第3章

"IconsiderthatshowinghospitalitytotheSmithly-DubbsiscarryingFreeFoodprinciplestoaregrettableextreme，"saidLadyDrakmanton；"I\'veentertainedtheJonesesandtheBrownsandtheSnapheimersandtheLubrikoffs，andheapsofotherswhosenamesI

forget，butIdon\'tseewhyIshouldinflictthesocietyoftheMissesSmithly-Dubbonmyselfforasolidhour。Imagineit，sixtyminutes，moreorless，ofunrelentinggobbleandgabble。Whycan\'tYOUtakethemon，Milly？"sheasked，turninghopefullytohersister。

"Idon\'tknowthem，"saidMillyhastily。

"Allthebetter；youcanpassyourselfoffasme。Peoplesaythatwearesoalikethattheycanhardlytellusapart，andI\'veonlyspokentothesetiresomeyoungwomenabouttwiceinmylife，atcommittee-rooms，andbowedtothemintheclub。Anyoftheclubpage-boyswillpointthemouttoyou；they\'realwaystobefoundlollingaboutthehalljustbeforelunch-time。"

"MydearBetty，don\'tbeabsurd，"protestedMilly；"I\'vegotsomepeoplelunchingwithmeattheCarltonto-morrow，andI\'mleavingTownthedayafterwards。"

"Whattimeisyourlunchto-morrow？"askedLadyDrakmantonreflectively。

"Twoo\'clock，"saidMilly。

"Good，"saidhersister；"theSmithly-Dubbsshalllunchwithmeto-

morrow。Itshallberatheranamusinglunch-party。Atleast，I

shallbeamused。"

Thelasttworemarksshemadetoherself。Otherpeopledidnotalwaysappreciateherideasofhumour。SirJamesneverdid。

ThenextdayLadyDrakmantonmadesomemarkedvariationsinherusualtoileteffects。Shedressedherhairinanunaccustomedmanner，andputonahatthataddedtothetransformationofherappearance。WhenshehadmadeoneortwominoralterationsshewassufficientlyunlikeherusualsmartselftoproducesomehesitationinthegreetingwhichtheMissesSmithly-Dubbbestowedonherintheclub-lobby。Sheresponded，however，withareadinesswhichsettheirdoubtsatrest。

"WhatistheCarltonlikeforlunchingin？"sheaskedbreezily。

Therestaurantreceivedanenthusiasticrecommendationfromthethreesisters。

"Let\'sgoandlunchthere，shallwe？"shesuggested，andinafewminutes\'timetheSmithly-Dubbmindwascontemplatingatclosequartersahappyvistaofbakedmeatsandapprovedvintage。

"Areyougoingtostartwithcaviare？Iam，"confidedLadyDrakmanton，andtheSmithly-Dubbsstartedwithcaviare。Thesubsequentdisheswerechoseninthesameambitiousspirit，andbythetimetheyhadarrivedatthewildduckcourseitwasbeginningtobearatherexpensivelunch。

Theconversationhardlykeptpacewiththebrilliancyofthemenu。

RepeatedreferencesonthepartofthegueststothelocalpoliticalconditionsandprospectsinSirJames\'sconstituencyweremetwithvague"ahs"and"indeeds"fromLadyDrakmanton，whomighthavebeenexpectedtobespeciallyinterested。

"IthinkwhentheInsuranceActisalittlebetterunderstooditwilllosesomeofitspresentunpopularity，"hazardedCeciliaSmithly-Dubb。

"Willit？Idaresay。I\'mafraidpoliticsdon\'tinterestmeverymuch，"saidLadyDrakmanton。

ThethreeMissSmithly-DubbsputdowntheircupsofTurkishcoffeeandstared。Thentheybrokeintoprotestinggiggles。

"Ofcourse，you\'rejoking，"theysaid。

"Notme，"wasthedisconcertinganswer；"Ican\'tmakeheadortailofthesebotheringoldpolitics。Nevercould，andneverwantto。

I\'vequiteenoughtodotomanagemyownaffairs，andthat\'safact。"

"But，"exclaimedAmandaSmithly-Dubb，withasquealofbewildermentbreakingintohervoice，"IwastoldyouspokesoinforminglyabouttheInsuranceActatoneofoursocialevenings。"

ItwasLadyDrakmantonwhostarednow。"Doyouknow，"shesaid，withascaredlookaroundher，"ratheradreadfulthingishappening。I\'msufferingfromacompletelossofmemory。Ican\'teventhinkwhoIam。Iremembermeetingyousomewhere，andI

rememberyouaskingmetocomeandlunchwithyouhere，andthatI

acceptedyourkindinvitation。Beyondthatmymindisapositiveblank。"

Thescaredlookwastransferredwithintensifiedpoignancytothefacesofhercompanions。

"YOUaskedUStolunch，"theyexclaimedhurriedly。Thatseemedamoreimmediatelyimportantpointtoclearupthanthequestionofidentity。

"Oh，no，"saidthevanishinghostess，"THATIdorememberabout。

Youinsistedonmycomingherebecausethefeedingwassogood，andImustsayitcomesuptoallyousaidaboutit。Averynicelunchit\'sbeen。WhatI\'mworryingaboutiswhoonearthamI？Ihaven\'tthefaintestnotion？"

