第23章

"Well,mychild,"repliedtheoldgentleman,withasmile."I\'vebroughthereaheartfulloftroubleandwickednessmanyatime,soyouneednotfearhurtingthegarden."

"ButIfearIshallpainandshockyou."

"Ihopeyouwill.I\'mgoingtofeelwithandforyou.What\'sthegoodofmysittingherelikeapost?"

"Well,"saidIda,desperately,"Ipromisedtotellyoueverything,andIwill.IfthereisanychanceformeI\'llthenknowit,foryouwillnotdeceiveme.Somehow,whatIamandwhatIhavetosayseemedinsuchsadcontrastwithyouandyourgardenthatIbecameafraid.Youaskedaboutmyparents.Myfatherisaveryunhappyman.Heseemstohavelosthopeandcourage.InowbegintoseethatIhavebeenchieflytoblameforthis.Idonothingforhiscomfort.Indeed,IhavebeensooccupiedwithmyselfandmyownpleasurethatIhavegivenhimlittlethought.Hedoesnotspendmuchofhistimeathome,andwhenIsawhimhewasalwaystired,sad,andmoody.Heseemedtopossessnothingthatcouldministertomyprideandpleasuresavemoney,andItookthatfreely,withscarcelyeventhanksinreturn.

"Idon\'tliketospeakagainstmymother,buttruthcompelsmetoaddthatsheactsmuchinthesameway.Idon\'tthinkshelovespapa.Perhapsourtreatmentisthechiefreasonwhylife,seemingly,hasbecometohimaburden.Whenhe\'snotbusyinheofficehedrinks,anddrinks,andIfearitisonlytoforgethistrouble.

Onceortwicethissummerhehaslookedlikeaman,andappearedcapableofthrowingoffthisdestroyinghabit,andthenbymywretchedfollyImadehimdoworsethanever,"andsheburstintoaremorsefulpassionoftears.

"That\'sright,mychild,"saidMr.Eltinge,takingoffhisspectaclesthathemightwipehissympatheticeyes;"youwereverymuchtoblame.Thankgod,therearenoPhariseesinthisgarden.

Godblessyou;goon."

"ThisthatI\'vetoldyouaboutmyfatheroughttobemychieftrouble,butitisn\'t,"falteredIda."Ifearyouwon\'tunderstandmeverywellnow,andyoucertainlywillneverbeabletounderstandhowIcouldbetemptedtodosomethingattheverythoughtofwhichInowshudder."

"Nomatter;myMastercanunderstanditallifIcan\'t.He\'slistening,too,remember."

"Itfrightensmetothinkso,"saidIda,inanawed,tremblingtone.

"That\'sbecauseyoudon\'tknowhim.Ifyouwereseverelywounded,wouldyoubefrightenedtoknowthatagoodphysicianwasrightathandtohealyou?"

"Butisn\'tGodtooinfiniteandfarawaytolistentolistentothestoryofmyweaknessandfolly?Idarenotthinkofhim.Mydifficultyisjustthis——heISGod,andwhatamI?"

"Oneofhislittlechildren,mydear.Yes,heisinfinite,butnotfaraway.Intheworstofmyweaknessandfollyhelistenedpatiently,andhelpedmeoutofmytrouble.Howareyougoingtogetoverthisfact?Hehaslistenedtoandhelpedmultitudesofothersineverykindoftroubleandwrong.Howareyougoingtogetoverthesefacts?"

Idaslowlywipedhereyes.Herfacegrewverypale,andshelookedatMr.Eltingesteadilyandearnestly,asiftogatherfromhisexpressionandmanner,aswellaswords,thepreciseeffectofherconfession.

"Mr.Eltinge,"shesaid,"atthistimeyesterdayIdidnotexpecttobealiveto-day.Iexpectedtobedead,andbymyownhand.

WillGodforgivesuchwickedness?"

"Dead!"exclaimedtheoldgentleman,startingup.

"Yes,"saidIda,growingstillpalerandtremblingwithapprehension,butstilllookingfixedlyatMr.Eltingeasifshewouldlearnfromhisfacewhethershecouldhopeormustdespairbecauseofherintendedcrime.

"Andwhatchangedyourawfulpurpose,mychild?"hesaid,verygravely.

"Yourwordsattheprayer-meetinglastnight."

Theoldgentlemanremovedhishatandreverentlybowedhishead.

"OGod,"hemurmured,"thouhastbeenmercifultomeallmydays;

Ithanktheeforthiscrowningmercy."

"ButwillGodbemercifultoME?"criedIda,inatoneofsharpagony.

Theoldmancametoheside,andplacinghishandsonherheadspokewithalmosttheauthorityandsolemnityofoneofGod\'sancientprophets.

