第44章

"Don’tlisten——darling——darling！"Rosycriedoutinanguish。"Shutyourears——shutyourears！"Andshetriedtothrowherarmsaroundthehighblackhead，andstifleallsoundwithherembrace。

"Idon’twanttoshutthem，"wastheanswer。"Alltheunkindnessandmiseryareoverforhim，IoughttothankGod——

butIdon’t。Ishallhear——ORosy，listen！——Ishallhearthattotheendofmydays。"

Rosyheldhertight，androckedandsobbed。

"MyBetty，"shekeptsaying。"MyBetty，"andshecouldsaynomore。Whatmorewastheretosay？AtlastBettywithdrewherselffromherarms，andthenRosalienoticedforthefirsttimethatsheworethehabit。

"Dearest，"shewhispered，"whatareyougoingtodo？"

"Iwasgoingtoride，andIamgoingtodoitstill。I

mustdosomething。Ishallridealong，longway——andridehard。Youwon’ttrytokeepme，Rosy。Youwillunderstand。"

"Yes，"bitingherlip，andlookingatherwithlarge，awedeyes，asshepattedherarmwithahandthattrembled。"I

wouldnotholdyouback，Betty，fromanythingintheworldyouchosetodo。"

Andwithanotherlong，clingingclaspofher，shelethergo。

MasonwasstandingbyChildeHaroldwhenshewentdownthebroadsteps。Healsoworealookofrepressedemotion，andstoodwithbaredheadbent，hiseyesfixedonthegravelofthedrive，listeningtotheheavystrokesofthebellinthechurchtower，ratherasifheweretakingpartinsomesolemnceremony。

Hemountedhersilently，andafterhehadgivenherthebridle，lookedup，andspokeinasomewhathuskyvoice：

"Theorderwasthatyoudidnotwantme，miss？Wasthatcorrect？"

"Yes，Iwishtoridealone。"

"Yes，miss。Thankyou，miss。"

ChildeHaroldwasingoodspirits。Hehelduphishead，andblewthebreaththroughhisdelicate，dilated，rednostrilsashesetoutwithhisfavouritesidling，dancingsteps。Masonwatchedhimdowntheavenue，sawthelodgekeepercomeouttoopenthegate，andcurtsyasherladyship’ssisterpassedthroughit。Afterthathewentslowlybacktothestables，andsatintheharness—roomalongtime，staringatthefloor，asthebellstruckponderouslyonhisear。

ThewomanwhohadopenedthegateforherBettysawhadredeyes。Sheknewwhy。

"Ayearagotheyallthoughtofhimasanoutcast。Theywouldhavebelievedanyeviltheyhadheardconnectedwithhisname。Now，ineverycottage，thereisweeping——weeping。

Andheliesdeafanddumb，"washerthought。

Shedidnotwishtopassthroughthevillage，andturneddownasideroad，whichwouldleadhertowhereshecouldcrossthemarshes，andcomeuponlonelyplaces。Themorelonely，thebetter。Everyfewmomentsshecaughtherbreathwithahardshortgasp。Theslowrainfelluponher，biground，crystaldropshungonthehedgerows，anddrippeduponthegrassbanksbelowthem；thetrees，wreathedwithmist，werelikewaitingghostsasshepassedthemby；ChildeHarold’shoofupontheroad，madeahollow，lonelysound。

Athoughtbegantofillherbrain，andmakeinsistentpressureuponit。Shetriednomoretothrustthoughtaway。Thosewholaydeafanddumb，thoseforwhompeoplewept——whereweretheywhentheweepingseemedtosoundthroughalltheworld？Howfarhadtheygone？Wasitfar？Couldtheyhearandcouldtheysee？Ifonepleadwiththemaloud，couldtheydrawneartolisten？Didtheybeginalong，longjourneyassoonastheyhadslippedaway？The"wonderoftheworld，"shehadsaid，watchinglifeswellingandburstingtheseedsinKedgers’hothouses！Butthiswasagreaterwonderstill，becauseofitsawesomeness。Thismanhadbeen，andwhodaresayhewasnot——evennow？Thestrengthofhisgreatbody，thelookinhisred—browneyes，thesoundofhisdeepvoice，thestruggle，themeaningofhim，wherewerethey？

SheheardherselffollowedbythehollowechoofChildeHarold’shoofs，assherodepastcopseandhedge，andwetspreadingfields。Shewasthishourashehadbeenamonthago。

If，withsomestrangesuddenness，thiswhichwasBettyVanderpoel，slippedfromitsbody————Sheputherhanduptoherforehead。Itwasunthinkablethattherewouldbenomore。