"YouareLadyDrakmanton，"exclaimedthethreesistersinchorus。

"Now，don\'tmakefunofme，"shereplied，crossly，"Ihappentoknowherquitewellbysight，andsheisn\'tabitlikeme。Andit\'sanoddthingyoushouldhavementionedher，foritsohappensshe\'sjustcomeintotheroom。Thatladyinblack，withtheyellowplumeinherhat，thereoverbythedoor。"

TheSmithly-Dubbslookedintheindicateddirection，andtheuneasinessintheireyesdeepenedintohorror。InoutwardappearancetheladywhohadjustenteredtheroomcertainlycamerathernearertotheirrecollectionoftheirMember\'swifethantheindividualwhowassittingattablewiththem。

"WhoAREyou，then，ifthatisLadyDrakmanton？"theyaskedinpanic-strickenbewilderment。

"ThatisjustwhatIdon\'tknow，"wastheanswer；"andyoudon\'tseemtoknowmuchbetterthanIdo。"

"Youcameuptousintheclub——"

"Inwhatclub？"

"TheNewDidactic，inCalaisStreet。"

"TheNewDidactic！"exclaimedLadyDrakmantonwithanairofreturningillumination；"thankyousomuch。Ofcourse，IremembernowwhoIam。I\'mEllenNiggle，oftheLadies\'BrasspolishingGuild。TheClubemploysmetocomenowandthenandseetothepolishingofthebrassfittings。That\'showIcametoknowLadyDrakmantonbysight；she\'sveryoftenintheClub。Andyouaretheladieswhosokindlyaskedmeouttolunch。Funnyhowitshouldallhaveslippedmymemory，allofasudden。Theunaccustomedgoodfoodandwinemusthavebeentoomuchforme；forthemomentIreallycouldn\'tcalltomindwhoIwas。Goodgracious，"shebrokeoffsuddenly，"it\'stenpasttwo；IshouldbeatapolishingjobinWhitehall。Imustscuttleofflikeagiddyrabbit。Thankingyoueverso。"

Shelefttheroomwithascuttlesufficientlysuggestiveoftheanimalshehadmentioned，butthegiddinesswasallonthesideofherinvoluntaryhostesses。Therestaurantseemedtobespinningroundthem；andthebillwhenitappeareddidnothingtorestoretheircomposure。Theywereasnearlyintearsasitispermissibletobeduringtheluncheonhourinareallygoodrestaurant。

Financiallyspeaking，theywerewellabletoaffordtheluxuryofanelaboratelunch，buttheirideasonthesubjectofentertainingdifferedverysharply，accordingtothecircumstancesofwhethertheyweredispensingorreceivinghospitality。Tohavefedthemselvesliberallyattheirownexpensewas，perhaps，anextravagancetobedeplored，but，atanyrate，theyhadhadsomethingfortheirmoney；tohavedrawnanunknownandsociallyunremunerativeEllenNiggleintothenetoftheirhospitalitywasacatastrophethattheycouldnotcontemplatewithanydegreeofcalmness。

TheSmithly-Dubbsneverquiterecoveredfromtheirunnervingexperience。Theyhavegivenuppoliticsandtakentodoinggood。

ABREADANDBUTTERMISS

"StarlingChatterandOakhillhavebothdroppedbackinthebetting，"saidBertievanTahn，throwingthemorningpaperacrossthebreakfasttable。

"ThatleavesNurseryTeapracticallyfavourite，"saidOdoFinsberry。

"NurseryTeaandPipeclayareatthetopofthebettingatpresent，"

saidBertie，"butthatFrenchhorse，LeFiveO\'Clock，seemstobefanciedasmuchasanything。ThenthereisWhitebait，andthePolishhorsewithanamelikesomeonetryingtostifleasneezeinchurch；theybothseemtohavealotofsupport。"

"It\'sthemostopenDerbythere\'sbeenforyears，"saidOdo。

"It\'ssimplynogoodtryingtopickthewinneronform，"saidBertie；"onemustjusttrusttoluckandinspiration。"

"Thequestioniswhethertotrusttoone\'sowninspiration，orsomebodyelse\'s。SportingSwankgivesCountPalatinetowin，andLeFiveO\'Clockforaplace。"

"CountPalatine——thataddsanothertoourlistofperplexities。

Goodmorning，SirLulworth；haveyouafancyfortheDerbybyanychance？"

"Idon\'tusuallytakemuchinterestinturfmatters，"saidSirLulworth，whohadjustmadehisappearance，"butIalwaysliketohaveabetontheGuineasandtheDerby。Thisyear，Iconfess，it\'sratherdifficulttopickoutanythingthatseemsmarkedlybetterthananythingelse。WhatdoyouthinkofSnowBunting？"

"SnowBunting？"saidOdo，withagroan，"there\'sanotherofthem。

Surely，SnowBuntinghasnoearthlychance？"

"Myhousekeeper\'snephew，whoisashoeing-smithinthemountedsectionoftheChurchLads\'Brigade，andanauthorityonhorseflesh，expectshimtobeamongthefirstthree。"

"Thenephewsofhousekeepersareinvariablyoptimists，"saidBertie；

"it\'sakindofnaturalreactionagainsttheprofessionalpessimismoftheiraunts。"

