第6章

"Wehavereadyourbook，"eachbegan——asthoughithadbeenajointfunction。"Andweconsider——"

"Yes，"Iprotested，"Ithink——"

Thatwasasecondarymatter。

"Theydidnotconsider，"saidAltiora，raisinghervoiceandgoingrightoverme，thatIhadallowedsufficientlyfortheinevitabledevelopmentofanofficialadministrativeclassinthemodernstate。"

"Norofitsimportance，"echoedOscar。

That，theyexplainedinasortofchorus，wasthecardinalideaoftheirlives，whattheywereupto，whattheystoodfor。"Wewanttosuggesttoyou，"theysaid——andIfoundthiswasastockopeningoftheirs——"thatfromthemerenecessitiesofconvenienceelectedbodiesMUSTavailthemselvesmoreandmoreoftheservicesofexpertofficials。Wehavethatverymuchinmind。Themorecomplicatedandtechnicalaffairsbecome，thelessconfidencewilltheelectedofficialhaveinhimself。Wewanttosuggestthattheseexpertofficialsmustnecessarilydevelopintoanewclassandaverypowerfulclassinthecommunity。Wewanttoorganisethat。ItmaybeTHEpowerofthefuture。Theywillnecessarilyhavetohaveverymuchofacommontraining。Weconsiderourselvesasamateurunpaidprecursorsofsuchaclass。"……

Thevisiontheydisplayedformyconsiderationastheaimofpublic-

spiritedendeavour，seemedlikeaharder，narrower，morespecialisedversionoftheideaofatrainedanddisciplinedstatethatWillersleyandIhadworkedoutintheAlps。Theywantedthingsmoreorganised，morecorrelatedwithgovernmentandacollectivepurpose，justaswedid，buttheysawitnotintermsofagrowingcollectiveunderstanding，butintermsoffunctionaries，legislativechange，andmethodsofadministration……

Itwasn\'tclearatfirsthowwediffered。TheBaileyswereveryanxioustowinmetoco-operation，andIwasquitepreparedatfirsttoidentifytheirdistinctiveexpressionswithphrasesofmyown，andsowecameveryreadilyintoanalliancethatwastolastsomeyears，andbreakatlastverypainfully。Altioramanifestlylikedme，IwassoondiscussingwithhertheperplexityIfoundinplacingmyselfefficientlyintheworld，theproblemofhowtotakeholdofthingsthatoccupiedmythoughts，andshewassketchingoutcareersformyconsideration，verymuchasanarchitectonhisfirstvisitsketcheshouses，considersrequirements，andputsbeforeyouthisexampleandthatofthemoreorlesssimilarthingalreadydone……

4

ItiseasytoseehowmuchincommontherewasbetweentheBaileysandme，andhownaturalitwasthatIshouldbecomeaconstantvisitorattheirhouseandanallyoftheirsinmanyenterprises。

Itisnotnearlysoeasytodefinetheprofoundantagonismofspiritthatalsoheldbetweenus。Therewasadifferenceintexture，adifferenceinquality。HowcanIexpressit？Theshapesofourthoughtswerethesame，butthesubstancequitedifferent。ItwasasiftheyhadmadeinchinaorcastironwhatIhadmadeintransparentlivingmatter。(Thecomparisonismanifestlyfrommypointofview。)Certainthingsneverseemedtoshowthroughtheirideasthatwerevisible，refractedperhapsanddistorted，butvisiblealwaysthroughmine。

Ithoughtforatimetheessentialdifferencelayinourrelationtobeauty。Withmebeautyisquiteprimaryinlife；Iliketruth，orderandgoodness，whollybecausetheyarebeautifulorleadstraighttobeautifulconsequences。TheBaileyseitherhadn\'tgotthatortheydidn\'tseeit。Theyseemedattimestopreferthingsharshandugly。Thatpuzzledmeextremely。Theestheticqualityofmanyoftheirproposals，the"manners"oftheirwork，sotospeak，wereattimesasdreadfulas——well，WarOfficebarrackarchitecture。

Acaricaturebyitsexaggeratedstatementswillsometimesservetopointatruthbyantagonisingfalsityandfalsity。Iremembertalkingtoaprominentmuseumofficialinneedofmorepublicfundsfortheworkhehadinhand。ImentionedthepossibilityofenlistingBailey\'sinfluence。

"Oh，wedon\'twantPhilistineslikethatinfernalBottle-Imprunningus，"hesaidhastily，andwouldhearofnoconcertedactionfortheendhehadinview。"I\'drathernothavetheextension。

"Yousee，"hewentontoexplain，"Bailey\'swantingintheessentials。"

"Whatessentials？"saidI。

"Oh！he\'dbelikeanastyoilyefficientlittlemachineforsomemerelysubordinatenecessityamongallmydelicatestuff。He\'ddoallwewantednodoubtinthewayofmoneyandpowers——andhe\'ddoitwrongandmesstheplaceforever。Handsallblack，youknow。

He\'sjustameans。Justaveryaggressiveandunmanageablemeans。

Thisisn\'taplumber\'sjob……"

Istucktomyargument。

"Idon\'tLIKEhim，"saidtheofficialconclusively，anditseemedtomeatthetimehewasjustblindprejudicespeaking……

IcamenearerthetruthofthematterasIcametorealisethatourphilosophiesdifferedprofoundly。Thatisn\'taverycurabledifference，——oncepeoplehavegrownup。TheirswasaphilosophydevoidofFINESSE。TemperamentallytheBaileyswerespecialised，concentrated，accurate，whileIamurgedeitherbysomeInnerforceorsomeentirelyassimilatedinfluenceinmytraining，alwaystoroundoffandshadowmyoutlines。Ihatethemhard。Iwouldsacrificedetailtomodellingalways，andtheBaileys，itseemedtome，lovedaworldasflatandmetallicasSidneyCooper\'scows。IftheyhadtheuniverseinhandIknowtheywouldtakedownallthetreesandputupstampedtingreenshadesandsunlightaccumulators。

Altiorathoughttreeshopelesslyirregularandseacliffsagreatmistake……Igotthingsclearerastimewenton。ThoughitwasanHegelianmessofwhichIhadpartakenatCodger\'stablebywayofaphilosophicaltraining，mysympathieshavealwaysbeenPragmatist。IbelongalmostbynaturetothatschoolofPragmatismthat，followingthemedievalNominalists，basesitselfuponadenialoftherealityofclasses，andofthevalidityofgenerallaws。TheBaileysclassifiedeverything。Theywere，inthescholasticsense——

whichsooddlycontradictsthemodernuseoftheword—"Realists。"

TheybelievedclasseswereREALandindependentoftheirindividuals。Thisisthecommonhabitofallso-callededucatedpeoplewhohavenometaphysicalaptitudeandnometaphysicaltraining。Itleadsthemtoaprogressivemisunderstandingoftheworld。ItwasafavouritetrickofAltiora\'stospeakofeverybodyasa"type"；shesawmenassamplesmoving；herdining-roombecameachamberofrepresentatives。Itgaveatremendouslyscientificairtomanyoftheirgeneralisations，using"scientific"initsnineteenth-centuryuncriticalHerbertSpencersense，anairthatonlybegantodisappearwhenyouthoughtthemoveragainintermsofactualityandthepeopleoneknew……

AttheBaileys\'onealwaysseemedtobegettingone\'shandsontheverystringsthatguidedtheworld。Youheardlegislationprojectedtoaffectthis"type"andthat；statisticsmarchedbyyouwithsinandshameandinjusticeandmiseryreducedtoquitemanageablepercentages，youfoundmenwhoweretoframeoramendbillsingraveandintimateexchangewithBailey\'somniscience，youheardAltioracanvassingapproachingresignationsandpossibleappointmentsthatmightmakeormararevolutioninadministrativemethods，anddoingitwithavigorousdirectnessthatmanifestlyswayedthedecision；

andyoufeltyouwereinasortofsignalboxwithleversallaboutyou，andtheworldoutsidethere，albeitalittledarkandmysteriousbeyondthewindow，runningonitslinesinreadyobediencetotheseunhesitatinglights，trueandsteadytotrimtermini。

