第7章

shehasblackenedtheircharacter，tornthemtopieces。Accordingtoher，virtueconsistsinburyingallthesesavageinstinctsinone’sinnermostheart。Butwhatthenoftheheart？Itbecomesthesinkofallthatisworstinus。

Itisveryhumiliatingthatnoadorerhasyetturnedupforme。Iamamarriageablegirl，butIhavebrothers，afamily，relations，whoaresensitiveonthepointofhonor。Ah!ifthatiswhatkeepsmenback，theyarepoltroons。

ThepartofChimeneinthe/Cid/andthatoftheCiddelightme。Whatamarvelousplay!Well，good-bye。

January。

Ourmasterisapoorrefugee，forcedtokeepinhidingonaccountofthepartheplayedintherevolutionwhichtheDucd’Angoulemehasjustquelled——atriumphtowhichweowesomesplendidfetes。ThoughaLiberal，anddoubtlessamanofthepeople，hehasawakenedmyinterest：Ifancythathemusthavebeencondemnedtodeath。Imakehimtalkforthepurposeofgettingathissecret；butheisofatrulyCastiliantaciturnity，proudasthoughhewereGonsalvodiCordova，andneverthelessangelicinhispatienceandgentleness。HisprideisnotirritablelikeMissGriffith’s，itbelongstohisinnernature；heforcesustocivilitybecausehisownmannersaresoperfect，andholdsusatadistancebytherespectheshowsus。MyfatherdeclaresthatthereisagreatdealofthenoblemaninSenorHenarez，whom，amongourselves，hecallsinfunDonHenarez。

AfewdaysagoItookthelibertyofaddressinghimthus。Heraisedhiseyes，whicharegenerallybentontheground，andflashedalookfromthemthatquiteabashedme；mydear，hecertainlyhasthemostbeautifuleyesimaginable。IaskedhimifIhadoffendedhiminanyway，andhesaidtomeinhisgrand，rollingSpanish：

“IamhereonlytoteachyouSpanish。“

Iblushedandfeltquitesnubbed。Iwasonthepointofmakingsomepertanswer，whenIrememberedwhatourdearmotherinGodusedtosaytous，andIrepliedinstead：

“Itwouldbeakindnesstotellmeifyouhaveanythingtocomplainof。“

Atremorpassedthroughhim，thebloodroseinhisolivecheeks；herepliedinavoiceofsomeemotion：

“Religionmusthavetaughtyou，betterthanIcan，torespecttheunhappy。HadIbeena/don/inSpain，andlosteverythinginthetriumphofFerdinandVII。，yourwitticismwouldbeunkind；butifIamonlyapoorteacheroflanguages，isitnotaheartlesssatire？

Neitherisworthyofayoungladyofrank。“

Itookhishand，saying：

“Inthenameofreligionalso，Ibegyoutopardonme。“

Hebowed，openedmy/DonQuixote/，andsatdown。

Thislittleincidentdisturbedmemorethantheharvestofcompliments，gazingandprettyspeechesonmymostsuccessfulevening。

DuringthelessonIwatchedhimattentively，whichIcoulddothemoresafely，asheneverlooksatme。

Astheresultofmyobservations，Imadeoutthatthetutor，whomwetooktobeforty，isayoungman，someyearsunderthirty。Mygoverness，towhomIhadhandedhimover，remarkedonthebeautyofhisblackhairandofhispearlyteeth。Astohiseyes，theyarevelvetandfire；butheisplainandinsignificant。ThoughtheSpaniardshavebeendescribedasnotacleanlypeople，thismanismostcarefullygotup，andhishandsarewhiterthanhisface。Hestoopsalittle，andhasanextremelylarge，oddly-shapedhead。Hisugliness，which，however，hasadashofpiquancy，isaggravatedbysmallpoxmarks，whichseamhisface。Hisforeheadisveryprominent，andtheshaggyeyebrowsmeet，givingarepellentairofharshness。

Thereisafrowning，plaintivelookonhisface，remindingoneofasicklychild，whichowesitslifetosuperhumancare，asSisterMarthedid。Asmyfatherobserved，hisfeaturesareashrunkenreproductionofthoseofCardinalXimenes。Thenaturaldignityofourtutor’smannersseemstodisconcertthedearDuke，whodoesn’tlikehim，andisneverateasewithhim；hecan’tbeartocomeincontactwithsuperiorityofanykind。