"Wedon\'tseemtogetmuchfurtherinoursearchfortheprobablewinner，"saidMrs。deClaux；"themoreIlistentoyouexpertsthemorehopelesslybefoggedIget。"

"It\'sallverywelltoblameus，"saidBertietohishostess；"youhaven\'tproducedanythinginthewayofaninspiration。"

"MyinspirationconsistedinaskingyoudownforDerbyweek，"

retortedMrs。deClaux；"IthoughtyouandOdobetweenyoumightthrowsomelightonthequestionofthemoment。"

FurtherrecriminationswerecutshortbythearrivalofLolaPevensey，whofloatedintotheroomwithanairofgraciousapology。

"Sosorrytobesolate，"sheobserved，makingarapidtourofinspectionofthebreakfastdishes。

"Didyouhaveagoodnight？"askedherhostesswithperfunctorysolicitude。

"Quite，thankyou，"saidLola；"Idreamtamostremarkabledream。"

Aflutter，indicativeofgeneralboredom；wentroundthetable。

Otherpeople\'sdreamsareaboutasuniversallyinterestingasaccountsofotherpeople\'sgardens，orchickens，orchildren。

"IdreamtaboutthewinneroftheDerby，"saidLola。

Aswiftreactionofattentiveinterestsetin。

"Dotelluswhatyoudreamt，"cameinachorus。

"ThereallyremarkablethingaboutitisthatI\'vedreamtittwonightsrunning，"saidLola，finallydecidingbetweentheallurementsofsausagesandkedgeree；"thatiswhyIthoughtitworthmentioning。Youknow，whenIdreamthingstwoorthreenightsinsuccession，italwaysmeanssomething；Ihavespecialpowersinthatway。Forinstance，Ioncedreamedthreetimesthatawingedlionwasflyingthroughtheskyandoneofhiswingsdroppedoff，andhecametothegroundwithacrash；justafterwardstheCampanileatVenicefelldown。ThewingedlionisthesymbolofVenice，youknow，"sheaddedfortheenlightenmentofthosewhomightnotbeversedinItalianheraldry。"Then，"shecontinued，"justbeforethemurderoftheKingandQueenofServiaIhadavividdreamoftwocrownedfigureswalkingintoaslaughter-housebythebanksofabigriver，whichItooktobetheDanube；andonlytheotherday——"

"Dotelluswhatyou\'vedreamtabouttheDerby，"interruptedOdoimpatiently。

"Well，Isawthefinishoftheraceasclearlyasanything；andonehorsewoneasily，almostinacanter，andeverybodycriedout\'BreadandButterwins！GoodoldBreadandButter。\'Iheardthenamedistinctly，andI\'vehadthesamedreamtwonightsrunning。"

"BreadandButter，"saidMrs。deClaux，"now，whateverhorsecanthatpointto？Why——ofcourse；NurseryTea！"

Shelookedroundwiththetriumphantsmileofasuccessfulunravellerofmystery。

"HowaboutLeFiveO\'Clock？"interposedSirLulworth。

"Itwouldfiteitherofthemequallywell，"saidOdo；"canyourememberanydetailsaboutthejockey\'scolours？Thatmighthelpus。"

"Iseemtorememberaglimpseoflemonsleevesorcap，butIcan\'tbesure，"saidLola，afterduereflection。

"Thereisn\'talemonjacketorcapintherace，"saidBertie，referringtoalistofstartersandjockeys；"can\'tyourememberanythingabouttheappearanceofthehorse？Ifitwereathick-setanimal，thisbreadandbutterwouldtypifyNurseryTea；andifitwerethin，ofcourse，itwouldmeanLeFiveO\'Clock。"

"Thatseemssoundenough，"saidMrs。deClaux；"dothink，Loladear，whetherthehorseinyourdreamwasthinorstoutlybuilt。"

"Ican\'trememberthatitwasoneortheother，"saidLola；"onewouldn\'tnoticesuchadetailintheexcitementofafinish。"

"Butthiswasasymbolicanimal，"saidSirLulworth；"ifitweretotypifythickorthinbreadandbuttersurelyitoughttohavebeeneitherasbulkyandtubbyasashirecart-horse；orasthinasaheraldicleopard。"

"I\'mafraidyouareratheracarelessdreamer，"saidBertieresentfully。

"Ofcourse，atthemomentofdreamingIthoughtIwaswitnessingarealrace，nottheportentofone，"saidLola；"otherwiseIshouldhaveparticularlynoticedallhelpfuldetails。"

"TheDerbyisn\'truntillto-morrow，"saidMrs。deClaux；"doyouthinkyouarelikelytohavethesamedreamagainto-night？Ifso；

youcanfixyourattentionontheimportantdetailoftheanimal\'sappearance。"

"I\'mafraidIshan\'tsleepatallto-night，"saidLolapathetically；

"everyfifthnightIsufferfrominsomnia，andit\'sdueto-night。"

"It\'smostprovoking，"saidBertie；"ofcourse，wecanbackbothhorses，butitwouldbemuchmoresatisfactorytohaveallourmoneyonthewinner。Can\'tyoutakeasleeping-draught，orsomething？"

"Oakleaves，soakedinwarmwaterandputunderthebed，arerecommendedbysome，"saidMrs。deClaux。

