第33章

"Well,thankGod,braveIdaMayhewputanhonorablepurposeinmyheartbeforeIdied,andImeanttohavecarrieditout.There\'snouseofpraying,foritseemsasifIwerenomorethanoneofthesemillionsofleavesovermyheadwhenitfallsfromitsplace.

NatureispitilessandGodisascoldtowardsmeasIwasoncetoonewhoturnedherappealingeyestomeforalittlekindnessandsympathy.OGod!ifImustdie,letitbesoon,formypainandthirstarebecomingintolerable."

Thedawnwasnowbrighteningtheeast.Natureasiftiredofwaiting——likesomeprofessedfriends——foronewhowaslongindying,ceaseditsbreathlesshush.Afreshbreezerustledthemotionlessleaves,birdswithdrewtheirheadsfromundertheirwings,andbeganthetwitteringpreliminarytotheirmorningsongs;andtwosquirrels,springingfromtheirnestinahollowtree,likechildrenfromacottagedoor,scrambleddownandoverVanBerg\'sprostrateformintheirwildsport,buthewastooweak,toofargoneindull,heavyapathytoheedthem.

Atlasthethoughthewasdying,andhebecameunconscious.

Helearnedthatitwasonlyaswoonfromthefactthatherevivedagain,andwasdimlyconsciousofsoundsnearhim.Itseemedtohimthathewashalfasleep,andthathecouldnotwakeupsufficientlytodistinguishwhetherthesoundswereheardinadreamorinreality.

Buthesoonbecamesurethatsomeonewascryingandmoaningnotfaraway,andhenaturallyassociatedsuchevidencesofdistresswithwhathehadseenlastinMr.Eltinge\'sgarden.Hethereforecalledfeebly:

"Ida——IdaMayhew."

"MercifulGod!"exclaimedavoice,"whoisthat?"

Hisheartbeatsofasthecouldnotansweratonce,butheheardalight,swiftstep;theshrubberyandlowbranchesofthetreesweresweptaside,andJennieBurton\'sblueeyes,fulloftearsbutdilatedwithwonderandfear,lookeduponhim.

"O,JennieBurton,goodangelofGod!hehassentyoutome,"criedtherescuedman,whowithagladthrillofjoyfeltthatlifewascomingbackinthelineofhonorandduty.

"HaroldVanBerg!whatareyoudoinghere?"sheaskedinwildamazement.

"Iwasdyingtillyoucameandbroughtmehopeandlife,asyouhavetosomanyothers."

"ThankGod,thankGod,"shepanted,andsherushedattherockthathadheldhiminsuchterribledurance.

Hestruggledupandtriedtopullherhandsaway.

"Don\'tdothat,Jennie,"hesaid,"youarenotquiteanangelyet,andcannot\'rollthestoneaway.\'"

"OGod!"sheexclaimed,withasharpcryofagony,"insomesuchwayandplaceHEmayhavedied,"andshesanktotheground,moaningandwringingherhandsasifoverwhelmedwithagonyatthethought.

VanBergreachedoutandtookherhand,forgettingforamomenthisowndesperateneed,ashesaid:"DearJennie,don\'tgrievesoterribly."

"Godforgiveme,thatIcouldforgetyou!"shesaid,startingup.

"Imustnotloseasecondinbringingyouhelp."

Butheclungfeeblytoherhand."Wait,Jennie,tillyouaremorecalm.Mylifedependsonyounow.Thehotelisalongwayoff,andifyoustartinyourpresentmoodyouwillneverreachityourself,andIhadbetterdieathousandtimesthancauseharmtoyou."

Sheputherhandonhersideandherconvulsivesobbingsoonceased.

Afteramomentortwoshesaidquietly:"Youcantrustmenow,Mr.VanBerg;Iwon\'tfailyou."

"Doyouthinkyoucouldbringmealittlewaterbeforeyougo?"heasked.

"Yes,there\'saspringnear;Iknowthisplacewell,"anditseemedtohimthatsheflittedbackandforthlikearayoflight,bringingallthewatershecouldcarryinalargeleaf.

"Oh,"hesaid,withalongdeepbreath,"dideverasweeterdraughtpassmortallips,andfromyourhands,too,JennieBurton.MayI

dieasIwouldhavediedhereifIdonotdevotemylifetomakingyouhappy!"