Andthenwithallthisadministrativefizzle，thispseudo-scientificadministrativechatter，dyingawayinyourhead，outyouwentintothelimitlessgrimychaosofLondonstreetsandsquares，roadsandavenueslinedwithteeminghouses，eachlargerthantheChambersStreethouseandatleastequallyalive，yousawthechaoticclamourofhoardings，thejumbleoftraffic，thecomingandgoingofmysteriousmyriads，youheardtherumbleoftrafficlikethenoiseofatorrent；avagueincessantmurmurofcriesandvoices，wantoncrimesandaccidentsbawledatyoufromtheplacards；imperativeunaccountablefashionsswaggeredtriumphantindazzlingwindowsoftheshops；andyoufoundyourselfswayingbacktotheoppositeconvictionthatthehugeformlessspiritoftheworlditwasthatheldthestringsanddancedthepuppetsontheBaileystage……

UnderthelampsyouwerejostledbypeoplelikemyStaffordshireuncleoutforaspree，yousawshyyouthsconversingwithprostitutes，youpassedyoungloverspairingwithanentiredisregardofthesocialsuitabilityofthe"types"theymightblendorcreate，yousawmenleaningdrunkenagainstlamp-postswhomyouknewforthe"type"thatwillchargewithfixedbayonetsintothefaceofdeath，andyoufoundyourselfunabletoimaginelittleBaileyachievingeitherdrunkennessorthecarelessdefianceofannihilation。YourealisedthatquitealotoftypeswereunderrepresentedinChambersStreet，thatferalandobscureandaltogethermonstrousforcesmustbeatwork，asyetaltogetherunassimilatedbythoseneatadministrativereorganisations。

5

Altiora，Iremember，preludedMargaret\'sreappearancebyannouncingherasa"newtype。"

IwasaccustomedtogoearlytotheBaileys\'dinnersinthosedays，forapreliminarygossipwithAltiorainfrontofherdrawing-roomfire。Onegotheralone，andthatearlyarrivalwasalittlesignofappreciationshevalued。Shehadeverywoman\'sneedoffollowersandservants。

"I\'mgoingtosendyoudownto-night，"shesaid，"withaveryinterestingtypeindeed——oneofthenewgenerationofseriousgals。

Middle-classorigin——andquitewelloff。Richinfact。Herstep-

fatherwasasolicitorandsomethingofanENTREPRENEURtowardstheend，Ifancy——intheBlackCountry。Therewasalittlebrotherdied，andshe\'slosthermotherquiterecently。Quiteonherown，sotospeak。She\'sneverbeenoutintosocietyverymuch，anddoesn\'tseemreallyveryanxioustogo……Notexactlyanintellectualperson，youknow，butquiet，andgreatforceofcharacter。CameuptoLondononherownandcametous——someonehadtoldherwewerethesortofpeopletoadviseher——toaskwhattodo。I\'msureshe\'llinterestyou。"

"WhatCANpeopleofthatsortdo？"Iasked。"Isshecapableofinvestigation？"

Altioracompressedherlipsandshookherhead。Shealwaysdidshakeherheadwhenyouaskedthatofanyone。

"Ofcoursewhatsheoughttodo，"saidAltiora，withhersilkdresspulledbackfromherkneebeforethefire，andwithaliftofhervoicetowardsachuckleatherdaringwayofputtingthings，"istomarryamemberofParliamentandseehedoeshiswork……

Perhapsshewill。It\'saveryexceptionalgalwhocandoanythingbyherself——quiteexceptional。Themoreserioustheyare——withoutbeingexceptional——themorewewantthemtomarry。"

Herexpositionwastruncatedbytheentryofthetypeinquestion。

"Well！"criedAltioraturning，andwithahighnoteofwelcome，"HEREyouare！"

Margarethadgainedindignityandprettinessbythelapseoffiveyears，andshewasnowverybeautifullyandrichlyandsimplydressed。Herfairhairhadbeendoneinsomewaythatmadeitseemsofterandmoreabundantthanitwasinmymemory，andagleamofpurplevelvet-setdiamondsshowedamidstitsmistoflittlegoldenandbrownlines。Herdresswasofwhiteandviolet，thelasttraceofmourningforhermother，andconfessedthegraciousdroopofhertallandslenderbody。ShedidnotsuggestStaffordshireatall，andIwaspuzzledforamomenttothinkwhereIhadmether。Hersweetlyshapedmouthwiththeslightobliquityofthelipandthelittlekinkinherbrowwereextraordinarilyfamiliartome。ButshehadeitherbeenpreparedbyAltioraorsherememberedmyname。

"Wemet，"shesaid，"whilemystep-fatherwasalive——atMisterton。

Youcametoseeus"；andinstantlyIrecalledthesunshinebetweentheappleblossomandaslenderpalebluegirlishshapeamongthedaffodils，likesomethingthathadsprungfromabulbitself。I

recalledatoncethatIhadfoundherveryinteresting，thoughIdidnotclearlyrememberhowitwasshehadinterestedme。

Otherguestsarrived——itwasoneofAltiora\'sboldlyblendedmixturesofpeoplewithideasandpeoplewithinfluenceormoneywhomightperhapsbeexpectedtoresonatetothem。Baileycamedownlatewithanairofhurry，andwasintroducedtoMargaretandsaidabsolutelynothingtoher——therebeingnoinformationeithertoreceiveorimpartandnothingtodo——butstoodsnatchinghisleftcheekuntilIrescuedhimandher，andlefthimfreetocongratulatethenewLadySnapeonherhusband\'sK。C。B。

ItookMargaretdown。Weachievednofeatsofmutualexpression，exceptthatitwasabundantlyclearwewerebothverypleasedandinterestedtomeetagain，andthatwehadbothkeptmemoriesofeachother。WemadethatMistertontea-partyandthesubsequentmarriagesofmycousinsandtheworldofBurslemgenerally，matterforquiteanagreeableconversationuntilatlastAltiora，followingherinvariablecustom，calledmebynameimperativelyoutofourduologue。"Mr。Remington，"shesaid，"wewantyouropinion——"inherentirelycharacteristicefforttogetallthethreadsofconversationintoherownhandsfortheclimaxthatalwayswoundupherdinners。Howtheotherwomenusedtohatethoseconcludingraidsofhers！Iforgetmostoftheotherpeopleatthatdinner，norcanIrecallwhatthecrowningrallywasabout。Itdidn\'tinanywayjoinontomyimpressionofMargaret。

Inthedrawing-roomofthemattingfloorIrejoinedher，withAltiora\'smanifestconnivance，andintheintervalIhadbeenthinkingofourformermeeting。

"DoyoufindLondon，"Iasked，"giveyoumoreopportunityfordoingthingsandlearningthingsthanBurslem？"

Sheshowedatoncesheappreciatedmyallusiontoherformerconfidences。"Iwasverydiscontentedthen，"shesaidandpaused。

"I\'vereallyonlybeeninLondonforafewmonths。It\'ssodifferent。InBurslem，lifeseemsallbusinessandgetting——withoutanyreason。Onewentonanditdidn\'tseemtomeananything。Atleastanythingthatmattered……Londonseemstobesofullofmeanings——allmixeduptogether。"

Sheknittedherbrowsoverherwordsandsmiledappealinglyattheendasifforconsiderationforherinadequateexpression，appealinglyandalmosthumorously。

Ilookedunderstandinglyather。"Wehaveall，"Iagreed，"tocometoLondon。"

"Oneseessomuchdistress，"sheadded，asifshefeltshehadcompletelyomittedsomething，andneededacodicil。

"WhatareyoudoinginLondon？"

"I\'mthinkingofstudying。Somesocialquestion。IthoughtperhapsImightgoandstudysocialconditionsasMrs。Baileydid，goperhapsasawork-girlorseetherealityoflivingin，butMrs。

Baileythoughtperhapsitwasn\'tquitemywork。"

"Areyoustudying？"

"I\'mgoingtoagoodmanylectures，andperhapsIshalltakeuparegularcourseattheWestminsterSchoolofPoliticsandSociology。

ButMrs。Baileydoesn\'tseemtobelieveverymuchinthateither。"

Herfaintlywhimsicalsmilereturned。"Iseemratherindefinite，"

sheapologised，"butonedoesnotwanttogetentangledinthingsonecan\'tdo。One——onehassomanyadvantages，one\'slifeseemstobesuchatrustandsucharesponsibility——"

Shestopped。

"Amangetsdrivenintowork，"Isaid。

"ItmustbesplendidtobeMrs。Bailey，"sherepliedwithaglanceofenviousadmirationacrosstheroom。

