第12章

Hewentondownthereandaccostedthisantiquity,andmadearemarkortwo。Icouldnotcatchup。TheyweresocasualIcouldnotrecognizewhichoneitwasthattouchedthatbottom,forinaninstantthatoldmanwasliterallyineruptionandwasfillingthewholeplacewithprofanityofthemostexquisitekind。Youneverheardsuchaccomplishedprofanity。Ineverhearditalsodeliveredwithsucheloquence。

IneverenjoyedprofanityasIenjoyeditthen—morethanifIhadbeenutteringitmyself。Thereisnothinglikelisteningtoanartist—

allhispassionspassingawayinlava,smoke,thunder,lightning,andearthquake。

Thenthisfriendsaidtome:"Now,Iwilltellyouaboutthat。Aboutsixtyyearsagothatmanwasayoungfellowoftwenty—three,andhadjustcomehomefromathreeyears\'whalingvoyage。Hecameintothatvillageofhis,happyandproudbecausenow,insteadofbeingchiefmate,hewasgoingtobemasterofawhaleship,andhewasproudandhappyaboutit。

"Thenhefoundthattherehadbeenakindofacoldfrostcomeuponthattownandthewholeregionroundabout;forwhilehehadbeenawaytheFatherMathewtemperanceexcitementhadcomeuponthewholeregion。Therefore,everybodyhadtakenthepledge;therewasn\'tanybodyformilesandmilesaroundthathadnottakenthepledge。

"Soyoucanseewhatasolitudeitwastothisyoungman,whowasfondofhisgrog。Andhewasjustanoutcast,becausewhentheyfoundhewouldnotjoinFatherMathew\'sSocietytheyostracizedhim,andhewentaboutthattownthreeweeks,dayandnight,inutterloneliness—theonlyhumanbeinginthewholeplacewhoevertookgrog,andhehadtotakeitprivately。

"Ifyoudon\'tknowwhatitistobeostracized,tobeshunnedbyyourfellow—man,mayyouneverknowit。Thenherecognizedthattherewassomethingmorevaluableinthislifethangrog,andthatisthefellowshipofyourfellow—man。Andatlasthegaveitup,andatnineo\'clockonenighthewentdowntotheFatherMathewTemperanceSociety,andwithabrokenhearthesaid:\'Putmynamedownformembershipinthissociety。\'

"Andthenhewentawaycrying,andatearliestdawnthenextmorningtheycameforhimandroutedhimout,andtheysaidthatnewshipofhiswasreadytosailonathreeyears\'voyage。Inaminutehewasonboardthatshipandgone。

"Andhesaid—well,hewasnotoutofsightofthattowntillhebegantorepent,buthehadmadeuphismindthathewouldnottakeadrink,andsothatwholevoyageofthreeyearswasathreeyears\'

agonytothatmanbecausehesawallthetimethemistakehehadmade。

"Hefeltitallthrough;hehadconstantremindersofit,becausethecrewwouldpasshimwiththeirgrog,comeoutonthedeckandtakeit,andtherewasthetorturoussmellofit。

"Hewentthroughthewholethreeyearsofsuffering,andatlastcomingintoportitwassnowy,itwascold,hewasstampingthroughthesnowtwofeetdeeponthedeckandlongingtogethome,andtherewashiscrewtorturinghimtothelastminutewithhotgrog,butatlasthehadhisreward。Hereallydidgettoshoreatlast,andjumpedandranandboughtajugandrushedtothesociety\'soffice,andsaidtothesecretary:

"\'Takemynameoffyourmembershipbooks,anddoitrightaway！I

havegotathreeyears\'thirston。\'

"Andthesecretarysaid:\'Itisnotnecessary。Youwereblackballed！\'"

