第3章

“Sobeit，“hereplied。“Butdon’tbeuneasy；youhavemoneyenoughofyourowntobenoburdeneithertoyourmotherorme。“

“MayIaskhowmuchIhave？“

“Certainly，mychild，“hesaid。“Yourgrandmotherleftyoufivehundredthousandfrancs；thiswastheamountofhersavings，forshewouldnotalienateafootoflandfromthefamily。ThissumhasbeenplacedinGovernmentstock，and，withtheaccumulatedinterest，nowbringsinaboutfortythousandfrancsayear。WiththisIhadpurposedmakinganindependenceforyoursecondbrother，anditisherethatyouhaveupsetmyplans。Later，however，itispossiblethatyoumayfallinwiththem。Itshallrestwithyourself，forIhaveconfidenceinyourgoodsensefarmorethanIhadexpected。

“IdonotneedtotellyouhowadaughteroftheChaulieusoughttobehave。Thepridesoplainlywritteninyourfeaturesismybestguarantee。Safeguards，suchascommonfolksurroundtheirdaughterswith，wouldbeaninsultinourfamily。Aslanderreflectingonyournamemightcostthelifeofthemanboldenoughtoutterit，orthelifeofoneofyourbrothers，ifbychancetherightshouldnotprevail。Nomoreonthissubject。Good-bye，littleone。“

Hekissedmeontheforeheadandwentout。Icannotunderstandtherelinquishmentofthisplanafternineyears’persistenceinit。Myfather’sfranknessiswhatIlike。Thereisnoambiguityabouthiswords。MymoneyoughttobelongtohisMarquisson。Who，then，hashadbowelsofmercy？Mymother？Myfather？Orcoulditbemybrother？

Iremainedsittingonmygrandmother’ssofa，staringatthepursewhichmyfatherhadleftonthemantelpiece，atoncepleasedandvexedthatIcouldnotwithdrawmymindfromthemoney。Itistrue，furtherspeculationwasuseless。Mydoubtshadbeenclearedupandtherewassomethingfineinthewaymypridewasspared。

Philippehasspentthemorningrushingaboutamongthevariousshopsandworkpeoplewhoaretoundertakethetaskofmymetamorphosis。A

famousdressmaker，bynameVictorine，hascome，aswellasawomanforunderclothing，andashoemaker。IamasimpatientasachildtoknowwhatIshallbelikewhenIemergefromthesackwhichconstitutedtheconventualuniform；butallthesetradespeopletakealongtime；thecorset-makerrequiresawholeweekifmyfigureisnottobespoilt。

Yousee，Ihaveafigure，dear；thisbecomesserious。Janssen，theOperaticshoemaker，solemnlyassuresmethatIhavemymother’sfoot。

Thewholemorninghasgoneintheseweightyoccupations。Evenaglovemakerhascometotakethemeasureofmyhand。Theunderclothingwomanhasgotmyorders。

AtthemealwhichIcalldinner，andtheotherslunch，mymothertoldmethatweweregoingtogethertothemilliner’stoseesomehats，sothatmytasteshouldbeformed，andImightbeinapositiontoordermyown。

Thisburstofindependencedazzlesme。Iamlikeablindmanwhohasjustrecoveredhissight。NowIbegintounderstandthevastintervalwhichseparatesaCarmelitesisterfromagirlinsociety。Ofourselveswecouldneverhaveconceivedit。

Duringthislunchmyfatherseemedabsent-minded，andwelefthimtohisthoughts；heisdeepintheKing’sconfidence。Iwasentirelyforgotten；but，fromwhatIhaveseen，Ihavenodoubthewillremembermewhenhehasneedofme。Heisaveryattractivemaninspiteofhisfiftyyears。Hisfigureisyouthful；heiswellmade，fair，andextremelygracefulinhismovements。Hehasadiplomaticface，atoncedumbandexpressive；hisnoseislongandslender，andhehasbrowneyes。

Whatahandsomepair!Strangethoughtsassailmeasitbecomesplaintomethatthesetwo，soperfectlymatchedinbirth，wealth，andmentalsuperiority，liveentirelyapart，andhavenothingincommonbuttheirname。Theshowofunityisonlyfortheworld。

ThecreamoftheCourtanddiplomaticcircleswereherelastnight。

VerysoonIamgoingtoaballgivenbytheDuchessedeMaufrigneuse，andIshallbepresentedtothesocietyIamsoeagertoknow。A

dancing-masteriscomingeverymorningtogivemelessons，forImustbeabletodanceinamonth，orIcan’tgototheball。