"SHEhasnodoubts，anyhow，"Iremarked。

"SheHAD，"saidMargaretwiththeprideofonewhohasreceivedgreatconfidences。

6

"You\'vemetbefore？"saidAltiora，adayorsolater。

Iexplainedwhen。

"Youfindherinteresting？"

IsawinaflashthatAltiorameanttomarrymetoMargaret。

Herintentionbecamemuchclearerastheyeardeveloped。Altiorawassystematiceveninmattersthatevadesystem。IwastomarryMargaret，andfreedfromtheneedofmakinganincomeIwastocomeintopolitics——asanexponentofBaileyism。Sheputitdownwiththeotherexcellentandadvantageousthingsthatshouldoccupyhersummerholiday。Itwasherprideandglorytoputthingsdownandplanthemoutindetailbeforehand，andI\'mnotquitesurethatshedidnotevenmarkoffthedayuponwhichtheengagementwastobedeclared。Ifshedid，Idisappointedher。Wedidn\'tcometoanengagement，inspiteofthebroadesthintsandtheglaringobviousnessofeverything，thatsummer。

EverysummertheBaileyswentoutofLondontosomehousetheyhiredorborrowed，leavingtheirsecretariestoilingbehind，andtheywentonworkinghardinthemorningsandeveningsandtakingexerciseintheopenairintheafternoon。Theycycledassiduouslyandwentforlongwalksatatrot，andraidedandstudied(andincidentallyexplainedthemselvesto)anysocial"types"thatlivedintheneighbourhood。Oneinvadedtype，resentfulunderresearch，describedthemwithadreadfulaptnessasDonnaQuixoteandSanchoPanza——andhimselfasaharmlesswindmill，hurtingnooneandsignifyingnothing。Shedidrathertiltatthings。ThisparticularsummertheywereatapleasantfarmhouseinlevelcountrynearPangbourne，belongingtotheHon。WilfridWinchester，andtheyaskedmetocomedowntoroomsintheneighbourhood——AltioratookthemforamonthformeinAugust——andboardwiththemuponextremelyreasonableterms；andwhenIgotthereIfoundMargaretsittinginahammockatAltiora\'sfeet。Lotsofpeople，Igathered，werecomingandgoingintheneighbourhood，thePontswereinavillaontheriver，andtheRickhams\'houseboatwastomoorforsomedays；buttheseirruptionsdidnotimpedeagreatdealofduologuebetweenMargaretandmyself。

Altiorawasefficientratherthanartisticinhermatch-making。Shesentusoffforlongwalkstogether——Margaretwasafairlygoodwalker——sheexhumedsomedefectivecroquetthingsandincitedustocroquet，notunderstandingthatdetestablegameistheworststimulantforloversintheworld。AndMargaretandIwerealwaysgettingleftabout，andfindingourselvesforoddhalf-hoursinthekitchen-gardenwithnothingtodoexcepttalk，orweweretoldwithawaveofthehandtorunawayandamuseeachother。

Altioraeventriedapicnicincanoes，knowingfromfictionratherthanimaginationorexperiencetheconclusivenatureofsuchexcursions。Butthereshefumbledatthelastmoment，andelectedattheriver\'sbrinktoshareacanoewithme。Baileyshowedsomuchzealandsolittleskill——hishatfelloffandhebecamemiraculouslynothingbutpaddle-clutchinghandsandavastwrinkledbrow——thatatlasthehadtobepaddledignominiouslybyMargaret，whileAltiora，afteraphaseofrigiddiscretion，asnearlyaspossibledrownedherself——andmenodoubtintothebargain——withasuddenlateralgestureofthearmtoemphasisethehighnotewithwhichshedismissedtheefficiencyoftheCharityOrganisationSociety。Weshippedaboutaninchofwaterandsatinitfortherestofthetime，aninconvenienceshedisregardedheroically。WehaddifficultiesinlandingOscarfromhisfrailcraftupontheaitofourfeasting，——hedidn\'tbalancesidewaysandwasmuchalarmed，andafterwards，asMargarethadapaininherback，Itookhiminmycanoe，lethimhidehisshamewithanineffectualbutnotpositivelyharmfulpaddle，andtowedtheotherbymeansofthejoinedpainters。

StillitwasthefaultoftheinadequateinformationsuppliedinthebooksandnotofAltiorathatthatwasnotthedateofmybetrothal。

IfinditnotalittledifficulttostatewhatkeptmebackfromproposingmarriagetoMargaretthatsummer，andwhaturgedmeforwardatlasttomarryher。Itissomucheasiertorememberone\'sresolutionsthantorememberthemoodsandsuggestionsthatproducedthem。

Marryingandgettingmarriedwas，Ithink，aprettysimpleaffairtoAltiora；itwassomethingthathappenedtotheadolescentandunmarriedwhenyouthrewthemtogetherunderthecircumstancesofhealth，warmthandleisure。Ithappenedwiththekindlyandapprovingsmilesofthemoreexperiencedelderswhohadorganisedtheseproximities。Theyoungpeoplemarried，settleddown，childrenensued，andfatherandmotherturnedtheirminds，nowdecentlyandproperlydisillusioned，tootherthings。ThattoAltiorawasthenormalsexuallife，andshebelievedittobethequalityofthegreatbulkofthelifeabouther。

Oneofthegreatbarrierstohumanunderstandingisthewidetemperamentaldifferenceonefindsinthevaluesofthingsrelatingtosex。Itistheissueuponwhichpeoplemostneedtrainingincharityandimaginativesympathy。Herearenouniversalstandardsatall，andindeedfornosinglemannorwomandoesthereseemtobeanyfixedstandard，somuchdotheaccidentsofcircumstancesandone\'sphysicalphasesaffectone\'sinterpretations。Thereisnothinginthewholerangeofsexualfactthatmaynotseemsupremelybeautifulorhumanlyjollyormagnificentlywickedordisgustingortrivialorutterlyinsignificant，accordingtotheeyethatseesorthemoodthatcolours。Hereissomethingthatmayfilltheskiesandeverywakinghourorbealmostcompletelybanishedfromalife。ItmaybeeverythingonMondayandlessthannothingonSaturday。Andwemakeourlawsandrulesasthoughinthesemattersallmenandwomenwerecommensurableonewithanother，withanequalsteadfastpassionandanequalconstantduty……

Idon\'tknowwhatdreamsAltioramayhavehadinherschoolroomdays，Ialwayssuspectedherofsuppressedandforgottenphases，butcertainlyhergeneraleffectnowwasofanentirelypassionlessworldlinessinthesematters。IndeedsofarasIcouldgetather，sheregardedsexualpassionasbeinghardlymorelegitimateinacivilisedpersonthan——letussay——homicidalmania。Shemusthaveforgotten——andBaileytoo。Isuspectsheforgotbeforeshemarriedhim。Idon\'tsupposeeitherofthemhadtheslightestintimationofthedimensionssexuallovecantakeinthethoughtsofthegreatmajorityofpeoplewithwhomtheycomeincontact。Theylovedintheirway——anintellectualwayitwasandafondway——butithadnorelationtobeautyandphysicalsensation——exceptthatthereseemedadecreeofexileagainstthesethings。Theygottheirglowinhighmomentsofaltruisticambition——andinmomentsofvividworldlysuccess。Theysatatoppositeendsoftheirdinnertablewithsoandso"captured，"andsoandso，flushedwithamutualapproval。

Theysawpeopleinloveforgetfulanddistraughtaboutthem，andjustputitdowntoforgetfulnessanddistraction。AtanyrateAltioramanifestlyviewedmysituationandMargaret\'swithanabnormalandentirelymisleadingsimplicity。Therewasthegirl，rich，withanacceptableclaimtobebeautiful，shininglyvirtuous，quitecapableofpoliticalinterests，andtherewasI，talented，ambitiousandfullofpoliticalandsocialpassion，inneedofjustthemoney，devotionandregularisationMargaretcouldprovide。Wewerebothunmarried——whitesheetsofuninscribedpaper。Wasthereeverasimplersituation？Whatmorecouldwepossiblywant？

ShewasevenalittleoffendedattheinconclusivenessthatdidnotsettlethingsatPangbourne。Iseemedtoher，Isuspect，toreflectuponherjudgmentandgoodintentions。