WATTERSONANDTWAINASREBELS。

ADDRESSATTHECELEBRATIONOFABRAHAMLINCOLN\'S92D

BIRTHDAYANNIVERSARY,CARNEGIEHALL,FEBRUARY11,1901,TORAISEFUNDSFORTHELINCOLNMEMORIAL

UNIVERSITYATCUMBERLANDGAP,TENN。

LADIESANDGENTLEMEN,—Theremainderofmydutiesaspresidingchairmanherethiseveningarebuttwo—onlytwo。Oneofthemiseasy,andtheotherdifficult。Thatistosay,Imustintroducetheorator,andthenkeepstillandgivehimachance。ThenameofHenryWattersoncarrieswithititsownexplanation。ItislikeanelectriclightontopofMadisonSquareGarden;youtouchthebuttonandthelightflashesupoutofthedarkness。YoumentionthenameofHenryWatterson,andyourmindsareatonceilluminatedwiththesplendidradianceofhisfameandachievements。Ajournalist,asoldier,anorator,astatesman,arebel。Yes,hewasarebel;and,betterstill,nowheisareconstructedrebel。

Itisacuriouscircumstance,acircumstancebroughtaboutwithoutanycollusionorprearrangement,thatheandI,bothofwhomwererebelsrelatedbybloodtoeachother,shouldbebroughtheretogetherthiseveningbearingatributeinourhandsandbowingourheadsinreverencetothatnoblesoulwhoforthreeyearswetriedtodestroy。Idon\'tknowasthefacthaseverbeenmentionedbefore,butitisafact,nevertheless。ColonelWattersonandIwerebothrebels,andwearebloodrelations。IwasasecondlieutenantinaConfederatecompany—forawhile—oh,IcouldhavestayedonifI

hadwantedto。Imademyselffelt,Ilefttracksallaroundthecountry。Icouldhavestayedon,butitwassuchweather。Ineversawsuchweathertobeout—of—doorsin,inallmylife。

TheColonelcommandedaregiment,anddidhispart,Isuppose,todestroytheUnion。Hedidnotsucceed,yetifhehadobeyedmehewouldhavedoneso。Ihadaplan,andIfullyintendedtodriveGeneralGrantintothePacificOcean—ifIcouldgettransportation。I

toldColonelWattersonaboutit。Itoldhimwhathehadtodo。WhatIwantedhimtodowastosurroundtheEasternarmyandwaituntilI

cameup。Buthewasinsubordinate;hestuckonsomequibbleofmilitaryetiquetteaboutasecondlieutenantgivingorderstoacolonelorsomethinglikethat。Andwhatwastheconsequence？TheUnionwaspreserved。ThisisthefirsttimeIbelievethatthatsecrethaseverbeenrevealed。

Nooneoutsideofthefamilycircle,Ithink,knewitbefore;buttherethefactsare。WattersonsavedtheUnion;yes,hesavedtheUnion。Andyettherehesits,andnotastephasbeentakenoramovementmadetowardgrantinghimapension。Thatisthewaythingsaredone。Itisacasewheresomeblushingoughttobedone。Yououghttoblush,andIoughttoblush,andhe—well,he\'salittleoutofpracticenow。

ROBERTFULTONFUND。

ADDRESSMADEONTHEEVENINGOFAPRIL19,1906。

Mr。ClemenshadbeenaskedtoaddresstheassociationbyGen。

FrederickD。Grant,president。Hewasofferedafeeof$1000,butrefusedit,saying:

"Ishallbegladtodoit,butImuststipulatethatyoukeepthe$1000,andaddittotheMemorialFundasmycontributiontoerectamonumentinNewYorktothememoryofthemanwhoappliedsteamtonavigation。"

AtthismeetingMr。Clemensmadethisformalannouncementfromtheplatform:

"Thisismylastappearanceonthepaidplatform。IshallnotretirefromthegratisplatformuntilIamburied,andcourtesywillcompelmetokeepstillandnotdisturbtheothers。Now,sinceImust,I

shallsaygood—bye。Iseemanyfacesinthisaudiencewellknowntome。Theyareallmyfriends,andIfeelthatthoseIdon\'tknowaremyfriends,too。Iwishtoconsiderthatyourepresentthenation,andthatinsayinggood—byetoyouIamsayinggood—byetothenation。

