第18章

“Daysonly？“interruptedmymother。Then，withaglanceatmyfather，shecontinued，“Youhadbetterleaveus，mydear，tohaveourtalktogether。“

“Youaretobemarried，dearchild，“theDuchessthenbeganinalowvoice，“inthreedays。Itbecomesmyduty，therefore，withoutsillywhimpering，whichwouldbeunfittingourrankinlife，togiveyoutheseriousadvicewhicheverymotherowestoherdaughter。Youaremarryingamanwhomyoulove，andthereisnoreasonwhyIshouldpityyouormyself。Ihaveonlyknownyouforayear；andifthisperiodhasbeenlongenoughformetolearntoloveyou，itishardlysufficienttojustifyfloodsoftearsattheideaoflosingyou。Yourmentalgiftsareevenmoreremarkablethanthoseofyourperson；youhavegratifiedmaternalpride，andhaveshownyourselfasweetandlovingdaughter。I，inmyturn，canpromiseyouthatyouwillalwaysfindastaunchfriendinyourmother。Yousmile？Alas!ittoooftenhappensthatamotherwhohaslivedonexcellenttermswithherdaughter，aslongasthedaughterisameregirl，comestocrosspurposeswithherwhentheyarebothwomentogether。

“ItisyourhappinesswhichIwant，solistentomywords。Thelovewhichyounowfeelisthatofayounggirl，andisnaturaltousall，foritiswoman’sdestinytoclingtoaman。Unhappily，prettyone，thereisbutonemanintheworldforawoman!Andsometimesthisman，whomfatehasmarkedoutforus，isnottheonewhomwe，mistakingapassingfancyforlove，chooseashusband。StrangeaswhatIsaymayappeartoyou，itisworthnoting。Ifwecannotlovethemanwehavechosen，thefaultisnotexclusivelyours，itlieswithboth，orsometimeswithcircumstancesoverwhichwehavenocontrol。Yetthereisnoreasonwhythemanchosenforusbyourfamily，themantowhomourfancyhasgoneout，shouldnotbethemanwhomwecanlove。Thebarrierswhichariselaterbetweenhusbandandwifeareoftenduetolackofperseveranceonbothsides。Thetaskoftransformingahusbandintoaloverisnotlessdelicatethanthatothertaskofmakingahusbandofthelover，inwhichyouhavejustprovedyourselfmarvelouslysuccessful。

“Irepeatit，yourhappinessismyobject。Neverallowyourself，then，toforgetthatthefirstthreemonthsofyourmarriedlifemayworkyourmiseryifyoudonotsubmittotheyokewiththesameforbearance，tenderness，andintelligencethatyouhaveshownduringthedaysofcourtship。For，mylittlerogue，youknowverywellthatyouhaveindulgedinalltheinnocentpleasuresofaclandestineloveaffair。Iftheculminationofyourlovebeginswithdisappointment，dislike，nay，evenwithpain，well，comeandtellmeaboutit。Don’thopefortoomuchfrommarriageatfirst；itwillperhapsgiveyoumorediscomfortthanjoy。Thehappinessofyourliferequiresatleastaspatientcherishingastheearlyshootsoflove。

“Toconclude，ifbychanceyoushouldlosethelover，youwillfindinhisplacethefatherofyourchildren。Inthis，mydearchild，liesthewholesecretofsociallife。Sacrificeeverythingtothemanwhosenameyoubear，themanwhosehonorandreputationcannotsufferintheleastdegreewithoutinvolvingyouinfrightfulconsequences。Suchsacrificeisthusnotonlyanabsolutedutyforwomenofourrank，itisalsotheirwisestpolicy。This，indeed，isthedistinctivemarkofgreatmoralprinciples，thattheyholdgoodandareexpedientfromwhateveraspecttheyareviewed。ButIneedsaynomoretoyouonthispoint。

“Ifancyyouareofajealousdisposition，and，mydear，ifyouknewhowjealousIam!Butyoumustnotbestupidoverit。Topublishyourjealousytotheworldislikeplayingatpoliticswithyourcardsuponthetable，andthosewholettheirowngamebeseenlearnnothingoftheiropponents’。Whateverhappens，wemustknowhowtosufferinsilence。“

SheaddedthatsheintendedhavingsomeplaintalkaboutmewithMacumertheeveningbeforethewedding。

Raisingmymother’sbeautifularm，Ikissedherhandanddroppedonitatear，whichthetoneofrealfeelinginhervoicehadbroughttomyeyes。Intheadviceshehadgivenme，Ireadhighprincipleworthyofherselfandofme，truewisdom，andatendernessofheartunspoiltbythenarrowcodeofsociety。Aboveall，Isawthatsheunderstoodmycharacter。Thesefewsimplewordssummedupthelessonswhichlifeandexperiencehadbroughther，perhapsataheavyprice。Shewasmoved，andsaid，asshelookedatme：