Beforedinner，mymothercametotalkaboutthegovernesswithme。I

havedecidedtokeepMissGriffith，whowasrecommendedbytheEnglishambassador。MissGriffithisthedaughterofaclergyman；hermotherwasofgoodfamily，andsheisperfectlywellbred。Sheisthirty-six，andwillteachmeEnglish。Thegoodsoulisquitehandsomeenoughtohaveambitions；sheisScotch——poorandproud——andwillactasmychaperon。SheistosleepinRose’sroom。Rosewillbeunderherorders。Isawataglancethatmygovernesswouldbegovernedbyme。

Inthesixdayswehavebeentogether，shehasmadeverysurethatI

amtheonlypersonlikelytotakeaninterestinher；while，formypart，Ihaveascertainedthat，forallherstatuesquefeatures，shewillproveaccommodating。Sheseemstomeakindlysoul，butcautious。

Ihavenotbeenabletoextractawordofwhatpassedbetweenherandmymother。

Anothertriflingpieceofnews!MyfatherhasthismorningrefusedtheappointmentasMinisterofStatewhichwasofferedhim。Thisaccountsforhispreoccupiedmannerlastnight。Hesayshewouldpreferanembassytotheworriesofpublicdebate。Spaininespecialattractshim。

Thisnewswastoldmeatlunch，theonemomentofthedaywhenmyfather，mother，andbrotherseeeachotherinaneasyway。Theservantsthenonlycomewhentheyarerungfor。Therestofthedaymybrother，aswellasmyfather，spendsoutofthehouse。Mymotherhashertoilettomake；betweentwoandfoursheisnevervisible；atfouro’clockshegoesoutforanhour’sdrive；whensheisnotdiningout，shereceivesfromsixtoseven，andtheeveningisgiventoentertainmentsofvariouskinds——theatres，balls，concerts，athomes。

Inshort，herlifeissofull，thatIdon’tbelievesheeverhasaquarterofanhourtoherself。Shemustspendaconsiderabletimedressinginthemorning；foratlunch，whichtakesplacebetweenelevenandtwelve，sheisexquisite。Themeaningofthethingsthataresaidaboutherisdawningonme。Shebeginsthedaywithabathbarelywarmed，andacupofcoldcoffeewithcream；thenshedresses。

Sheisnever，exceptonsomegreatemergency，calledbeforenineo’clock。Insummertherearemorningrides，andattwoo’clockshereceivesayoungmanwhomIhaveneveryetcontrivedtosee。

Beholdourfamilylife!Wemeetatlunchanddinner，thoughoftenIamalonewithmymotheratthislattermeal，andIforeseethatstilloftenerIshalltakeitinmyownrooms(followingtheexampleofmygrandmother)withonlyMissGriffithforcompany，formymotherfrequentlydinesout。Ihaveceasedtowonderattheindifferencemyfamilyhaveshowntome。InParis，mydear，itisamiracleofvirtuetolovethepeoplewholivewithyou，foryouseelittleenoughofthem；asfortheabsent——theydonotexist!

Knowingasthismaysound，Ihavenotyetsetfootinthestreets，andamdeplorablyignorant。ImustwaittillIamlessofthecountrycousinandhavebroughtmydressanddeportmentintokeepingwiththesocietyIamabouttoenter，thewhirlofwhichamazesmeevenhere，whereonlydistantmurmursreachmyear。SofarIhavenotgonebeyondthegarden；buttheItalianoperaopensinafewdays，andmymotherhasaboxthere。IamcrazywithdelightatthethoughtofhearingItalianmusicandseeingFrenchacting。

AlreadyIbegintodropconventhabitsforthoseofsociety。Ispendtheeveningwritingtoyoutillthemomentforgoingtobedarrives。

Thishasbeenpostponedtoteno’clock，thehouratwhichmymothergoesout，ifsheisnotatthetheatre。TherearetwelvetheatresinParis。

IamgrosslyignorantandIreadalot，butquiteindiscriminately，onebookleadingtoanother。IfindthenamesoffreshbooksonthecoveroftheoneIamreading；butasIhavenoonetodirectme，I

lightonsomewhicharefearfullydull。WhatmodernliteratureIhavereadallturnsuponlove，thesubjectwhichusedtobulksolargelyinourthoughts，becauseitseemedthatourfatewasdeterminedbymanandforman。Buthowinferioraretheseauthorstotwolittlegirls，knownasSweetheartandDarling——otherwiseReneeandLouise。Ah!mylove，whatwretchedplots，whatridiculoussituations，andwhatpovertyofsentiment!Twobooks，however，havegivenmewonderfulpleasure——/Corinne/and/Adolphe/。Aproposofthis，IaskedmyfatheronedaywhetheritwouldbepossibleformetoseeMme。deStael。Myfather，mother，andAlphonseallburstoutlaughing，andAlphonsesaid：

