第17章

“MydearFelipe，“Isaid，“Youhaveacquittedyourselfwellto-night；

youbehavedexactlyasIshouldhavedonehadIbeentoldthatyouwereonthepointofmarrying。“

“Ithought，“hereplied，“thatyouwouldhardlyhavetoldothersbeforeme。“

“Andwhatrighthaveyoutothisprivilege？“

“Therightofonewhoisyourdevotedslave。“

“Inverytruth？“

“Iam，andshalleverremainso。“

“Butsupposethismarriagewasinevitable；supposethatIhadagreed……“

Twoflashingglanceslitupthemoonlight——onedirectedtome，theothertotheprecipicewhichthewallmadeforus。Heseemedtocalculatewhetherafalltogetherwouldmeandeath；butthethoughtmerelypassedlikelightningoverhisfaceandsparkledinhiseyes。A

power，strongerthanpassion，checkedtheimpulse。

“AnArabcannottakebackhisword，“hesaidinahuskyvoice。“Iamyourslavetodowithasyouwill；mylifeisnotminetodestroy。“

Thehandonthebalconyseemedasthoughitsholdwererelaxing。I

placedmineonitasIsaid：

“Felipe，mybeloved，fromthismomentIamyourwifeinthoughtandwill。Gointhemorningtoaskmyfatherformyhand。Hewishestoretainmyfortune；butifyoupromisetoacknowledgereceiptofitinthecontract，hisconsentwillnodoubtbegiven。IamnolongerArmandedeChaulieu。Leavemeatonce；nobreathofscandalmusttouchLouisedeMacumer。“

Helistenedwithblanchedfaceandtremblinglimbs，then，likeaflash，hadclearedthetenfeettothegroundinsafety。Itwasamomentofagony，buthewavedhishandtomeanddisappeared。

“Iamlovedthen，“Isaidtomyself，“asneverwomanwasbefore。“AndIfellasleepinthecalmcontentofachild，mydestinyforeverfixed。

Abouttwoo’clocknextdaymyfathersummonedmetohisprivateroom，whereIfoundtheDuchessandMacumer。Therewasaninterchangeofcivilities。IrepliedquitesimplythatifmyfatherandM。Henarezwereofonemind，Ihadnoreasontoopposetheirwishes。ThereuponmymotherinvitedtheBarontodinner；andafterdinner，weallfourwentforadriveintheBoisdeBoulogne，whereIhadthepleasureofsmilingironicallytoM。deMarsayashepassedonhorsebackandcaughtsightofMacumersittingoppositetousbesidemyfather。

MybewitchingFelipehashadhiscardsreprintedasfollows：

HENAREZ

(BarondeMacumer，formerlyDucdeSoria。)

Everymorninghebringsmewithhisownhandsasplendidbouquet，hiddeninwhichIneverfailtofindaletter，containingaSpanishsonnetinmyhonor，whichhehascomposedduringthenight。

Nottomakethisletterinordinatelylarge，Isendyouasspecimensonlythefirstandlastofthesesonnets，whichIhavetranslatedforyourbenefit，wordforword，andlineforline：——

FIRSTSONNET

ManyatimeI’vestood，cladinthinsilkenvest，Drawnswordinhand，withsteadypulse，Waitingthechargeofaragingbull，Andthethrustofhishorn，sharper-pointedthanPhoebe’screscent。

I’vescaled，onmylipstheliltofanAndalusiandance，Thesteepredoubtunderarainoffire；

I’vestakedmylifeuponahazardofthediceCareless，asthoughitwereagolddoubloon。

Myhandwouldseektheballoutofthecannon’smouth，ButnowmeseemsIgrowmoretimidthanacrouchinghair，Orachildspyingsomeghostinthecurtain’sfolds。

Forwhenyoursweeteyerestsonme，Anyicysweatcoversmybrow，mykneesgiveway，Itremble，shrink，mycouragegone。

SECONDSONNET

LastnightIfainwouldsleeptodreamofthee，Butjealoussleepfledmyeyelids，Isoughtthebalconyandlookedtowardsheaven，AlwaysmyglancefliesupwardwhenIthinkofthee。

Strangesight!whosemeaninglovealonecantell，Theskyhadlostitssapphirehue，Thestars，dulleddiamondsintheirgoldenmount，Twinklednomorenorshedtheirwarmth。

Themoon，washedofhersilverradiancelily-white，Hungmourningoverthegloomyplain，forthouhastrobbedTheheavensofallthatmadethembright。

Thesnowysparkleofthemoonisonthylovelybrow，Heaven’sazurecentresinthineeyes，Thylashesfalllikestarryrays。