7

Ididn\'tseethingswithAltiora\'ssimplicity。

IadmiredMargaretverymuch，IwasfullyawareofallthatsheandImightgiveeachother；indeedsofarasAltiorawentwewerequiteinagreement。ButwhatseemedsolidgroundtoAltioraandtheultimatefootingofheremasculatedworld，wastomejustthesuperficialcoveringofagulf——oh！abyssesofvagueanddim，andyetstupendouslysignificantthings。

Icouldn\'tdismisstheinterestsandthepassionofsexasAltioradid。Work，Iagreed，wasimportant；careerandsuccess；butdeepunanalysableinstinctstoldmethispreoccupationwasathingquiteasimportant；dangerous，interfering，destructiveindeed，butnonethelessadominatinginterestinlife。Ihavetoldhowflittinglyanduninviteditcamelikeamothfromtheoutertwilightintomylife，howitgrewinmewithmymanhood，howitfounditswaytospeechandgrewdaring，andledmeatlasttoexperience。AfterthatadventureatLocarnosexandtheinterestsanddesiresofsexneverleftmeforlongatpeace。Iwentonwithmyworkandmycareer，andallthetimeitwaslike——likesomeonetalkingeverandagaininaroomwhileonetriestowrite。

ThereweretimeswhenIcouldhavewishedtheworldaworldallofmen，sogreatlydidthisunassimilatedseriesofmotivesandcuriositieshamperme；andtimeswhenIcouldhavewishedtheworldallofwomen。Iseemedalwaystobeseekingsomethinginwomen，ingirls，andIwasneverclearwhatitwasIwasseeking。Butnever——

evenatmycoarsest——wasImovedbyphysicaldesirealone。WasI

seekinghelpandfellowship？WasIseekingsomeintimacywithbeauty？Itwasathingtooformlesstostate，thatIseemedalwaysdesiringtoattainandneverattaining。Wavesofgrosssensuousnessaroseoutofthispreoccupation，carriedmetoacrisisofgratificationordisappointmentthatwasclearlynottheneededthing；theypassedandleftmymindfreeagainforatimetogetonwiththepermanentpursuitsofmylife。Andthenpresentlythissolicitudewouldhavemeagain，anirrelevanceasitseemed，andyetaconstantlyrecurringdemand。

Idon\'twantparticularlytodwelluponthingsthataredisagreeableforotherstoread，butIcannotleavethemoutofmystoryandgettherightproportionsoftheforcesIambalancing。Iwasnoabnormalman，andthatworldoforderwedesiretomakemustbebuiltofsuchstuffasIwasandamandcanbeget。YoucannothaveaworldofBaileys；itwouldendinoneorderlygeneration。

HumanityisbegotteninDesire，livesbyDesire。

"Lovewhichislust，istheLampintheTomb；

Lovewhichislust，istheCallfromtheGloom。"

IechoHenley。

Isupposethelifeofcelibacywhichtheactive，well-fed，well-

exercisedandimaginativelystirredyoungmanoftheeducatedclassesissupposedtoleadfromtheageofnineteenortwenty，whenNaturecertainlymeanthimtomarry，tothirtyormore，whencivilisationpermitshimtodoso，isthemostimpossiblethingintheworld。Wedealherewithfactsthatarekeptsecretandobscure，butIdoubtformyownpartifmorethanonemanoutoffiveinourclasssatisfiesthatidealdemand。TherestareevenasIwas，andHatherleighandEsmeerandallthemenIknew。Idrawnolessonsandoffernopanacea；Ihavetotellthequalityoflife，andthisishowitis。Thisishowitwillremainuntilmenandwomenhavethecouragetofacethefactsoflife。

Iwasnosystematiclibertine，youmustunderstand；thingshappenedtomeanddesiredroveme。AnyyoungmanwouldhaveservedforthatLocarnoadventure，andafterthatwhathadbeenamysticandwonderfulthingpassedrapidlyintoagross，manifestlymisdirectedandcomplicatingone。Icancountameagretaleoffiveillicitlovesinthedaysofmyyouth，toincludethatfirstexperience，andofthemallonlytwoweresustainedrelationships。Besidesthesefive"affairs，"ononeortwooccasionsIdippedsolowastheinkydismalsensualityofthestreets，andmadeoneofthosepairsofcorrelatedfigures，thewomaninhersqualidfinerysailinghomeward，themanmodestlyaloofandbehind，thateverynightintheLondonyearflitbythescoreofthousandsacrossthesightoftheobservant……

Howuglyitistorecall；uglyandshamefulnowwithoutqualification！Yetatthetimetherewassurelysomethingnotaltogetheruglyinit——somethingthathasvanished，somefinethingmortallyailing。

OnesuchoccasionIrecallasifitwereavisiondeepdowninapit，asifithadhappenedinanotherstateofexistencetosomeoneelse。Andyetitisthesortofthingthathashappened，onceortwiceatleast，tohalfthemeninLondonwhohavebeeninapositiontomakeitpossible。Letmetryandgiveyouitspeculiareffect。Manorwoman，yououghttoknowofit。

Figuretoyourselfadingyroom，somewhereinthatnetworkofstreetsthatliesaboutTottenhamCourtRoad，adingybedroomlitbyasolitarycandleandcarpetedwithscrapsandpatches，withcurtainsofcretonneclosingthewindow，andatawdryornamentofpaperinthegrate。Isitonabedbesideaweary-eyed，fair-

haired，sturdyyoungwoman，halfundressed，whoistellingmeinbrokenGermansomethingthatmyknowledgeofGermanisatfirstinadequatetounderstand……

Ithoughtshewasboastingaboutherfamily，andthenslowlythemeaningcametome。ShewasaLettfromnearLibauinCourland，andshewastellingme——justasonetellssomethingtoostrangeforcommentoremotion——howherfatherhadbeenshotandhersisteroutragedandmurderedbeforehereyes。

Itwasasifonehaddippedintosomethingprimordialandstupendousbeneaththesmoothandtrivialsurfacesoflife。TherewasI，youknow，thepromisingyoungdonfromCambridge，whowrotequitebrilliantlyaboutpoliticsandmightpresentlygetintoParliament，withmycollarandtieinmyhand，andacertainsenseofshamefuladventurefadingoutofmymind。

"AchGott！"shesighedbywayofcomment，andmuseddeeplyforamomentbeforesheturnedherfacetome，astosomethingforgottenandremembered，andassumedthehalf-heartedmeretricioussmile。

"Binicheinehubsche？"sheaskedlikeonewhorepeatsalesson。

Iwasmovedtocraveherpardonandcomeaway。

"Binicheinehubsche？"sheaskedalittleanxiously，layingadetaininghanduponme，andevidentlynotunderstandingawordofwhatIwasstrivingtosay。

8

IfinditextraordinarilydifficulttorecallthephasesbywhichI

passedfrommyfirstadmirationofMargaret\'searnestnessandunconsciousdaintinesstoanintimateacquaintance。Theearlierencountersstandoutclearandhard，butthentheimpressionsbecomecrowdedandminglenotonlywitheachotherbutwithallthesubsequentdevelopmentsofrelationship，theenormousevolutionsofinterpretationandcomprehensionbetweenhusbandandwife。Dippingintomymemoriesislikedippingintoaragbag，onebringsoutthismemoryorthat，withnointimationofhowtheycameintimeorwhatledtothemandjoinedthemtogether。Andtheyareallmixedupwithsubsequentassociations，withsympathiesanddiscords，habitsofintercourse，surprisesanddisappointmentsanddiscoveredmisunderstandings。IknowonlythatalwaysmyfeelingsforMargaretwerecomplicatelfeelings，wovenofmanyandvariousstrands。

Itisoneofthecuriousneglectedaspectsoflifehowatthesametimeandinrelationtothesamerealitywecanhaveinourmindsstreamsofthoughtatquitedifferentlevels。Wecanbeatthesametimeidealisingapersonandseeingandcriticisingthatpersonquitecoldlyandclearly，andweslipunconsciouslyfromleveltolevelandproduceallsortsofinconsistentacts。InasenseIhadnoillusionsaboutMargaret；inasensemyconceptionofMargaretwasentirelypoeticillusion。Idon\'tthinkIwaseverblindtocertaindefectsofhers，andquiteascertainlytheydidn\'tseemtomatterintheslightestdegree。Hermindhadacuriouswantofvigour，"flatness"istheonlyword；sheneverseemedtoescapefromherphrase；herwayofthinking，herwayofdoingwasindecisive；

sheremainedinherattitude，itdidnotflowouttoeasy，confirmatoryaction。

Isawthisquiteclearly，andwhenwewalkedandtalkedtogetherI

seemedalwaystryingforanimationinherandneverfindingit。I

wouldstatemyideas。"Iknow，"shewouldsay，"Iknow。"

