第58章

Kalinin’ssmallfacehadbecomepainfullycontracted，andgrownoldandhaggard-looking。Rollingoverontohisbreastbeforethelanguishingfire，hewavedahandtodissipatethesmokewhichwaslazilydriftingslant-wise。

“ForseventeendaysdidIremainstretchedonasick-bed，andwasattendedbythedoctorinperson。Oneday，whensittingbymyside，heinquired:

“’Ipresumeyourintentionwastopoisonyourself，youfoolishfellow？’

“Yes，merelyTHATwaswhathecalledme——a’foolishfellow。’Yetindeed，whatwasItohim？Onlyanentitywhichmightbecomefoodfordogs，forallhecared。NordidValentinaIgnatievnaherselfpaymeasinglevisit，andmyeyesneveragainbeheldher。BeforelongsheandDr。Kliachkaweredulymarried，anddepartedtoKharkov，wherehewasassignedapostintheTchuguerskiCamp。

ThusonlytheGeneralremained。Roughandready，hewas，nevertheless，oldandsensible，andforthatreason，didnotmatter；whereforeIretainedmysituationasbefore。Onmyrecovery，hesentforme，andsaidinatoneofreproof:

“’Lookhere。Youarenotwhollyanidiot。Whathashappenedisthatthosevilebooksofyourshavecorruptedyourmind’(asamatteroffact，Ihadneverreadabookinmylife，sinceforreadingIhavenoloveorinclination)。’Henceyoumusthaveseenforyourselfthatonlyintalesdoclownsmarryprincesses。Youknow，lifeislikeagameofchess。Everypiecehasitspropermoveontheboard，orthegamecouldnotbeplayedatall。’“

Kalininrubbedhishandsoverthefire(slender，non-workmanlikehandstheywere)，andwinkedandsmiled。

“ItooktheGeneral’swordsveryseriously，andproceededtoaskmyself:’Towhatdothosewordsamount？Tothis:thatthoughI

maynotcareactuallytotakepartinthegame，Ineednotwastemywholeexistencethroughadisinclinationtolearnthebestusetowhichthatexistencecanbeput。’

Withatriumphantupliftoftone，Kalinincontinued:

“So，brother，IsetmyselftoWATCHthegameinquestion；withtheresultthatsoonIdiscoveredthatthemajorityofmenlivesurroundedwithahostofsuperfluouscommoditieswhichdobutburdenthem，andhaveinthemselvesnorealvalue。WhatIrefertoisbooks，pictures，china，andrubbishofthesamesort。

ThoughtItomyself:’WhyshouldIdevotemylifetotendinganddustingsuchcommoditieswhilerisking，allthetime，theirbreakage？Nomoreofitforme！Wasitforthetendingofsucharticlesthatmymotherboremeamidtheagoniesofchildbirth？

IsitanexistenceofTHISkindthatmustbepasseduntilthetombbereached？No，no——athousandtimesno！RatherwillI，withyourgoodleave，rejectaltogetherthegameoflife，andsubsistasmaybebestforme，andasmayhappentobemypleasure。’“

Now，asKalininspoke，hiseyesemittedgreensparks，andashewavedhishandsoverthefire，asthoughtolopofftheredtonguesofflame，hisfingerstwistedconvulsively。

“Ofcourse，notallatastrokedidIarriveatthisconclusion；

Ididsobutgradually。ThepersonwhofinallyconfirmedmeinmyopinionwasafriarofBaku，asageofpre-eminentwisdom，throughhissayingtome:’Withnothingatalloughtamantofetterhissoul。Neitherwithbond-service，norwithproperty，norwithwomankind，norwithanyotherconcessiontothetemptationsofthisworldoughthetoconstrai

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