第45章

Ifherfathereverheldhersafeinhisarmsagain——ifsheeverawokefromthisnightmare，itwouldbeathingnevertoletone’smindharkbacktoagain——toshutoutofmemorywithirondoors。

Thepainhadshotupanddown，andherforeheadwaswetbythetimeshehadreachedthesmallbackdoor。Wasitlockedorbolted——wasit？Sheputherhandgentlyuponthelatchandlifteditwithoutmakinganysound。ThankGodAlmighty，itwasneitherboltednorlocked，thelatchlifted，thedooropened，andsheslidthroughitintotheshadowofthegreywhichwasalreadyalmostthedarknessofnight。ThankGodforthat，too。

Sheflattenedherselfagainsttheoutsidewallandlistened。

HewashavingdifficultyinmanagingChildeHarold，whosnortedandpulledback，offendedandmaderebelliousbyhissavagelyimpatienthand。GoodChildeHarold，goodboy！Shecouldseethemassedoutlineofthetreesofthespinney。Ifshecouldbearthislongenoughtogetthere——evenifshecrawledpartoftheway。Thenitdartedthroughhermindthathewouldguessthatshewouldbesuretomakeforitscover，andthathewouldgotherefirsttosearch。

"Father，thinkforme——youweresoquicktothink！"herbraincriedoutforher，asifshewasspeakingtoonewhocouldphysicallyhear。

Shealmostfearedshehadspokenaloud，andthethoughtwhichflasheduponherlikelightningseemedtobeananswergiven。Hewouldbeconvincedthatshewouldatoncetrytogetawayfromthehouse。Ifshekeptnearit——somewhere——

somewherequiteclose，andlethimsearchthespinney，shemightgetawaytoitscoverafterhegaveupthesearchandcameback。Thejaggedpainhadsettledinasortofimpossibleanguish，andonceortwiceshefeltsick。Butshewoulddieintheopen——andsheknewRosaliewasfrightenedbyherabsence，andwasprayingforher。Prayerscountedand，yet，theyhadallprayedyesterday。

"IfIwerenotverystrong，Ishouldfaint，"shethought。

"ButIhavebeenstrongallmylife。ThatgreatFrenchdoctor——Ihaveforgottenhisname——saidthatIhadthephysiquetoendureanything。"

Shesaidthesethingsthatshemightgainsteadinessandconvinceherselfthatshewasnotmerelylivingthroughanightmare。Twiceshemovedherfootsuddenlybecauseshefoundherselfinamomentaryrespitefrompain，beginningtobelievethatthethingwasanightmare——thatnothingmattered——becauseshewouldwakeuppresently——sosheneednottrytohide。

"Butinanightmareonehasnopain。ItisrealandImustgosomewhere，"shesaid，afterthefootwasmoved。Wherecouldshego？Shehadnotlookedattheplaceassherodeup。

Shehadonlyhalf—consciouslyseenthespinney。Nigelwasswearingatthehorses。HavinggotChildeHaroldintotheshed，thereseemedtobenothingtofastenhisbridleto。Andhehadyettobringhisownhorseinandsecurehim。Shemustgetawaysomewherebeforethedelaywasover。

Howdarkitwasgrowing！ThankGodforthatagain！

Whatwastheratherhigh，darkobjectshecouldtraceinthedimnessnearthehedge？Itwassharplypointed，isifitwereanarrowtent。Herheartbegantobeatlikeadrumassherecalledsomething。Itwastheshapeofthesortofwigwamstructuremadeofhoppoles，aftertheyweretakenfromthefields。Iftherewasspacebetweenitandthehedge——evenanarrowspace——andshecouldcrouchthere？NigelwasfuriousbecauseChildeHaroldwasbacking，plunging，andsnortingdangerously。Shehaltedforward，shuttingherteethinherterriblepain。Shecouldscarcelysee，anddidnotrecognisethatnearthewigwamwasapileofhoppoleslaidontopofeachotherhorizontally。Itwasnotquiteashighasthehedgewhosedarkbackgroundpreventeditsbeingseen。Onlyafewstepsmore。No，shewasawake——inanightmareonefeltonlyterror，notpain。