Italkedaboutmyselfandshelistenedwonderfully，butshemadenoansweringrevelations。Italkedpolitics，andsheremarkedwithherblueeyeswideandearnest："EveryWORDyousayseemssojust。"

Iadmiredherappearancetremendouslybut——IcanonlyexpressitbysayingIdidn\'twanttotouchher。Herfairhairwasalwaysdelectablydone。Itflowedbeautifullyoverherprettysmallears，andshewouldtieitsfaircoilingswithfilletsofblackorbluevelvetthatcarriedprettybucklesofsilverandpaste。Thelight，thefaintdownonherbrowandcheekwasdelightful。AnditwascleartomethatImadeherhappy。

Mysenseofherdeficienciesdidn\'tstandinthewayofmyfallingatlastverydeeplyinlovewithher。Herveryshortcomingsseemedtooffermesomething……

Shestoodinmymindforgoodness——andforthingsfromwhichitseemedtomemyholdwasslipping。

Sheseemedtopromiseawayofescapefromthedeepeningoppositioninmebetweenphysicalpassionsandtheconstructivecareer，thecareerofwideaimsandhumanservice，uponwhichIhadembarked。

AllthetimethatIwasseeingherasabeautiful，fragile，ratherineffectivegirl，Iwasalsoseeingherjustasconsciouslyasashiningslenderfigure，aradiantreconciliation，comingintomydarklingdisordersoflustandimpulse。Icouldunderstandclearlythatshewasincapableofthemostnecessarysubtletiesofpoliticalthought，andyetIcouldcontemplateprayingtoherandputtingalltheintricatetroublesofmylifeatherfeet。

BeforethereappearanceofMargaretinmyworldatallanunwonteddisgustwiththeconsequencesandqualityofmypassionshadariseninmymind。AmongotherthingsthatmomentwiththeLettishgirlhauntedmepersistently。Iwouldseemyselfagainandagainsittingamidstthosesluttishsurroundings，collarandtieinhand，whileherheavyGermanwordsgroupedthemselvestoaslowlyapprehendedmeaning。Iwouldfeelagainwithafreshstabofremorse，thatthiswasnotaflashofadventure，thiswasnotseeinglifeinanypermissiblesense，butadipintotragedy，dishonour，hideousdegradation，andthepitilesscrueltyofaworldasyetuncontrolledbyanyorderedwill。

"GoodGod！"Iputittomyself，"thatIshouldfinishtheworkthoseCossackshadbegun！Iwhowantorderandjusticebeforeeverything！

There\'snowayoutofit，nodecentexcuse！IfIdidn\'tthink，I

oughttohavethought！"……

HowdidIgettoit？"……Iwouldransackthephasesofmydevelopmentfromthefirstshyunveilingofahiddenwondertothelastextremityasamanwillgothroughmuddledaccountbookstofindsomedisorganisingerror……

Iwasalsoinvolvedatthattime——Ifindithardtoplacethesethingsintheexactorderoftheirdatesbecausetheyweresodisconnectedwiththeregularprogressofmyworkandlife——inanintrigue，aclumsy，sensuous，pretentious，artificiallystimulatedintrigue，withaMrs。Larrimer，awomanlivingseparatedfromherhusband。Iwillnotgointoparticularsofthatepisode，norhowwequarrelledandchafedoneanother。Shewasatonceunfaithfulandjealousandfullofwhimsaboutourmeetings；shewascarelessofoursecret，andvulgarisedourrelationshipbyintolerableinterpretations；exceptforsomeglowingmomentsofgratification，exceptfortherecurrentandessentiallyviciousdesirethatdrewusbacktoeachotheragain，webothfrettedatavexatiousandunexpectedlybindingintimacy。Theinterimwasfullofthequalityofworkdelayed，oftimeandenergywasted，ofinsecureprecautionsagainstscandalandexposure。Disappointmentisalmostinherentinillicitlove。Ihad，andperhapsitwaspartofherrecurrentirritationalso，afeelingasthoughonehadfollowedsomethingfineandbeautifulintoanet——intobirdlime！Thesefurtivescuffles，thissneakingintoshabbyhousesofassignation，waswhatwehadmadeoutofthesuggestionofpaganbeauty；thiswastherealityofourvisionofnymphsandsatyrsdancingforthejoyoflifeamidstincessantsunshine。Wehadlaidhandsuponthewonderandgloryofbodilyloveandwastedthem……

Itwasthesenseofwaste，offinelybeautifulpossibilitiesgettingentangledandmarredforeverthatoppressedme。Ihadmissed，I

hadlost。IdidnotturnfromthesethingsafterthefashionoftheBaileys，asoneturnsfromsomethinglowandembarrassing。Ifeltthatthesegreatorganicforceswerestilltobewroughtintoaharmonywithmyconstructivepassion。IfelttoothatIwasnotdoingit。Ihadnotunderstoodtheforcesinthisstrugglenoritsnature，andasIlearntIfailed。Ihadbeenstartedwrong，Ihadgoneonwrong，inaworldthatwasmuddledandconfused，fulloffalsecounselanderraticshamesandtwistedtemptations。Ilearnttoseeitsobyfailuresthatwereperhapsdestroyinganychanceofprofitinmylessons。Moodsofclearkeenindustryalternatedwithmoodsofrelapseandindulgenceandmoodsofdubietyandremorse。I

wasnotgoingonastheBaileysthoughtIwasgoingon。ThereweretimeswhentheblindnessoftheBaileysirritatedmeintensely。

Beneaththeostensiblesuccessofthoseyears，betweentwenty-threeandtwenty-eight，thisrottenness，knowntoscarcelyanyonebutmyself，grewandspread。Mysenseoftheprobabilityofacollapseintensified。Iknewindeednow，evenasWillersleyhadprophesiedfiveyearsbefore，thatIwasentanglingmyselfinsomethingthatmightsmotherallmyusesintheworld。Downthereamongthoseincommunicabledifficulties，Iwaspuzzledandblundering。Iwaslosingmyholduponthings；thechaoticandadventurouselementinlifewasspreadingupwardandgettingthebetterofme，over-

masteringmeandallmywilltoruleandmake……Andthestrength，thedruggingurgencyofthepassion！

Margaretshoneattimesinmyimaginationlikearadiantangelinaworldofmireanddisorder，inaworldofcravings，hotanddullredlikescarsinflamed……

IsupposeitwasbecauseIhadsogreataneedofsuchhelpasherwhitenessproffered，thatIcouldascribeimpossibleperfectionstoher，apowerofintellect，amoralpowerandpatiencetowhichshe，poorfellowmortal，hadindeednoclaim。IfonlyafewofusWERE

angelsandfreedfromthetangleofeffort，howeasylifemightbe！

Iwantedhersobadly，soverybadly，tobewhatIneeded。Iwantedawomantosaveme。IforcedmyselftoseeherasIwishedtoseeher。Hertepiditiesbecameinfinitedelicacies，hermentalvaguenessanatmosphericrealism。TheharshprecisionsoftheBaileysandAltiora\'sbluntdirectnessthrewupherfinenessintoreliefandmadeagraceofeveryweakness。

MixedupwiththememoryoftimeswhenItalkedwithMargaretasonetalkspolitelytothosewhoarehopelesslyinferiorinmentalquality，explainingwithafalselucidity，welcomingandencouragingthefeeblestresponse，whenpossiblemouldinganddirecting，aretimeswhenIdidindeed，astheoldphrasegoes，worshipthegroundshetrodon。Iwasequallyhonestandunconsciousofinconsistencyateachextreme。ButinneitherphasecouldIfinditeasytomakelovetoMargaret。ForinthefirstIdidnotwantto，thoughI

talkedabundantlytoherofmarriageandsoforth，andwasalittlepuzzledatmyselffornotgoingontosomepersonalapplication，andinthesecondsheseemedinaccessible，IfeltImustmakeconfessionsandputthingsbeforeherthatwouldbethegrossestoutrageuponthenoblepurityIattributedtoher。