"Iacceptthatpledge,"shesaid,withawansmilethatonherpale,tear-stainedfacewasinexpressiblytouching."Itmakesmeboldenoughtoaskonemorepromise."

"It\'smadealready,sohelpmeGod!"herepliedfervently.

Afaint,far-awaygleamofsomethinglikemirthcameintoherdeepblueeyesasshesaid,"I\'veboundyounow,andyoucanhavenochoice.Yourpledgeisthis——thatyouwillmakemehappyinmyownway.Now,notanotherword,notanothermotion;keepeveryparticleoflifeandstrengthtillIcomeagainwithassistance,"

andshebroughthimwatertwiceagain,silencinghimbyanimperiousgesturewhenheattemptedtospeak,andthenshedisappeared.

"Thatwasanoddpledgethatshebeguiledmeinto,"hemurmured.

"Ifearthatinthewilesofherunselfishheartshehascaughtmeinsomekindofatrap."Butafteralittletimeherelapsedagainintoaconditionofpartialunconsciousness.

ChapterLIV.Lifeandtrust.

IdadidnotleavetherefugeofherroomforseveralhoursafterherreturnfromthememorablevisittoMr.Eltinge\'sgarden,——forfarmorethanthelonghotdrive,herheroic,spiritualconflictwithtemptation,thesenseofimmeasurableloss,andtheoverwhelmingsorrowthatfollowed,hadexhaustedher.Assheralliedfromherdeepdepression,whichwasphysicalaswellasmental,andfoundthatshecouldthinkconnectedly,sheturnedtoherBibleinthehopeofdiscoveringsomecomfortingandreassuringtruthsspokenbythatFriendforwhosesakeshehadgivenupsomuch.

Thesewordscaughtherattention,andinaccordancewiththesimplicityanddirectnessofhernatureshebuiltuponthemheronlyhopeforthefuture:"HETHATLOSETHHISLIFEFORMYSAKE

SHALLFINDIT!"

Shesighed:"Ihavelostthatwhichislifeandmorethanlifetome,anditwasforChrist\'ssake.Itwasbecauseheforgavemeandwaskindinthatawfulmomentwhenmycrimewascrushingmysoul.Icouldnothavegivenupmychanceofhappinessjustbecauseitwasright,butthethoughtthatheaskeditandthatitwasforhissake,turnedthewaveringscale;andnowIwilltrusthimtofindmylifeformeagaininhisowntimeandway.Asfarasthisworldisconcerned,mylifeprobablywillbeanincreasingcareoffatherandothers,who,likemyself,have,orhavehad\'awormi\'

thebud.\'Butbethefuturewhatitmay,I\'vemademychoiceandIshallabidebyit."

Thensheturnedtothexiv.chapterofSt.John,thatwindowofheaventhroughwhichtheloveofGodhasshoneintosomanysadhearts;andbythetimeshehadreadthewords——"PeaceIleavewithyou,mypeaceIgiveuntoyou:notastheworldgiveth,giveIuntoyou.Letnotyourheartbetroubled,neitherletitbeafraid"——shefoundthatthepeacepromised——deep,quiet,sustaining——wasstealingintoherheartasthedawnturnsnightintoday.Simple-mindedIdaMayhewbelievedthatJesusChristhadkepthisword,forthatwasallfaithmeanttoher.Therationalistpracticallymaintainsthatsucheffectsarewithoutcauses,andthematerialistexplainsthattheyarephysicalconditionstobeaccountedfor,bythestateofthenervoussystem.

Idawentdowntosupper,andspenttheeveningwithhermotherintheparlor.Sheresolvedtotakeupherburdenatonce,andthatthereshouldbenosentimentalsighinginsolitude.Thoughsosorelywounded,shemeanttokeepherplaceintheranksandwinfromsocietysomethingbetterthanpity.JennieBurtonlookedatherwistfullyandwonderinglymanytimes,fortheimpressofthespiritualexperienceofthatdaywasonherface,andmadeitmorethanbeautiful.Theblendingofsadnessandserenity,ofquietstrengthwithcalmresolve,wasapparenttoonepossessingMissBurton\'sinsightintocharacter."Canitbe,"shethought,"thatVanBerghasdiscoveredhersecret,andfindsthatwhilehecangiveherwarmfriendshipandsympathyinhernewlife,hecannotgiveanymore,andhasmadeasmuchapparenttoherbyhismanner?

