第13章

Myangel——oroughtInotrathertosaymyimpofevil？——youhave，withoutmeaningit，grievedmesorely。Iwouldsaywoundedwerewenotonesoul。Andyetitispossibletowoundoneself。

Howplainitisthatyouhaveneverrealizedtheforceoftheword/indissoluble/asappliedtothecontractbindingmanandwoman!I

havenowishtocontrovertwhathasbeenlaiddownbyphilosophersorlegislators——theyarequitecapableofdoingthisforthemselves——but，dearone，inmakingmarriageirrevocableandimposingonitarelentlessformula，whichadmitsofnoexceptions，theyhaverenderedeachunionathingasdistinctasoneindividualisfromanother。Eachhasitsowninnerlawswhichdifferfromthoseofothers。Thelawsregulatingmarriedlifeinthecountry，forinstance，cannotbethesameasthoseregulatingahouseholdintown，wherefrequentdistractionsgivevarietytolife。Orconversely，marriedlifeinParis，whereexistenceisoneperpetualwhirl，mustdemanddifferenttreatmentfromthemorepeacefulhomeintheprovinces。

Butifplacealterstheconditionsofmarriage，muchmoredoescharacter。Thewifeofamanborntobealeaderneedonlyresignherselftohisguidance；whereasthewifeofafool，consciousofsuperiorpower，isboundtotakethereinsinherownhandifshewouldavertcalamity。

Youspeakofvice；anditispossiblethat，afterall，reasonandreflectionproducearesultnotdissimilarfromwhatwecallbythatname。Forwhatdoesawomanmeanbyitbutperversionoffeelingthroughcalculation？Passionisviciouswhenitreasons，admirableonlywhenitspringsfromtheheartandspendsitselfinsublimeimpulsesthatsetatnaughtallselfishconsiderations。Soonerorlater，dearone，youtoowillsay，“Yes!dissimulationisthenecessaryarmorofawoman，ifbydissimulationbemeantcouragetobearinsilence，prudencetoforeseethefuture。“

Everymarriedwomanlearnstohercosttheexistenceofcertainsociallaws，which，inmanyrespects，conflictwiththelawsofnature。

Marryingatourage，itwouldbepossibletohaveadozenchildren。

Whatisthisbutanothernameforadozencrimes，adozenmisfortunes？

Itwouldbehandingovertopovertyanddespairtwelveinnocentdarlings；whereastwochildrenwouldmeanthehappinessofboth，adoubleblessing，twolivescapableofdevelopinginharmonywiththecustomsandlawsofourtime。Thenaturallawandthecodeareinhostility，andwearethebattleground。Wouldyougivethenameofvicetotheprudenceofthewifewhoguardsherfamilyfromdestructionthroughitsownacts？Onecalculationorathousand，whatmatter，ifthedecisionnolongerrestswiththeheart？

Andofthisterriblecalculationyouwillbeguiltysomeday，mynobleBaronnedeMacumer，whenyouaretheproudandhappywifeofthemanwhoadoresyou；orrather，beingamanofsense，hewillspareyoubymakingithimself。(Yousee，deardreamer，thatIhavestudiedthecodeinitsbearingsonconjugalrelations。)Andwhenatlastthatdaycomes，youwillunderstandthatweareanswerableonlytoGodandtoourselvesforthemeansweemploytokeephappinessalightintheheartofourhomes。Farbetteristhecalculationwhichsucceedsinthisthantherecklesspassionwhichintroducestrouble，heart-

burnings，anddissension。

Ihavereflectedpainfullyonthedutiesofawifeandmotherofafamily。Yes，sweetone，itisonlybyasublimehypocrisythatwecanattainthenoblestidealofaperfectwoman。YoutaxmewithinsinceritybecauseIdoleouttoLouis，fromdaytoday，themeasureofhisintimacywithme；butisitnottoocloseanintimacywhichprovokesrupture？Myaimistogivehim，intheveryinterestofhishappiness，manyoccupations，whichwillallserveasdistractionstohislove；andthisisnotthereasoningofpassion。Ifaffectionbeinexhaustible，itisnotsowithlove：thetask，therefore，ofawoman——trulynolightone——istospreaditoutthriftilyoveralifetime。

Attheriskofexcitingyourdisgust，ImusttellyouthatIpersistintheprinciplesIhaveadopted，andholdmyselfbothheroicandgenerousinsodoing。Virtue，mypet，isanabstractidea，varyinginitsmanifestationswiththesurroundings。VirtueinProvence，inConstantinople，inLondon，andinParisbearsverydifferentfruit，butisnonethelessvirtue。Eachhumanlifeisasubstancecompactedofwidelydissimilarelements，though，viewedfromacertainheight，thegeneraleffectisthesame。

