第34章

"Myheartoverflowswithgratitudetoyou,"hesaidpromptly,butwithrisingcolor;"andasIsaidwhenyourescuedme,sonowI

vowagain,Idedicatemylifetoyou.Idonotaskyoutoforgetthepastallatonce——Idonotaskyoutoforgetitatall——butonlytoletmeaidyouintakingthebitternessoutofthosememoriesthatnowaredestroyingassweetandbeneficentalifeasGodevergave.Ihavesuspectedthatyouhadsomeunselfishguileinthatlastpromiseyouobtainedfromme,butIshallbeloyaltothepromiseIintendedtomake,andwhichwasinmymind;IshallbeloyaltothepromiseImadeyouatfirst,towinyouifIcould,andIshallwaittillIcan."

"What,then,willIdaMayhewdo?"sheaskedlookinghimfullintheface.

Hecoloredstillmoredeeply,butmeetinghersearchinggazewithoutblenching,hesaid,firmlyandquietly:"Shewillalwaysdowhatisrightandnoble,Godblessher!"

MissBurtonappearedalittleperplexedandtroubledforamoment,andthensaid,slowly:"IcalledyoumyfriendlastJuly,andwhenIspeakinthemoodIwasinthenImeanallthatIsay.Friendsshouldbeveryfrankwhentheoccasionrequires,orelsetheyarebutacquaintances.Iamgoingtobeveryfrankwithyouto-day,andifIerr,chargeittofriendshiponly.IdaMayhewlovesyou,Mr.VanBerg;shehaslovedyoualmostfromthefirst;andnowthatherlifehasbecomesonobleandbeautiful,Iamgreatlymistakenifyoudonotreturnheraffection.Ifthisbetrue,whatareyouofferingme?"

"IHAVEgivenyou,MissBurton,mytruthandloyaltyforallcomingtime.Youmaydeclinethemnow——youprobablywill——butyoucannotchangemyattitudetowardsyouoraltermycourse.Ishallnotattempttohideanythingfromyou.Indeed,todosowouldbevain,andIhaveneverbeenintentionallyinsincerewithyou."ThenhetoldherofthefreakoffancythathadledhimtofollowIdatothecountryinthefirstinstance,andmuchthatfollowedsince,makingnoreference,however,toherdarkpurposeagainstherself.

Inconclusionhesaid:"Oflate,forreasonsobvioustoyou,shehashadstrongfascinationsforme,butaboveandbeyondthesehasbeenherinfluenceonthesideofallthat\'sright,manly,andtrue.IhaveneverspokenoflovetoMissMayhew.Honor,loyalty,unboundedgratitude,anddeepaffectionbindmetoyou,andshallthroughlife.Pleasesaynomore,MissJennie,forifanyquestionwaseversettled,thisis."

"ThenyouproposetosacrificeyourselfandMissMayhewfortheshadowychanceofmakingmealittlehappier?"

"Ishallnotbesacrificed,andIdaMayhewwouldjustlyrejectmewithscornwereIdisloyaltoyou.Icangiveyoumorelove,JennieBurton,thanIfearyouwillevergiveme,butIshallwaitpatiently.Whenmonthsandyearshaveprovedtoyouthetruthofmywords,youmayfeeldifferently.Letusleavethesubjecttillthen."

"Oh,Mr.VanBerg,Ishallhavetotellyouafterall,"shesaidburyingherfaceinherhands.

"Youneednotnow,"herepliedgently."Youhavebeenillandarenotstrongenoughforthisagitation.Youneverneedtotellmeunlessitwillmakeyourburdenlighter."

"Itwillmakemyburdenlighterto-day,"shesaidhurriedly."PardonmeifItellmystoryinthebriefestandmostprosaicway.Youarethefirstonethathasheardit.Itmaynotseemmuchtoyouandothers;buttomeitisanawfultragedy,andIsometimesfearmylifemaybeaneternalconditionofsuspenseandwaiting.Youhavebeenverygenerousintakingmesofullyontrust,butnowyoushallknowall.Iamtheonlydaughterofapoor,unworldlyNewEnglandclergyman.MymotherdiedbeforeIcanremember,andmyfathergavetomeallthetimehecouldsparefromthedutiesofasmallvillageparish.Heandthebeautifulregioninwhichwelivedweremyonlyteachers.OneJunemorningHarroldFleetwoodcametotheparsonagewithlettersofintroduction,sayingthathisphysicianhadbanishedhimfrombooksandcitylife,andheaskedifhecouldbetakenasalodgerforafewweeks.Poorandunworldlyasfatherwas,formysakehemadecarefulinquiriesandlearnedthattheyoungmanwasfromoneofthebestandwealthiestfamiliesofBoston,andboreanunblemishedreputation.Then,sinceweweresoverypoor,heyieldedtoMr.Fleetwood\'swishes,hopingthustobeabletobuysomebooks,hesaid,onwhichourmindscouldliveduringthecomingwinter.

