebecomefamiliarwiththebitterestthoughtthatcancorrodetheheart——thethoughtoftreacheryinhimoneloves。Oh!mydear，thereisheavenandhelltogetherinsuchalife。NeverhadIfeltthisscorchingflame，Itowhomlovehadappearedonlyintheformofdevoutestworship。

“Soyouwishedtoknowthegloomytorture-chamberofpain!“Isaidtomyself。Good，thespiritsofevilhaveheardyourprayer；goonyourroad，unhappywretch!

May30th。

SincethatfataldayGastonnolongerworkswiththecarelesseaseofthewealthyartist，whoseworkismerelypastime；hesetshimselftaskslikeaprofessionalwriter。Fourhoursadayhedevotestofinishinghistwoplays。

“Hewantsmoney!“

Avoicewithinwhisperedthethought。Butwhy？Hespendsnexttonothing；wehaveabsolutelynosecretsfromeachother；thereisnotacornerofhisstudywhichmyeyesandmyfingersmaynotexplore。Hisyearlyexpendituredoesnotamounttotwothousandfrancs，andIknowthathehasthirtythousand，Icanhardlysaylaidby，butscatteredlooseinadrawer。Youcanguesswhatiscoming。Atmidnight，whilehewassleeping，Iwenttoseeifthemoneywasstillthere。Anicyshiverranthroughme。Thedrawerwasempty。

ThatsameweekIdiscoveredthathewenttoSevrestofetchhisletters，andtheselettershemusttearupimmediately；forthoughI

amaveryFigaroincontrivances，Ihaveneveryetseenatraceofone。Alas!mysweet，despitethefinepromisesandvowsbywhichI

boundmyselfafterthesceneofthewhip，animpulse，whichIcanonlycallmadness，drovemetofollowhiminoneofhisrapidridestothepost-office。Gastonwasappalledtobethusdiscoveredonhorseback，payingthepostageofaletterwhichheheldinhishand。Helookedfixedlyatme，andthenputspurstoFedelta。ThepacewassohardthatIfeltshakentobitswhenIreachedthelodgegate，thoughmymentalagonywassuchatthetimethatitmightwellhavedulledallconsciousnessofbodilypain。Arrivedatthegate，Gastonsaidnothing；herangthebellandwaitedwithoutaword。Iwasmoredeadthanalive。ImightbemistakenorImightnot，butinneithercasewasitfittingforArmande-Louise-MariedeChaulieutoplaythespy。I

hadsunktothelevelofthegutter，bythesideofcourtesans，opera-

dancers，merecreaturesofinstinct；event

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