IfIwishedtomakeLouisunhappyandtobringaboutaseparation，allIneeddoistoleavethehelminhishands。Ihavenothadyourgoodfortuneinmeetingwithamanofthehighestdistinction，butImayperhapshavethesatisfactionofhelpinghimontheroadtoit。FiveyearshenceletusmeetinParisandsee!Ibelieveweshallsucceedinmystifyingyou。YouwilltellmethenthatIwasquitemistaken，andthatM。del’Estoradeisamanofgreatnaturalgifts。

Asforthisbravelove，ofwhichIknowonlywhatyoutellme，thesetremorsandnightwatchesbystarlightonthebalcony，thisidolatrousworship，thisdeificationofwoman——Iknewitwasnotforme。Youcanenlargethebordersofyourbrilliantlifeasyouplease；mineishemmedintotheboundariesofLaCrampade。

Andyoureproachmeforthejealouscarewhichalonecannursethismodestandfragileshootintoawealthoflastingandmysterioushappiness!Ibelievedmyselftohavefoundouthowtoadaptthecharmofamistresstothepositionofawife，andyouhavealmostmademeblushformydevice。Whoshallsaywhichofusisright，whichiswrong？Perhapswearebothrightandbothwrong。Perhapsthisistheheavypricewhichsocietyexactsforourfurbelows，ourtitles，andourchildren。

Itoohavemyredcamellias，buttheybloomonmylipsinsmilesformydoublecharge——thefatherandtheson——whoseslaveandmistressI

am。But，mydear，yourlastlettersmademefeelwhatIhavelost!Youhavetaughtmeallawomansacrificesinmarrying。OnesingleglancedidItakeatthosebeautifulwildplateauswhereyourangeatyoursweetwill，andIwillnottellyouthetearsthatfellasIread。Butregretisnotremorse，thoughitmaybefirstcousintoit。

Yousay，“Marriagehasmadeyouaphilosopher!“Alas!bitterlydidI

feelhowfarthiswasfromthetruth，asIwepttothinkofyousweptawayonlove’storrent。Butmyfatherhasmademereadoneoftheprofoundestthinkersoftheseparts，themanonwhomthemantleofBoussuethasfallen，oneofthosehard-headedtheoristswhosewordsforceconviction。Whileyouwerereading/Corinne/，IconnedBonald；

andhereisthewholesecretofmyphilosophy。HerevealedtometheFamilyinitsstrengthandholiness。AccordingtoBonald，yourfatherwasrightinhishomily。

Farewell，mydearfancy，myfriend，mywildotherself。

LOUISEDECHAULIEUTOMME。DEL’ESTORADE

Well，myRenee，youarealoveofawoman，andIquiteagreenowthatwecanonlybevirtuousbycheating。Willthatsatisfyyou？Moreover，themanwholovesusisourproperty；wecanmakeafoolorageniusofhimasweplease；only，betweenourselves，theformerhappensmorecommonly。Youwillmakeyoursagenius，andyouwon’ttellthesecret——therearetwoheroicactions，ifyouwill!

Ah!iftherewerenofuturelife，hownicelyyouwouldbesold，forthisismartyrdomintowhichyouareplungingofyourownaccord。Youwanttomakehimambitiousandtokeephiminlove!Childthatyouare，surelythelastaloneissufficient。

Tellme，towhatpointiscalculationavirtue，orvirtuecalculation？

Youwon’tsay？Well，wewon’tquarreloverthat，sincewehaveBonaldtoreferto。Weare，andintendtoremain，virtuous；neverthelessatthismomentIbelievethatyou，withallyourprettylittleknavery，areabetterwomanthanIam。

Yes，Iamshockinglydeceitful。IloveFelipe，andIconcealitfromhimwithanodioushypocrisy。Ilongtoseehimleapfromhistreetothetopofthewall，andfromthewalltomybalcony——andifhedid，howIshouldwitherhimwithmyscorn!Yousee，Iamfrankenoughwithyou。

Whatrestrainsme？WhereisthemysteriouspowerwhichpreventsmefromtellingFelipe，dearfellow，howsupremelyhappyhehasmademebytheoutpouringofhislove——sopure，soabsolute，soboundless，sounobtrusive，andsooverflowing？

Mme。deMirbelispaintingmyportrait，andIintendtogiveittohim，mydear。Whatsurprisesmemoreandmoreeverydayistheanimationwhichloveputsintolife。Howfullofinterestiseveryhour，everyaction，everytrifle!andwhatamazingconfusionbetweenthepast，thefuture，andthepresent!Onelivesinthreetensesatonce。Isitstillsoaftertheheightsofhappinessarereached？Oh!

tellme，Iimploreyou，whatishappiness？Doesitsoothe，ordoesitexcite？Iamhorriblyrestless；Iseemtohavelostallmybearings；aforceinmyheartdragsmetohim，spiteofreasonandspiteofpropriety。Thereisthisgain，thatIambetterabletoenterintoyourfeelings。