Wherewashenow——wherewashenow？

Thiswasthethoughtthatfilledherbraincellstotheexclusionofallothers。Overtheroad，downthroughby—lanes，outonthemarshes。Wherewashe——wherewashe——WHERE？

ChildeHarold’shoofsbegantobeatitoutasarefrain。Sheheardnothingelse。Shedidnotknowwhereshewasgoinganddidnotaskherself。Shewentdownanyroadorlanewhichlookedemptyoflife，shetookstrangeturnings，withoutcaring；shedidnotknowhowfarshewasafield。

Wherewashenow——thishour——thismoment——wherewashenow？Didheknowtherain，thegreyness，thedesolationoftheworld？

Onceshestoppedherhorseonthelonelinessofthemarshland，andlookedupatthelowcloudsabouther，atthecreepingmist，thedankgrass。Itseemedaplaceinwhichanewly—

releasedsoulmightwanderbecauseitdidnotyetknowitsway。

"Ifyoushouldbenear，andcometome，youwillunderstand，"

herclearvoicesaidgravelybetweenthecaughtbreaths，"whatIgaveyouwasnothingtoyou——butyoutookitwithyou。Perhapsyouknowwithoutmytellingyou。Iwantyoutoknow。Whenamanisdead，everythingmeltsaway。

Ilovedyou。Iwishyouhadlovedme。"

CHAPTERXLVIII

THEMOMENT

Intheunnaturalunbearablenessofheranguish，shelostsightofobjectsasshepassedthem，shelostallmemoryofwhatshedid。Shedidnotknowhowlongshehadbeenout，orhowfarshehadridden。Whenthethoughtoftimeordistancevaguelyflittedacrosshermind，itseemedthatshehadbeenridingforhours，andmighthavecrossedonecountyandenteredanother。Shehadlongleftfamiliarplacesbehind。

Ridingthroughandinclosedbythemist，she，herself，mighthavebeenawanderingghost，lostinunknownplaces。Wherewashenow——wherewashenow？

Afterwardsshecouldnottellhoworwhenitwasthatshefoundherselfbecomingconsciousoftheevidencesthatherhorsehadbeenriddentoolongandhard，andthathewaswornoutwithfatigue。Shedidnotknowthatshehadriddenroundandroundoverthemarshes，andhadpassedseveraltimesthroughthesamelanes。ChildeHarold，thesureoffoot，actuallystumbled，outofsheerwearinessoflimb。

Perhapsitwasthiswhichbroughtherbacktoearth，andledhertolookaroundherwitheyeswhichsawmaterialobjectswithcomprehension。Shehadreachedthelonelyplaces，indeedandtheeveningwasdrawingon。Shewasattheedgeofthemarsh，andthelandaboutherwasstrangetoheranddesolate。

Atthesideofasteeplane，overgrownwithgrass，andseemingamerecart—path，stoodadeserted—looking，blackandwhite，timberedcottage，whichwashalfaruin。Closetoitwasadrippingspinney，itstreesformingadarklingbackgroundtothetumble—downhouse，whosethatchwasrottingintoholes，anditswallssaggingforwardperilously。Thebitofgardenaboutitwasneglectedanduntidy，hereandtherewindowswerebroken，andstuffedwithpiecesofraggedgarments。

Altogetherasinisterandrepellentplaceenough。

Shelookedatitwithheavyeyes。（Wherewashenow——

wherewashenow？——Thisrepeatingitselfinthefarchambersofherbrain。）Hersightseemeddimmed，notonlybythemist，butbyasinkingfaintnesswhichpossessedher。Shedidnotrememberhowlittlefoodshehadeatenduringmorethantwenty—fourhours。Herhabitwasheavywithmoisture，andclungtoherbody；shewasconsciousofahottremorpassingoverher，andsawthatherhandsshookastheyheldthebridleonwhichtheyhadlosttheirgrip。Shehadneverfaintedinherlife，andshewasnotgoingtofaintnow——womendidnotfaintinthesedays——butshemustreachthecottageanddismount，torestundershelterforashorttime。Nosmokewasrisingfromthechimney，butsurelysomeonewaslivingintheplace，andcouldtellherwhereshewas，andgiveheratleastwaterforherselfandherhorse。Poorbeast！howwickedlyshemusthavebeenridinghim，inherutterabsorptioninherthoughts。Hewaswet，notalonewithrain，butwithsweat。Hesnortedouthot，smokingbreaths。

Shespoketohim，andhemovedforwardathercommand。

Hewastremblingtoo。Notmorethantwohundredyards，andsheturnedhimintothelane。Butitwaswetandslippery，andstrewnwithstones

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