Whatmoregraciouswayofsayingtoayounggirlthatshefillsyourlife？Tellmewhatyouthinkofthislove，whichexpendsitselfinlavishingthetreasuresalikeoftheearthandofthesoul。OnlywithinthelasttendayshaveIgraspedthemeaningofthatSpanishgallantry，sofamousinolddays。

Ahme!dear，whatisgoingonnowatLaCrampade？HowoftendoItakeastrollthere，inspectingthegrowthofourcrops!Haveyounonewstogiveofourmulberrytrees，ourlastwinter’splantations？Doeseverythingprosperasyouwish？Andwhilethebudsareopeningonourshrubs——Iwillnotventuretospeakofthebedding-outplants——havetheyalsoblossomedinthebosomofthewife？DoesLouiscontinuehispolicyofmadrigals？Doyouenterintoeachother’sthoughts？Iwonderwhetheryourlittlerunletofweddingpeaceisbetterthantheragingtorrentofmylove!Hasmysweetladyprofessortakenoffence？I

cannotbelieveit；andifitwereso，IshouldsendFelipeoffatonce，post-haste，toflinghimselfatherkneesandbringbacktomemypardonorherhead。Sweetlove，mylifehereisasplendidsuccess，andIwanttoknowhowitfareswithlifeinProvence。WehavejustincreasedourfamilybytheadditionofaSpaniardwiththecomplexionofaHavanacigar，andyourcongratulationsstilltarry。

Seriously，mysweetRenee，Iamanxious。Iamafraidlestyoushouldbeeatingyourheartoutinsilence，forfearofcastingagloomovermysunshine。Writetomeatonce，naughtychild!andtellmeyourlifeinitseveryminutestdetail；tellmewhetheryoustillholdback，whetheryour“independence“stillstandserect，orhasfallenonitsknees，orissittingdowncomfortably，whichwouldindeedbeserious。

Canyousupposethattheincidentsofyourmarriedlifearewithoutinterestforme？Imuseattimesoverallthatyouhavesaidtome。

Oftenwhen，attheOpera，Iseemabsorbedinwatchingthepirouettingdancers，Iamsayingtomyself，“Itishalf-pastnine，perhapssheisinbed。Whatissheabout？Isshehappy？Isshealonewithherindependence？orhasherindependencegonethewayofotherdeadandcastoffindependences？“

Athousandloves。

XXV

RENEEDEL’ESTORADETOLOUISEDECHAULIEU

Saucygirl!WhyshouldIwrite？WhatcouldIsay？Whilstyourlifeisvariedbysocialfestivities，aswellasbytheanguish，thetempers，andtheflowersoflove——allofwhichyoudescribesographically，thatImightbewatchingsomefirst-rateactingatthetheatre——mineisasmonotonousandregularasthoughitwerepassedinaconvent。

Wealwaysgotobedatnineandgetupwithdaybreak。Ourmealsareservedwithamaddeningpunctuality。Nothingeverhappens。Ihaveaccustomedmyselfwithoutmuchdifficultytothismappingoutoftheday，whichperhapsis，afterall，inthenatureofthings。Wherewouldthelifeoftheuniversebebutforthatsubjectiontofixedlawswhich，accordingtotheastronomers，soLouistellsme，rulethespheres!Itisnotorderofwhichweweary。

ThenIhavelaiduponmyselfcertainrulesofdress，andtheseoccupymytimeinthemornings。Iholditpartofmydutyasawifetolookascharmingaspossible。Ifeelacertainsatisfactioninit，anditcauseslivelypleasuretothegoodoldmanandtoLouis。Afterlunch，wewalk。Whenthenewspapersarrive，Idisappeartolookaftermyhouseholdaffairsortoread——forIreadagreatdeal——ortowritetoyou。Icomebacktotheothersanhourbeforedinner；andafterdinnerweplaycards，orreceivevisits，orpaythem。Thusmydayspassbetweenacontentedoldman，whohasdonewithpassions，andthemanwhooweshishappinesstome。Louis’happinessissoradiantthatithasatlastwarmedmyheart。

Forwomen，happinessnodoubtcannotconsistinthemeresatisfactionofdesire。Sometimes，intheevening，whenIamnotrequiredtotakeahandinthegame，andcansinkbackinmyarmchair，imaginationbearsmeonitsstrongwingsintotheveryheartofyourlife。Then，itsriches，itschangefultints，itssurgingpassionsbecomemyown，andI

askmyselftowhatendsuchastormyprefacecanlead。MayInotswallowupthebookitself？Foryou，mydarling，theillusionsoflovearepossible；forme，onlythefactsofhomelyliferemain。Yes，yourloveseemstomeadream!