“Dearlittlegirl，you’vegotanastycrossingbeforeyou。Andmostwomen，intheirignoranceortheirdisenchantment，areaswiseastheEarlofWestmoreland!“

Webothlaughed；butImustexplainthejoke。Theeveningbefore，aRussianprincesshadtoldusananecdoteofthisgentleman。Hehadsufferedfrightfullyfromsea-sicknessincrossingtheChannel，andturnedtailwhenhegotnearItaly，becausehehadheardsomeonespeakof“crossing“theAlps。“Thankyou；I’vehadquiteenoughcrossingsalready，“hesaid。

Youwillunderstand，Renee，thatyourgloomyphilosophyandmymother’slecturewerecalculatedtorevivethefearswhichusedtodisturbusatBlois。Thenearermarriageapproached，themoredidI

needtosummonallmystrength，myresolution，andmyaffectiontofacethisterriblepassagefrommaidenhoodtowomanhood。Allourconversationscamebacktomymind，Ire-readyourlettersanddiscernedinthemavagueundertoneofsadness。

Thisanxietyhadoneadvantageatleast；ithelpedmetotheregulationexpressionforabrideascommonlydepicted。TheconsequencewasthatonthedayofsigningthecontracteverybodysaidIlookedcharmingandquitetherightthing。Thismorning，attheMairie，itwasaninformalbusiness，andonlythewitnesseswerepresent。

Iamwritingthistailtomyletterwhiletheyareputtingoutmydressfordinner。WeshallbemarriedatmidnightattheChurchofSainte-Valere，afteraverygayevening。Iconfessthatmyfearsgivemeamartyr-likeandmodestairtowhichIhavenoright，butwhichwillbeadmired——why，Icannotconceive。IamdelightedtoseethatpoorFelipeiseverywhitastimorousasIam；societygratesonhim，heislikeabatinaglassshop。

“ThankHeaven，thedaywon’tlastforever!“hewhisperedtomeinallinnocence。

Inhisbashfulnessandtimidityhewouldhavelikedtohavenoonethere。

TheSardinianambassador，whenhecametosignthecontract，tookmeasideinordertopresentmewithapearlnecklace，linkedtogetherbysixsplendiddiamonds——agiftfrommysister-in-law，theDuchessdeSoria。Alongwiththenecklacewasasapphirebracelet，ontheundersideofwhichwereengravedthewords，“/Thoughunknown，beloved/。“

Twocharmingletterscamewiththesepresents，which，however，IcouldnotacceptwithoutconsultingFelipe。

“For，“Isaid，“Ishouldnotliketoseeyouwearingornamentsthatcamefromanyonebutme。“

Hekissedmyhand，quitemoved，andreplied：

“Wearthemforthesakeoftheinscription，andalsoforthekindfeeling，whichissincere。“

Saturdayevening。

Here，then，mypoorRenee，arethelastwordsofyourgirlfriend。

AfterthemidnightMass，wesetoffforanestatewhichFelipe，withkindthoughtforme，hasboughtinNivernais，onthewaytoProvence。

AlreadymynameisLouisedeMacumer，butIleaveParisinafewhoursasLouisedeChaulieu。HoweverIamcalled，therewillneverbeforyoubutoneLouise。

XXVII

THESAMETOTHESAME

October。

Ihavenotwrittentoyou，dear，sinceourmarriage，nearlyeightmonthsago。Andnotalinefromyou!Madame，youareinexcusable。

Tobeginwith，wesetoffinapost-chaisefortheCastleofChantepleurs，thepropertywhichMacumerhasboughtinNivernais。ItstandsonthebanksoftheLoire，sixtyleaguesfromParis。Ourservants，withtheexceptionofmymaid，weretherebeforeus，andwearrived，afteraveryrapidjourney，thenextevening。IsleptallthewayfromParistobeyondMontargis。Mylordandmasterputhisarmroundmeandpillowedmyheadonhisshoulder，uponanarrangementofhandkerchiefs。Thiswastheonelibertyhetook；andthealmostmotherlytendernesswhichgotthebetterofhisdrowsiness，touchedmestrangely。Ifellasleepthenunderthefireofhiseyes，andawoketofindthemstillblazing；thepassionategazeremainedunchanged，butwhatthoughtshadcomeandgonemeanwhile!Twicehehadkissedmeontheforehead。