9

IwenttoMargaretatlasttoaskhertomarryme，wroughtuptothemoodofonewhostakeshislifeonacast。Separatedfromher，andwiththeresonanceofaneveningofangryrecriminationswithMrs。

Larrimerechoinginmymind，IdiscoveredmyselftobequitepassionatelyinlovewithMargaret。Lastshredsofdoubtvanished。

IthasalwaysbeenafeatureofourrelationshipthatMargaretabsentmeansmoretomethanMargaretpresent；hermemorydistilsfromitsdrossandpurifiesinme。Allmycriticismsandqualificationsofhervanishedintosomedarkcornerofmymind。

Shewastheladyofmysalvation；Imustwinmywaytoherorperish。

Iwenttoheratlast，forallthatIknewshelovedme，inpassionateself-abasement，whiteanda-tremble。ShewasstayingwiththeRockleysatWoking，forShenaRockleyhadbeenatBennettHallwithherandtheyhadresumedacloseintimacy；andIwentdowntoheronanimpulse，unheralded。Iwaskeptwaitingforsomeminutes，Iremember，inalittleroomuponwhichaconservatoryopened，aconservatoryfullofpotsoflargemauve-edged，whitecyclamensinflower。Andtherewasabiglacquercabinet，aChinesething，Isuppose，ofblackandgoldagainstthered-tonedwall。TothisdaythethoughtofMargaretisinseparablyboundupwiththesightofacyclamen\'sback-turnedpetals。

Shecamein，lookingpaleanddroopingrathermorethanusual。I

suddenlyrealisedthatAltiora\'shintofadisappointmentleadingtopositiveillnesswassomethingmorethanavindictivecomment。Sheclosedthedoorandcameacrosstomeandtookanddroppedmyhandandstoodstill。"Whatisityouwantwithme？"sheasked。

ThespeechIhadbeenturningoverandoverinmymindonthewayvanishedatthesightofher。

"Iwanttotalktoyou，"Iansweredlamely。

Forsomesecondsneitherofussaidaword。

"Iwanttotellyouthingsaboutmylife，"Ibegan。

Sheansweredwithascarcelyaudible"yes。"

"IalmostaskedyoutomarrymeatPangbourne，"Iplunged。"I

didn\'t。Ididn\'tbecause——becauseyouhadtoomuchtogiveme。"

"Toomuch！"sheechoed，"togiveyou！"Shehadliftedhereyestomyfaceandthecolourwascomingintohercheeks。

"Don\'tmisunderstandme，"Isaidhastily。"Iwanttotellyouthings，thingsyoudon\'tknow。Don\'tanswerme。Iwanttotellyou。"

Shestoodbeforethefireplacewithherultimateanswershiningthroughthequietofherface。"Goon，"shesaid，verysoftly。ItwassopitilesslymanifestshewasresolvedtoidealisethesituationwhateverImightsay。Ibeganwalkingupanddowntheroombetweenthosecyclamensandthecabinet。Therewerelittlegoldfishermenonthecabinetfishingfromlittleislandsthateachhadapagodaandatree，andtherewerealsomeninboatsorsomething，Icouldn\'tdeterminewhat，andsomeobscuresub-officeinmymindconcerneditselfwiththatquiteintently。YetIseemtohavebeenstrivingwithallmybeingtogetwordsforthetruthofthings。"Yousee，"Iemerged，"youmakeeverythingpossibletome。

Youcangivemehelpandsympathy，support，understanding。Youknowmypoliticalambitions。YouknowallthatImightdointheworld。

Idosointenselywanttodoconstructivethings，bigthingsperhaps，inthiswildjumble……Onlyyoudon\'tknowabitwhatIam。IwanttotellyouwhatIam。I\'mcomplex……I\'mstreaked。"

Iglancedather，andshewasregardingmewithanexpressionofblissfuldisregardforanymeaningIwasseekingtoconvey。

"Yousee，"Isaid，"I\'mabadman。"

Shesoundedanoteofvaliantincredulity。

Everythingseemedtobeslippingawayfromme。Ipushedontotheuglyfactsthatremainedoverfromthewreckofmyinterpretation。

"Whathasheldmeback，"Isaid，"isthethoughtthatyoucouldnotpossiblyunderstandcertainthingsinmylife。Menarenotpureaswomenare。Ihavehadloveaffairs。ImeanIhavehadaffairs。

Passion——desire。Yousee，Ihavehadamistress，Ihavebeenentangled——"

Sheseemedabouttospeak，butIinterrupted。"I\'mnottellingyou，"Isaid，"whatImeanttotellyou。Iwantyoutoknowclearlythatthereisanothersidetomylife，adirtyside。DeliberatelyI

say，dirty。Itdidn\'tseemsoatfirst——"

Istoppedblankly。"Dirty，"Ithought，wasthemostidioticchoiceofwordstohavemade。

Ihadneverinanytolerablesenseofthewordbeendirty。

"Idriftedintothis——asmendo，"Isaidafteralittlepauseandstoppedagain。

Shewaslookingatmewithherwideblueeyes。

"Didyouimagine，"shebegan，"thatIthoughtyou——thatIexpected——"

"Buthowcanyouknow？"

"Iknow。Idoknow。"

"But——"Ibegan。

"Iknow，"shepersisted，droppinghereyelids。"OfcourseIknow，"

andnothingcouldhaveconvincedmemorecompletelythatshedidnotknow。

"Allmen——"shegeneralised。"Awomandoesnotunderstandthesetemptations。"

Iwasastonishedbeyondmeasureatherwayoftakingmyconfession……

"Ofcourse，"shesaid，hesitatingalittleoveratransparentdifficulty，"itisalloverandpast。"

"It\'salloverandpast，"Ianswered。

Therewasalittlepause。

"Idon\'twanttoknow，"shesaid。"Noneofthatseemstomatternowintheslightestdegree。"

Shelookedupandsmiledasthoughwehadexchangedsomeacceptablecommonplaces。"Poordear！"shesaid，dismissingeverything，andputoutherarms，anditseemedtomethatIcouldheartheLettishgirlinthebackground——doomedsafetyvalveofpurityinthisintolerableworld——tellingsomethinginindistinguishableGerman——Iknownotwhatnorwhy……

ItookMargaretinmyarmsandkissedher。Hereyeswerewetwithtears。Sheclungtomeandwasnear，Ifelt，tosobbing。

"Ihavelovedyou，"shewhisperedpresently，"Oh！eversincewemetinMisterton——sixyearsandmoreago。"

CHAPTERTHETHIRD

MARGARETINVENICE

1

TherecomesintomymindaconfusedmemoryofconversationswithMargaret；wemusthavehaddozensaltogether，andtheymixinnowforthemostpartinextricablynotonlywithoneanother，butwithlatertalksandwiththingswediscussedatPangbourne。Wehadtheimmensestanticipationsoftheyearsandopportunitiesthatlaybeforeus。Iwasnowverydeeplyinlovewithherindeed。IfeltnotthatIhadcleanedupmylifebutthatshehad。Wecalledeachother"confederate"Iremember，andmadeduringourbriefengagementaseriesofvisitstothevariouslegislativebodiesinLondon，theCountyCouncil，theHouseofCommons，wherewedinedwithVilliers，andtheSt。PancrasVestry，whereweheardShawspeaking。Iwasfullofplansandsowassheofthewayinwhichweweretoliveandwork。WeweretopaybackinpublicservicewhateverexcessofwealthbeyondhismeritsoldSeddon\'seconomicadvantagehadwonforhimfromthetoilingpeopleinthepotteries。TheendoftheBoerWarwassorecentthatthatblessedword"efficiency"echoedstillinpeople\'smindsandthoughts。LordRoseberryinamemorableorationhadputitintotheheadsofthebigouterpublic，buttheBaileyswithacertainshowofjusticeclaimedtohavesetitgoinginthechannelsthattookittohim——ifasamatteroffactitwastakentohim。Butthenitwastheirhabittomakeclaimsofthatsort。Theycertainlydidtheirsharetokeep"efficient"going。

Altiora\'shighestpraisewas"thoroughlyefficient。"Weweretobea"thoroughlyefficient"politicalcoupleofthe"newtype。"SheexplainedustoherselfandOscar，sheexplainedustoourselves，sheexplainedustothepeoplewhocametoherdinnersandafternoonsuntiltheworldwashighlychargedwithexplanationandexpectation，andtheproposalthatIshouldbetheLiberalcandidatefortheKinghamsteadDivisionseemedthemostnaturaldevelopmentintheworld。

