第7章

OnthesamefloorMargarethada"den，"averyneatandprettydenwithgoodcolour-printsofBotticellisandCarpaccios，andtherewasathirdapartmentforsectarialpurposesshouldthenecessityforthemarise，withasevere-lookingdeskequippedwithpatentfiles。

AndMargaretwouldcomeflittingintotheroomtome，orappearnoiselesslystanding，atallgracefullydroopingform，inthewideopendoorway。"Iseverythingright，dear？"shewouldask。

"Comein，"Iwouldsay，"I\'msortingoutpapers。"

Shewouldcometothehearthrug。

"Imustn\'tdisturbyou，"shewouldremark。

"I\'mnotbusyyet。"

"Thingsaregettingintoorder。Thenwemustmakeoutatime-tableastheBaileysdo，andBEGIN！"

Altioracameintoseeusonceortwice，andanumberofseriousyoungwivesknowntoAltioracalledandwereshownoverthehouse，anddiscusseditsarrangementswithMargaret。Theywerealltremendouslykeenonefficientarrangements。

"Alittlepretty，"saidAltiora，withthefaintestdisapproval，"still——"

Itwasclearshethoughtweshouldgrowoutofthat。Fromthedayofourreturnwefoundotherpeople\'shousesopentousandeagerforus。WewentoutofLondonforweek-endsanddinedout，andbegandiscussingourprojectsforreciprocatingthesehospitalities。

Asasinglemanunattached，Ihadhadawideandmiscellaneoussocialrange，butnowIfoundmyselffallingintoplaceinaset。

ForatimeIacquiescedinthis。Iwentverylittletomyclubs，theClimaxandtheNationalLiberal，andparticipatedinnobachelordinnersatall。Foratime，too，IdroppedoutofthegarrulousliteraryandjournalisticcirclesIhadfrequented。IputupfortheReform，notsomuchfortheuseoftheclubasasignofseriousandsubstantialpoliticalstanding。Ididn\'tgouptoCambridge，I

remember，fornearlyayear，sooccupiedwasIwithmynewadjustments。

Thepeoplewefoundourselvesamongatthistimewerepeople，toputitroughly，oftheParliamentarycandidateclass，orpeoplealreadyactuallyplacedinthepoliticalworld。Theyrangedbetweenveryconsiderablewealthandsuchahard，bareindependenceasoldWillersleyandthesisterwhokepthouseforhimpossessed。Therewerequiteanumberofyoungcoupleslikeourselves，alittleyoungerandmoreartless，oralittleolderandmoreestablished。

AmongtheyoungermenIhadasortofdistinctionbecauseofmyCambridgereputationandmywriting，andbecause，unlikethem，Iwasanadventurerandhadwonandmarriedmywayintotheircirclesinsteadofbeingnaturallythere。Theycouldn\'tquitereckonuponwhatIshoulddo；theyfeltIhadreservesofexperienceandincalculabletraditions。ClosetousweretheCramptons，WillieCrampton，whohassincebeenPostmaster-General，richandveryimportantinRockshire，andhisyoungerbrotherEdward，whohasspecialisedinhistoryandbecomeoneofthoseunimaginativemenofletterswhoarethegloryoflatter-dayEngland。ThentherewasLewis，furthertowardsKensington，wherehiscousinstheSolomonsandtheHartsteinslived，abrilliantrepresentativeofhisrace，able，industriousandinvariablyuninspired，withawifealittleinrevoltagainsttheracialtraditionoffeminineservitudeandinclinedtothesuffragettepointofview，andBuntingHarblow，anoldblue，andwithanerraticdispositionwellunderthecontroloftheablelittlecousinhehadmarried。Ihadknownallthesemen，butnow(withAltiorafloatingangelicallyinbenediction)theyopenedtheirheartstomeandtookmeintotheirorder。Theywerealllikemyself，prospectiveLiberalcandidates，withafeelingthattheperiodofwanderinginthewildernessofoppositionwasdrawingnearitsclose。Theywerealltremendouslykeenuponsocialandpoliticalservice，andallgreatlyundertheswayoftheidealofasimple，strenuouslife，alifefindingitssatisfactionsinpoliticalachievementsanddistinctions。Theyoungwiveswereaskeenaboutitastheyounghusbands，Margaretmostofall，andI——

whateverelementsinmedidn\'tmarchwiththeattitudesandhabitsofthissetwereverymuchinthebackgroundduringthattime。

Wewouldgivelittledinnersandhaveeveninggatheringsatwhicheverythingwasverysimpleandverygood，withaslightbutperceptibleausterity，andtherewasmoregoodfruitandflowersandlessperhapsinthewayofsavouries，pattiesandentreesthanwascustomary。Sherrywebanished，andMarsalaandliqueurs，andtherewasalwaysgoodhome-madelemonadeavailable。Nomenwaited，butveryexpertparlourmaids。OurmeatwasusuallyWelshmutton——I

don\'tknowwhy，unlessthatmountainshaveeverbeenthelastrefugeoftheseverervirtues。AndwetalkedpoliticsandbooksandideasandBernardShaw(whowasadepartmentbyhimselfandsupposedinthosedaystobeethicallysoundatbottom)，andmingledwiththeintellectuals——Imyselfwas，asitwere，apromotedintellectual。

TheCramptonshadatendencytoreadgoodthingsaloudontheirlessfrequentedreceptions，butIhaveneverbeenabletoparticipatesubmissivelyinthishyper-digestionofwrittenmatter，andgenerallymanagedtoprovokeadisruptivedebate。Wewereallveryearnesttomakethemostofourselvesandtobeanddo，andIwonderstillattimes，withanunassuagedperplexity，howitisthatinthatphaseofutmostearnestnessIhavealwaysseemedtomyselftobemostremotefromreality。

2

Ilookbacknowacrossthedetachinginterventionofsixteencrowdedyears，criticallyandIfancyalmostimpartially，tothosebeginningsofmymarriedlife。Itrytorecallsomethingneartotheirproperorderthedevelopingphasesofrelationship。Iamstruckmostofallbytheimmenseunpremeditated，generous-spiritedinsinceritiesuponwhichMargaretandIwerebuilding。

ItseemstomethathereIhavetotellperhapsthecommonestexperienceofallamongmarriededucatedpeople，thedeliberate，shy，complexefforttofilltheyawninggapsintemperamentastheyappear，thesustained，failingattempttobridgeabysses，levelbarriers，evadeviolentpressures。Ihavecometheselatteryearsofmylifetobelievethatitispossibleforamanandwomantobeabsolutelyrealwithoneanother，tostandnakedsouledtoeachother，unashamedandunafraid，becauseofthenaturalall-glorifyinglovebetweenthem。Itispossibletoloveandbeloveduntroubling，asabirdfliesthroughtheair。Butitisarareandintricatechancethatbringstwopeoplewithinsightofthatessentialunion，andforthemajoritymarriagemustadjustitselfonotherterms。

Mostcoupledpeopleneverreallylookatoneanother。Theylookalittleawaytopreconceivedideas。Andeachfromthefirstdaysoflove-makingHIDESfromtheother，isafraidofdisappointing，afraidofoffending，afraidofdiscoveriesineithersense。Theybuildnotsolidlyupontherockoftruth，butuponarchesandpillarsandqueerprovisionalsupportsthatareneededtomakeacommonfoundation，andbelowintheimprisoneddarknesses，belowthefinefabrictheysustaintogetherbeginsforeachofthemacavernoushiddenlife。Downtherethingsmaybeprowlingthatscarceeverpeepouttoconsciousnessexceptinthegreyhalf-lightofsleeplessnights，passionsthatflashoutforaninstantinanangryglanceandareseennomore，starvedvictimsandbeautifuldreamsbrickeduptodie。Forthemostofusthereisnojaildeliveryofthoseinnerdepths，andthelifeabovegoesontoitshonourableend。

IhavetoldhowIlovedMargaretandhowIcametomarryher。

PerhapsalreadyunintentionallyIhaveindicatedthequalityoftheinjusticeourmarriagedidusboth。Therewasnokindredbetweenusandnounderstanding。Weweredrawntooneanotherbytheunlikenessofourquality，bythethingswemisunderstoodineachother。Iknowascoreofcoupleswhohavemarriedinthatfashion。

