第31章

"Iwouldnothavetheconfidencetodoeitheratahotel.Ishallneverbeabletodoanymorethanfurnishalittlesimplehomemusictofriends,notcritics."

"I\'mcontentwiththatarrangement,forIhavefinallydroppedmycharacterofcritic."

"Buttruefriendsneverflatter,"shesaid."Ifyouwon\'thelpmeovercomemyfaultsIshallhavetofindanotherfriend."

"Asyourecommendedanancientwomanasnurse,soIwillrecommendthevenerablefriendyouhavealreadyfound,andaskyoutolethimdoallthefault-finding."

Sheturnedtohimandsaidearnestly:"Mr.VanBerg,areyounotasufficientlysincerefriendtotellmemyfaults?"

"Yes,MissIda,ifyouaskmeto."

"Onlyasyoudosocanyoukeepmyrespect."

"Youareverymuchinearnest.Ineversawgreaterfidelitytoconsciencebefore;andIshouldbeverysorryif,foranycause,yourconsciencewerearrayedagainstme."

Shesuddenlyburiedherfaceinherhandsandtrembled.Thenturningfromhimtoherpianoagainshefaltered:"IdisregardedconscienceonceandIsuffereddeeply,"andinthedepthsofhersoulsheadded,"andIfearIshallagain."

"MissIda,"hesaidimpetuously,"Icannottellyouwhatafascinationyournew,beautifullifehasformeasseenagainstthedarkbackgroundofmemorieswhichneitheryounorIcaneverwhollybanish.ButIamcausingyoupainnow,"forshebecameverypale,aswaseverthecasewhentherewasthefaintestallusiontotheawfulcrimewhichshehadcontemplated."Forgiveme,"headdedearnestly,"andsing,please,thatlittlemeadowbrooksong,ofwhichIcaughtafewbarslastevening.That,Ithink,mustcontainanantidoteagainstallmorbidthoughts."

"Youaremistaken,"shesaid."It\'sverysillyandsentimental;

youwon\'tlikeit."

"Neverthelesspleasesingit,forifnottomytaste,youwillpreventitfromrunninginmyheadanylonger,asithaseversinceIheardit."

"Youwillneveraskforitagain,"shesaid,andshesangthefollowingwordstoalow-glidingmelodydesignedtosuggestthemurmurofasmallstream:

\'Twasdowninameadow,closebyabrook,Avioletbloomedinashadowynook.

Shegazedattherillwithawistfuleye——

"Hecaresnotforme,he\'shasteningby,"

Shesighed.

Insunshineandshadethebrookspedalong,Norceasedforamomenthisgurglingsong.

"\'TwouldsingallthesamewereIwitheredanddead"——

Andtheblue-eyedvioletbowedherheadAnddied.

ButtherillandthesongwentonthesameTillthepitilessfrostofwintercame,Whenthesongwashushedinanicychill,AndthegaylittlebrookatlaststoodstillAndthought——

"Oh,couldInowseethevioletbluethatlookedatmeoncewitheyesofdew,I\'dspringtoherfeetandlingeringstayTillsureIwasbearingherloveaway,Wellsought."

Thesongseemedtodisturbtheartistsomewhat."Thestupidbrook!"

heexclaimed."Itwassostupidastobealmosthuman."

"Iknewyouwouldn\'tlikeit,"shesaid,lookingupathiminsurprise.

"Ilikeyoursingingandthemusic,butthatbrookprovokesme,thelittleidiot!Whydidn\'titstopbefore?"

"Itakethebrook\'spart,"saidIda."Becausethevioletgazedatitinalackadaisicalwaywasnoreasonforitsstoppingunlessitwantedto.Indeed,ifIwerethevioletIshouldwantthebrooktogoon,unlessitcouldn\'thelpstopping."

"Itdidstopwhenitcouldn\'thelpitself,andthenitwastoolate,"saidVanBerg,withafrown.

Idatrilledoutoneofhersuddenlaughs,asshesaid,"Don\'ttakethemattersotoheart,Mr.VanBerg.Whenspringcamethebrookwentonasmerrilyasever,andwaswellcontentedtohaveothervioletslookatit."

"MissIda,youareawitch,"saidtheartist,andwithanodd,involuntarygesturehepassedhishandacrosshisbrowasiftobrushawayamistorfilmfromhismind.

"Oh!"thoughtIda,withpassionatelonging,"maymyspellshold,orelseImayfeellikefollowingtheexampleofthesillylittleviolet."Butshepirouetteduptoherfather,whowasjustentering,andsaid:"It\'stimeyoucame,father.Mr.Vanberghasbeguncallingmenames."

"Ishallfollowhisexamplebycallingyoumygoodfairy.Mr.VanBerg,Ihavebeeninparadisealltheweek."

"Ishallnotjointhismutualadmirationsociety,andIinsistthatyoutwogentlementalkinasensibleway."

ButVanBergseemedtofinditdifficulttocomedowntoamatter-of-factconversationwithMr.Mayhew,andsoonaftertookhisleave.BeforegoinghetriedtoinduceIdatocometothestudioagain,butshedeclined,saying:

"Motherhasentrustedtomeseveralcommissions,andImustattendtothemto-morrowmorning.Asitis,myconsciencetroublesmeverymuchthatIhaveleftheralonealltheweek,andIshalltrytomakealltheamendsIcanbygettingwhatshewishes."

"Oh!yourterribleconscience!"hesaid.

"Yes,ithasbeenscoldingmealldayforwastingsomuchofyourtime.Nowdon\'tburdenyourswithanydenials.Good-night."

Heturnedeagerlytoprotestagainstherwords,butshewasretreatingrapidly;shegavehimasmileoverhershoulder,however,thatwasatoncefullofmirthandsomethingmore——somethingthathecouldnotexplainorgraspanymorethanhecouldthesoft,silverylightofthemoonthatfilledthesky,andwasasrealasitwasintangible.