Inthegreatnameofhumanity,letmesaythisfinalword:Iofferanappealinbehalfofthatvast,patheticmultitudeoffathers,mothers,andhelplesslittlechildren。Theywereshelteredandhappytwodaysago。Nowtheyarewandering,forlorn,hopeless,andhomeless,thevictimsofagreatdisaster。SoIbegofyou,Ibegofyou,toopenyourheartsandopenyourpursesandrememberSanFrancisco,thesmittencity。"

IWISHtodeliverahistoricaladdress。I\'vebeenstudyingthehistoryof—er—a—letmesee—a[thenhestoppedinconfusion,andwalkedovertoGen。FredD。Grant,whosatattheheadoftheplatform。Heleanedoverinawhisper,andthenreturnedtothefrontofthestageandcontinued]。Ohyes！I\'vebeenstudyingRobertFulton。I\'vebeenstudyingabiographicalsketchofRobertFulton,theinventorof—er—a—let\'ssee—ohyes,theinventoroftheelectrictelegraphandtheMorsesewing—machine。Also,Iunderstandheinventedtheair—diria—pshaw！Ihaveitatlast—thedirigibleballoon。

Yes,thedirigiblebutitisadifficultword,andIdon\'tseewhyanybodyshouldmarryacoupleofwordslikethatwhentheydon\'twanttobemarriedatallandarelikelytoquarrelwitheachotherallthetime。IshouldputthatcoupleofwordsunderthebanoftheUnitedStatesSupremeCourt,underitsdecisionofafewdaysago,andtake\'emoutanddrown\'em。

IusedtoknowFulton。Itusedtodomegoodtoseehimdashingthroughthetownonawildbroncho。

AndFultonwasborniner—a—well,itdoesn\'tmakemuchdifferencewherehewasborn,doesit？Irememberamanwhocametointerviewmeonce,togetasketchofmylife。Iconsultedwithafriend—apracticalman—beforehecame,toknowhowIshouldtreathim。

"Wheneveryougivetheinterviewerafact,"hesaid,"givehimanotherfactthatwillcontradictit。Thenhe\'llgoawaywithajumblethathecan\'tuseatall。Begentle,besweet,smilelikeanidiot—

justbenatural。"That\'swhatmyfriendtoldmetodo,andIdidit。

"Wherewereyouborn？"askedtheinterviewer。

"Well—er—a,"Ibegan,"IwasborninAlabama,orAlaska,ortheSandwichIslands;Idon\'tknowwhere,butrightaroundtheresomewhere。Andyouhadbetterputitdownbeforeyouforgetit。"

"Butyouweren\'tborninallthoseplaces,"hesaid。

"Well,I\'veofferedyouthreeplaces。Takeyourchoice。They\'reallatthesameprice。"

"Howoldareyou？"heasked。

"IshallbenineteeninJune,"Isaid。

"Why,there\'ssuchadiscrepancybetweenyourageandyourlooks,"

hesaid。

"Oh,that\'snothing,"Isaid,"Iwasborndiscrepantly。"

ThenwegottotalkingaboutmybrotherSamuel,andhetoldmemyexplanationswereconfusing。

"Isupposeheisdead,"Isaid。"Somesaidthathewasdeadandsomesaidthathewasn\'t。"

"Didyouburyhimwithoutknowingwhetherhewasdeadornot？"askedthereporter。

"Therewasamystery,"saidI。"Weweretwins,andonedaywhenweweretwoweeksold—thatis,hewasoneweekold,andIwasoneweekold—wegotmixedupinthebath—tub,andoneofusdrowned。Wenevercouldtellwhich。Oneofushadastrawberrybirthmarkonthebackofhishand。Thereitisonmyhand。Thisistheonethatwasdrowned。There\'snodoubtaboutit。"