Modernconditionsandmodernideas，andinparticulartheintenserandsubtlerperceptionsofmodernlife，pressmoreandmoreheavilyuponamarriagetiewhosefashioncomesfromanearlierandlessdiscriminatingtime。Whenthewifewasherhusband\'ssubordinate，meetinghimsimplyanduncriticallyforsimpleends，whenmarriagewasapurelydomesticrelationship，leavingthoughtandthevividthingsoflifealmostentirelytotheunencumberedman，mentalandtemperamentalincompatibilitiesmatteredcomparativelylittle。Butnowthewife，andparticularlythelovingchildlesswife，unpremeditatedlymakesarelentlessdemandforacompleteassociation，andthehusbandexactsunthoughtofdelicaciesofunderstandingandco-operation。Thesearestupendousdemands。

Peoplenotonlythinkmorefullyandelaboratelyaboutlifethantheyeverdidbefore，butmarriageobligesustomakethatevermoreaccidentedprogressathree-leggedraceofcarelesslyassortedcouples……

Ourverymentaltexturewasdifferent。Iwasrough-minded，tousethephraseofWilliamJames，primaryandintuitiveandillogical；

shewastender-minded，logical，refinedandsecondary。Shewasloyaltopledgeandpersons，sentimentalandfaithful；Iamloyaltoideasandinstincts，emotionalandscheming。Myimaginationmovesinbroadgestures；her\'swasdelicatewitharealdreadofextravagance。Myqualityissensuousandruledbywarmimpulses；

herswasdiscriminatingandessentiallyinhibitory。Ilikethefactsofthecaseandtomentioneverything；Ilikenakedbodiesandthejollysmellsofthings。Sheaboundedinreservations，incircumlocutionsandevasions，inkeenlyappreciatedsecondarypoints。PerhapsthereaderknowsthatTintorettointheNationalGallery，theOriginoftheMilkyWay。Itisanadmirabletestoftempera-mentalquality。InspiteofmyearlytrainingIhavecometoregardthatpictureasaltogetherdelightful；toMargaretithasalwaysbeen"needlesslyoffensive。"Inthatyouhaveourfundamentalbreach。Shehadahabit，bynomeansrare，ofdamningwhatshedidnotlikeorfindsympatheticinmeonthescorethatitwasnotmy"trueself，"andshedidnotsomuchaccepttheuniverseasselectfromitanddoherbesttoignoretherest。AndalsoI

hadfarmoreinitiativethanhadshe。Thisisnocatalogueofrightsandwrongs，orsuperioritiesandinferiorities；itisacatalogueofdifferencesbetweentwopeoplelinkedinarelationshipthatconstantlybecomesmoreintolerantofdifferences。

Thisishowwestoodtoeachother，andnoneofitwascleartoeitherofusattheoutset。Tobeginwith，Ifoundmyselfreservingmyselffromher，thenslowlyapprehendingajarringbetweenourmindsandwhatseemedtomeatfirstaqueerlittlehabitofmisunderstandinginher……

Itdidnothindermybeingveryfondofher……

Whereoursystemofreservationbecameatoncemostusualandmostastoundingwasinourpersonalrelations。Itisnottoomuchtosaythatinthatregardweneverforamomentachievedsinceritywithoneanotherduringthefirstsixyearsofourlifetogether。Itgoesevendeeperthanthat，forinmyefforttorealisetheidealofmymarriageIceasedeventoattempttobesincerewithmyself。I

wouldnotadmitmyownperceptionsandinterpretations。Itriedtofitmyselftoherthinnerandfinerdeterminations。TherearepeoplewhowillsaywithanoteofapprovalthatIwaslearningtoconquermyself。Irecordthatmuchwithoutanynoteofapproval……

ForsomeyearsIneverdeceivedMargaretaboutanyconcretefactnor，exceptforthesilenceaboutmyearlierlifethatshehadalmostforceduponme，didIhideanyconcretefactthatseemedtoaffecther，butfromtheoutsetIwasguiltyofimmensespiritualconcealments，myverymarriagewasbased，Iseenow，onaspiritualsubterfuge；Ihidmoodsfromher，pretendedfeelings……

3

Theinterestandexcitementofsetting-upahouse，ofwalkingaboutitfromroomtoroomandfromfloortofloor，orsittingatone\'sowndinnertableandwatchingone\'swifecontrolconversationwithapretty，timidresolution，oftakingaplaceamongthesecureandfreepeopleofourworld，passedalmostinsensiblyintotheinterestandexcitementofmyParliamentarycandidaturefortheKinghamsteadDivision，thatshapelesschunkofagriculturalmidlandbetweentheGreatWesternandtheNorthWesternrailways。Iwasgoingto"takehold"atlast，theKinghamsteadDivisionwasmyappointedhandle。I

wastofindmyplaceintheratherindistinctlysketchedconstructionsthatwereimplicitinthemindsofallourcircle。

ThepreciseplaceIhadtofillandtheprecisefunctionsIhadtodischargewerenotasyetveryclear，butallthat，wefeltsure，wouldbecomeplainasthingsdeveloped。

Afewbriefmonthsofvagueactivitiesof"nursing"gaveplacetotheexcitementsofthecontestthatfollowedthereturnofMr。

Camphell-Bannermantopowerin1905。SofarastheKinghamsteadDivisionwasconcerneditwasadepressedandtepidbattle。Iwentabouttheconstituencymakingthreespeechesthatweresoonthreadbare，andanoddlittlecollectionofpeopleworkedforme；

twosolicitors，acheapphotographer，ademocraticparson，anumberofdissentingministers，theMayorofKinghamstead，aMrs。Bulger，thewidowofanoldChartistwhohadgrownrichthroughelectrictractionpatents，SirRoderickNewton，aJewwhohadboughtCalershamCastle，andoldSirGrahamRivers，thatsturdyoldsoldier，wereamongmychiefsupporters。Wehadheadquartersineachtownandvillage，mostlytherewereemptyshopsweleasedtemporarily，andthereatleastasortoffussandacomingandgoingweremaintained。Therestofthepopulationstaredinastateofsuspendedjudgmentaswewentaboutthebusiness。Thecountrywassupposedtobeinastateofintellectualconflictanddeliberatedecision，inhistoryitwillnodoubtfigureasamomentousconflict。Yetexceptforanoccasionalflareofbill-

stickingorabillinawindoworaplacard-plasteredmotor-caroranargumentativegroupofpeopleoutsideapublic-houseorasluggishmovementtowardstheschoolroomorvillagehall，therewasscarcelyasignthatagreatempirewasrevisingitsdestinies。Nowandthenonesawacanvasseronadoorstep。Forthemostpartpeoplewentabouttheirbusinesswithanentirelyirresponsibleconfidenceinthestabilityoftheuniverse。Attimesonefeltalittleabsurdwithone\'sflutterofcoloursandone\'sairofsavingthecountry。

MyopponentwasaquiteundistinguishedMajor-GeneralwhorelieduponhisadvocacyofProtection，andwasparticularlyanxiousweshouldavoid"personalities"andfighttheconstituencyinagentlemanlyspirit。Hewasalwayswritingmenotes，apologisingforexcessesonthepartofhissupporters，orpointingouttheundesirabilityofsomecoursetakenbymine。

Myspeecheshadbeenplanneduponbroadlines，buttheylosttouchwiththeseasthepollingapproached。TobeginwithImadearealattempttoputwhatwasinmymindbeforethepeopleIwastosupplywithapoliticalvoice。Ispokeofthegreatnessofourempireanditsdestinies，ofthesplendidprojectsandpossibilitiesoflifeandorderthatlaybeforetheworld，ofallthataresoluteandconstructiveeffortmightdoatthepresenttime。"Wearebuildingastate，"Isaid，"secureandsplendid，weareinthedawnofthegreatageofmankind。"Sometimesthatwouldgetasolitary"\'Ear！

\'ear！"Thenhavingcreated，asIimagined，afineatmosphere，I

turneduponthehistoryofthelastConservativeadministrationandbroughtitintocontrastwiththewideoccasionsoftheage；

discusseditsfailuretocontrolthegraspingfinanciersinSouthAfrica，itsfailuretoreleasepubliceducationfromsectariansquabbles，itsmisconductoftheBoerWar，itswasteoftheworld\'sresources……

Itsoonbecamemanifestthatmyopeningandmygeneralspaciousnessofmethodboredmyaudiencesagooddeal。Thericherandwidermyphrasesthethinnersoundedmyvoiceinthesenon-resonatinggatherings。Eventheplatformsupportersgrewrestiveunconsciously，andstirredandcoughed。Theydidnotrecognisethemselvesasmankind。Buildinganempire，preparingafreshstageinthehistoryofhumanity，hadnoappealforthem。Theyweremostlyeveryday，toilingpeople，fullofsmallpersonalsolicitudes，andtheycametomymeetings，Ithink，verylargelyasarelaxation。