"YOU，WHODIEDTO—DAY，"shemurmured。

Shesawthehorizontalpolestoolate。Oneofthemhadrolledfromitsplaceandlayontheground，andshetrodonit，wasthrownforwardagainsttheheap，and，inherblindefforttorecoverherself，slippedandfellintoanarrow，grassedhollowbehindit，clutchingatthehedge。ThegreatFrenchdoctorhadnotbeenquiteright。Forthefirsttimeinherlifeshefeltherselfsinkingintobottomlessdarkness——whichwaswhathappenedtopeoplewhentheyfainted。

Whensheopenedhereyesshecouldseenothing，becauseononesideofherrosethelowmassofthehoppoles，andontheotherwasthelong—untrimmedhedge，whichhadthrownoutathick，shelteringgrowthandcurvedaboveherlikeapenthouse。Wassheawakening，afterall？No，becausethepainwasawakeningwithher，andshecouldhear，whatseemedatfirsttobequiteloudsounds。Shecouldnothavebeenunconsciouslong，forshealmostimmediatelyrecognisedthattheyweretheechoofaman’shurriedfoot—

stepsuponthebarewoodenstairway，leadingtothebedroomsintheemptyhouse。Havingsecuredthehorses，Nigelhadreturnedtothecottage，and，findinghergonehadrushedtotheupperfloorinsearchofher。Hewascallinghernameangrily，hisvoiceresoundingintheemptinessoftherooms。

"Betty；don’tplaythefoolwithme！"

Shecautiouslydrewherselffurtherundercover，makingsurethatnoendofherhabitremainedinsight。Theover—

growthofthehedgewashersalvation。Ifshehadseenthespotbydaylight，shewouldnothavethoughtitapossibleplaceofconcealment。

Onceshehadreadanaccountofawoman’sfranticflightfromamurdererwhowashuntinghertoherdeath，whilesheslippedfromonepoorhidingplacetoanother，sometimescrouchingbehindwallsorbushes，sometimeslyingflatinlonggrass，oncewadingwaist—deepthroughastream，andatlastfindingamiserablelittlefastness，whereshehidshiveringforhours，untilherenemygaveuphissearch。Oneneverfelttherealityofsuchhistories，buttherewasactuallyasortofparallelinthis。Madandcrudethingswereletloose，andtheworldofordinarylifeseemedthousandsofmilesaway。

Sheheldherbreath，forhewasleavingthehousebythefrontdoor。Sheheardhisfootstepsonthebrickedpath，andtheninthelane。Hewenttotheroad，andthesoundofhisfeetdiedawayforafewmoments。Thensheheardthemreturning——hewasbackinthelane——onthebrickpath，andstoodlisteningor，perhaps，reflecting。Hemutteredsomethingexclamatory，andsheheardamatchstruck，andshortlyafterwardshemovedacrossthegardenpatchtowardsthelittlespinney。Hehadthoughtofit，asshehadbelievedhewould。Hewouldnotthinkofthisplace，andintheendhemightgettiredorawakenedtoasenseofhisluridfolly，andrealisethatitwouldbesaferforhimtogobacktoStornhamwithsomecleverlie，trustingtohisbeliefthatthereexistednogirlbutwouldshrinkfromtellingsuchastoryinconnectionwithamanwhowouldbrazenlydenyitwithcontemptuousdramaticdetail。Ifhewouldbutdecideonthis，shewouldbesafe——anditwouldbesolikehimthatshedaredtohope。But，ifhedidnot，shewouldlieclose，evenifshemustwaituntilmorning，whensomelabourer’scartwouldsurelypass，andshewouldhearitjolting，anddragherselfout，andcallaloudinsuchawaythatnomancouldbedeaf。Therewasmoreroomunderherhedgethanshehadthought，andshefoundthatshecouldsitup，byclaspingherkneesandbendingherhead，whileshelistenedtoeverysound，eventotherustleofthegrassinthewindsweepingacrossthemarsh。

Shemovedverygraduallyandslowly，andhadjustsettledintouttermotionlessnesswhensherealisedthathewascomingbackthroughthegarden——thestragglingcurrantandgooseberrybusheswerebeingtrampledthrough。

"Betty，gohome，"Rosaliehadpleaded。"Gohome——gohome。"Andshehadrefused，becauseshecouldnotdeserther。

Sheheldherbreathandpressedherhandagainstherside，becauseherheartbeat，asitseemedtoher，withanactualsound。Hemovedwithunsteadystepsfromonepointtoanother，morethanoncehestumbled，andhisangryoathreachedher；atlasthewassonearherhidingplacethathisshorthardbreathingwasadistinctsound。Amomentlaterhespoke，raisin

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