"AglassofBenedictine，withadropofeau-de-Cologne——"saidSirLulworth。

"Ihavetriedeveryknownremedy，"saidLola，withdignity；"I\'vebeenamartyrtoinsomniaforyears。"

"Butnowwearebeingmartyrstoit，"saidOdosulkily；"I

particularlywanttolandabigcoupoverthisrace。"

"Idon\'thaveinsomniaformyownamusement，"snappedLola。

"Letushopeforthebest，"saidMrs。deClauxsoothingly；"to-nightmayproveanexceptiontothefifth-nightrule。"

ButwhenbreakfasttimecameroundagainLolareportedablanknightasfarasvisionswereconcerned。

"Idon\'tsupposeIhadasmuchastenminutes\'sleep，and，certainly，nodreams。"

"I\'msosorry，foryoursakeinthefirstplace，andoursaswell，"

saidherhostess；"doyouthinkyoucouldinduceashortnapafterbreakfast？Itwouldbesogoodforyou——andyouMIGHTdreamsomething。Therewouldstillbetimeforustogetourbetson。"

"I\'lltryifyoulike，"saidLola；"itsoundsratherlikeasmallchildbeingsenttobedindisgrace。"

"I\'llcomeandreadtheEncyclopaediaBritannicatoyouifyouthinkitwillmakeyousleepanysooner，"saidBertieobligingly。

Rainwasfallingtoosteadilytopermitofoutdooramusement，andthepartysufferedconsiderablyduringthenexttwohoursfromtheabsolutequietthatwasenforcedalloverthehouseinordertogiveLolaeverychanceofachievingslumber。Eventheclickofbilliardballswasconsideredapossiblefactorofdisturbance，andthecanarieswerecarrieddowntothegardener\'slodge，whilethecuckooclockinthehallwasmuffledunderseverallayersofrugs。A

notice，"PleasedonotKnockorRing，"waspostedonthefrontdooratBertie\'ssuggestion，andguestsandservantsspokeintragicwhispersasthoughthedreadpresenceofdeathorsicknesshadinvadedthehouse。Theprecautionsprovedofnoavail：Lolaaddedasleeplessmorningtoawakefulnight，andthebetsofthepartyhadtobeimpartiallydividedbetweenNurseryTeaandtheFrenchColt。

"Soprovokingtohavetosplitoutbets，"saidMrs。deClaux，asherguestsgatheredinthehalllaterintheday，waitingfortheresultoftherace。

"Ididmybestforyou，"saidLola，feelingthatshewasnotgettingherdueshareofgratitude；"ItoldyouwhatIhadseeninmydreams，abrownhorse，calledBreadandButter，winningeasilyfromalltherest。"

"What？"screamedBertie，jumpingupfromhissea，"abrownhorse！

Miserablewoman，youneversaidawordaboutit\'sbeingabrownhorse。"

"Didn\'tI？"falteredLola；"IthoughtItoldyouitwasabrownhorse。Itwascertainlybrowninbothdreams。ButIdon\'tseewhatthecolourhasgottodowithit。NurseryTeaandLeFiveO\'Clockarebothchestnuts。"

"MercifulHeaven！Doesn\'tbrownbreadandbutterwithasprinklingoflemoninthecolourssuggestanythingtoyou？"ragedBertie。

Aslow，cumulativegroanbrokefromtheassemblyasthemeaningofhiswordsgraduallydawnedonhishearers。

ForthesecondtimethatdayLolaretiredtotheseclusionofherroom；shecouldnotfacetheuniversallooksofreproachdirectedatherwhenWhitebaitwasannouncedwinneratthecomfortablepriceoffourteentoone。

BERTIE\'SCHRISTMASEVE

ItwasChristmasEve，andthefamilycircleofLukeSteffink，Esq。，wasaglowwiththeamiabilityandrandommirthwhichtheoccasiondemanded。Alongandlavishdinnerhadbeenpartakenof，waitshadbeenroundandsungcarols；thehouse-partyhadregaleditselfwithmorecarolingonitsownaccount，andtherehadbeenrompingwhich，eveninapulpitreference，couldnothavebeencondemnedasragging。Inthemidstofthegeneralglow，however，therewasoneblackunkindledcinder。

BertieSteffink，nephewoftheaforementionedLuke，hadearlyinlifeadoptedtheprofessionofne\'er-do-weel；hisfatherhadbeensomethingofthekindbeforehim。AttheageofeighteenBertiehadcommencedthatroundofvisitstoourColonialpossessions，soseemlyanddesirableinthecaseofaPrinceoftheBlood，sosuggestiveofinsincerityinayoungmanofthemiddle-class。HehadgonetogrowteainCeylonandfruitinBritishColumbia，andtohelpsheeptogrowwoolinAustralia。AttheageoftwentyhehadjustreturnedfromsomesimilarerrandinCanada，fromwhichitmaybegatheredthatthetrialhegavetothesevariousexperimentswasofthesummarydrum-headnature。LukeSteffink，whofulfilledthetroubledroleofguardiananddeputy-parenttoBertie，deploredthepersistentmanifestationofthehominginstinctonhisnephew\'spart，andhissolemnthanksearlierinthedayfortheblessingofreportingaunitedfamilyhadnoreferencetoBertie\'sreturn。