Felipe’shappinessconsistsinfeelinghimselfmine；thealoofnessofhislove，hisstrictobedience，irritateme，justashisattitudeofprofoundrespectprovokedmewhenhewasonlymySpanishmaster。Iamtemptedtocryouttohimashepasses，“Fool，ifyoulovemesomuchasapicture，whatwillitbewhenyouknowtherealme？“

Oh!Renee，youburnmyletters，don’tyou？Iwillburnyours。Ifothereyesthanoursweretoreadthesethoughtswhichpassfromhearttoheart，IshouldsendFelipetoputthemout，andperhapstokilltheowners，bywayofadditionalsecurity。

Monday。

Oh!Renee，howisitpossibletofathomtheheartofman？MyfatheroughttointroducemetoM。Bonald，sinceheissolearned；Iwouldaskhim。IenvytheprivilegeofGod，whocanreadtheundercurrentsoftheheart。

Doeshestillworship？Thatisthewholequestion。

Ifever，ingesture，glance，ortone，IweretodetecttheslightestfallingoffintherespectheusedtoshowmeinthedayswhenhewasmyinstructorinSpanish，IfeelthatIshouldhavestrengthtoputthewholethingfromme。“Whythesefinewords，thesegrandresolutions？“youwillsay。Dear，Iwilltellyou。

Myfascinatingfather，whotreatsmewiththedevotionofanItalian/cavaliereservente/forhislady，hadmyportraitpainted，asItoldyou，byMme。deMirbel。Icontrivedtogetacopymade，goodenoughtodofortheDuke，andsenttheoriginaltoFelipe。Idespatchedityesterday，andtheselineswithit：

“DonFelipe，yoursingle-hearteddevotionismetbyablindconfidence。Timewillshowwhetherthisisnottotreatamanasmorethanhuman。“

Itwasabigreward。Itlookedlikeapromiseand——dreadfultosay——achallenge；but——whichwillseemtoyoustillmoredreadful——Iquiteintendedthatitshouldsuggestboththesethings，withoutgoingsofarasactuallytocommitme。Ifinhisreplythereis“DearLouise!“

oreven“Louise，“heisdonefor!

Tuesday。

No，heisnotdonefor。Theconstitutionalministerisperfectasalover。Hereishisletter：——

“Everymomentpassedawayfromyoursighthasbeenfilledbymewithidealpicturesofyou，myeyesclosedtotheoutsideworldandfixedinmeditationonyourimage，whichusedtoobeythesummonstooslowlyinthatdimpalaceofdreams，glorifiedbyyourpresence。Henceforthmygazewillrestuponthiswondrousivory——

thistalisman，mightInotsay？——sinceyourblueeyessparklewithlifeasIlook，andpaintpassesintofleshandblood。IfIhavedelayedwriting，itisbecauseIcouldnottearmyselfawayfromyourpresence，whichwrungfrommeallthatIwasboundtokeepmostsecret。

“Yes，closetedwithyoualllastnightandto-day，Ihave，forthefirsttimeinmylife，givenmyselfuptofull，complete，andboundlesshappiness。CouldyoubutseeyourselfwhereIhaveplacedyou，betweentheVirginandGod，youmighthavesomeideaoftheagonyinwhichthenighthaspassed。ButIwouldnotoffendyoubyspeakingofit；foroneglancefromyoureyes，robbedofthetendersweetnesswhichismylife，wouldbefulloftortureforme，andIimploreyourclemencythereforeinadvance。Queenofmylifeandofmysoul，oh!thatyoucouldgrantmebutone-

thousandthpartoftheloveIbearyou!

“Thiswastheburdenofmyprayer；doubtworkedhavocinmysoulasIoscillatedbetweenbeliefanddespair，betweenlifeanddeath，darknessandlight。AcriminalwhoseverdicthangsinthebalanceisnotmorerackedwithsuspensethanI，asIowntomytemerity。Thesmileimagedonyourlips，towhichmyeyesturnedeverandagain，andaloneabletocalmthestormrousedbythedreadofdispleasingyou。Frommybirthnoone，notevenmymother，hassmiledonme。Thebeautifulyounggirlwhowasdesignedformerejectedmyheartandgaveherstomybrother。

Again，inpoliticsallmyeffortshavebeendefeated。IntheeyesofmykingIhavereadonlythirstforvengeance；fromchildhoodhehasbeenmyenemy，andthevoteoftheCorteswhichplacedmeinpowerwasregardedbyhimasapersonalinsult。

“Lessthanthismightbreeddespondencyinthestoutestheart。

Besides，Ihavenoillusion；Iknowthegracelessnessofmyperson，andamwellawarehowdifficultitistodojusticetotheheartwithinsoruggedashell。TobelovedhadceasedtobemorethanadreamtomewhenImetyou。ThuswhenIboundmyselftoyourserviceIknewthatdevotionalonecouldexcusemypassion。