第29章

"ThankstoCousinIk.WhenIgetachancetopaintsuchapictureasthisIdo,indeed,wishtomakethemostofit."

"ButhowlongmustMr.Eltingewaitforit?"

"IthinkwecansendittohimasaChristmaspresent."

"We?You,rather,willsendit."

"No,WE;orrather,ingivingmethesittingsyougiveMr.Eltingeallthatmakesthepicturevaluabletohim."

Ida\'scheeksbegantoburn,fortheartist\'swordssuggestedapowerfultemptationthat;inaccordancewithherimpetuousnature,cameintheformofanimpulseratherthananinsidiousandlurkingthought.Theimpulsewastoacceptoftheopportunitieshepresseduponher,and,ifpossible,winhimawayfromJennieBurton.Atfirstitseemedameananddishonorablethingtodo,andherfacegrewcrimsonwithshameattheverythought.VanBerglookedatherwithsurprise.ConscioushimselfthatwhilehemeantthatMr.Eltingeshouldprofitrichlyfromhervisits,itwasnotbyanymeansforthesakeoftheoldgentlemanonlythathehadbeenrequestinghertocomesooften,hisowncolorbegantorise.

"Shebeginstoseethatmymotivesarealittlemixed,andthatiswhatisembarrassingher,"hethoughtashebentoverhisworktohidehisownconfusion.

"Mr.VanBerg,I\'mgettingtiredofsittingstill,"Idaexclaimed.

"It\'scontrarytomyrestlessdisposition.MayInotmakeanexploringtouraroundyourstudio?YouhavenoideawhataconstraintI\'vebeenputtingonmyfemininecuriosity."

"Igiveyoua\'carte-blanche\'todoasyouplease.Haveyoumuchcuriosity?"

"I\'madaughterofEve."

"Well,I\'mcomingtotheconclusionthatthereisagooddealof\'oldAdam\'inme,"andhefeltthatasshethenappearedshecouldtempthimtoalmostanything.

Nowthatherbackwastowardshimshefeltsafer,andhermellowlaughtrilledoutasshesaid,"Wemayhavetodubthisplaceaconfessionalratherthanastudioofyoutalkinthatway."

"IfIconfessedallmysinsagainstyou,MissMayhew,itwould,indeed,beaconfessional."Hespokesoearnestlythatshegavehimaquickglanceofsurprise.

"Thereisnoneed,"shesaid,hesitatingly,"sinceIhavegivenyoufullabsolution,"andshesuddenlybecameinterestedinsomethinginthefarthestcorneroftheapartment.Afteramomentsheadded,"IfIamtocomehereImustsaytoyouagain,asIdidonthedayIsodisgustedyoubymybehaviorinthestage——youmustletby-gonesbeby-gones."

Itwasnowtheartist\'sturntolaugh,andhismerrimentwassoheartyandprolongedthatsheturnedavexedandcrimsonfacetowardshimandsaid,"Ithinkit\'stoobadinyoutolaughatmeso."

"MissMayhew,IassureyouI\'mnotlaughingatyouatall.Butyourwordssuggestagoodomen.Didn\'tthatstageteachyouthatfatemeansustobegoodfriendsinspiteofallyoucando?BeforewemetinthatcaroffortuneIhadbeentryingforaweekormoretomakeyouracquaintance,andmadeamartyrofmyselfintheeffort.

Iplayedtheagreeabletonearlyeveryladyinthehotel,andperspiredonpicnicsandboatingpartiesthatIdidnotenjoy.I

playedcroquetandothergamestillIwashalfboredtodeath,andallintheefforttoproducesuchagenialatmosphereofenjoymentandgood-feelingthatyouwouldthawalittletowardsme;butyouwouldn\'tspeaktome,norevenlookatme.AtlastIgaveupindespairandwentoffamongthehillswithmysketch-book,andwhenreturningthatblessedoldstageovertookme.Wasn\'tIpleasedwhenIfoundyouwereafellow-passenger!andletmenowexpressmythanksthatyoulookedsoresolutelyawayfromme,foritgavemeachancetocontrastaprofileinwhichIcoulddetectnofaultwiththebroad,sultryvisageofthestoutwomanoppositeme.Andthen,thankheaven,thehorsesranaway.Whoeverheardofstagehorsesrunningawaybefore?Itwasasmileoffortune——amiracle.

Submittodestiny,MissMayhew,forit\'sdecreedthatweshouldbegoodfriends,"andhelaughedagaininhugeenjoymentofthewholescene.

InspiteofherselfIdafoundhishumorcontagiousandirresistible,andshelaughedalsotillthetearscameintohereyes.

"Mr.VanBerg,"sheexclaimed,"Ioughttobeindignant,orIoughttobeashamedtolookyouintheface.Idon\'tknowwhatIoughttodo,onlyI\'msureitisn\'ttheproperthingatallformetobelaughinginthisway.IthinkI\'llgohomeatonce,forI\'monlywastingyourtime.

Hisanswerwasnotveryrelevant,forhesaidimpetuously,"Oh,MissIda,Iwouldgivefiveyearsofmylifetobeabletopaintyourportraitasyounowappear,forthepicturewouldcureoldmelancholyhimselfandfillaprison-cellwithlight."

"Iwon\'tcomehereanymoreifyoulaughatmeso,"shesaid,puttingonherhat.