ArrangementshadbeenpromptlymadeforpackingtheyouthofftoadistantcornerofRhodesia，whencereturnwouldbeadifficultmatter；thejourneytothisuninvitingdestinationwasimminent，infactamorecarefulandwillingtravellerwouldhavealreadybeguntothinkabouthispacking。HenceBertiewasinnomoodtoshareinthefestivespiritwhichdisplayeditselfaroundhim，andresentmentsmoulderedwithinhimattheeager，self-absorbeddiscussionofsocialplansforthecomingmonthswhichheheardonallsides。

Beyonddepressinghisuncleandthefamilycirclegenerallybysinging"Sayaurevoir，andnotgood-bye，"hehadtakennopartintheevening\'sconviviality。

Eleveno\'clockhadstrucksomehalf-hourago，andtheelderSteffinksbegantothrowoutsuggestionsleadinguptothatprocesswhichtheycalledretiringforthenight。

"Come，Teddie，it\'stimeyouwereinyourlittlebed，youknow，"

saidLukeSteffinktohisthirteen-year-oldson。

"That\'swherewealloughttobe，"saidMrs。Steffink。

"Therewouldn\'tberoom，"saidBertie。

Theremarkwasconsideredtoborderonthescandalous；everybodyateraisinsandalmondswiththenervousindustryofsheepfeedingduringthreateningweather。

"InRussia，"saidHoraceBordenby，whowasstayinginthehouseasaChristmasguest，"I\'vereadthatthepeasantsbelievethatifyougointoacow-houseorstableatmidnightonChristmasEveyouwillheartheanimalstalk。They\'resupposedtohavethegiftofspeechatthatonemomentoftheyear。"

"Oh，DOlet\'sALLgodowntothecow-houseandlistentowhatthey\'vegottosay！"exclaimedBeryl，towhomanythingwasthrillingandamusingifyoudiditinatroop。

Mrs。Steffinkmadealaughingprotest，butgaveavirtualconsentbysaying，"Wemustallwrapupwell，then。"Theideaseemedascatterbrainedonetoher，andalmostheathenish，butifaffordedanopportunityfor"throwingtheyoungpeopletogether，"andassuchshewelcomedit。Mr。HoraceBordenbywasayoungmanwithquitesubstantialprospects，andhehaddancedwithBerylatalocalsubscriptionballasufficientnumberoftimestowarranttheauthorisedinquiryonthepartoftheneighbourswhether"therewasanythinginit。"ThoughMrs。Steffinkwouldnothaveputitinsomanywords，shesharedtheideaoftheRussianpeasantrythatonthisnightthebeastmightspeak。

Thecow-housestoodatthejunctionofthegardenwithasmallpaddock，anisolatedsurvival，inasuburbanneighbourhood；ofwhathadoncebeenasmallfarm。LukeSteffinkwascomplacentlyproudofhiscow-houseandhistwocows；hefeltthattheygavehimastampofsoliditywhichnonumberofWyandottesorOrpingtonscouldimpart。Theyevenseemedtolinkhiminasortofinconsequentwaywiththosepatriarchswhoderivedimportancefromtheirfloatingcapitalofflocksandherbs，he-assesandshe-asses。Ithadbeenananxiousandmomentousoccasionwhenhehadhadtodecidedefinitelybetween"theByre"and"theRanch"forthenamingofhisvillaresidence。ADecembermidnightwashardlythemomenthewouldhavechosenforshowinghisfarm-buildingtovisitors，butsinceitwasafinenight，andtheyoungpeoplewereanxiousforanexcuseforamildfrolic，Lukeconsentedtochaperontheexpedition。Theservantshadlongsincegonetobed，sothehousewasleftinchargeofBertie，whoscornfullydeclinedtostiroutonthepretextoflisteningtobovineconversation。

"Wemustgoquietly，"saidLuke，asheheadedtheprocessionofgigglingyoungfolk，broughtupintherearbytheshawledandhoodedfigureofMrs。Steffink；"I\'vealwayslaidstressonkeepingthisaquietandorderlyneighbourhood。"

Itwasafewminutestomidnightwhenthepartyreachedthecow-

houseandmadeitswayinbythelightofLuke\'sstablelantern。

Foramomenteveryonestoodinsilence，almostwithafeelingofbeinginchurch。

"Daisy——theonelyingdown——isbyashorthornbulloutofaGuernseycow，"announcedLukeinahushedvoice，whichwasinkeepingwiththeforegoingimpression。

"Isshe？"saidBordenby，ratherasifhehadexpectedhertobebyRembrandt。

"Myrtleis——"

Myrtle\'sfamilyhistorywascutshortbyalittlescreamfromthewomenoftheparty。

Thecow-housedoorhadclosednoiselesslybehindthemandthekeyhadturnedgratinglyinthelock；thentheyheardBertie\'svoicepleasantlywishingthemgood-nightandhisfootstepsretreatingalongthegardenpath。

LukeSteffinkstrodetothewindow；itwasasmallsquareopeningoftheold-fashionedsort，withironbarsletintothestonework。

"Unlockthedoorthisinstant，"heshouted，withasmuchairofmenacingauthorityasahenmightassumewhenscreamingthroughthebarsofacoopatamaraudinghawk。Inreplytohissummonsthehall-doorclosedwithadefiantbang。