"Where\'sthemystery？"hesaid。

"Why,don\'tyouseehowstupiditwastoburythewrongtwin？"I

answered。Ididn\'texplainitanymorebecausehesaidtheexplanationconfusedhim。Tomeitisperfectlyplain。

But,togetbacktoFulton。I\'mgoingalonglikeanoldmanIusedtoknowwhousedtostarttotellastoryabouthisgrandfather。Hehadanawfullyretentivememory,andheneverfinishedthestory,becauseheswitchedoffintosomethingelse。Heusedtotellabouthowhisgrandfatheronedaywentintoapasture,wheretherewasaram。

Theoldmandroppedasilverdimeinthegrass,andstoopedovertopickitup。Theramwasobservinghim,andtooktheoldman\'sactionasaninvitation。

Justashewasgoingtofinishabouttheramthisfriendofminewouldrecallthathisgrandfatherhadaniecewhohadaglasseye。Sheusedtoloanthatglasseyetoanotherladyfriend,whouseditwhenshereceivedcompany。Theeyedidn\'tfitthefriend\'sface,anditwasloose。Andwhenevershewinkeditwouldturnover。

Thenhegotonthesubjectofaccidents,andhewouldtellastoryabouthowhebelievedaccidentsneverhappened。

"TherewasanIrishmancomingdownaladderwithahodofbricks,"

hesaid,"andaDutchmanwasstandingonthegroundbelow。TheIrishmanfellontheDutchmanandkilledhim。Accident？Never！IftheDutchmanhadn\'tbeentheretheIrishmanwouldhavebeenkilled。

Whydidn\'ttheIrishmanfallonadogwhichwasnexttotheDutchman？Becausethedogwouldhaveseenhimcoming。"

Thenhe\'dgetofffromtheDutchmantoanunclenamedReginaldWilson。Reginaldwentintoacarpetfactoryoneday,andgottwistedintothemachinery\'sbelt。Hewentexcursioningaroundthefactoryuntilhewasproperlydistributedandwaswovenintosixty—nineyardsofthebestthree—plycarpet。Hiswifeboughtthecarpet,andthensheerectedamonumenttohismemory。Itread:

Sacredtothememoryofsixty—nineyardsofthebestthree—plycarpetcontainingthemortalremaindersofREGINALDWILSON

GothouanddolikewiseAndsoonhewouldrambleabouttellingthestoryofhisgrandfatheruntilweneverweretoldwhetherhefoundtheten—centpieceorwhethersomethingelsehappened。

FULTONDAY,JAMESTOWN。

ADDRESSDELIVEREDSEPTEMBER23,1907。

Lieutenant—GovernorEllyson,ofVirginia,inintroducingMr。

Clemens,said:

"Thepeoplehavecomeheretobringatributeofaffectionaterecollectionforthemanwhohascontributedsomuchtotheprogressoftheworldandthehappinessofmankind。"AsMr。Clemenscamedowntotheplatformtheapplausebecamelouderandlouder,untilMr。

Clemensheldouthishandforsilence。Itwasagreattriumph,anditwasalmostaminuteaftertheapplauseceasedbeforeMr。Clemenscouldspeak。Heattempteditonce,andwhentheaudiencenoticedhisemotion,itcheeredagainloudly。

LADIESANDGENTLEMEN,—Iambuthuman,andwhenyougivemeareceptionlikethatIamobligedtowaitalittlewhileIgetmyvoice。Whenyouappealtomyhead,Idon\'tfeelit;butwhenyouappealtomyheart,Idofeelit。

WeareheretocelebrateoneofthegreatesteventsofAmericanhistory,andnotonlyinAmericanhistory,butintheworld\'shistory。

Indeeditwas—theapplicationofsteambyRobertFulton。

Itwasaworldevent—therearenotmanyofthem。ItispeculiarlyanAmericanevent,thatistrue,buttheinfluencewasverybroadineffect。WeshouldregardthisdayasaverygreatAmericanholiday。WehavenotmanythatareexclusivelyAmericanholidays。WehavetheFourthofJuly,whichweregardasanAmericanholiday,butitisnothingofthekind。Iamwaitingforadissentingvoice。AllgreateffortsthatleduptotheFourthofJulyweremade,notbyAmericans,butbyEnglishresidentsofAmerica,subjectsoftheKingofEngland。