Thisstuffwasnotrelaxing。Theydidnotthinkpoliticswasagreatconstructiveprocess，theythoughtitwasakindofdog-fight。

Theywantedfun，theywantedspice，theywantedhits，theywantedalsoachancetosay"\'Ear\'，\'ear！"inanintelligentandhonourablemannerandclaptheirhandsanddrumwiththeirfeet。Thegreatconstructiveprocessinhistorygivessolittlescopeforclappinganddrummingandsaying"\'Ear，\'ear！"Onemightaswellthinkofhoundingonthesolarsystem。

Soafteroneortwoattemptstoliftmyaudiencestotheleveloftheissuesinvolved，Ibegantoadaptmyselftothem。Icutdownmyreviewofourimperialoutlookanddestiniesmoreandmore，anddevelopedaseriesofhitsandanecdotesand——whatshallIcallthem？——"crudifications"oftheissue。Myhelper\'scongratulatedmeontherapidimprovementofmyplatformstyle。IceasedtospeakofthelatePrimeMinisterwiththerespectIborehim，andbegantofallinwiththepopularcaricatureofhimasanartfulrabbit-

wittedpersonintentonlyonkeepinghisleadership，inspiteofthevigorousattemptsofMr。JosephChamberlaintoousthimtherefrom。

IceasedtoqualifymystatementthatProtectionwouldmakefooddearerfortheagriculturallabourer。IbegantospeakofMr。

AlfredLytteltonasaninfluenceatonceinsaneanddiabolical，asamaninspiredbyapassionatedesiretosubstitutemanacledbutstillcriminalChineseforhonestBritishlabourersthroughouttheworld。

Andwhenitcametothementionofourownkindlyleader，ofMr。

JohnBurnsoranyoneelseofanyprominenceatallonoursideI

fellmoreandmoreintotheintonationofonewhomentionsthehighgods。AndIhadmyrewardinbrightermeetingsandreadierandreadierapplause。

Onegoesonfromphasetophaseinthesethings。

"Afterall，"Itoldmyself，"ifonewantstogettoWestminsteronemustfollowtheroadthatleadsthere，"butIfoundtheroadneverthelessratherunexpectedlydistasteful。"Whenonegetsthere，"Isaid，"thenitisonebegins。"

ButIwouldlieawakeatnightswiththatsorethroatandheadacheandfatiguewhichcomefromspeakinginill-ventilatedrooms，andwonderinghowfaritwaspossibletoeducateawholepeopletogreatpoliticalideals。Whyshouldpoliticalworkalwaysrotdowntopersonalitiesandpersonalappealsinthisway？Lifeis，Isuppose，tobeginwithandendwithamatterofpersonalities，frompersonalitiesallourbroaderinterestsariseandtopersonalitiestheyreturn。Alloursocialandpoliticaleffort，allofit，isliketryingtomakeacrowdofpeoplefallintoformation。Thebroaderlinesappear，butthencomearushandexcitementandirrelevancy，andforthwiththeincipientorderhasvanishedandthemarshalsmustbegintheworkoveragain！

Mymemoryofallthattimeisessentiallyconfusion。Therewasafrightfullotoftiresomelocomotioninit；fortheKinghamsteadDivisionisextensive，aboundinginill-gradedandbadlymetalledcross-roadsandviciouslittlehills，andsingularlyunpleasingtotheeyeinamuddywinter。ItissufficientlyneartoLondontohaveundergonethesameprocessofill-regulatedexpansionthatmadeBromsteadtheplaceitis。Severalofitsovergrownvillageshavedevelopedstringsoffactoriesandsidingsalongtherailwaylines，andthereisanabundanceofpettyvillas。Thereseemedtobenoplaceatwhichonecouldtakeholdofmorethanthisorthatelementofthepopulation。Nowwemetinameeting-house，nowinaMasonicHallorDrillHall；Ialsodidacertainamountofopen-airspeakinginthedinnerhouroutsidegas-worksandgroupsoffactories。Somespecialsortofpeoplewas，asitwere，secretedinresponsetoeachspecialappeal。Onesaidthingscarefullyadjustedtothedistinctivelimitationsofeachgathering。Jokesofanincrediblesillinessandshallownessdriftedaboutus。Ouradvisersmadeusdeclarethatifwewereelectedwewouldliveinthedistrict，andonehastyagenthadbillsprinted，"IfMr。Remingtoniselectedhewilllivehere。"Theenemyobtainedanumberofthesebillsandstuckthemonouthouses，pigstyes，dog-kennels；youcannotimaginehowirksometherepetitionofthatjestbecame。Thevastdriftingindifferenceinbetweenmymeetingsimpressedmemoreandmore。I

realisedthevaguenessofmyownplansasIhadneverdonebeforeI

broughtthemtothetestofthisexperience。IwasperplexedbytheriddleofjusthowfarIwas，inanysenseoftheword，takingholdatall，howfarIwasn\'tmyselfflowingintoanacceptedgroove。

Margaretwastroubledbynosuchdoubts。ShewasclearIhadtogointoParliamentonthesideofLiberalismandthelight，asagainstthelateGovernmentanddarkness。Essentialtothememoryofmyfirstcontest，isthememoryofherclearbrightface，veryresoluteandgrave，helpingmeconsciously，steadfastly，withallherstrength。Herquietconfidence，whileIwassodissatisfied，workedcuriouslytowardsthealienationofmysympathies。Ifeltshehadnobusinesstobesosureofme。IhadmomentsofvividresentmentatbeingthusmarchedtowardsParliament。

Iseemednowalwaystobediscoveringalienforcesofcharacterinher。Herwayoftakinglifedivergedfrommemoreandmore。Shesoundedamazing，independentnotes。Sheboughtsomeparticularlycostlyfursforthecampaignthatrousedenthusiasmwheneversheappeared。ShealsomademeabirthdaypresentinNovemberofaheavilyfur-trimmedcoatandthisshewouldmakemeremoveasIwentontotheplatform，andholdoverherarmuntilIwasreadytoresumeit。Itwasfearfullyheavyforherandshelikedittobeheavyforher。Thatactofservitudewasinessenceatoweringself-assertion。Iwouldglancesidewayswhilesomechairmanflounderedthroughhisintroductionandseetheclearblueeyewithwhichsheregardedtheaudience，whichexistedsofarasshewasconcernedmerelytoreturnmetoParliament。Itwasafriendlyeye，providedtheywerenotsillyortroublesome。Butitkindledalittleatthehintofahostilequestion。Afterwehadcomesofarandtakensomuchtrouble！

Sheconstitutedherselfthedragomanofourpoliticaltravels。Inhotelsshewasserenelyresoluteforthequietestandthebest，sherejectedalltheirproposalsformealsandsubstitutedaseverelynourishingdietaryofherown，andeveninprivatehousessheastonishedmebyhertranquilinsistenceuponspecialcomfortsandsustenance。Icanseeherfacenowasitwouldconfrontahostess，alittleintent，butsweetlyresoluteandassured。

Sinceourmarriageshehadreadanumberofpoliticalmemoirs，andshehadbeenparticularlyimpressedbythecareerofMrs。Gladstone。

Idon\'tthinkitoccurredtohertocompareandcontrastmyqualitywiththatofMrs。Gladstone\'shusband。Isuspectherofadeliberateintentionofachievingparallelresultsbyparallelmethods。IwastobeGladstonised。Gladstoneitappearedusedtolubricatehisspeecheswithamixture——ifmymemoryservesmeright——

ofeggbeatenupinsherry，andMargaretwasveryanxiousIshouldtakealeaffromthatcelebratedbook。Shewanted，Iknow，toholdtheglassinherhandwhileIwasspeaking。

ButhereIwasfirm。"No，"Isaid，verydecisively，"simplyIwon\'tstandthat。It\'samatterofconscience。Ishouldn\'tfeel——

democratic。I\'lltakemychanceofthecommonwaterinthecarafeonthechairman\'stable。"

"IDOwishyouwouldn\'t，"shesaid，distressed。

Itwasabsurdtofeelirritated；itwassoadmirableofher，alittlechildish，infinitelywomanlyanddevotedandfine——andIseenowhowpathetic。ButIcouldnotaffordtosuccumbtoher。I

wantedtofollowmyownleading，toseethingsclearly，andthisreassuringposeofahighdestiny，ofanalmostterriblyefficientpursuitofafixedendwhenasamatteroffactIhadaverydoubtfulendandanaimasyetbynomeansfixed，wasalltooseductivefordalliance……