“Whereintheworldhasshesprungfrom？“

Towhichmyfatherreplied：

“Whatfoolsweare!ShespringsfromtheCarmelites。“

“Mychild，Mme。deStaelisdead，“saidmymothergently。

WhenIfinished/Adolphe/，IaskedMissGriffithhowawomancouldbebetrayed。

“Why，ofcourse，whensheloves，“washerreply。

Renee，tellme，doyouthinkwecouldbebetrayedbyaman？

MissGriffithhasatlastdiscernedthatIamnotanutterignoramus，thatIhavesomewhereahiddenveinofknowledge，theknowledgewelearnedfromeachotherinourrandomarguments。SheseesthatitisonlysuperficialfactsofwhichIamignorant。Thepoorthinghasopenedherhearttome。Hercurtreplytomyquestion，whenIcompareitwithallthesorrowsIcanimagine，makesmefeelquitecreepy。

Oncemoresheurgedmenottobedazzledbytheglitterofsociety，tobealwaysonmyguard，especiallyagainstwhatmostattractedme。Thisisthesum-totalofherwisdom，andIcangetnothingmoreoutofher。

Herlectures，therefore，becomeatriflemonotonous，andshemightbecomparedinthisrespecttothebirdwhichhasonlyonecry。

THESAMETOTHESAME

December。

MyDarling，——HereIamreadytomakemybowtotheworld。BywayofpreparationIhavebeentryingtocommitallthefolliesIcouldthinkofbeforesoberingdownformyentry。Thismorning，Ihaveseenmyself，aftermanyrehearsals，wellanddulyequipped——stays，shoes，curls，dress，ornaments，——allinorder。Followingtheexampleofduelistsbeforeameeting，Itriedmyarmsintheprivacyofmychamber。IwantedtoseehowIwouldlook，andhadnodifficultyindiscoveringacertainairofvictoryandtriumph，boundtocarryallbeforeit。Imusteredallmyforces，inaccordancewiththatsplendidmaximofantiquity，“Knowthyself!“andboundlesswasmydelightinthusmakingmyownacquaintance。Griffithwasthesolespectatorofthisdoll’splay，inwhichIwasatoncedollandchild。Youthinkyouknowme？Youarehugelymistaken。

Hereisaportrait，then，Renee，ofyoursister，formerlydisguisedasaCarmelite，nowbroughttolifeagainasafrivoloussocietygirl。

SheisoneofthegreatestbeautiesinFrance——Provence，ofcourse，excepted。Idon’tseethatIcangiveamoreaccuratesummaryofthisinterestingtopic。

True，Ihavemyweakpoints；butwereIaman，Ishouldadorethem。

Theyarisefromwhatismostpromisinginme。Whenyouhavespentafortnightadmiringtheexquisitecurvesofyourmother’sarms，andthatmothertheDuchessedeChaulieu，itisimpossible，mydear，nottodeploreyourownangularelbows。Yetthereisconsolationinobservingthefinenessofthewrist，andacertaingraceoflineinthosehollows，whichwillyetfilloutandshowplump，round，andwellmodeled，underthesatinyskin。Thesomewhatcrudeoutlineofthearmsisseenagainintheshoulders。Strictlyspeaking，indeed，Ihavenoshoulders，butonlytwobonyblades，standingoutinharshrelief。Myfigurealsolackspliancy；thereisastiffnessaboutthesidelines。

Poof!There’stheworstout。Butthenthecontoursareboldanddelicate，thebright，pureflameofhealthbitesintothevigorouslines，afloodoflifeandofbluebloodpulsesunderthetransparentskin，andthefairestdaughterofEvewouldseemaNegressbesideme!

Ihavethefootofagazelle!Myjointsarefinelyturned，myfeaturesofaGreekcorrectness。Itistrue，madame，thatthefleshtintsdonotmeltintoeachother；but，atleast，theystandoutclearandbright。Inshort，Iamaveryprettygreenfruit，withallthecharmofunripeness。Iseeagreatlikenesstothefaceinmyaunt’soldmissal，whichrisesoutofavioletlily。

Thereisnosillyweaknessintheblueofmyinsolenteyes；thewhiteispuremother-of-pearl，prettilymarkedwithtinyveins，andthethick，longlashesfalllikeasilkenfringe。Myforeheadsparkles，andthehairgrowsdeliciously；itripplesintowavesofpalegold，growingbrownertowardsthecentre，whenceescapelittlerebellocks，whichalonewouldtellthatmyfairnessisnotoftheinsipidandhystericaltype。Iamatropicalblonde，withplentyofbloodinmyveins，ablondemoreapttostrikethantoturnthecheek。Whatdoyouthinkthehairdresserproposed？Hewanted，ifyouplease，tosmoothmyhairintotwobands，andplaceovermyforeheadapearl，keptinplacebyagoldchain!HesaiditwouldrecalltheMiddleAges。

ItoldhimIwasnotagedenoughtohavereachedthemiddle，ortoneedanornamenttofreshenmeup!