ThereforeIfindithardtounderstandwhyyouaredeterminedtothrowsomuchromanceoverit。Youridealmanmusthavemoresoulthanfire，morenobilityandself-commandthanpassion。Youpersistintryingtoclotheinlivingformthedreamidealofagirlonthethresholdoflife；youdemandsacrificesforthepleasureofrewardingthem；yousubmityourFelipetotestsinordertoascertainwhetherdesire，hope，andcuriosityareenduringintheirnature。But，child，behindallyourfantasticstagesceneryrisesthealtar，whereeverlastingbondsareforged。Theverymorrowofyourmarriagethegracefulstructureraisedbyyoursubtlestrategymayfallbeforethatterriblerealitywhichmakesofagirlawoman，ofagallantahusband。

Rememberthatthereisnotexemptionforlovers。Forthem，asforordinaryfolklikeLouisandme，therelurksbeneaththeweddingrejoicingsthegreat“Perhaps“ofRabelais。

Idonotblameyou，though，ofcourse，itwasrash，fortalkingwithFelipeinthegarden，orforspendinganightwithhim，youonyourbalcony，heonhiswall；butyoumakeaplaythingoflife，andIamafraidthatlifemaysomedayturnthetables。Idarenotgiveyouthecounselwhichmyownexperiencewouldsuggest；butletmerepeatoncemorefromtheseclusionofmyvalleythattheviaticumofmarriedlifeliesinthesewords——resignationandself-sacrifice。For，spiteofallyourtests，yourcoyness，andyourvigilance，Icanseethatmarriagewillmeantoyouwhatithasbeentome。Thegreaterthepassion，thesteepertheprecipicewehavehewnforourfall——thatistheonlydifference。

Oh!whatIwouldgivetoseetheBarondeMacumerandtalkwithhimforanhourortwo!Yourhappinessliessonearmyheart。

AsFelipehascarriedout，withatrulySaracenicgenerosity，thewishesofmyfatherandmotherinacknowledgingthefortunehehasnotreceivedfromme，theDuchesshasbecomeevenmorefriendlytomethanbefore。Shecallsmelittlesly-boots，littlewomanoftheworld，andsaysIknowhowtousemytongue。

“But，dearmamma，“Isaidtohertheeveningbeforethecontractwassigned，“youattributetocunningandsmartnessonmypartwhatisreallytheoutcomeofthetruest，simplest，mostunselfish，mostdevotedlovethateverwas!IassureyouthatIamnotatallthe’womanoftheworld’youdomethehonorofbelievingmetobe。“

“Come，come，Armande，“shesaid，puttingherarmonmyneckanddrawingmetoher，inordertokissmyforehead，“youdidnotwanttogobacktotheconvent，youdidnotwanttodieanoldmaid，and，likeafine，noble-heartedChaulieu，asyouare，yourecognizedthenecessityofbuildingupyourfather’sfamily。(TheDukewaslistening。Ifyouknew，Renee，whatflatteryliesforhiminthesewords。)Ihavewatchedyouduringthewholewinter，pokingyourlittlenoseintoallthatgoeson，formingverysensibleopinionsaboutmenandthepresentstateofsocietyinFrance。AndyouhavepickedouttheoneSpaniardcapableofgivingyouthesplendidpositionofawomanwhoreignssupremeinherownhouse。Mylittlegirl，youtreatedhimexactlyasTulliatreatsyourbrother。“

“Whatlessonstheygiveinmysister’sconvent!“exclaimedmyfather。

Aglanceatmyfathercuthimshortatonce；then，turningtotheDuchess，Isaid：

“Madame，Ilovemyfuturehusband，FelipedeSoria，withallthestrengthofmysoul。Althoughthislovesprangupwithoutmyknowledge，andthoughIfoughtitstoutlywhenitfirstmadeitselffelt，IsweartoyouthatInevergavewaytoittillIhadrecognizedintheBarondeMacumeracharacterworthyofmine，aheartofwhichthedelicacy，thegenerosity，thedevotion，andthetemperaresuitedtomyown。“

“But，mydear，“shebegan，interruptingme，“heisasuglyas……“

“Asanythingyoulike，“Iretortedquickly，“butIlovehisugliness。“

“Ifyoulovehim，Armande，“saidmyfather，“andhavethestrengthtomasteryourlove，youmustnotriskyourhappiness。Now，happinessinmarriagedependslargelyonthefirstdays——“