"Tome,HarroldFleetwoodwasaveryremarkablecharacter.Whilehealwaystreatedmewithkindnessandrespect,hedidnottakemuchnoticeofmeatfirst;andIthinkhefoundmeverydiffident,tosaytheleast.But,ashehadovertaxedhiseyes,Ibegantoreadtohim;andthen,aswebecamebetteracquainted,heresumedahabithehad,asIsoonlearned,ofspeakinginhalf-soliloquyconcerningthesubjectsthatoccupiedhismind.Hesaidthataninvalidsisterhadindulgedhiminthishabit,andhehadtriedtothinkaloudpartlytobeguileherweariness.ButtomeitwastherevelationoftherichestandmostversatilemindIhaveeverknown.AtlastIventuredtoshowmyinterestandtoasksomequestions,andthenhegraduallybecameinterestedinmeforsomereason."

"Icanunderstandhisreasons,"saidVanBergemphatically.

"Hedidnotknowatfirsthowmuchtimefatherhadgivenmeandtowhatgooduseswehadputthebookswehad.Well,Imustbebrief.

Everydaybroughtusnearertogether,untilitseemedthatwesharedourthoughtsincommon.Ioughtnottocomplain,forperhapsinfewlonglivesdoestherecomemorehappinessthanwascrowdedinthosefewweeks.Itwasthehappinessofheaven——itwasthehappinessoftwosoulsattunedtoperfectharmonyandrangingtogethertherichestfieldsoftruthandfancy.Dearoldfatherwasblindtoitall,andIhadscarcelythoughtwhithertheshiningtidewascarryingmeuntillastTuesdayfiveyearsago,Mr.Fleetwoodsaidtome,\'Jennie,oursoulswerematedinheaven,ifanyeverwere,andIclaimyouasthefulfillmentofwhatmusthavebeenaDivinepurpose.\'Ifoundthatmyheartechoedeverywordhesaid.

"ThenheappearedtroubledandsaidthatImustgivehimtimetountangleasnarlintowhichhehaddriftedratherthaninvolvedhimself.Hisfamilywerewealthyandambitious,andtheyhadalwaysspokenofhismarriagewithacousinwhowasanheiress,asasettledthing.Hehadneverboundhimselfbywordoract,andoftenlaughinglytoldhisparentsthattheycouldnotarrangethesemattersonstrictlybusinessprinciples,asdidaristocratsabroad——thattheyoungladyherselfmighthavesomethingtosay,ifhehadnot.Buthewaswraptupinhisstudies——hewaspreparingforaliterarylife——andeventsdriftedonuntilhefoundthateveryoneofhishouseholdhadsettheirheartsonthisalliance.Allthathecouldsayagainstitwasthathewasindifferent.Theladywasprettyandtriedtomakeherselfagreeabletohim;whilehefeltthattheyhadlittleincommon,andwasalsoledtobelievethatshewouldgood-naturedlyleavehimtohisownpursuits,andsoheenterednoprotesttothefamilyschemes,butdrifted.Thatwastheonedefectofhischaracter.Hewasamanofthoughtandfancyratherthanofdecisionandaction.

"Whenhereturnedhomeandtoldhisparentsofhisattachmentforme,theywerefurious,andwroteverybitterletterstobothfatherandmyself,accusingusofhavingintriguedtoobtainawealthyalliance.ThankGod!fatherneversawtheletter,ashediedsuddenly,beforeheknewhowsoreawoundIhadreceived.NordidIevershowthelettertoMr.Fleetwood,formyfatherhadtrainedmetoowelltosowdissensionbetweenparentsandson.

"Anaunttookmetoherhome.Shewasakindheartedoldlady,butverymatter-of-factandwhollyengrossedinherhousekeeping,andItoldhernothing.IwaitedtillMr.Fleetwoodsoughtmeout,whichhesoondid.Isawthathisfamilyweremovingheavenandearthtobreakoffhisengagementwithme,anditevidentlypainedhimdeeplythathemustsogreatlydisappointhisparents.Buttheconsiderationthatweighedmostwithhimwasthis:theyurgeduponhimineverypossiblewaythathopeshadbeenraisedintheheartoftheyoungladyherself,andalthoughhewasalwaysveryreticentinregardtoher.Ithinkshesecondedthefamilyscheme,forthemarriagewouldhavejoinedtwoverylargeestates.Althoughmyheartoftenstoodstillwithfearwhileheapparentlywaveredalittle,IcanhonestlysayIlefthimfreetomakehisownchoice.

Theypersecutedandurgedhimtothatextent,andsoconfusedhissenseofrightandwrong,that,inordertoescapefromhisdilemma,hemanagedtogetalieutenant\'scommissioninthearmyinspiteofhisphysician\'sprotest,andbeforehisfamilyrealizedwhattheyregardedasanimmeasurabledisasterhewasintheUnionranksatthefront.ItHASprovedanimmeasurabledisastertome.

"Hecametoseemebeforehewentsouth,andtoldmethathepreferreddeathtoanyotherbridethanmyself.InsadforebodingIbeggedhimtogivemeupratherthangointothatawfulwarwithhisimperfecthealth.Buthewent.Therestofmystoryissoontold.

Lifeinthefieldseemedtobracehimupeveryway.Hewrotemethathehadlivedhithertoinbooksanddreams,andthatcon

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