Iwasfulloftheidealofhardrestrainedlivingandrelentlessactivity，andthroughoutabeautifulNovemberatVenice，wherechieflywespentourhoneymoon，weturnedoverandoveragainanddiscussedineveryaspectourconceptionofalifetremendouslyfocussedupontheidealofsocialservice。

MostclearlytherestandsoutapictureofourselvestalkinginagondolaonourwaytoTorcella。FarawaybehindusthesmokeofMuranoformsablackstainuponanimmenseshiningprospectofsmoothwater，waterasunruffledandluminousastheskyabove，amirroronwhichrowsofpostsanddistantblackhigh-stemmed，swan-

neckedboatswiththeirminutelyclearswinginggondoliers，floataerially。Remoteandlowbeforeusrisesthelittletowerofourdestination。Ourmenswingtogetherandtheiroarsswirlleisurelythroughthewater，humpbackintherowlocks，splashsharplyandgoswishingbackagain。Margaretliesbackoncushions，withherfaceshadedbyahollandparasol，andIsitupbesideher。

"Yousee，"Isay，andinspiteofMargaret\'snoteofperfectacquiescenceIfeelmyselfreasoningagainstanindefinableantagonism，"itissoeasytofallintoaslackwaywithlife。

Theremayseemtobesomethingpriggishinameticulousdiscipline，butotherwiseitissoeasytoslipintoindolenthabits——andtobedistractedfromone\'spurpose。Thecountry，theworld，wantsmentoserveitsconstructiveneeds，toworkoutandcarryoutplans。Foramanwhohastomakealivingtheenemyisimmediatenecessity；forpeoplelikeourselvesit\'s——it\'stheconstantsmallopportunityofagreeablethings。"

"Fritteringaway，"shesays，"timeandstrength。"

"ThatiswhatIfeel。It\'ssopleasanttopretendoneissimplymodest，itlookssofoolishattimestotakeone\'sselftooseriously。We\'veGOTtotakeourselvesseriously。"

Sheendorsesmywordswithhereyes。

"IfeelIcandogreatthingswithlife。"

"IKNOWyoucan。"

"Butthat\'sonlytobedonebyconcentratingone\'slifeupononemainend。Wehavetoplanourdays，tomakeeverythingsubserveourscheme。"

"Ifeel，"sheanswerssoftly，"weoughttogive——everyhour。"

Herfacebecomesdreamy。"IWANTtogiveeveryhour，"sheadds。

2

ThatholidayinVeniceissetinmymemorylikealittleartificiallakeinunevenconfusedcountry，assomethingverybrightandskylike，anddiscontinuouswithallaboutit。Thefadedqualityoftheverysunshineofthatseason，themellowdiscolouredpalacesandplaces，thehuge，time-ripenedpaintingsofdepartedsplendours，thewhispering，nearlynoiselesspassageofhearse-blackgondolas，forthehorriblesteamlaunchhadnotyetruinedVenice，thestilledmagnificencesofthedepopulatedlagoons，theuniversalautumn，mademefeelaltogetherinrecessfromtheteeminguproarsofreality。

Therewasnotadozenpeoplealltold，noAmericansandscarcelyanyEnglish，todineinthebigcavernofadining-room，withitsvistasofseparatetables，itsdistemperedwallsanditsswathedchandeliers。Wewentaboutseeingbeautifulthings，acceptingbeautyoneveryhand，andtakingitforgrantedthatallwaswellwithourselvesandtheworld。ItwastendaysorafortnightbeforeIbecamefretfulandanxiousforaction；alongtranquillityforsuchatemperamentasmine。

Ourpleasureswerecuriouslyimpersonal，asuccessionofsharedaestheticappreciationthreadsallthattime。Ourhoneymoonwasnoexultantcomingtogether，nomutualshoutof"YOU！"Wewerealmostshywithoneanother，andfeltthereliefofevenapicturetohelpusout。ItwasentirelyinmyconceptionofthingsthatIshouldbeverywatchfulnottoshockordistressMargaretorpressthesensuousnote。Ourlove-makinghadmuchofthetepidsmoothnessofthelagoons。Wetalkedindelicateinnuendoofwhatshouldbegloriousfreedoms。MargarethadmissedVeronaandVeniceinherpreviousItalianjourney——fearofthemosquitohaddrivenhermotheracrossItalytothewestwardroute——andnowshecouldfilluphergapsandseetheTitiansandPaulVeronesesshealreadyknewincolourlessphotographs，theCarpaccios，(theSt。Georgeseriesdelightedherbeyondmeasure，)theBasaitisandthatgreatstatueofBartolomeoColleonithatRuskinpraised。

ButsinceIamnotamantolookatpicturesandarchitecturaleffectsdayafterday，IdidwatchMargaretverycloselyandstoreathousandmemoriesofher。Icanseehernow，herlongbodydroopingalittleforward，hersweetfaceupraisedtosomediscoveredfamiliarmasterpieceandshiningwithadelicateenthusiasm。Icanhearagainthesoftcadencesofhervoicemurmuringcommonplacecomments，forshehadnogiftofexpressingtheshapelesssatisfactionthesethingsgaveher。

Margaret，Iperceived，wasacultivatedperson，thefirstcultivatedpersonwithwhomIhadevercomeintoclosecontact。Shewascultivatedandmoral，andI，Inowrealise，wasnevereitherofthesethings。Shewaspassive，andIamactive。Shedidnotsimplyandnaturallylookforbeautybutshehadbeenincitedtolookforitatschool，andtookperhapsakeenerinterestinbooksandlecturesandalltheorganisationofbeautifulthingsthanshedidinbeautyitself；shefoundmuchofherdelightinbeingguidedtoit。Nowathingceasestobebeautifultomewhensomefingerpointsmeoutitsmerits。Beautyisthesaltoflife，butItakemybeautyasawildbeastgetsitssalt，asaconstituentofthemeal……

Andbesides，therewasthatbetweenusthatshouldhaveseemedmorebeautifulthananypicture……

SowewentaboutVenicetrackingdownpicturesandspiralstaircasesandsuch-likethings，andmybrainswerebusyallthetimewithsuchthingsasacomparisonofVeniceanditsnearestmodernequivalent，NewYork，withtheelaborationofschemesofactionwhenwereturnedtoLondon，withthedevelopmentofatheoryofMargaret。

Ourmarriagehaddonethismuchatleast，thatithadfusedanddestroyedthosetwoindependentwaysofthinkingaboutherthathadgoneoninmymindhitherto。Suddenlyshehadbecomeveryneartome，andaverybigthing，asortofcomprehensivegeneralisationbehindathousandquestions，liketheskyorEngland。Thejudgmentsandunderstandingsthathadworkedwhenshewas，sotospeak，milesawayfrommylife，hadnowtobealtogetherrevised。Triflingthingsbegantomatterenormously，thatshehadaweakandeasilyfatiguedback，forexample，orthatwhensheknittedherbrowsandstammeredalittleintalking，itdidn\'treallymeanthatanexquisitesignificancestruggledforutterance。

Wevisitedpicturesinthemorningschiefly。Intheafternoon，unlessweweremakingaday-longexcursioninagondola，MargaretwouldrestforanhourwhileIprowledaboutinsearchofEnglishnewspapers，andthenwewouldgototeainthePiazzaSanMarcoandwatchthedriftofpeoplefeedingthepigeonsandgoingintothelittledoorsbeneaththesunlitarchesanddomesofSaintMark\'s。

ThenperhapswewouldstrollonthePiazzetta，orgooutintothesunsetinagondola。Margaretbecameveryinterestedintheshopsthataboundunderthecolonnadesanddecidedatlasttomakeanextensivepurchaseoftableglass。"Thesethings，"shesaid，arequitebeautiful，andfarcheaperthananythingbutthemostordinarylookingEnglishware。"Iwasinterestedinheridea，andagooddealcharmedbythedelightfulqualitiesoftintedshape，slenderhandleandtwistedstem。Isuggestedweshouldgetnotsimplytumblersandwineglassesbutbedroomwaterbottles，fruit-andsweet-

dishes，water-jugs，andintheendwemadequiteabusiness-likeafternoonofit。

Iwasbeginningnowtolongquitedefinitelyforevents。Energywasaccumulatinginme，andworryingmeforanoutlet。IfoundtheTIMESandtheDAILYTELEGRAPHandtheotherpapersImanagedtogetholdof，moreandmorestimulating。InearlywrotetotheformerpaperonedayinanswertoaletterbyLordGrimthorpe——Iforgetnowuponwhatpoint。Ichafedsecretlyagainstthislifeoftranquilappreciationsmoreandmore。IfoundmyattitudesofrestrainedanddelicateaffectionforMargaretincreasinglydifficulttosustain。