Thenoseisslender，andthewell-cutnostrilsareseparatedbyasweetlittlepinkpartition——animperious，mockingnose，withatiptoosensitiveevertogrowfatorred。Sweetheart，ifthiswon’tfindahusbandforadowerlessmaiden，I’madonkey。Theearsaredaintilycurled，apearlhangingfromeitherlobewouldshowyellow。Theneckislong，andhasanundulatingmotionfullofdignity。Intheshadethewhiteripenstoagoldentinge。Perhapsthemouthisalittlelarge。Buthowexpressive!whatacoloronthelips!howprettilytheteethlaugh!

Then，dear，thereisaharmonyrunningthroughall。Whatagait!whatavoice!Wehavenotforgottenhowourgrandmother’sskirtsfellintoplacewithoutatouch。Inaword，Iamlovelyandcharming。Whenthemoodcomes，Icanlaughoneofourgoodoldlaughs，andnoonewillthinkthelessofme；thedimples，impressedbyComedy’slightfingersonmyfaircheeks，willcommandrespect。OrIcanletmyeyesfallandmyheartfreezeundermysnowybrows。IcanposeasaMadonnawithmelancholy，swan-likeneck，andthepainters’virginswillbenowhere；

myplaceinheavenwouldbefarabovethem。Amanwouldbeforcedtochantwhenhespoketome。

So，yousee，mypanoplyiscomplete，andIcanrunthewholegamutofcoquetryfromdeepestbasstoshrillesttreble。Itisahugeadvantagenottobeallofonepiece。Now，mymotherisneitherplayfulnorvirginal。Heronlyattitudeisanimposingone；whensheceasestobemajestic，sheisferocious。Itisdifficultforhertohealthewoundsshemakes，whereasIcanwoundandhealtogether。Weareabsolutelyunlike，andthereforetherecouldnotpossiblyberivalrybetweenus，unlessindeedwequarreledoverthegreaterorlessperfectionofourextremities，whicharesimilar。Itakeaftermyfather，whoisshrewdandsubtle。Ihavethemannerofmygrandmotherandhercharmingvoice，whichbecomesfalsettowhenforced，butisasweet-tonedchestvoiceattheordinarypitchofaquiettalk。

IfeelasifIhadlefttheconventto-dayforthefirsttime。ForsocietyIdonotyetexist；Iamunknowntoit。Whataravishingmoment!Istillbelongonlytomyself，likeaflowerjustblown，unseenyetofmortaleye。

Inspiteofthis，mysweet，asIpacedthedrawing-roomduringmyself-inspection，andsawthepoorcast-offschool-clothes，aqueerfeelingcameoverme。Regretforthepast，anxietyaboutthefuture，fearofsociety，alongfarewelltothepaledaisieswhichweusedtopickandstripoftheirpetalsinlight-heartedinnocence，therewassomethingofallthat；butstrange，fantasticvisionsalsorose，whichIcrushedbackintotheinnerdepths，whencetheyhadsprung，andwhitherIdarednotfollowthem。

MyRenee，Ihavearegulartrousseau!Itisallbeautifullylaidawayandperfumedinthecedar-wooddrawerswithlacqueredfrontofmycharmingdressing-table。Thereareribbons，shoes，gloves，allinlavishabundance。Myfatherhaskindlypresentedmewiththeprettygewgawsagirlloves——adressing-case，toiletservice，scent-box，fan，sunshade，prayer-book，goldchain，cashmereshawl。Hehasalsopromisedtogivemeridinglessons。AndIcandance!To-morrow，yes，to-morrowevening，Icomeout!

Mydressiswhitemuslin，andonmyheadIwearagarlandofwhiterosesinGreekstyle。IshallputonmyMadonnaface；Imeantoplaythesimpleton，andhaveallthewomenonmyside。MymotherismilesawayfromanyideaofwhatIwritetoyou。Shebelievesmequitedestituteofmind，andwouldbedumfoundedifshereadmyletter。Mybrotherhonorsmewithaprofoundcontempt，andisuniformlyandpolitelyindifferent。