Theyfoughtallthefightingthatwasdone,theyshedandspiltallthebloodthatwasspilt,insecuringtoustheinvaluablelibertieswhichareincorporatedintheDeclarationofIndependence;

buttheywerenotAmericans。TheysignedtheDeclarationofIndependence;noAmerican\'snameissignedtothatdocumentatall。

ThereneverwasanAmericansuchasyouandIareuntilaftertheRevolution,whenithadallbeenfoughtoutandlibertysecured,aftertheadoptionoftheConstitution,andtherecognitionoftheIndependenceofAmericabyallpowers。

WhilewereveretheFourthofJuly—andletusalwaysrevereit,andthelibertiesitconferreduponus—yetitwasnotanAmericanevent,agreatAmericanday。

ItwasanAmericanwhoappliedthatsteamsuccessfully。Therearenotagreatmanyworldevents,andwehaveourfullshare。Thetelegraph,telephone,andtheapplicationofsteamtonavigation—

thesearegreatAmericanevents。

To—dayIhavebeenrequested,orIhaverequestedmyself,nottoconfinemyselftofurnishingyouwithinformation,buttoremindyouofthings,andtointroduceoneofthenation\'scelebrants。

AdmiralHarringtonhereisgoingtotellyouallthatIhaveleftuntold。IamgoingtotellyouallthatIknow,andthenhewillfollowupwithsuchragsandremnantsashecanfind,andtellyouwhatheknows。

NodoubtyouhaveheardagreatdealaboutRobertFultonandtheinfluencesthathavegrownfromhisinvention,butthelittlesteamboatissufferingneglect。

Youprobablydonotknowagreatdealaboutthatboat。Itwasthemostimportantsteamboatintheworld。Iwasthereandsawit。AdmiralHarringtonwasthereatthetime。Itneednotsurpriseyou,forheisnotasoldashelooks。Thatlittleboatwasinterestingineveryway。Thesizeofit。Theboatwasone[consultsAdmiral],hesaidtenfeetlong。Thebreadthofthatboat[consultsAdmiral],twohundredfeet。Yousee,thefirstandmostimportantdetailisthelength,thenthebreadth,andthenthedepth;thedepthofthatboatwas[consultsagain]—theAdmiralsaysitwasaflatboat。Thenhertonnage—youknownothingaboutaboatuntilyouknowtwomorethings:

herspeedandhertonnage。Weknowthespeedshemade。Shemadefourmiles—andsometimesfivemiles。Itwasonherinitialtrip,onAugust11,1807,thatshemadeherinitialtrip,whenshewentfrom[consultsAdmiral]JerseyCity—toChicago。That\'sright。ShewentbywayofAlbany。Nowcomesthetonnageofthatboat。Tonnageofaboatmeanstheamountofdisplacement;displacementmeanstheamountofwateravesselcanshoveinaday。Thetonnageofmanisestimatedbytheamountofwhiskeyhecandisplaceinaday。

RobertFultonnamedtheClermontinhonorofhisbride,thatis,Clermontwasthenameofthecounty—seat。

IfeelthatitsurprisesyouthatIknowsomuch。InmyremarksofwelcomeofAdmiralHarringtonIamnotgoingtogivehimcompliments。Complimentsalwaysembarrassaman。Youdonotknowanythingtosay。Itdoesnotinspireyouwithwords。Thereisnothingyoucansayinanswertoacompliment。Ihavebeencomplimentedmyselfagreatmanytimes,andtheyalwaysembarrassme—Ialwaysfeelthattheyhavenotsaidenough。