4

AndintoallthesethingswiththemannerofatriflingandcasualincidentcomesthefigureofIsabelRivers。Myfirstimpressionsofherwereofaratheruglyandungainly，extraordinarilyinterestingschoolgirlwithabeautifulquickflushunderherwarmbrownskin，whosaidanddidamusingandsurprisingthings。WhenfirstIsawhershewasridingaveryoldbicycledownhillwithherfeetontheforkoftheframe——itseemedtometothepublicdanger，butafterwardsIcametounderstandthequalityofhernervebetter——andonthethirdoccasionshewasforherownprivatesatisfactionclimbingatree。OntheinterveningoccasionwehadwhatseemsnowtohavebeenalongsustainedconversationaboutthepoliticalsituationandthebooksandpapersIhadwritten。

Iwonderifitwas。

Whatadelightfulmixtureofchildandgravewomanshewasatthattime，andhowlittleIreckonedonthepartshewouldplayinmylife！Andsinceshehasplayedthatpart，howimpossibleitistotellnowofthoseearlydays！SinceIwrotethatopeningparagraphtothissectionmyidlepenhasbeen，asitwere，playingbyitselfandsketchingfacesontheblottingpad——oneimpishwizenedvisageisoddlylikelittleBailey——andIhavebeenthinkingcheekonfistamidstalimitlesswealthofmemories。Shesitsbelowmeonthelowwallundertheolivetreeswithourlittlechildinherarms。Sheisnowthecentralfactinmylife。Itstillseemsalittleincrediblethatthatshouldbeso。Shehasdestroyedmeasapolitician，broughtmetothisbelatedrebeginningoflife。WhenI

sitdownandtrytomakeheragirlagain，IfeelliketheArabianfishermanwhotriedtoputthegeniusbackintothepotfromwhichithadspreadgiganticacrosstheskies……

Ihaveaveryclearvisionofherrushdownhillpastourlabouringascendantcar——mycoloursflutteredfromhandle-barandshoulder-

knot——andherwavinghandandthesharpnoteofhervoice。Shecriedoutsomething，Idon\'tknowwhat，somegreeting。

"Whataprettygirl！"saidMargaret。

Parvill，thecheapphotographer，thatindustriousorganiserforwhombywayofrepaymentIgotthosemagicletters，thatknighthoodoftheunderlings，"J。P。"wasinthecarwithusandexplainedhertous。"Oneofthebestworkersyouhave，"hesaid……

Andthenafteratoilsometroubledmorningwecame，rathercrossfromthestrainofsustainedamiability，toSirGrahamRivers\'

house。Itseemedallsoftnessandquiet——Irecalldeadwhitepanellingandovalmirrorshorizontallysetandamarblefireplacebetweenwhitemarble-blindHomerandmarble-blindVirgil，verygraveandfine——andhowIsabelcameintolunchinashapelessthinglikeabluesmockthatmadeherbrightquick-changingfaceseemyellowunderhercloudofblackhair。Herstep-sisterwasthere，MissGamer，towhomthehousewastodescend，awell-dressedladyofthirty，amiablydisavowingresponsibilityforIsabelineveryphraseandgesture。Andtherewasaverypleasantdoctor，anOxfordman，whoseemedonexcellenttermswitheveryone。Itwasmanifestthathewasinthehabitofsparringwiththegirl，butonthisoccasionshewasn\'tsparringandrefusedtobeteasedintoadisplayinspiteofthetauntsofeitherhimorherfather。Shewas，theydiscoveredwithrisingeyebrows，shy。Itseemedanopportunitytoorareforthemtomiss。Theyproclaimedherenthusiasmformeinawaythatbroughtaflushtohercheekandalookintohereyebetweenappealanddefiance。Theydeclaredshehadreadmybooks，whichIthoughtatthetimewasexaggeration，theirdrypoliticalqualitywassodistinctlynotwhatonewasaccustomedtoregardasschoolgirlreading。MissGamerprotestedtoprotecther，"WhenonceinabluemoonIsabeliswell-behaved……！"

ExceptfortheseattacksIdonotremembermuchoftheconversationattable；itwas，Iknow，discursiveandconcernedwiththesortoftopographicalandsocialandelectioneeringfactnaturaltosuchavisit。OldRiversstruckmeasadelightfulperson，modestlyunconsciousofhisdoubly-earnedV。C。andthepluckydefenceofKardin-Bergatthatwonhisbaronetcy。Hewasthatexcellenttype，thesoldierradical，andwebeganthatdayafriendshipthatwasonlyendedbyhisdeathinthehunting-fieldthreeyearslater。HeinterestedMargaretintoadisregardofmyplateandthefactthatI

hadsecuredtheillegalindulgenceofMoselle。Afterlunchwewentforcoffeeintoanotherlowroom，thistimebrownpanelledandlookingthroughFrenchwindowsonared-walledgarden，gracefuleveninitswinterdesolation。Andtheretheconversationsuddenlypickedupandbecamegood。Ithadfallentoapause，andthedoctor，withanairofdefinitelythrowingoffamaskandwreckinganestablishedtranquillity，remarked："VeryprobablyyouLiberalswillcomein，thoughI\'mnotsureyou\'llcomeinsomightilyasyouthink，butwhatyoudowhenyoudocomeinpassesmycomprehension。"

"There\'sgoodworksometimes，"saidSirGraham，"inundoing。"

"Youcan\'tgovernagreatempirebyamendingandrepealingtheActsofyourpredecessors，"saidthedoctor。

Therecamethatkindofpausethathappenswhenasubjectisbroachedtoobiganddifficultforthegathering。Margaret\'sblueeyesregardedthespeakerwithquietdisapprovalforamoment，andthencametomeinthenottooconfidenthopethatIwouldsnubhimoutofexistencewithsomepromptrhetoricalstroke。Avoicespokeoutofthebigarm-chair。

"We\'lldothings，"saidIsabel。

Thedoctor\'seyelitwiththejoyofthefishermanwhostrikeshisfishatlast。"Whatwillyoudo？"heaskedher。

"Everyoneknowswe\'reamixedlot，"saidIsabel。

"Pooroldchapslikeme！"interjectedthegeneral。

"Butthat\'snotaprogramme，"saidthedoctor。

"ButMr。Remingtonhaspublishedaprogramme，"saidIsabel。

Thedoctorcockedhalfaneyeatme。

"Insomereview，"thegirlwenton。"Afterall，we\'renotgoingtoelectthewholeLiberalpartyintheKinghamsteadDivision。I\'maRemington-ite！"

"Buttheprogramme，"saidthedoctor，"theprogramme——"

"InfrontofMr。Remington！"

"Scandalalwayscomeshomeatlast，"saidthedoctor。"Lethimheartheworst。"

"I\'dliketohear，"Isaid。"Electioneeringshattersconvictionsandenfeeblesthemind。"

"Notmine，"saidIsabelstoutly。"Imean——Well，anyhowItakeitMr。Remingtonstandsforconstructingacivilisedstateoutofthismuddle。"

"THISmuddle，"protestedthedoctorwithanappealoftheeyetothebeautifullongroomandtheorderedgardenoutsidethebrightcleanwindows。

"Well，THATmuddle，ifyoulike！There\'saslumwithinamileofusalready。Thedustandblacksgetworseandworse，Sissie？"

"Theydo，"agreedMissGamer。

"Mr。Remingtonstandsforconstruction，order，education，discipline。"

"Andyou？"saidthedoctor。

"I\'magoodRemington-ite。"

"Discipline！"saidthedoctor。

"Oh！"saidIsabel。"Attimesonehastobe——Napoleonic。Theywanttolibelme，Mr。Remington。Apoliticalworkercan\'talwaysbeintimeformeals，canshe？Attimesonehastomake——splendidcuts。"

MissGamersaidsomethingindistinctly。

"Order，education，discipline，"saidSirGraham。"Excellentthings！

ButI\'veasortofmemory——inmyyoungdays——wetalkedaboutsomethingcalledliberty。"

"Libertyunderthelaw，"Isaid，withanunexpectedapprovingmurmurfromMargaret，andtookupthedefence。"TheoldLiberaldefinitionoflibertywasatrifleuncritical。Privilegeandlegalrestrictionsarenottheonlyenemiesofliberty。Anuneducated，underbred，andunderfedpropertylessmanisamanwhohaslostthepossibilityofliberty。There\'snolibertywortharapforhim。A

manwhoisswimminghopelesslyforlifewantsnothingbutthelibertytogetoutofthewater；he\'llgiveeveryotherlibertyforit——untilhegetsout。"