Isurprisedmyselfandherbylittlegustsofirritability，gustslikethecatspawsbeforeagale。Iwasalarmedatthesesymptoms。

OnenightwhenMargarethadgoneuptoherroom，Iputonalightovercoat，wentoutintothenightandprowledforalongtimethroughthenarrowstreets，smokingandthinking。Ireturnedandwentandsatontheedgeofherbedtotalktoher。

"Lookhere，Margaret，"Isaid；"thisisallverywell，butI\'mrestless。"

"Restless！"shesaidwithafaintsurpriseinhervoice。

"Yes。IthinkIwantexercise。I\'vegotasortoffeeling——I\'veneverhaditbefore——asthoughIwasgettingfat。"

"Mydear！"shecried。

"Iwanttodothings；——ridehorses，climbmountains，takethedeviloutofmyself。"

Shewatchedmethoughtfully。

"Couldn\'tweDOsomething？"shesaid。

Dowhat？

"Idon\'tknow。Couldn\'tweperhapsgoawayfromheresoon——andwalkinthemountains——onourwayhome。"

Ithought。"Thereseemstobenoexerciseatallinthisplace。"

"Isn\'ttheresomewalk？"

"Iwonder，"Ianswered。"WemightwalktoChioggiaperhaps，alongtheLido。"Andwetriedthat，butthelongstretchofbeachfatiguedMargaret\'sback，andgaveherblisters，andwenevergotbeyondMalamocco……

Adayorsoafterwewentouttothosepleasantblack-robed，beardedArmeniansintheirmonasteryatSaintLazzaro，andreturnedtowardssundown。Wefellintosilence。"PIULENTO，"saidMargarettothegondolier，andreleasedmyaccumulatedresolution。

"LetusgobacktoLondon，"Isaidabruptly。

Margaretlookedatmewithsurprisedblueeyes。

"Thisisbeautifulbeyondmeasure，youknow，"Isaid，stickingtomypoint，"butIhaveworktodo。"

Shewassilentforsomeseconds。"Ihadforgotten，"shesaid。

"SohadI，"Isympathised，andtookherhand。"SuddenlyIhaveremembered。"

Sheremainedquitestill。"Thereissomuchtobedone，"Isaid，almostapologetically。

Shelookedlongawayfrommeacrossthelagoonandatlastsighed，likeonewhohasdrunkdeeply，andturnedtome。

"Isupposeoneoughtnottobesohappy，"shesaid。"Everythinghasbeensobeautifulandsosimpleandsplendid。Andclean。IthasbeenjustWithYou——thetimeofmylife。It\'sapitysuchthingsmustend。Buttheworldiscallingyou，dear……Ioughtnottohaveforgottenit。Ithoughtyouwereresting——andthinking。Butifyouarerested——Wouldyoulikeustostartto-morrow？"

ShelookedatoncesofragileandsodevotedthatonthespurofthemomentIrelented，andwestayedinVenicefourmoredays。

CHAPTERTHEFOURTH

THEHOUSEINWESTMINSTER

1

MargarethadalreadytakenalittlehouseinRadnorSquare，Westminster，beforeourmarriage，ahousethatseemedparticularlyadaptabletoourneedsaspublic-spiritedefficients；ithadbeenverypleasantlypaintedandpaperedunderMargaret\'sinstructions，whitepaintandcleanopenpurplesandgreenpredominating，andnowwesettoworkatonceupontheinterestingbusinessofarrangingand——withourVenetianglassasabeginning——furnishingit。Wehadbeenfairlyfortunatewithourweddingpresents，andforthemostpartitwasopentoustochoosejustexactlywhatwewouldhaveandjustpreciselywherewewouldputit。

Margarethadasenseofformandcolouraltogethersuperiortomine，andsoquiteapartfromthefactthatitwashermoneyequippedus，Istoodasidefromallthesemattersandobeyedhersummonstoaconsultationonlytoendorseherjudgmentveryreadily。UntileverythingwassettledIwenteverydaytomyoldroomsinVincentSquareandworkedataseriesofpapersthatwereoriginallyintendedfortheFORTNIGHTLYREVIEW，thepapersthatafterwardsbecamemyfourthbook，"NewAspectsofLiberalism。"

Istillrememberasdelightfulmostofthecircumstancesofgettinginto79，RadnorSquare。ThethinflavourofindecisionaboutMargaretdisappearedaltogetherinashop；shehadtheprecisestideasofwhatshewanted，andthedevicesofthesalesmandidnotswayher。Itwasverypleasanttofindhertakingthingsoutofmyhandswithacertainmasterfulness，andshowingthedistinctestdeterminationtomakeahouseinwhichIshouldbeabletoworkinthatgreatprojectof"doingsomethingfortheworld。"

"AndIdowanttomakethingsprettyaboutus，"shesaid。"Youdon\'tthinkitwrongtohavethingspretty？"

"Iwantthemso。"

"Altiorahasthingshard。"

"Altiora，"Ianswered，"takesaprideinstandinguglyanduncomfortablethings。ButIdon\'tseethattheyhelpher。Anyhowtheywon\'thelpme。"

SoMargaretwenttothebestshopsandgoteverythingverysimpleandverygood。Sheboughtsomepicturesverywellindeed；therewasalittleSussexlandscape，fullofwindandsunshine，byNicholson，formystudy，thathitmytastefarbetterthanifIhadgoneouttogetsomesuchexpressionformyself。

"Wewillbuyapicturejustnowandthen，"shesaid，"sometimes——

whenweseeone。"

IwouldcomebackthroughtheJanuarymireorfogfromVincentSquaretothedoorof79，andreachitatlastwithaquitechildishappreciationofthefactthatitssolidGeorgianproportionsanditsfinebrassfurnishingsbelongedtoMYhome；IwouldusemylatchkeyanddiscoverMargaretinthewarm-lit，spacioushallwithapartiallyopenedpacking-case，fatiguedbuthappy，orgouptohaveteawithheroutoftherightteathings，"comeatlast，"orbetoldtonoticewhatwasfreshthere。Itwasn\'tsimplythatIhadneverhadahousebefore，butIhadreallyneverbeen，exceptinthemosttransitoryway，inanyhousethatwasnearlysodelightfulasminepromisedtobe。Everythingwasfreshandbright，andsoftlyandharmoniouslytoned。Downstairswehadagreendining-roomwithgleamingsilver，darkoak，andEnglishcolour-prints；abovewasalargedrawing-roomthatcouldbemadestilllargerbythrowingopenfoldingdoors，anditwasallcarefullydoneingreysandblues，forthemostpartwithrealSheratonsupplementedbySheratonsoskilfullyimitatedbyanexpertMargarethaddiscoveredastobeindistinguishableexcepttoaminutescrutiny。Andforme，abovethisandnexttomybedroom，therewasaroomystudy，withspeciallythickstair-carpetoutsideandthickcarpetsinthebedroomoverheadandabigolddeskformetositatandworkbetweenfireandwindow，andanotherdeskspeciallymadeformebythatexpertifI

chosetostandandwrite，andopenbookshelvesandbookcasesandeverysortofconvenientfitting。Therewereelectricheatersbesidetheopenfire，andeverythingwasputformetomaketeaatanytime——electrickettle，infuser，biscuitsandfreshbutter，sothatIcouldgetupandworkatanyhourofthedayornight。I

coulddonoworkinthisapartmentforalongtime，Iwassointerestedintheperfectionofitsarrangements。AndwhenI

broughtinmybooksandpapersfromVincentSquare，Margaretseizeduponallthereallyshabbyvolumesandhadthemre-boundinafineofficial-lookingleather。

IcanremembersittingdownatthatdeskandlookingroundmeandfeelingwithaqueereffectofsurprisethatafterallevenaplaceintheCabinet，thoughinfinitelyremote，wasneverthelessinthesamelargeworldwiththesefineandquietlyexpensivethings。