AssoonasmyfatherknowsenoughSpanish，westartforMadrid。WhenHenarezreturned，twodaysafterthereproofhehadgivenme，I

remarkedbywayofshowingmygratitude：

“IhavenodoubtthatyouleftSpaininconsequenceofpoliticalevents。Ifmyfatherissentthere，asseemstobeexpected，weshallbeinapositiontohelpyou，andmightbeabletoobtainyourpardon，incaseyouareundersentence。“

“Itisimpossibleforanyonetohelpme，“hereplied。

“But，“Isaid，“isthatbecauseyourefusetoacceptanyhelp，orbecausethethingitselfisimpossible？“

“Both，“hesaid，withabow，andinatonewhichforbadecontinuingthesubject。

Myfather’sbloodchafedinmyveins。Iwasoffendedbythishaughtydemeanor，andpromptlydroppedSenorHenarez。

Allthesame，mydear，thereissomethingfineinthisrejectionofanyaid。“Hewouldnotacceptevenourfriendship，“Ireflected，whilstconjugatingaverb。SuddenlyIstoppedshortandtoldhimwhatwasinmymind，butinSpanish。Henarezrepliedverypolitelythatequalityofsentimentwasnecessarybetweenfriends，whichdidnotexistinthiscase，andthereforeitwasuselesstoconsiderthequestion。

“Doyoumeanequalityintheamountoffeelingoneitherside，orequalityinrank？“Ipersisted，determinedtoshakehimoutofthisprovokinggravity。

Heraisedoncemorethoseawe-inspiringeyes，andminefellbeforethem。Dear，thismanisahopelessenigma。Heseemedtoaskwhethermywordsmeantlove；andthemixtureofjoy，pride，andagonizeddoubtinhisglancewenttomyheart。Itwasplainthatadvances，whichwouldbetakenforwhattheywereworthinFrance，mightlandmeindifficultieswithaSpaniard，andIdrewbackintomyshell，feelingnotalittlefoolish。

Thelessonover，hebowed，andhiseyeswereeloquentofthehumbleprayer：“Don’ttriflewithapoorwretch。“

Thissuddencontrasttohisusualgraveanddignifiedmannermadeagreatimpressiononme。Itseemshorribletothinkandtosay，butI

can’thelpbelievingthattherearetreasuresofaffectioninthatman。

Allisover，mydearchild，anditisMme。del’Estoradewhowritestoyou。Butbetweenusthereisnochange；itisonlyagirltheless。

Don’tbetroubled；Ididnotgivemyconsentrecklesslyorwithoutmuchthought。Mylifeishenceforthmappedoutforme，andthefreedomfromalluncertaintyastotheroadformetofollowsuitsmymindanddisposition。Agreatmoralpowerhassteppedin，andonceforallsweptwhatwecallchanceoutofmylife。Wehavethepropertytodevelop，ourhometobeautifyandadorn；formethereisalsoahouseholdtodirectandsweetenandahusbandtoreconciletolife。InallprobabilityIshallhaveafamilytolookafter，childrentoeducate。

Whatwouldyouhave？Everydaylifecannotbecastinheroicmould。Nodoubtthereseems，atanyrateatfirstsight，noroomleftinthisschemeoflifeforthatlongingaftertheinfinitewhichexpandsthemindandsoul。Butwhatistheretopreventmefromlaunchingonthatboundlessseaourfamiliarcraft？NormustyousupposethatthehumbledutiestowhichIdedicatemylifegivenoscopeforpassion。Torestorefaithinhappinesstoanunfortunate，whohasbeenthesportofadversecircumstances，isanoblework，andonewhichalonemaysufficetorelievethemonotonyofmyexistence。Icanseenoopeningleftforsuffering，andIseeagreatdealofgoodtobedone。IneednothidefromyouthattheloveIhaveforLouisdel’Estoradeisnotofthekindwhichmakestheheartthrobatthesoundofastep，andthrillsusatthelightesttonesofavoice，orthecaressofaburningglance；but，ontheotherhand，thereisnothinginhimwhichoffendsme。

WhatamItodo，youwillask，withthatinstinctforallwhichisgreatandnoble，withthosementalenergies，whichhavemadethelinkbetweenus，andwhichwestillpossess？Iadmitthatthisthoughthastroubledme。Butarethesefacultieslessoursbecausewekeepthemconcealed，usingthemonlyinsecretforthewelfareofthefamily，asinstrumentstoproducethehappinessofthoseconfidedtoourcare，towhomweareboundtogiveourselveswithoutreserve？Thetimeduringwhichawomancanlookforadmirationisshort，itwillsoonbepast；

andifmylifehasnotbeenagreatone，itwillatleasthavebeencalm，tranquil，freefromshocks。