TheAdmiralandmyselfhaveheldpublicoffice,andwereassociatedtogetheragreatdealinafriendlywayinthetimeofPocahontas。ThatincidentwherePocahontassavesthelifeofSmithfromherfather,Powhatan\'sclub,wasgottenupbytheAdmiralandmyselftoadvertiseJamestown。

AtthattimetheAdmiralandmyselfdidnothavethefacilitiesofadvertisingthatyouhave。

IhaveknownAdmiralHarringtoninallkindsofsituations—inpublicservice,ontheplatform,andinthechain—gangnowandthen—

butitwasamistake。Acaseofmistakenidentity。IdonotthinkitisatallanecessitytotellyouAdmiralHarrington\'spublichistory。

Youknowthatitisinthehistories。Iamnotheretotellyouanythingabouthispubliclife,buttoexposehisprivatelife。

Iamsomethingofapoet。Whenthegreatpoetlaureate,Tennyson,died,andIfoundthattheplacewasopen,Itriedtogetit—butI

didnotgetit。Anybodycanwritethefirstlineofapoem,butitisaverydifficulttasktomakethesecondlinerhymewiththefirst。

WhenIwasdowninAustraliathereweretwotownsnamedJohnswoodandPar—am。Imadethisrhyme:

"ThepeopleofJohnswoodarepiousandgood;

ThepeopleofPar—amtheydon\'tcarea—"

IdonotwanttocomplimentAdmiralHarrington,butaslongassuchmenashedevotetheirlivestothepublicservicethecreditofthecountrywillnevercease。Iwillsaythatthesamehighqualities,thesamemoralandintellectualattainments,thesamegraciousnessofmanner,ofconduct,ofobservation,andexpressionhavecausedAdmiralHarringtontobemistakenforme—andIhavebeenmistakenforhim。

Amutualcomplimentcangonofurther,andInowhavethehonorandprivilegeofintroducingtoyouAdmiralHarrington。

LOTOSCLUBDINNERINHONOR

OFMARKTWAIN。

ADDRESSATTHEFIRSTFORMALDINNERINTHENEWCLUB—HOUSE,NOVEMBER11,1893。

Inintroducingtheguestoftheevening,Mr。Lawrencesaid:

"To—nighttheoldfacesappearoncemoreamidnewsurroundings。

Theplacewherelastwemetaboutthetablehasvanished,andto—nightwehaveourfirstLotosdinnerinahomethatisallourown。Itispeculiarlyfittingthattheboardshouldnowbespreadinhonorofonewhohasbeenamemberoftheclubforfullascoreofyears,anditisahappyauguryforthefuturethatourfellow—memberwhomweassembletogreetshouldbethebearerofamostdistinguishednameintheworldofletters;fortheLotosClubiseveratitsbestwhenpayinghomagetogeniusinliteratureorinart。IsthereacivilizedbeingwhohasnotheardthenameofMarkTwain？Weknewhimlongyearsago,beforehecameoutoftheboundlessWest,brimfulofwitandeloquence,withnoreverenceforanything,andwentabroadtoeducatetheuntutoredEuropeaninthesubtletiesoftheAmericanjoke。Theworldhaslookedonandapplaudedwhilehehasbrokenmanyimages。Hehasledusinimaginationallovertheglobe。

WithhimasourguidewehavetraversedaliketheMississippiandtheSeaofGalilee。Athisbiddingwehavelaughedatathousandabsurdities。ByalaboriousprocessofreasoninghehasconvincedusthattheEgyptianmummiesareactuallydead。HehasheldusspellboundupontheplainatthefootofthegreatSphinx,andwehavejoinedhiminweepingbittertearsatthetombofAdam。To—nightwegreethimintheflesh。Whatnameisthereinliteraturethatcanbelikenedtohis？Perhapssomeofthedistinguishedgentlemenaboutthistablecantellus,butIknowofnone。Himselfhisonlyparallel！"

MR。PRESIDENT,GENTLEMEN,ANDFELLOW—MEMBERSOFTHELOTOSCLUB,—I

haveseldominmylifetimelistenedtocomplimentssofelicitouslyphrasedorsowelldeserved。Ireturnthanksforthemfromafullheartandanappreciativespirit,andIwillsaythisinself—defence:

WhileIamchargedwithhavingnoreverenceforanything,IwishtosaythatIhavereverenceforthemanwhocanuttersuchtruths,andI

alsohaveadeepreverenceandasincereoneforaclubthatcandosuchjusticetome。Tobethechiefguestofsuchaclubissomethingtobeenvied,andifIreadyourcountenancesrightlyIamenvied。Iamgladtoseethisclubinsuchpalatialquarters。I

rememberittwentyyearsagowhenitwashousedinastable。

NowwhenIwasstudyingfortheministrythereweretwoorthreethingsthatstruckmyattentionparticularly。Atthefirstbanquetmentionedinhistorythatotherprodigalsonwhocamebackfromhistravelswasinvitedtostandupandhavehissay。Theywereallthere,hisbrethren,DavidandGoliath,ander,andifhehadhadsuchexperienceasIhavehadhewouldhavewaiteduntilthoseotherpeoplegotthroughtalking。Hegotupandtestifiedtoallhisfailings。

Nowifhehadwaitedbeforetellingallabouthisriotouslivinguntiltheothershadspokenhemightnothavegivenhimselfawayashedid,andIthinkthatIwouldgivemyselfawayifIshouldgoon。I

thinkI\'dbetterwaituntiltheothershandintheirtestimony;thenifitisnecessaryformetomakeanexplanation,Iwillgetupandexplain,andifIcannotdothat,I\'lldenyithappened。

LaterintheeveningMr。Clemensmadeanotherspeech,replyingtoafireofshortspeechesbyCharlesDudleyWarner,CharlesA。Dana,SethLow,GeneralPorter,andmanyothers,eachwelcomingtheguestofhonor。

Idon\'tseethatIhaveagreatdealtoexplain。Igotoffverywell,consideringtheopportunitiesthattheseotherfellowshad。I

don\'tseethatMr。Lowsaidanythingagainstme,andneitherdidMr。

Dana。However,IwillsaythatIneverheardsomanyliestoldinoneeveningasweretoldbyMr。McKelway—andIconsidermyselfverycapable;buteveninhiscase,whenhegotthrough,Iwasgratifiedbyfindinghowmuchhehadn\'tfoundout。ByaccidenthemissedtheverythingsthatIdidn\'twanttohavesaid,andnow,gentlemen,aboutAmericanism。

IhavebeenonthecontinentofEuropefortwoandahalfyears。I

havemetmanyAmericansthere,somesojourningforashorttimeonly,othersmakingprotractedstays,andithasbeenverygratifyingtometofindthatnearlyallpreservedtheirAmericanism。IhavefoundtheyallliketoseetheFlagfly,andthattheirheartsrisewhentheyseetheStarsandStripes。Imetonlyoneladywhohadforgottenthelandofherbirthandglorifiedmonarchicalinstitutions。

IthinkitisagreatthingtosaythatintwoandahalfyearsI

metonlyonepersonwhohadfallenavictimtotheshams—Ithinkwemaycallthemshams—ofnobilitiesandofheredities。Shewasentirelylostinthem。AfterIhadlistenedtoherforalongtime,Isaidtoher:"Atleastyoumustadmitthatwehaveonemerit。WearenotliketheChinese,whorefusetoallowtheircitizenswhoaretiredofthecountrytoleaveit。ThankGod,wedon\'t！"

COPYRIGHT

COPYRIGHT。

WithMr。Howells,EdwardEverettHale,ThomasNelsonPage,andanumberofotherauthors,Mr。ClemensappearedbeforethecommitteeDecember6,1906。ThenewCopyrightBillcontemplatedanauthor\'scopyrightforthetermofhislifeandforfiftyyearsthereafter,applyingalsoforthebenefitofartists,musicians,andothers,buttheauthorsdidmostofthetalking。F。D。Milletmadeaspeechfortheartists,andJohnPhilipSousaforthemusicians。