Aneighbouringclockstruckthehourofmidnight。Ifthecowshadreceivedthegiftofhumanspeechatthatmomenttheywouldnothavebeenabletomakethemselvesheard。SevenoreightothervoiceswereengagedindescribingBertie\'spresentconductandhisgeneralcharacteratahighpressureofexcitementandindignation。

InthecourseofhalfanhourorsoeverythingthatitwaspermissibletosayaboutBertiehadbeensaidsomedozensoftimes，andothertopicsbegantocometothefront——theextrememustinessofthecow-house，thepossibilityofitcatchingfire，andtheprobabilityofitbeingaRowtonHouseforthevagrantratsoftheneighbourhood。Andstillnosignofdeliverancecametotheunwillingvigil-keepers。

Towardsoneo\'clockthesoundofratherboisterousandundisciplinedcarol-singingapproachedrapidly，andcametoasuddenanchorage，apparentlyjustoutsidethegarden-gate。Amotor-loadofyouthful"bloods，"inahighstateofconviviality，hadmadeatemporaryhaltforrepairs；thestoppage，however，didnotextendtothevocaleffortsoftheparty，andthewatchersinthecow-shedweretreatedtoahighlyunauthorisedrenderingof"GoodKingWenceslas，"inwhichtheadjective"good"appearedtobeverycarelesslyapplied。

ThenoisehadtheeffectofbringingBertieoutintothegarden，butheutterlyignoredthepale，angryfacespeeringoutatthecow-

housewindow，andconcentratedhisattentionontherevellersoutsidethegate。

"Wassail，youchaps！"heshouted。

"Wassail，oldsport！"theyshoutedback；"we\'djollywelldrinky\'rhealth，onlywe\'venothingtodrinkitin。"

"Comeandwassailinside，"saidBertiehospitably；"I\'mallalone，andthere\'sheap\'sof\'wet\'。"

Theyweretotalstrangers，buthistouchofkindnessmadetheminstantlyhiskin。InanothermomenttheunauthorisedversionofKingWenceslas，which，likemanyotherscandals，grewworseonrepetition，wentechoingupthegardenpath；twooftherevellersgaveanimpromptuperformanceonthewaybyexecutingthestaircasewaltzuptheterracesofwhatLukeSteffink，hithertowithsomejustification，calledhisrock-garden。Therockpartofitwasstilltherewhenthewaltzhadbeenaccordeditsthirdencore。

Luke，morethaneverlikeacoopedhenbehindthecow-housebars，wasinapositiontorealisethefeelingsofconcert-goersunabletocountermandthecallforanencorewhichtheyneitherdesireordeserve。

ThehalldoorclosedwithabangonBertie\'sguests，andthesoundsofmerrimentbecamefaintandmuffledtothewearywatchersattheotherendofthegarden。Presentlytwoominouspops，inquicksuccession，madethemselvesdistinctlyheard。

"They\'vegotatthechampagne！"exclaimedMrs。Steffink。

"Perhapsit\'sthesparklingMoselle，"saidLukehopefully。

Threeorfourmorepopswereheard。

"ThechampagneandthesparklingMoselle，"saidMrs。Steffink。

Lukeuncorkedanexpletivewhich，likebrandyinatemperancehousehold，wasonlyusedonrareemergencies。Mr。HoraceBordenbyhadbeenmakinguseofsimilarexpressionsunderhisbreathforaconsiderabletimepast。Theexperimentof"throwingtheyoungpeopletogether"hadbeenprolongedbeyondapointwhenitwaslikelytoproduceanyromanticresult。

Somefortyminuteslaterthehalldooropenedanddisgorgedacrowdthathadthrownoffanyrestraintofshynessthatmighthaveinfluenceditsearlieractions。Itsvocaleffortsinthedirectionofcarolsingingwerenowsupplementedbyinstrumentalmusic；aChristmas-treethathadbeenpreparedforthechildrenofthegardenerandotherhouseholdretainershadyieldedarichspoiloftintrumpets，rattles，anddrums。Thelife-storyofKingWenceslashadbeendropped，Lukewasthankfultonotice，butitwasintenselyirritatingforthechilledprisonersinthecow-housetobetoldthatitwasahottimeintheoldtownto-night，togetherwithsomeaccuratebutentirelysuperfluousinformationastotheimminenceofChristmasmorning。Judgingbytheprotestswhichbegantobeshoutedfromtheupperwindowsofneighbouringhousesthesentimentsprevailinginthecow-housewereheartilyechoedinotherquarters。

Therevellersfoundtheircar，and，whatwasmoreremarkable，managedtodriveoffinit，withapartingfanfareoftintrumpets。

Thelivelybeatofadrumdisclosedthefactthatthemasteroftherevelsremainedonthescene。

"Bertie！"cameinanangry，imploringchorusofshoutsandscreamsfromthecow-housewindow。

"Hullo，"criedtheownerofthename，turninghisrathererrantstepsinthedirectionofthesummons；"areyoupeoplestillthere？

Musthaveheardeverythingcowsgottosaybythistime。Ifyouhaven\'t，nousewaiting。Afterall，it\'saRussianlegend，andRussianChrismushEvenotduefor\'notherfortnight。Bettercomeout。"