SirGrahamtookmeupandwefellintoadiscussionofthechangingqualitiesofLiberalism。Itwasagoodgive-and-taketalk，extraordinarilyrefreshingafterthenonsenseandcrowdingsecondaryissuesoftheelectioneeringoutside。WeallcontributedmoreorlessexceptMissGamer；Margaretfollowedwithknittedbrowsandoccasionalinterjections。"Peoplewon\'tSEEthat，"forexample，and"Itallseemssoplaintome。"Thedoctorshowedhimselfcleverbutunsubstantialandinconsistent。Isabelsatbackwithherblackmopofhairburieddeepinthechairlookingquicklyfromfacetoface。

Hercolourcameandwentwithhervividintellectualexcitement；

occasionallyshewoulddartaword，usuallyaveryaptword，likealizard\'stongueintothediscussion。IrememberchieflythatachanceillustrationbetrayedthatshehadreadBishopBurnet……

AfterthatitwasnotsurprisingthatIsabelshouldaskforaliftinourcarasfarastheLurkyCommitteeRoom，andthatsheshouldoffermequitesoundadviceENROUTEupontheintellectualtemperamentoftheLurkygasworkers。

OnthethirdoccasionthatIsawIsabelshewas，asIhavesaid，climbingatree——andaverycreditabletree——forherownprivatesatisfaction。Itwasalapsefromthehighseriousnessofpolitics，andIperceivedshefeltthatImightregarditassuchandattachtoomuchimportancetoit。Ihadsomedifficultyinreassuringher。

Andit\'soddtonotenow——ithasneveroccurredtomebefore——thatfromthatdaytothisIdonotthinkIhaveeverremindedIsabelofthatencounter。

Andafterthatmemorysheseemstobeflickeringaboutalwaysintheelection，aninextinguishableflame；nowsheflewbyonherbicycle，nowshedashedintocommitteerooms，nowsheappearedondoorstepsinanimatedconversationwithdubiousvoters；ItookeverychanceI

couldtotalktoher——Ihadnevermetanythinglikeherbeforeintheworld，andsheinterestedmeimmensely——andbeforethepollingdaysheandIhadbecome，inthefrankestsimplicity，fastfriends……

That，Ithink，setsoutveryfairlythefactsofourearlyrelationship。Butitishardtogetittrue，eitherinformortexture，becauseofthebright，translucent，coloured，andrefractingmemoriesthatcomebetween。Oneforgetsnotonlythetintandqualityofthoughtsandimpressionsthroughthatinterveninghaze，oneforgetsthemaltogether。Idon\'tremembernowthatIeverthoughtinthosedaysofpassionateloveorthepossibilityofsuchlovebetweenus。Imayhavedonesoagainandagain。ButIdoubtitverystrongly。Idon\'tthinkIeverthoughtofsuchaspects。Ihadnomoresenseofanydangerbetweenus，seeingtheyearsandthingsthatseparatedus，thanIcouldhavehadifshehadbeenanintelligentbright-eyedbird。Isabelcameintomylifeasanewsortofthing；shedidn\'tjoinonatalltomypreviousexperiencesofwomanhood。Theywerenot，asIhavelabouredtoexplain，eitherverywideorverypenetratingexperiences，onthewhole，"strangleddinginess"expressesthem，butIdonotbelievetheywerenarrowerorshallowerthanthoseofmanyothermenofmyclass。Ithoughtofwomenasprettythingsandbeautifulthings，prettyratherthanbeautiful，attractiveandattimesdisconcertinglyattractive，oftenbrightandwitty，but，becauseofthevastreservationsthathidthemfromme，wanting，subtlyandinevitablywanting，inunderstanding。MyidealisationofMargarethadevaporatedinsensiblyafterourmarriage。TheshrineI

hadmadeforherinmyprivatethoughtsstoodatlastundisguisedlyempty。ButIsabeldidnotforamomentadmitofeitheridealisationorinterestedcontempt。Sheopenedanewsphereofwomanhoodtome。

Withhersteadyamber-browneyes，herunaffectedinterestinimpersonalthings，herupstandingwaistlessbluebody，herenergy，decisionandcourage，sheseemedrathersomenewandinfinitelyfinerformofboyhoodthanafemininecreature，asIhadcometomeasurefemininity。Shewasmyperfectfriend。CouldIhaveforeseen，hadmyworldbeenmorewiselyplanned，tothisdaywemighthavebeensuchfriends。

Sheseemedatthattimeunconsciousofsex，thoughshehastoldmesincehowfullshewasofprotestingcuriositiesandrestrainedemotions。Shespoke，asindeedshehasalwaysspoken，simply，clearly，andvividly；schoolgirlslangmingledwithwordsthatmarkedamplevoraciousreading，andshemovedquicklywiththefreedirectnessofsomegracefulyounganimal。Shetookmanyoftheeasyfreedomsamanorasistermighthavedonewithme。Shewouldtouchmyarm，layahandonmyshoulderasIsat，adjustthelapelofabreast-pocketasshetalkedtome。Shesaysnowshelovedmealwaysfromthebeginning。Idoubtiftherewasasuspicionofthatinhermindthosedays。Iusedtofindherregardingmewiththeclearest，steadiestgazeintheworld，exactlylikethegazeofsomenicehealthyinnocentanimalinaforest，interested，inquiring，speculative，butsingularlyuntroubled……

5

Pollingdaycameafteralasthoarseanddingycrescendo。Theexcitementwasnotofthesortthatmakesoneforgetoneistiredout。Thewaitingfortheendofthecounthasleftalongblankmarkonmymemory，andtheneveryonewasshakingmyhandandrepeating："Ninehundredandseventy-six。"

Mysuccesshadbeenaforegoneconclusionsincetheafternoon，butweallbehavedasthoughwehadnotbeenanticipatingthisresultforhours，asthoughanyotherfiguresbutninehundredandseventy-

sixwouldhavemeantsomethingentirelydifferent。"Ninehundredandseventy-six！"saidMargaret。"Theydidn\'texpectthreehundred。"

"Ninehundredandseventy-six，"saidalittleshortmanwithapaper。"Itmeansabigturnover。Twodozenshortofathousand，youknow。"

Atremendoushullaboobeganoutside，andalotoffreshpeoplecameintotheroom。

Isabel，flushedbutnotoutofbreath，Heavenknowswhereshehadsprungfromatthattimeofnight！wasrunningherhanddownmysleevealmostcaressingly，withtheinnocentboldaffectionofagirl。"Gotyouin！"shesaid。"It\'sbeennoendofalark。"

"Andnow，"saidI，"Imustgoandbeconstructive。"

"Nowyoumustgoandbeconstructive，"shesaid。

"You\'vegottolivehere，"sheadded。

"ByJove！yes，"Isaid。"We\'llhavetohousehunt。"

"Ishallreadallyourspeeches。"

Shehesitated。

"IwishIwasyou，"shesaid，andsaiditasthoughitwasnotexactlythethingshewasmeaningtosay。

"Theywantyoutospeak，"saidMargaret，withsomethingunsaidinherface。

"Youmustcomeoutwithme，"Ianswered，puttingmyarmthroughhers，andfeltsomeoneurgingmetotheFrenchwindowsthatgaveonthebalcony。

"Ifyouthink——"shesaid，yieldinggladly"Oh，RATHER！"saidI。

TheMayorofKinghamstead，amanaginglittlemanwithnogreatbeliefinmyoratoricalpowers，wasstickinghisfaceuptomine。

"It\'sallover，"hesaid，"andyou\'vewon。Sayallthenicethingsyoucanandsaythemplainly。"

IturnedandhandedMargaretoutthroughthewindowandstoodlookingovertheMarket-place，whichwasmorethanhalffilledwithswayingpeople。Thecrowdsetuparoarofapprovalatthesightofus，temperedbyalittlebooing。Downinonecornerofthesquareafightwasgoingonforaflag，afightthateventheprospectofaspeechcouldnotinstantlycheck。"Speech！"criedvoices，"Speech！"

andthenabrief"boo-oo-oo"thatwasdrownedinacascadeofshoutsandcheers。Theconflictroundtheflagculminatedinthesmashingofapaneofglassinthechemist\'swindowandinstantlysanktopeace。

"GentlemenvotersoftheKinghamsteadDivision，"Ibegan。

"VotesforWomen！"yelledavoice，amidstlaughter——thefirsttimeI

rememberhearingthatmemorablewar-cry。

"ThreecheersforMrs。Remington！"