Mr。Clemenswasthelastspeakeroftheday,anditschieffeature。Hemadeaspeech,theserious,partsofwhichcreatedastrongimpression,andthehumorouspartssettheSenatorsandRepresentativesinroarsoflaughter。

IHAVEreadthisbill。AtleastIhavereadsuchportionsasIcouldunderstand。Nobodybutapractisedlegislatorcanreadthebillandthoroughlyunderstandit,andIamnotapractisedlegislator。

Iaminterestedparticularlyandespeciallyinthepartofthebillwhichconcernsmytrade。Ilikethatextensionofcopyrightlifetotheauthor\'slifeandfiftyyearsafterward。Ithinkthatwouldsatisfyanyreasonableauthor,becauseitwouldtakecareofhischildren。Letthegrand—childrentakecareofthemselves。Thatwouldtakecareofmydaughters,andafterthatIamnotparticular。Ishallthenhavelongbeenoutofthisstruggle,independentofit,indifferenttoit。

Itisn\'tobjectionabletomethatallthetradesandprofessionsintheUnitedStatesareprotectedbythebill。Ilikethat。Theyareallimportantandworthy,andifwecantakecareofthemundertheCopyrightlawIshouldliketoseeitdone。Ishouldliketoseeoystercultureadded,andanythingelse。

Iamawarethatcopyrightmusthavealimit,becausethatisrequiredbytheConstitutionoftheUnitedStates,whichsetsasidetheearlierConstitution,whichwecallthedecalogue。Thedecaloguesaysyoushallnottakeawayfromanymanhisprofit。Idon\'tliketobeobligedtousetheharshterm。Whatthedecaloguereallysaysis,"Thoushaltnotsteal,"butIamtryingtousemorepolitelanguage。

ThelawsofEnglandandAmericadotakeitaway,doselectbutoneclass,thepeoplewhocreatetheliteratureoftheland。Theyalwaystalkhandsomelyabouttheliteratureoftheland,alwayswhatafine,great,monumentalthingagreatliteratureis,andinthemidstoftheirenthusiasmtheyturnaroundanddowhattheycantodiscourageit。

Iknowwemusthavealimit,butforty—twoyearsistoomuchofalimit。Iamquiteunabletoguesswhythereshouldbealimitatalltothepossessionoftheproductofaman\'slabor。Thereisnolimittorealestate。

DoctorHalehassuggestedthatamanmightjustaswell,afterdiscoveringacoal—mineandworkingitforty—twoyears,havetheGovernmentstepinandtakeitaway。

Whatistheexcuse？Itisthattheauthorwhoproducedthatbookhashadtheprofitofitlongenough,andthereforetheGovernmenttakesaprofitwhichdoesnotbelongtoitandgenerouslygivesittothe88,000,000ofpeople。Butitdoesn\'tdoanythingofthekind。Itmerelytakestheauthor\'sproperty,takeshischildren\'sbread,andgivesthepublisherdoubleprofit。Hegoesonpublishingthebookandasmanyofhisconfederatesaschoosetogointotheconspiracydoso,andtheyrearfamiliesinaffluence。

Andtheycontinuetheenjoymentofthoseill—gottengainsgenerationaftergenerationforever,fortheyneverdie。InafewweeksormonthsoryearsIshallbeoutofit,Ihopeunderamonument。IhopeIshallnotbeentirelyforgotten,andIshallsubscribetothemonumentmyself。ButIshallnotbecaringwhathappensiftherearefiftyyearsleftofmycopyright。MycopyrightproducesannuallyagooddealmorethanIcanuse,butmychildrencanuseit。Icangetalong;I

knowalotoftrades。Butthatgoestomydaughters,whocan\'tgetalongaswellasIcanbecauseIhavecarefullyraisedthemasyoungladies,whodon\'tknowanythingandcan\'tdoanything。IhopeCongresswillextendtothemthecharitywhichtheyhavefailedtogetfromme。