"Yes,mychild,yes,hewillbemercifuluntoyou——hewillforgiveyou.Butinyourdeepneedyourequiremorethantheassuranceofapoorsinfulmortallikeyourself.ListentoGod\'sownword:

\'ThussaiththehighandloftyOnethatinhabitetheternity,whosenameisHoly:Idwellinthehighandholyplace,withhimalsothatisofacontriteandhumblespirit,torevivethespiritofthehumble,andtorevivetheheartofthecontriteones.\'

"\'Likeasafatherpitiethhischildren,sotheLordpitieththemthatfearhim.\'

"\'Ifweconfessoursinsheisfaithfulandjusttoforgiveusoursins;andthebloodofJesusChrist,hisSon,cleansethusfromallsin.\'Godanswersyourquestionhimself,mychild."

"Oh,mayHeblessyouforyourkindnesstome!Ithassavedmefromdespairanddeath,"sobbedIda,buryingherfaceinherhands,andgivingwaytothenaturalexpressionoffeelingthateverrelievesaheartthathaslongbeenoverburdened.

ForafewmomentsMr.Eltingesaidnothing,butgentlystrokedthebowedheadashemightcaressadaughterofhisown.Atlastheasked,withavoicethatwasbrokenfromsympathywithheremotion,"HowaboutmyMaster,whosekindprovidencehasbroughtallthisabout?"

Idagraduallybecamemorequiet,andassoonasshecouldtrustherselftospeakshelifterherheadandanswered:

"Mr.Eltinge,IthinkIcanlearntoloveGodasyouportrayhimtome.ButinmyimperfectionandwickednessIhavenotdaredtothinkofhimtillIcamehere."

"Now,isn\'tthatjustlikethedevil\'swork!"exclaimedMr.Eltinge.

"ItwasourimperfectionandwickednessthatbroughtChristtoourrescue,andyetyouhavebeenmadetobelievethatyourchiefclaimuponourDivineFriendisahopelessbarrieragainstyou!"

"Mr.Eltinge,"saidIda,slowly,asifsheweretryingtobesurethateachwordexpressedherthought,"itwasthatword,FRIEND,asyouuseditlastnight,thatcaughtmyearandrevivedmyhopes.

Inowbelievethatifyouhadspokenonlyofdutyortruth,orevenofGodintheordinaryway,Ishouldnowbe"——sheburiedherfaceinherhandsandshuddered——"Ishouldnotbeinthissunnygardenwiththememorythatyourhandshaverestedonmyhandsinblessing.

IfIamtolive,Ishallneed,aboveallthings,afriend,andaverypatientandhelpfulone,orelsemyburdenwillbeheavierthanIcancarry.Ihavetoldyouaboutmyparents,andyouthusknowwhatImustlookforwardtoinmyownhome.Butsuchismyweaknessandfolly,Ihaveafarworsetroublethanthat.Youmaysmileatitandthinkthattimewillbringspeedyrelief.Perhapsitwill——Ihopeso.IfeelthatIknowsolittleaboutmyselfandeverythingelsethatIcanneverbesureofanythingagain.Mr.

Eltinge,Ihavebeensounfortunateastogivemywholeheart\'slovetoamanwhodespisesme.Atfirstheseemedsomewhatattracted,buthesoondiscoveredhowimperfectandignorantIwas,andcoldlywithdrew.Heisnowpayinghisaddresses,Ibelieve,toanotherlady,andImustadmitthatsheisalovelygirl,andeverywayworthyofhim.Ithinkshewillreturnhisregard,ifshedoesnotalready.Butwhethershedoesornotcannotmatter,forheissofarmysuperiorineveryrespectthathewouldneverthinkofmeagain.Inordertohidemyfoolish,hopelesspassion,IreceivedattentionsfromanothermanthatIdetested,andwhohassinceprovedhimselfanuttervillain,butitsohappenedthatmynamebecamesocloselyassociatedwiththislowfellow,thatwhenmyheartwasbreakingforanotherreason,allthoughtthatitwasbecauseIwasinfatuatedwithamanIloathed.EvenMr.VanBergthoughtso,andIintendedtocompelhimtorespectme,oratleasttothinkbetterofme,evenifIhadtodietocarryoutmypurpose.Iwasdesperateandblindwithdisappointmentanddespair.Toastrongman,Isuppose,thesethingsdonotcountsogreatly,butI\'minclinedtothinkwhatwithuspoorwomenourheart-lifeiseverything.I

fairlyshiveratthethoughtofthefuture.HowcanIcarrythisheavyburden,yearafteryear?Oh,howcanIbearit?HowcanI

bearit?"andhereyes

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