Afteroneortwoineffectualattemptshemanagedtopitchthekeyofthecow-housedoorinthroughthewindow。Then，liftinghisvoiceinthestrainsof"I\'mafraidtogohomeinthedark，"withalustydrumaccompaniment，heledthewaybacktothehouse。Thehurriedprocessionofthereleasedthatfollowedinhisstepscameinforagooddealoftheadversecommentthathisexuberantdisplayhadevoked。

ItwasthehappiestChristmasEvehehadeverspent。Toquotehisownwords，hehadarottenChristmas。

FOREWARNED

AlethiaDebchancesatinacornerofanotherwiseemptyrailwaycarriage，moreorlessateaseasregardedbody，butinsometrepidationastomind。Shehadembarkedonasocialadventureofnolittlemagnitudeascomparedwiththeaccustomedseclusionandstagnationofherpastlife。Attheageoftwenty-eightshecouldlookbackonnothingmoreeventfulthanthedailyroundofherexistenceinheraunt\'shouseatWebblehinton，ahamletfourandahalfmilesdistantfromacountrytownandaboutaquarterofacenturyremovedfrommoderntimes。Theirneighbourshadbeenelderlyandfew，notmuchgiventosocialintercourse，buthelpfulorpolitelysympatheticintimesofillness。Newspapersoftheordinarykindwereararity；thosethatAlethiasawregularlyweredevotedexclusivelyeithertoreligionortopoultry，andtheworldofpoliticswastoheranunheededunexploredregion。Herideasonlifeingeneralhadbeenacquiredthroughthemediumofpopularrespectablenovel-writers，andmodifiedoremphasisedbysuchknowledgeasheraunt，thevicar，andheraunt\'shousekeeperhadputatherdisposal。Andnow，inhertwenty-ninthyear，heraunt\'sdeathhadlefther，wellprovidedforasregardsincome，butsomewhatisolatedinthematterofkithandkinandhumancompanionship。Shehadsomecousinswhowereontermsoffriendly，thoughinfrequent，correspondencewithher，butastheylivedpermanentlyinCeylon，alocalityaboutwhichsheknewlittle，beyondtheassurancecontainedinthemissionaryhymnthatthehumanelementtherewasvile，theywerenotofmuchimmediateusetoher。

Othercousinsshealsopossessed，moredistantasregardsrelationship，butnotquitesogeographicallyremote，seeingthattheylivedsomewhereintheMidlands。Shecouldhardlyremembereverhavingmetthem，butonceortwiceinthecourseofthelastthreeorfouryearstheyhadexpressedapolitewishthatsheshouldpaythemavisit；theyhadprobablynotbeenundulydepressedbythefactthatheraunt\'sfailinghealthhadpreventedherfromacceptingtheirinvitation。Thenoteofcondolencethathadarrivedontheoccasionofheraunt\'sdeathhadincludedavaguehopethatAlethiawouldfindtimeinthenearfuturetospendafewdayswithhercousins，andaftermuchdeliberationandmanyhesitationsshehadwrittentoproposeherselfasaguestforadefinitedatesomeweekahead。Thefamily，shereflectedwithrelief，wasnotalargeone；

thetwodaughtersweremarriedandaway，therewasonlyoldMrs。

BludwardandhersonRobertathome。Mrs。Bludwardwassomethingofaninvalid，andRobertwasayoungmanwhohadbeenatOxfordandwasgoingintoParliament。FurtherthanthatAlethia\'sinformationdidnotgo；herimagination，foundedonherextensiveknowledgeofthepeopleonemetinnovels，hadtosupplythegaps。Themotherwasnotdifficulttoplace；shewouldeitherbeanultra-amiableoldlady，bearingherfeeblehealthwithuncomplainingfortitude，andhavingakindwordforthegardener\'sboyandasunnysmileforthechancevisitor，orelseshewouldbecoldandpeevish，witheyesthatpiercedyoulikeagimlet，andaunreasoningidolatryofherson。Alethia\'simaginationratherinclinedhertothelatterview。

Robertwasmoreofaproblem。Therewerethreedominanttypesofmanhoodtobetakenintoconsiderationinworkingouthisclassification；therewasHugo，whowasstrong，good，andbeautiful，araretypeandnotveryoftenmetwith；therewasSirJasper，whowasutterlyvileandabsolutelyunscrupulous，andtherewasNevil，whowasnotreallybadatheart，buthadaweakmouthandusuallyrequiredthelife-workoftwogoodwomentokeephimfromultimatedisaster。Itwasprobable，Alethiaconsidered，thatRobertcameintothelastcategory，inwhichcaseshewascertaintoenjoythecompanionshipofoneortwoexcellentwomen，andmightpossiblycatchglimpsesofundesirableadventuressesorcomefacetofacewithrecklessadmiration-seekingmarriedwomen。Itwasaltogetheranexcitingprospect，thissuddenventureintoanunexploredworldofunknownhumanbeings，andAlethiaratherwishedthatshecouldhavetakenthevicarwithher；shewasnot，however，richorimportantenoughtotravelwithachaplain，astheMarquisofMoystoncleughalwaysdidinthenovelshehadjustbeenreading，sosherecognisedthatsuchaproceedingwasoutofthequestion。