"Mrs。Remingtonasksmetothankyou，"Isaid，amidstfurtheruproarandreiteratedcriesof"Speech！"

Thensilencecamewithastartlingswiftness。

Isabelwasstillinmymind，Isuppose。"IshallgotoWestminster，"Ibegan。Isoughtforsomecompellingphraseandcouldnotfindone。"Todomyshare，"Iwenton，"inbuildingupagreatandsplendidcivilisation。"

Ipaused，andtherewasaweakgustofcheering，andthenarenewalofbooing。

"Thiselection，"Isaid，"hasbeentheendandthebeginningofmuch。Newideasareabroad——"

"Chineselabour，"yelledavoice，andacrossthesquaresweptawildfireofbootingandbawling。

ItisoneofthefewoccasionswhenIquitelostmyholdonaspeech。IglancedsidewaysandsawtheMayorofKinghamsteadspeakingbehindhishandtoParvill。ByahappychanceParvillcaughtmyeye。

"Whatdotheywant？"Iasked。

"Eh？"

"Whatdotheywant？"

"Saysomethingaboutgeneralfairness——theotherside，"promptedParvill，flatteredbutalittlesurprisedbymyappeal。Ipulledmyselfhastilyintoamorepopularstrainwithagrosseulogyofmyopponent\'sgoodtaste。

"Chineselabour！"criedthevoiceagain。

"You\'vegiventhatnoticetoquit，"Ianswered。

TheMarket-placeroareddelight，butwhetherthatdelightexpressedhostilitytoChinamenorhostilitytotheirpracticalenslavementnostudentoftheGeneralElectionof1906haseverbeenabletodetermine。Certainlyoneofthemosteffectivepostersonoursidedisplayedahideousyellowface，justthatandnothingmore。Therewasnotevenalegendtoit。Howitimpressedtheelectoratewedidnotknow，butthatitimpressedtheelectorateprofoundlytherecanbenodisputing。

6

Kinghamsteadwasoneoftheearliestconstituenciesfought，andwecameback——itmusthavebeenSaturday——triumphantbutverytired，toourhouseinRadnorSquare。Inthetrainwereadthefirstintimationsthatthevictoryofourpartywaslikelytobeasweepingone。

Thencameaperiodwhenonewasgoingaboutreceivingandgivingcongratulationsandwatchingtheothermenarrive，verylikeaboywhohasreturnedtoschoolwiththefirstbatchaftertheholidays。

TheLondonworldreekedwiththeGeneralElection；ithadinvadedthenurseries。Allthechildrenofone\'sfriendshadgotbigmapsofEnglandcutupintosquarestorepresentconstituenciesandwerebusystickinggummedbluelabelsovertheconqueredredofUnionismthathadhithertosubmergedthecountry。Andtherewerealsoorangelabels，ifIrememberrightly，torepresentthenewLabourparty，andgreenfortheIrish。IengagedmyselftospeakatoneortwoLondonmeetings，andlunchedattheReform，whichwasfairlytepid，anddinedandspentoneortwotumultuouseveningsattheNationalLiberalClub，whichwasinactiveeruption。TheNationalLiberalbecamefeverishlycongestedtowardsmidnightastheresultsofthecountingcamedroppingin。Abiggreen-baizescreenhadbeenfixedupatoneendofthelargesmoking-roomwiththenamesoftheconstituenciesthatwerevotingthatday，anddirectlythefigurescametohand，uptheywent，amidstcheersthatatlastlosttheirenergythroughsheerrepetition，whenevertherewasrecordofaLiberalgain。Idon\'trememberwhathappenedwhentherewasaLiberalloss；Idon\'tthinkthatanywereannouncedwhileIwasthere。

Howpackedandnoisytheplacewas，andwhatareekoftobaccoandwhiskyfumeswemade！Everybodywasexcitedandtalking，makingwavesofharshconfusedsoundthatbeatuponone\'sears，andeverynowandthenhoarsevoiceswouldshoutforsomeonetospeak。Ourlittlesetwasmuchinevidence。BoththeCramptonswerein，Lewis，BuntingHarblow。Wegavebriefaddressesattunedtothisexcitementandthelatehour，amidstmuchenthusiasm。

NowwecanDOthings！"Isaidamidstaraptureofapplause。MenI

didnotknowfromAdamheldupglassesandnoddedtomeinsolemnfuddledapprovalasIcamedownpastthemintothecrowdagain。

MenwerebettingwhethertheUnionistswouldlosemoreorlessthantwohundredseats。

"Iwonderjustwhatweshalldowithitall，"Iheardonescepticspeculating……

AftertheseorgiesIwouldgethomeverytiredandexcited，andfinditdifficulttogettosleep。IwouldlieandspeculateaboutwhatitwasweWEREgoingtodo。Onehadn\'tanticipatedquitesuchatremendousaccessiontopowerforone\'sparty。Liberalismwasswirlinginlikeaflood……

Ifoundthenextfewweeksveryunsatisfactoryanddistressing。I

don\'tclearlyrememberwhatitwasIhadexpected；IsupposethefussandstrainoftheGeneralElectionhadbuiltupafeelingthatmyreturnwouldinsomewayputpowerintomyhands，andinsteadI

foundmyselfamereundistinguishedunitinavastbutrathervaguemajority。ThereweremomentswhenIfeltverydistinctlythatamajoritycouldbetoobigacrowdaltogether。Ihadallmyworkstillbeforeme，Ihadachievednothingasyetbutopportunity，andaverycrowdedopportunityitwasatthat。EveryoneaboutmewaschattingParliamentandappointments；onebreatheddistractingandirritatingspeculationsastowhatwouldbedoneandwhowouldbeaskedtodoit。Iwaschieflyimpressedbywhatwasunlikelytobedoneandbytheabsenceofanygeneralplanoflegislationtoholdusalltogether。IfoundthetalkaboutParliamentaryprocedureandetiquetteparticularlytrying。WedinedwiththeelderCramptonsoneevening，andoldSirEdwardwaslengthilysageaboutwhattheHouseliked，whatitdidn\'tlike，whatmadeagoodimpressionandwhatabadone。"Amanshouldn\'tspeakmorethantwiceinhisfirstsession，andnotatfirstontoocontentiousatopic，"saidSirEdward。"No。"

"Verymuchdependsonmanner。TheHousehatesalecturer。There\'sasortofairyearnestness——"

Hewavedhiscigartoekeouthiswords。

"Littlepeculiaritiesofcostumecountforagreatdeal。Icouldnameonemanwhospentthreeyearslivingdownapairofspatterdashers。Ontheotherhand——athinglikethat——ifitcatchestheeyeofthePUNCHman，forexample，maybeyourmaking。"

HewentoffintoalengthyspeculationofwhytheHousehadcometolikeanoriginallyunpopularIrishmannamedBiggar……

TheopeningofParliamentgavemesomepeculiarmoods。Ibegantofeelmoreandmorelikeabrandedsheep。Wewereswornininbatches，dozensandscoresoffreshmen，tryingnottolooktoofreshundertheinspectionofpolicemenandmessengers，allofuscarryingnewsilkhatsandwearingmagisterialcoats。Itisoneofmyvividmemoriesfromthisperiod，thesuddenoutbreakofsilkhatsinthesmoking-roomoftheNationalLiberalClub。AtfirstI

thoughttheremusthavebeenafuneral。Familiarfacesthatonehadgrowntoknowundersoftfelthats，underbowlers，underliberal-

mindedwidebrims，andaboveartistictiesandtweedjackets，suddenlymetone，staringwiththesterngazeofself-consciousness，fromundersilkhatsofincredibleglossiness。Therewasadispositiontowearthehatmuchtooforward，Ithought，foragoodParliamentarystyle。

Therewasmuchplaywiththehatsallthrough；atremendouscompetitiontogetinfirstandputhatsoncovetedseats。AmemoryhangsaboutmeoftheHouseintheearlyafternoon，aninhumanedesolationinhabitedalmostentirelybysilkhats。Thecurrentuseofcardstosecureseatscamelater。Therewereyardsandyardsofemptygreenbencheswithhatsandhatsandhatsdistributedalongthem，resolute-lookingtophats，laxtophatswithakindofshadowygrinunderthem，sensibletopbatsbrimupward，andonescandalousincontinentthathadrolledfromthefrontOppositionbenchrighttothemiddleofthefloor。Aheadlesshatissurelythemostsoullessthingintheworld，farworseeventhanaskull……