IthoughtIdetectedadifferenttendencyinhismindbeforehewenttothecity.Somethinghasoccurredbetweenthemevidently,thattopoorIdameansgivingupahopethatislikelifetoawoman.Iwishshewouldletmetalkwithher,forIthinkwecouldhelpeachother.ThereiscertainlyasustainingelementinherfaithwhichIdonotpossessorunderstand.YearafteryearI

juststruggledesperatelytokeepfromsinkingintodespair,andtheconflictiswearingmeout.Howtomeetto-morrowwithallitsmemoriesIdonotknow.IcanseefromtheexpressionofMissMayhew\'sfacehowIoughttomeetthisanniversaryofadaythatonceseemedtomelikeheaven\'sgate;butallIcandoisjustclingtomyhopeinGod,whileIcrylikeachildthathaslostitselfandallitlovesinathornywilderness.IDOwishwecouldtalkfrankly,butsheisutterlyunapproachable."

PoorStantonstalkedupanddownonthepiazzawithout,smokingfuriouslyandmutteringstrangeoaths.Ifthetroublesthatpreyeduponthetwomaidenstowardswhomhisheartwassotender,wereoutwardenemies,thesmallestgrainofdiscretionwouldhavekeptthemoutofhiswaythatnight,andifVanBerghadquietlywalkedupthepiazzastepsasIdawasexpecting,hewouldhavereceivedanythingbutafriendlygreeting.ThathedidnotcomewasadisappointmenttoIda,andyetdeepinherhearttherewasasecretsatisfactionthathefounditsodifficulttoenteronthetaskthatdutyandhonordemanded."Ishallseehimatbreakfast,however,"shethought;"andhe\'llbequiet,sane,andtruetohispledge."

Butwhenshedidnotseehimthenextmorning,andalsolearnedfromStantonthathehadnotbeeninhisroomduringthenight,forebodingsofsomekindofevilbegancominglikeprowlingbeastsofhenightthatthetravelercannotdriveveryfarawayfromhiscamp-fire.Couldhehavebrokenhispromisetoher,andhavefledfromdutyafterall?Shefeltthatshewouldlovehimnomatterwhathedid——forpoorIdacouldnotloveonstrictlymoralprincipals,andwithdrawherloveinoffendeddignityiftheoccasionrequired;

butherpurerandwomanlyinstinctsmadeherfearthatifheforfeitedherrespectherlovemightdegenerateintopassion.

Herwishthathewouldcomegrewmoreintenseeverymoment,andfromherheartshepitiedJennieBurtonasshesawherturnawayfromanalmostuntastedbreakfast,andwithafacethatwassofullofsufferingthatshecouldnotdisguiseit."Ifhefailsherutterlyshe\'lldie,"murmuredIda,assheclimbedwearilytoherroom."MercifulSaviour,forgivemethatItriedtotempthimfromher."

Shewatchedfromherwindow,buthedidnotcome.ShesawJennieBurtonhasteningawayononeofthelonelywalkstowhichshewasgivenoflate.ShesawStantondriveoffrapidly,andwhenafewhourslaterhecameback,shewentdowntomeethim,andaskedhesitatingly:

"HaveyouseenorheardanythingofMr.VanBerg?"

"Confoundhim!no.Idon\'tseewhatthedeucehemeansbyhiscourse!BurleighsayshehasnotseenorheardawordfromhimsinceearlyMondaymorningwhenhestartedoffwithhissketch-book,andBurleighalsosaysheseemedveryglumandoutofsortswhenhejokedhimalittle.I\'vebeentothelandinganddepot,andnoonehasseenhim.UnlessVancangiveabetteraccountofhimselfthanIexpect,heandIwillhaveatremendousfallingout."

"No,CousinIk,youwillleavehimtohimself,foranythinglikewhatyouthreatenwouldwoundtwoheartsalreadysadenough."

"Well,curseitall!Imustdosomethingorother,orI\'llexplode,Ican\'tsitbyandtwirlmythumbswhiletwosuchwomenasyouandMissBurtonareintrouble.Whenamanbreaksagirl\'sheartIfeellikebreakinghishead."

"Mercifulheaven!See——quick——MissBurton——she\'sbeckoningtoyou."

Stantonsprangfromthepiazzaatabound,andwasalmostinstantlyatJennieBurton\'sside,whosankintoaseatnear,andgasped:

"DoasIbid——nowords——acarriage,andastoutmanwithyourself

后续内容为VIP可读请开通VIP，或购买此章节