AtBriarewehadbreakfastinthecarriage。ThenfollowedatalklikeouroldtalksatBlois，whilethesameLoireweusedtoadmirecalledforthourpraises，andathalf-pastsevenweenteredthenoblelongavenueoflime-trees，acacias，sycamores，andlarcheswhichleadstoChantepleurs。Ateightwedined；attenwewereinourbedroom，acharmingGothicroom，madecomfortablewitheverymodernluxury。

Felipe，whoisthoughtsougly，seemedtomequitebeautifulinhisgracefulkindnessandtheexquisitedelicacyofhisaffection。Ofpassion，notatrace。Allthroughthejourneyhemighthavebeenanoldfriendoffifteenyears’standing。Later，hehasdescribedtome，withallthevividtouchesofhisfirstletter，thefuriousstormsthatragedwithinandwerenotallowedtoruffletheoutersurface。

“Sofar，Ihavefoundnothingveryterribleinmarriage，“Isaid，asI

walkedtothewindowandlookedoutonthegloriousmoonwhichlitupacharmingpark，breathingofheavyscents。

Hedrewnear，puthisarmagainroundme，andsaid：

“Whyfearit？HaveIeveryetprovedfalsetomypromiseingestureorlook？WhyshouldIbefalseinthefuture？“

Yetneverwerewordsorglancesmorefullofmastery；hisvoicethrilledeveryfibreofmyheartandrousedasleepingforce；hiseyeswerelikethesuninpower。

“Oh!“Iexclaimed，“whataworldofMoorishperfidyinthisattitudeofperpetualprostration!“

Heunderstood，mydear。

So，myfairsweetheart，ifIhaveletmonthsslipbywithoutwriting，youcannowdivinethecause。Ihavetorecallthegirl’sstrangepastinordertoexplainthewomantomyself。Renee，Iunderstandyounow。

Nottoherdearestfriend，nottohermother，not，perhaps，eventoherself，canahappybridespeakofherhappiness。Thismemoryoughttoremainabsolutelyherown，anaddedrapture——athingbeyondwords，toosacredfordisclosure!

Isitpossiblethatthenameofdutyhasbeengiventothedeliciousfrenzyoftheheart，totheoverwhelmingrushofpassion？Andforwhatpurpose？Whatmalevolentpowerconceivedtheideaofcrushingawoman’ssensitivedelicacyandallthethousandwilesofhermodestyunderthefettersofconstraint？Whatsenseofdutycanforcefromhertheseflowersoftheheart，therosesoflife，thepassionatepoetryofhernature，apartfromlove？Toclaimfeelingasaright!Why，itbloomsofitselfunderthesunoflove，andshrivelstodeathunderthecoldblastofdistasteandaversion!Letloveguardhisownrights!

Oh!mynobleRenee!Iunderstandyounow。Ibowtoyourgreatness，amazedatthedepthandclearnessofyourinsight。Yes，thewomanwhohasnotusedthemarriageceremony，asIhavedone，merelytolegalizeandpublishthesecretelectionofherheart，hasnothingleftbuttoflytomotherhood。Whenearthfails，thesoulmakesforheaven!

Onehardtruthemergesfromallthatyouhavesaid。Onlymenwhoarereallygreatknowhowtolove，andnowIunderstandthereasonofthis。Manobeystwoforces——onesensual，onespiritual。Weakorinferiormenmistakethefirstforthelast，whilstgreatsoulsknowhowtoclothethemerelynaturalinstinctinallthegracesofthespirit。Theverystrengthofthisspiritualpassionimposessevereself-restraintandinspiresthemwithreverenceforwomen。Clearly，feelingissensitiveinproportiontothecalibreofthementalpowersgenerally，andthisiswhythemanofgeniusalonehassomethingofawoman’sdelicacy。Heunderstandsanddivineswoman，andthewingsofpassiononwhichheraisesherarerestrainedbythetimidityofthesensitivespirit。Butwhenthemind，theheart，andthesensesallhavetheirshareintherapturewhichtransportsus——ah!thenthereisnofallingtoearth，ratheritistoheavenwesoar，alas!foronlytoobriefavisit。

Such，dearsoul，isthephilosophyofthefirstthreemonthsofmymarriedlife。Felipeisangelic。Withoutfigureofspeech，heisanotherself，andIcanthinkaloudwithhim。Hisgreatnessofsoulpassesmycomprehension。Possessiononlyattacheshimmorecloselytome，andhediscoversinhishappinessnewmotivesforlovingme。Forhim，Iamthenoblerpartofhimself。Icanforeseethatyearsofweddedlife，farfromimpairinghisaffection，willonlymakeitmoreassured，developfreshpossibilitiesofenjoyment，andbindusinmoreperfectsympathy。Whatadeliriumofjoy!