Atlast，inaleisurelymuddledmannerwegottotheAddress；andI

foundmyselfpackedinadenseelbowingcrowdtotherightoftheSpeaker\'schair；whiletheattenuatedOpposition，nearlyleaderlessafterthemassacre，tilteditsbrimtoitsnoseandsprawledatitseaseamidstitsemptybenches。

Therewasatremendoushullabooaboutsomething，andIcranedtoseeovertheshoulderofthemaninfront。\'\'Order，order，order！"

"What\'sitabout？"Iasked。

Themaninfrontofmewasclearlynobetterinformed，andthenI

gatheredfromaslightlycontemptuousScotchmanbesidemethatitwasChrisRobinsonhadwalkedbetweenthebonourablememberinpossessionofthehouseandtheSpeaker。Icaughtaglimpseofhimblushinglywhisperingabouthismisadventuretoacolleague。HewasjustthatsamelittlefigureIhadonceassistedtoentertainatCambridge，butgrey-hairednow，andstillitseemedwiththesameknittedmufflerhehaddiscardedforarecklesshalf-hourwhilehetalkedtousinHatherleigh\'srooms。

ItdawneduponmethatIwasn\'tparticularlywantedintheHouse，andthatIshouldgetallIneededoftheopeningspeechesnextdayfromtheTIMES。

Imademywayoutandwaspresentlywalkingratheraimlesslythroughtheouterlobby。

Icaughtmyselfregardingtheshadowthatspreaditselfoutbeforeme，multiplieditselfinbluetintsofvariousintensity，shuffleditselflikeapackofcardsunderthemanylights，thesquareshoulders，thesilkhat，alreadywornwithaparliamentarytiltbackward；IfoundIwassurveyingthisstatesmanlikeoutlinewithaweakapproval。"AMEMBER！"Ifeltthelittleclusterofpeoplethatwerescatteredaboutthelobbymustbesaying。

"GoodGod！"Isaidinhotreaction，"whatamIdoinghere？"

Itwasoneofthosemomentsinfinitelytrivialinthemselves，thatyetarecardinalinaman\'slife。Itcametomewithextremevividnessthatitwasn\'tsomuchthatIhadgotholdofsomethingasthatsomethinghadgotholdofme。Idistinctlyrecallthereboundofmymind。WhateverhappenedinthisParliament，Iatleastwouldattemptsomething。"ByGod！"Isaid，"Iwon\'tbeoverwhelmed。Iamheretodosomething，anddosomethingIwill！"

ButIfeltthatforthemomentIcouldnotremainintheHouse。

Iwentoutbymyselfwithmythoughtsintothenight。Itwasachillingnight，andrarespotsofrainwerefalling。IglancedovermyshoulderatthelitwindowsoftheLords。Iwalked，Iremember，westward，andpresentlycametotheGrosvenarEmbankmentandfollowedit，watchingtheglitteringblackrushoftheriverandthedark，dimlylitbargesroundwhichthewaterswirled。Acrosstheriverwasthehunchedsky-lineofDoulton\'spotteries，andakilnflaredredly。Dimlyluminoustramswereglidingamidstadottedlineoflamps，andtwolittletrainscrawledintoWaterloostation。

Mysteriousblackfigurescamebymeandweresuddenlychangedtothecommonplaceatthetouchofthenearerlamps。Itwasabigconfusedworld，Ifelt，foramantolayhishandsupon。

IrememberIcrossedVauxhallBridgeandstoodforatimewatchingthehugeblackshapesinthedarknessunderthegas-works。Ashoalofcoalbargeslayindistinctlyonthedarklyshiningmudandwaterbelow，andacolossalcranewasperpetuallyhaulingupcoalintomysteriousblacknessesabove，anddroppingtheemptyclutchbacktothebarges。Justoneortwominuteblackfeaturelessfiguresofmentoiledamidstthesemonstershapes。Theydidnotseemtobecontrollingthembutonlymovingaboutamongthem。Thesegas-workshaveabigchimneythatbelchesaluridflameintothenight，alividshiveringbluishflame，shotwithstrangecrimsonstreaks……

OntheothersideofLambethBridgebroadstairsgodowntothelappingwateroftheriver；thelowerstepsareluminousunderthelampsandonetreadsunwarnedintothicksoftThamesmud。Theyseemtobepurelyarchitecturalsteps，theyleadnowhere，theyhaveanairofabsoluteindifferencetomortalends。

Thoseshapesandlargeinhumanplaces——forallofmankindthatoneseesatnightaboutLambethisminuteandpitifulbesidetheindustrialmonstersthatsnortandtoilthere——mixupinextricablywithmymemoriesofmyfirstdaysasalegislator。Blackfiguresdriftbyme，heavyvansclatter，anewspaperroughtearsbyonamotorbicycle，andpresently，ontheAlbertEmbankment，everyseathasitsoneortwooutcastshuddledtogetherandslumbering。

"Thesethingscome，thesethingsgo，"awhisperingvoiceurgeduponme，"asoncethosevastunmeaningSaurianswhosebonesencumbermuseumscameandwentrejoicingnoisilyinfruitlesslives。"……

Fruitlesslives！——wasthatthetruthofitall？……

LaterIstoodwithinsightoftheHousesofParliamentinfrontofthecolonnadesofStThomas\'sHospital。Ileantontheparapetclosebyalamp-standoftwisteddolphins——andIprayed！

Iremembertheswirlofthetideuponthewater，andhowastringofbargespresentlycameswingingandbumpingroundashigh-waterturnedtoebb。Thatsuddenchangeofpositionandmybriefperplexityatit，stickslikeapaperpinthroughthesubstanceofmythoughts。ItwasthenIwasmovedtoprayer。Iprayedthatnightthatlifemightnotbeinvain，thatinparticularImightnotliveinvain。Iprayedforstrengthandfaith，thatthemonstrousblunderingforcesinlifemightnotoverwhelmme，mightnotbeatmebacktofutilityandameaninglessacquiescenceinexistentthings。

IknewmyselffortheweaklingIwas，IknewthatneverthelessitwassetformetomakesuchorderasIcouldoutofthesedisorders，andmytaskcowedme，gavemeatthethoughtofitasenseofyieldingfeebleness。

"Breakme，OGod，"Iprayedatlast，"disgraceme，tormentme，destroymeasyouwill，butsavemefromself-complacencyandlittleinterestsandlittlesuccessesandthelifethatpassesliketheshadowofadream。"

BOOKTHETHIRD

THEHEARTOFPOLITICS

CHAPTERTHEFIRST

THERIDDLEFORTHESTATESMAN

1

Ihavebeenplanningandreplanning，writingandrewriting，thisnextportionofmybookformanydays。IperceiveImustleaveitrawedgedandilljoined。IhavelearntsomethingoftheimpossibilityofHistory。ForallIhavehadtotellisthestoryofoneman\'sconvictionsandaimsandhowtheyreacteduponhislife；andIfindittoosubtleandinvolvedandintricateforthedoing。Ifindittaxesallmypowerstoconveyeventhemainformsandforcesinthatdevelopment。Itislikelookingthroughmovingmediaofchanginghueandvariablerefractionatsomethingvitallyunstable。Broadtheoriesandgeneralisationsaremingledwithpersonalinfluences，withprevalentprejudices；andnotonlycolouredbutalteredbyphasesofhopefulnessandmoodsofdepression。Thewebismadeupofthemostdiverseelements，beyondtreatmentmultitudinous……ForaweekorsoIdesistedaltogether，andwalkedoverthemountainsandreturnedtositthroughthewarmsoftmorningsamongtheshadedrocksabovethislittleperched-uphouseofours，discussingmydifficultieswithIsabelandIthinkonthewholecomplicatingthemfurtherintheefforttosimplifythemtomanageableandstateableelements。

Letme，nevertheless，attemptaroughpreliminaryanalysisofthisconfusedprocess。Amainstrandisquiteeasilytraceable。Thismainstrandisthestoryofmyobviouslife，mylifeasitmusthavelookedtomostofmyacquaintances。Itpresentsyouwithayoungcouple，bright，hopeful，andenergetic，startingoutunderAltiora\'sauspicestomakeacareer。Youfigureuswelldressedandactive，runningaboutinmotor-cars，visitingingreatpeople\'shouses，diningamidstbrilliantcompanies，goingtothetheatre，meetinginthelobby。Margaretworehundredsofbeautifuldresses。Wemusthavehadanairofsucceedingmeritoriouslyduringthattime。