ThetrainwhichcarriedAlethiatowardsherdestinationwasalocalone，withthewaysidestationhabitstronglydeveloped。Atmostofthestationsnooneseemedtowanttogetintothetrainortoleaveit，butatonetherewereseveralmarketfolkontheplatform，andtwomen，ofthefarmerorsmallcattle-dealerclass，enteredAlethia\'scarriage。Apparentlytheyhadjustforegathered，afteraday\'sbusiness，andtheirconversationconsistedofarapidexchangeofshortfriendlyinquiriesastohealth，family，stock，andsoforth，andsomegrumblingremarksontheweather。Suddenly，however，theirtalktookadramaticallyinterestingturn，andAlethialistenedwithwide-eyedattention。

"WhatdoyouthinkofMisterRobertBludward，eh？"

Therewasacertainscornfulringinhisquestion。

"RobertBludward？Anout-an\'-outrotter，that\'swhatheis。Oughttobeashamedtolookanydecentmanintheface。SendhimtoParliamenttorepresentus——notmuch！He\'drobapoormanofhislastshilling，hewould。"

"Ah，thathewould。Tellsapackofliestogetourvotes，that\'sallthathe\'safter，damnhim。DidyouseethewaytheArgusshowedhimupthisweek？Properlyexposedhim，hipandthigh，Itellyou。"

Andsoontheyran，intheirwitheringindictment。TherecouldbenodoubtthatitwasAlethia\'scousinandprospectivehosttowhomtheywerereferring；theallusiontoaParliamentarycandidaturesettledthat。WhatcouldRobertBludwardhavedone，whatmannerofmancouldhebe，thatpeopleshouldspeakofhimwithsuchobviousreprobation？

"HewashisseddownatShoalfordyesterday，"saidoneofthespeakers。

Hissed！Haditcometothat？TherewassomethingdramaticallybiblicalintheideaofRobertBludward\'sneighboursandacquaintanceshissinghimforveryscorn。LordHerewardStranglathhadbeenhissed，nowAlethiacametothinkofit，intheeighthchapterofMatterbyTowers，whileintheactofopeningaWesleyanbazaar，becausehewassuspected（unjustlyasitturnedoutafterwards）ofhavingbeatentheGermangovernesstodeath。AndinTaintedGuineasRoperSquenderbyhadbeendeservedlyhissed，onthestepsoftheJockeyClub，forhavinghandedarivalowneraforgedtelegram，containingfalsenewsofhismother\'sdeath，justbeforethestartforanimportantrace，therebyensuringthewithdrawalofhisrival\'shorse。InplacidSaxon-bloodedEnglandpeopledidnotdemonstratetheirfeelingslightlyandwithoutsomestrongcompellingcause。WhatmannerofevildoerwasRobertBludward？

Thetrainstoppedatanothersmallstation，andthetwomengotout。

OneofthemleftbehindhimacopyoftheArgus，thelocalpapertowhichhehadmadereference。Alethiapouncedonit，intheexpectationoffindingaculturedliteraryendorsementofthecensurewhichtheseroughfarmingmenhadexpressedintheirhomely，honestway。Shehadnotfartolook；"Mr。RobertBludward，Swanker，"wasthetitleofoneoftheprincipalarticlesinthepaper。Shedidnotexactlyknowwhataswankerwas，probablyitreferredtosomeunspeakableformofcruelty，butshereadenoughinthefirstfewsentencesofthearticletodiscoverthathercousinRobert，themanatwhosehouseshewasabouttostay，wasanunscrupulous，unprincipledcharacter，ofaloworderofintelligence，yetcunningwithal，andthatheandhisassociateswereresponsibleformostofthemisery，disease，poverty，andignorancewithwhichthecountrywasafflicted；never，exceptinoneortwoofthedenunciatoryPsalms，whichshehadalwayssupposedtohavebewritteninaspiritofexaggeratedOrientalimagery，hadshereadsuchanindictmentofahumanbeing。AndthismonsterwasgoingtomeetheratDerreltonStationinafewshortminutes。Shewouldknowhimatonce；hewouldhavethedarkbeetlingbrows，thequick，furtiveglance，thesneering，unsavourysmilethatalwayscharacterisedtheSirJaspersofthisworld。Itwastoolatetoescape；shemustforceherselftomeethimwithoutwardcalm。

ItwasaconsiderableshocktohertofindthatRobertwasfair，withasnubnose，merryeye，andratheraschoolboymanner。"A

serpentinduckling\'splumage，"washerprivatecomment；mercifulchancehadrevealedhimtoherinhistruecolours。

Astheydroveawayfromthestationadissipated-lookingmanofthelabouringclasswavedhishatinfriendlysalute。"Goodlucktoyou，Mr。Bludward，"heshouted；"you\'llcomeoutontop！We\'llbreakoldChobham\'sneckforhim。"

"Whowasthatman？"askedAlethiaquickly。

"Oh，oneofmysupporters，"laughedRobert；"abitofapoacherandabitofapub-loafer，buthe\'sontherightside。"

SothesewerethesortofassociatesthatRobertBludwardconsortedwith，thoughtAlethia。

"WhoisthepersonhereferredtoasoldChobham？"sheasked。