Hewalkedawayasifinadream;hecontinuedhisaimlesswanderingsforhours,butswiftaswerehisstridesaswiftercurrentofpassion,deepandstrong,wassweepinghimawayfromJennieBurtonandthepowertomakegoodhisopenpledgetowinherifhecould.

Hestillwasdreaming,hestillwaslostintheluminousmistsofhisownimagination.Butthehourofwakingandclearvisionwasdrawingnear,andHaroldVanBergwouldlearnanewthatthecool,well-balancedreasononwhichhehadoncesopridedhimselfwasscarcelyequaltoallthequestionswhichcomplexhumanlifepresents.

ChapterLI.FromDeepExperience.

WiththenightdreamsbegantovanishandtheproseofrealitygraduallytotakeformandoutlineinVanBerg\'smind.Hewascompelledtoadmitthattheplausibletheoriesbywhichhehadhithertosatisfiedhimselfscarcelyaccountedforhismoodsandsensationsthepastfewdays,andmemoryquietlyinformedhimthatithadneverhadanyconsciousnessofsuchafriendshipashenowwasforming.Butlikemanyanothermanintheprocessofconvictionagainsthiswill,hebecameirritableandangrilyblindtoatruththatwouldplacehiminanintolerabledilemma.Hewenttohisstudio,andwordedwithdoggedobstinacyonthepicturedesignedforIda,givinghistimetothosedetailswhichrequiredonlyartisticskill,forhisperturbedmindwasinnomoodforanynicecreativework.

HehadagreedtomeetIdaandherfatherontheafternoonboat;

andhisimpatience,andtheearlyhourhestartedtokeeptheappointment,wasanotherstrawwhichhewascompelledtoseeinspiteofhimself;norcouldhefailtonotewhichwaythecurrentwasbearinghim.

"Well,"hemuttered,withthefatuitycommoninallstrongtemptations,"I\'llspendafewmorehourswiththisrareUndine,thisgenuinewoman,who——infinitelymorebeautifulthanVenus——isrisingoutofthedarkwatersofsorrow,shame,anddespair,andthenifIfindthatitwillbewiserandsafertobeonlyasomewhatunobtrusiveanddistantfriend,showingmygood-willmorebydeedsthanbyseekinghersociety,Icangraduallytakethiscoursewithoutwoundingherfeelingsorexcitingsuspicionofthecause.Shewasright,althoughshelittleimaginesthereason;wecouldneverhavethosereadingstogether,andIfearImustmanagewithfarfewervisitstomystudiothanIhadhopedfor.Whatanaccursedchaoticoldworlditisanyway!HowgratefulsheisbecauseImerelytreatherfatherpolitely!Itwouldbeimpossibletodoanythingelse,nowthatheishimselfagain,andyet,bythissimple,easymethod,IhavewonafriendlierregardthanIcouldbyanyothermeans.

Likeanidiot,Ioncethoughtshewouldhavetowithdrawfromherfathertodevelophernewandbeautifullife.IfeveninfaintestsuggestionIhadrevealedthatthoughttoher,Idon\'tbelieveshewouldhavespokentomeagain;andIforeseethatIshallhavetobeexceedinglypolitetoMrs.Mayhewalso,formyUndineisdevelopingaconsciencethatmightbecomeaman\'simplacableenemy.

ButwhatamIthinkingabout!IfIdonotintendtoseemuchofthedaughter,Ishallnotwasteanytimeonthemother.IwonderifMissMayhewmeantanythingbythatoddlittleballadlastevening.

Couldshehaveintendedtoremindmeofblue-eyedJennieBurton?

No,forshewassingingitbyherself,whenshedidnotknowIwaslistening.Theidioticbrook!IfIhadgivenmywholehearttotheeffortImighthavewonJennieBurtonbythistime.IdaMayhewwasright;nowomanthatIwishtowinwillshowaloveranyfavortillhecannothelpstoppingandstaying,too."

Amomentlaterhestoppedshortinthestreet."GreatGod!"mutteredhe,"doIwishtowinJennieBurton?WhitheramIdrifting?WouldtoheavenIhadnotmadethisappointmentthisafternoon.Well,I\'minforitnow,"andhestrodealongasifheweregoingtobattle,resolvingtobeguardedtothelastdegree,lestIdashouldsuspecthisweakness.

Hesawhercomeontheboatwithherfatheratthelastmoment,hercheeksflushedwiththeheatandhereyesaglowwiththehurryandexcitementoftheoccasion.Hesawoneandanotherofheryounggentlemenacquaintancesstepeagerlyforwardtospeaktoherandadmiringeyesturningtowardsheroneveryside."Shewon\'tlackforfriendsandcompanionsnow,andIsoonwillbelittlemissed,"hethoughtbitterly.Onegentleman,inhisimpatienceforhersociety,soughttoobtainhersmalltravelling-bag,adwasassuringherthathecouldobtainseatsforherselfandfatheronthecrowdedboat,when,byhertimidglancearound,sheshowedthatshewasexpectingsomeone,andVanBerghastenedforwardandsaidquietly,"Ihaveseatsreservedinthepilot-house."

Shegavehimagladsmileofwelcome;butalmostinstantlyherfacebecamegraveandquestioninginitsexpression;andshelookedathimkeenlyashecordiallyshookhandswithherfather.Astheywentawaywithhim,asifbyaprearrangementseveralguestsoftheLakeHouselookedateachotherandnoddedtheirheadssignificantly.

Whileonthewaytothepilot-house,andduringtheirconversationafterarrivingthere,Idaoftenturnedaquick,questioningglancetowardsVanBerg,andherexpressionrem

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