Wedidverycontinuallyandfaithfullyserveourjointcareer。I

thoughtaboutitagreatdeal，anddidandrefrainedfromdoingtenthousandthingsforthesakeofit。Ikeptupasolicitudeforit，asitwerebyinertia，longafterthingshadhappenedandchangesoccurredinmethatrendereditscompletionimpossible。Undercertainveryartlesspretences，wewantedsteadfastlytomakeahandsomepositionintheworld，achieverespect，SUCCEED。Enormousunseenchangeshadbeeninprogressforyearsinmymindandtherealitiesofmylife，beforeourgeneralcirclecouldhavehadanyinklingoftheirexistence，orsuspectedtheappearancesofourlife。Thensuddenlyourproceedingsbegantobedeflected，ouroutwardunanimityvisiblystrainedandmarredbytheinsurgenceofthesesolong-hiddendevelopments。

Thatcareerhaditsownhiddenside，ofcourse；butwhenIwriteoftheseunseenfactorsIdonotmeanthatbutsomethingaltogetherbroader。Idonotmeantheeverydaypettinesseswhichgavethecynicalobserverscopeandtoldofanarrower，baseraspectofthefairbutlimitedambitionsofmyostensibleself。This"sub-

careerist"elementnotedlittlethingsthataffectedthecareer，mademesuspiciousoftherivalryofso-and-so，propitiatorytoso-

and-so，whom，asamatteroffact，Ididn\'trespectorfeelintheleastsympathetictowards；guardedwiththatman，whoforallhischarmandinterestwasn\'thelpful，andalittletouchyattheappearanceofneglectfromthat。No，ImeansomethinggreaterandnotsomethingsmallerwhenIwriteofahiddenlife。

IntheostensibleselfwhoglowedundertheapprobationofAltioraBailey，andwasenviedanddiscussed，praisedanddepreciated，intheHouseandinsmoking-roomgossip，youreallyhaveasmuchofamanasusuallyfiguresinanoveloranobituarynotice。ButIamtremendouslyimpressednowintheretrospectbytherealisationofhowlittlethatfrontagerepresentedme，andjusthowlittlesuchfrontagesdorepresentthecomplexitiesoftheintelligentcontemporary。Behindit，yetstrugglingtodisorganiseandalterit，altogether，wasafarmoreessentialreality，aselflesspersonal，lessindividualised，andbroaderinitsreferences。Itsaimswereneversimplytogeton；ithadanaltogetherdifferentsystemofdemandsandsatisfactions。Itwascritical，curious，morethanalittleunfeeling——andrelentlesslyilluminating。

Itisjusttheexistenceanddevelopmentofthismoregeneralisedself-behind-the-frontagethatismakingmodernlifesomuchmoresubtleandintricatetorender，andsomuchmorehopefulinitsrelationstotheperplexitiesoftheuniverse。Iseethismentalandspiritualhinterlandvaryenormouslyinthepeopleaboutme，fromatypewhichseemstokeep，aspeoplesay，allitsgoodsinthewindow，tootherswho，likemyself，cometoregardtheostensibleexistencemoreandmoreasamereexperimentalfeederandagentforthatgreaterpersonalitybehind。Andthisback-selfhasitshistoryofphases，itscrisesandhappyaccidentsandirrevocableconclusions，moreorlessdistinctfromtheadventuresandachievementsoftheostensibleself。Itmeetspersonsandphrases，itassimilatesthespiritofabook，itisstartledintonewrealisationsbysomeaccidentthatseemsaltogetherirrelevanttothegeneraltenorofone\'slife。Itsincreasingindependenceoftheostensiblecareermakesittheorganofcorrectivecriticism；itaccumulatesdisturbingenergy。Thenitbreaksourovertpromisesandrepudiatesourpledges，comingdownatlastlikeanoverbearingmentoruponthesmallengagementsofthepupil。

Inthelifeoftheindividualittakestherolethatthegrowthofphilosophy，science，andcreativeliteraturemayplayinthedevelopmentofmankind。

2

ItiscurioustorecallhowBrittenhelpedshatterthatobvious，lucidlyexplicablepresentationofmyselfuponwhichIhadembarkedwithMargaret。Hereturnedtoreviveamemoryofadolescentdreamsandahabitofadolescentfrankness；hereachedthroughmyshallowfrontageasnooneelseseemedcapableofdoing，anddraggedthatback-selfintorelationwithit。

Irememberverydistinctlyadinnerandasubsequentwalkwithhimwhichpresentsitselfnowasaltogethertypicalofthequalityofhisinfluence。

IhadcomeuponhimonedaywhilelunchingwithSomersandSuttonatthePlaywrights\'Club，andhadaskedhimtodinneronthespurofthemoment。Hewasoddlythesamecurly-headed，red-facedventriloquist，andoddlydifferent，ratherseedyaswellasuntidy，andatfirstalittleinclinedtomakecomparisonswithmysleeksuccessfulness。Butthatdispositionpresentlyevaporated，andhistalkwasgoodandfreshandprovocative。Andsomethingthathadlongbeenstrainingatitschecksinmymindflappedover，andheandIfoundourselvesofoneaccord。

Altiorawasn\'tatthisdinner。Whenshecamematterswereapttobecomeconfusedlystrenuous。TherewasalwaysaslightandineffectualstruggleattheendonthepartofMargarettoanticipateAltiora\'soverpoweringtendencytoarallyandtheestablishmentofsomeentirelyunjustifiableconclusionbyaCOUP-

DE-MAIN。When，however，Altiorawasabsent，thequieterinfluenceoftheCramptonsprevailed；temperanceandinformationforitsownsakeprevailedexcessivelyoverdinnerandtheplayofthought……

GoodLord！whatborestheCramptonswere！IwonderIenduredthemasIdid。Theyhadallofthemthetrickoflyinginwaitconversationally；theyhadnosenseoftheself-exposures，thegallantexperimentsinstatementthatarenecessaryforgoodconversation。Theywouldwatchonetalkingwithanexpressionexactlylikepeepingthroughbushes。Thentheywould，asitwere，dashout，dissentsuccinctly，contradictsomesecondaryfact，andbacktocover。Theygaveonetwilightnerves。Theirwiveswereeasierbutstilldifficultatastretch；theytalkedagooddealaboutchildrenandservants，butwithanaircaughtfromAltioraofmakingobservationsuponsociologicaltypes。LewisgossipedabouttheHouseinanentirelyfinitemanner。Heneverraisedadiscussion；nobodyeverraisedadiscussion。HewouldaskwhatwethoughtofEvesham\'squestionthatafternoon，andEdwardwouldsayitwasgood，andMrs。Willie，whohadbeenbehindthegrille，wouldthinkitwasverygood，andthenWillie，partingthebranches，wouldsayratherconclusivelythathedidn\'tthinkitwasverymuchgood，andIwoulddenyhearingthequestioninordertoevadeaprofitlessstatementofviewsinthatvacuum，andthenwewouldcastaboutinourmindsforsomeothertopicofequalinterest……

OnthisoccasionAltiorawasabsent，andtoqualifyourYoungLiberalbleaknesswehadMrs。Millingham，withherwhitehairandherfreshmindandcomplexion，andEsmeer。WillieCramptonwaswithus，butnothiswife，whowashavingherthirdbabyonprinciple；

hisbrotherEdwardwaspresent，andtheLewises，andofcoursetheBuntingHarblows。Therewasalsosomeotherlady。Irememberheraspaleblue，butforthelifeofmeIcannotrememberhername。

QuiteearlytherewasalittlebreezebetweenEdwardCramptonandEsmeer，whohadventuredanopinionaboutthepartitionofPoland。

EdwardwasatworkthenupontheseventhvolumeofhismonumentalLifeofKosciusko，andalittleimpatientwithviewsperhapsnotaltogetherfalsebutbetrayingalamentableignoranceofaccessibleliterature。Atanyrate，hiscorrectionofEsmeerwasmagisterial。

Afterthattherewasadistinctandnotaltogetherdelightfulpause，andthensomeone，itmayhavebeenthepale-bluelady，askedMrs。

LewiswhetherherauntLadyCarmixterhadreturnedfromherrest-

and-sun-cureinItaly。Thatledtoaratheranxiouslysustainedtalkaboutregimen，andWillietoldushowhehadprofitedbytheno-breakfastsystem。Ithadincreasedhispowerofworkenormously。

Hecouldgetthroughtenhoursadaynowwithoutinconvenience。

"Whatdoyoudo？"saidEsmeerabruptly。

"Oh！noendofwork。There\'salltheestateandlookingafterthings。"

"Butpublicly？"

"Iaskedthreequestionsyesterday。AndforoneofthemIhadtoconsultninebooks！"