Naturehasfavoredoursexingivingusachoicebetweenloveandmotherhood。Ihavemademine。Mychildrenshallbemygods，andthisspotofearthmyEldorado。

Icansaynomoreto-day。Thankyoumuchforallthethingsyouhavesentme。Giveaglanceatmyneedsontheenclosedlist。Iamdeterminedtoliveinanatmosphereofrefinementandluxury，andtotakefromprovinciallifeonlywhatmakesitscharm。Insolitudeawomancanneverbevulgarized——sheremainsherself。Icountgreatlyonyourkindnessforkeepingmeuptothefashion。Myfather-in-lawissodelightedthathecanrefusemenothing，andturnshishouseupsidedown。WearegettingworkpeoplefromParisandrenovatingeverything。

MLLE。DECHAULIEUTOMME。DEL’ESTORADE

January。

Oh!Renee，youhavemadememiserablefordays!Sothatbewitchingbody，thosebeautifulproudfeatures，thatnaturalgraceofmanner，thatsoulfullofpricelessgifts，thoseeyes，wherethesoulcanslakeitsthirstasatafountainoflove，thatheart，withitsexquisitedelicacy，thatbreadthofmind，thoserarepowers——fruitofnatureandofourinterchangeofthought——treasureswhenceshouldissueauniquesatisfactionforpassionanddesire，hoursofpoetrytooutweighyears，joystomakeamanservealifetimeforonegraciousgesture，——allthisistobeburiedinthetediumofatame，commonplacemarriage，tovanishintheemptinessofanexistencewhichyouwillcometoloath!Ihateyourchildrenbeforetheyareborn。

Theywillbemonsters!

Soyouknowallthatliesbeforeyou；youhavenothinglefttohope，orfear，orsuffer？Andsupposingthegloriousmorningriseswhichwillbringyoufacetofacewiththemandestinedtorouseyoufromthesleepintowhichyouareplunging!……Ah!acoldshivergoesthroughmeatthethought!

Well，atleastyouhaveafriend。You，itisunderstood，aretobetheguardianangelofyourvalley。Youwillgrowfamiliarwithitsbeauties，willlivewithitinallitsaspects，tillthegrandeurofnature，theslowgrowthofvegetation，comparedwiththelightningrapidityofthought，becomelikeapartofyourself；andasyoureyerestsonthelaughingflowers，youwillquestionyourownheart。Whenyouwalkbetweenyourhusband，silentandcontented，infront，andyourchildrenscreamingandrompingbehind，Icantellyoubeforehandwhatyouwillwritetome。Yourmistyvalley，yourhills，bareorclothedwithmagnificenttrees，yourmeadow，thewonderofProvence，withitsfreshwaterdispersedinlittlerunlets，thedifferenteffectsoftheatmosphere，thiswholeworldofinfinitywhichlapsyouround，andwhichGodhasmadesovarious，willrecalltoyoutheinfinitesamenessofyoursoul’slife。ButatleastIshallbethere，myRenee，andinmeyouwillfindaheartwhichnosocialpettinessshallevercorrupt，aheartallyourown。

Monday。

Mydear，mySpaniardisquiteadorablymelancholy；thereissomethingcalm，severe，manly，andmysteriousabouthimwhichinterestsmeprofoundly。Hisunvaryingsolemnityandthesilencewhichenvelopshimactlikeanirritantonthemind。Hismutedignityisworthyofafallenking。GriffithandIspendourtimeoverhimasthoughhewereariddle。

Howodditis!Alanguage-mastercapturesmyfancyasnoothermanhasdone。YetbythistimeIhavepassedinreviewalltheyoungmenoffamily，theattachestoembassies，andtheambassadors，generals，andinferiorofficers，thepeersofFrance，theirsonsandnephews，thecourt，andthetown。

Thecoldnessofthemanprovokesme。Thesandywastewhichhetriestoplace，anddoesplace，betweenusiscoveredbyhisdeeprootedpride；

hewrapshimselfinmystery。Thehangingbackisonhisside，theboldnessonmine。Thisoddsituationaffordsmethemoreamusementbecausethewholethingismeretrifling。Whatisaman，aSpaniard，andateacheroflanguagestome？Imakenoaccountofanymanwhatever，wereheaking。Weareworthfarmore，Iamsure，thanthegreatestofthem。WhataslaveIwouldhavemadeofNapoleon!Ifhehadlovedme，shouldn’thehavefeltthewhip!