"See,"hesaid,"I\'masgraveasajudge.IwillneverlaughATyou,butIhopetolaughWITHyoumanyatime,fortotellyouthetruththeexperiencehasremindedmeofthe\'inextinguishablelaughteroftheGods.\'Pleasedon\'tgoyet."

"IfImustcomesooftenmyvisitsmustbebrief."

"Thenyouwillcome?"

"Ihaven\'tpromisedanythingexceptforto-morrow.Good-morning."

"Letmewalkhomewithyou."

"No,positively.Youhavewastedtoomuchtimealready."

"Youwillatleastshakehandsintokenofpeaceandamitybeforewepart?"

"Oh,certainly,ifyouthinkitworththewhilewhenwearetomeetsosoonagain.Oh!youhurtme.Youdidthatoncebefore."

Hisfacesuddenlybecamegraveandeventenderinitsexpression,ashesaid,inalow,deepvoice,"Morethanonce,MissIda.Don\'tthinkIforgetorforgivemyselfbecauseyoutreatmesogenerously."

Shewouldnotlookupandmeethiseyes,butreplied,intonesthattrembledwithrepressedfeeling,"Icouldforgiveanythingafteryourmannertowardsfatherthismorning.NeverthinkIcanforgetsuchfavors,"andthenshesnatchedawayherhandandwentswiftlyout.Hertearsfellfastasshesoughtherhomebyquietstreetswithbowedheadandvaildrawntightlydown,andshemurmured:

"Icannotgivehimup——Icannot,indeed,Icannot.IfIlosehimitmustbebecausethereisnohelpforit."

Thenconscienceuttereditslow,faintprotestandhertearsfellfasterstill.

Whenreachingherroomshethrewherselfonthesofaandsobbed,"Woulditbesovery,verywrongtowinhimifIcould?shecan\'tlovehimasmuchasIdo.Why,Iwasreadytodieeventowinhisrespect,andnowinthesevisitshegivesmeachancetowinhislove.IshepledgedtoMissBurtonyet?Ifheis,Idonotknowit.Hedoesseemtocareforme——thereisoftensomethinginhisfaceandtonethatwhispershope.IfhelovesherasIlovehimhecouldnotbehereinNewYorkallthisweek.Butit\'sherlovethattroublesme——I\'veseenitinhereyeswhenhewasnotobserving,andIfearshejustworshipshim.Alas,hegaveherreason.Hismannerhasbeenthatofalover,andnoone——heleastofall——wouldthinkofflirtingwithJennieBurton.ButdoesheloverhersodeeplythatIcouldnotwinhimifIhadachance?WoulditbeverywickedifIdid?MustIgiveupmyhappinessforherhappiness?

IcametoNewYorktogetawayfromdangerandtemptationandhereIamrightinthemidstofit.WhatshallIdo!Oh,mySaviour,I\'mhalfafraidtospeaktotheeaboutthis."

"IfIcouldonlyseeMr.Eltinge,"shemurmured,afteranhourofdistractedthoughtandindecision."Thereisnotimetowrite——indeed,Icouldnotwriteonsuchasubject,and——and——I\'mafraidhe\'dadvisemeagainstit.Hecan\'tunderstandawoman\'sfeelingsinacaselikethis,atleasthecouldnotunderstandapassionate,faultygirllikeme.I\'venopatience——nofortitude.

Icoulddieformylove——Ithink,Ihope,Icouldformyfaith,——butIfeelnopowerwithinmetoendurepatientlyyearafteryear.I

wouldbelikethepoor,weakwomentheyshutupintheInquisitionandwhosufferedontotheendonlythroughremorselesscompulsion,becausethewallsweretoothickforescape,andthetormentor\'shandsandtherackwereirresistible.Mysoulwouldsuccumbaswellasmybody.Thiswouldseemwild,wickedtalktoMr.Eltinge;itwouldseemweakandirrationaltoanyman.ButI\'monlyIdaMayhew,andsuchismynature.I\'vebeenmadeallthemoreincapableofpatientself-sacrificebyself-indulgencefrommychildhoodup.

Oh,willitbevery,verywrongtowinhimifIcan?"andthepassionatetearsandsobsthatfollowedthesewordswouldseemtoindicatethatsheunderstoodhernatureonlytoowell.

Atlastsheconcluded,inwearinessandexhaustion,"I\'mtooweakanddistractedtothinkanymore.Ihardlyknowwhetherit\'srightorwrong.Ihopeitisn\'tverywrong.Iwon\'tdecidenow.LetmatterstaketheirowncourseastheyhavedoneandImayseeclearerbyandby."

Butdeepinherheartshefeltthatthiswasaboutthesameasyieldingtothetemptation.

Shebathedhereyes,triedtothinkhowshecouldspendtheinterveninghoursbeforetheywouldmeetagain.Thenwithasenseofdismayshebegantoconsider,"Ifwearetomeetsooftenwhatarewetotalkabout?Heoncetriedtoconversewithmeandfoundmesoignoranthecouldn\'t.ItseemedtomeIdidn\'tknowanythingthatevening,andhe\'llsoongrowdisgustedwithmeagainasheseesmypoorlittlepackofknowledgeislikeatramp\'sbundlethathecarriesaroundwithhim.Imustread——Imuststudyeverymoment,orIhaven\'ttheremotestchanceofsuccess.Success!Oh,mercifulheaven!it\'sthesameasifIweresettingaboutitalldeliberatelyandthere\'snouseofdeceivingmyself.Ihopeitisn\'tvery,verywrong."

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