第1章

Contents：

TheToysofPeaceLouiseTeaTheDisappearanceofCrispinaUmberleighTheWolvesofCernogratzLouisTheGuestsThePenanceThePhantomLuncheonABreadandButterMissBertie\'sChristmasEveForewarnedTheInterlopersQuailSeedCanossaTheThreatExceptingMrs。PentherbyMarkTheHedgehogTheMappinedLifeFateTheBullMorlveraShockTacticsTheSevenCreamJugsTheOccasionalGardenTheSheepTheOversightHyacinthTheImageoftheLostSoulThePurpleoftheBalkanKingsTheCupboardoftheYesterdaysFortheDurationoftheWarTHETOYSOFPEACE

"Harvey，"saidEleanorBope，handingherbrotheracuttingfromaLondonmorningpaperofthe19thofMarch，"justreadthisaboutchildren\'stoys，please；itexactlycarriesoutsomeofourideasaboutinfluenceandupbringing。"

"IntheviewoftheNationalPeaceCouncil，"rantheextract，"therearegraveobjectionstopresentingourboyswithregimentsoffightingmen，batteriesofguns，andsquadronsof\'Dreadnoughts。\'

Boys，theCounciladmits，naturallylovefightingandallthepanoplyofwar……butthatisnoreasonforencouraging，andperhapsgivingpermanentformto，theirprimitiveinstincts。AttheChildren\'sWelfareExhibition，whichopensatOlympiainthreeweeks\'time，thePeaceCouncilwillmakeanalternativesuggestiontoparentsintheshapeofanexhibitionof\'peacetoys。\'Infrontofaspecially-paintedrepresentationofthePeacePalaceatTheHaguewillbegrouped，notminiaturesoldiersbutminiaturecivilians，notgunsbutploughsandthetoolsofindustry……Itishopedthatmanufacturersmaytakeahintfromtheexhibit，whichwillbearfruitinthetoyshops。"

"Theideaiscertainlyaninterestingandverywell-meaningone，"

saidHarvey；"whetheritwouldsucceedwellinpractice——"

"Wemusttry，"interruptedhissister；"youarecomingdowntousatEaster，andyoualwaysbringtheboyssometoys，sothatwillbeanexcellentopportunityforyoutoinauguratethenewexperiment。Goaboutintheshopsandbuyanylittletoysandmodelsthathavespecialbearingoncivilianlifeinitsmorepeacefulaspects。Ofcourseyoumustexplainthetoystothechildrenandinteresttheminthenewidea。Iregrettosaythatthe\'SiegeofAdrianople\'

toy，thattheirAuntSusansentthem，didn\'tneedanyexplanation；

theyknewalltheuniformsandflags，andeventhenamesoftherespectivecommanders，andwhenIheardthemonedayusingwhatseemedtobethemostobjectionablelanguagetheysaiditwasBulgarianwordsofcommand；ofcourseitMAYhavebeen，butatanyrateItookthetoyawayfromthem。NowIshallexpectyourEastergiftstogivequiteanewimpulseanddirectiontothechildren\'sminds；Ericisnotelevenyet，andBertieisonlynine-and-a-half，sotheyarereallyatamostimpressionableage。"

"Thereisprimitiveinstincttobetakenintoconsideration，youknow，"saidHenrydoubtfully，"andhereditarytendenciesaswell。

Oneoftheirgreat-unclesfoughtinthemostintolerantfashionatInkerman——hewasspeciallymentionedindispatches，Ibelieve——andtheirgreat-grandfathersmashedallhisWhigneighbours\'hothouseswhenthegreatReformBillwaspassed。Still，asyousay，theyareatanimpressionableage。Iwilldomybest。"

OnEasterSaturdayHarveyBopeunpackedalarge，promising-lookingredcardboardboxundertheexpectanteyesofhisnephews。"Yourunclehasbroughtyouthenewestthingintoys，"Eleanorhadsaidimpressively，andyouthfulanticipationhadbeenanxiouslydividedbetweenAlbaniansoldieryandaSomalicamel-corps。Ericwashotlyinfavourofthelattercontingency。"TherewouldbeArabsonhorseback，"hewhispered；"theAlbanianshavegotjollyuniforms，andtheyfightalldaylong，andallnight，too，whenthere\'samoon，butthecountry\'srocky，sothey\'vegotnocavalry。"

Aquantityofcrinklypapershavingswasthefirstthingthatmettheviewwhenthelidwasremoved；themostexitingtoysalwaysbeganlikethat。Harveypushedbackthetoplayeranddrewforthasquare，ratherfeaturelessbuilding。

"It\'safort！"exclaimedBertie。

"Itisn\'t，it\'sthepalaceoftheMpretofAlbania，"saidEric，immenselyproudofhisknowledgeoftheexotictitle；"it\'sgotnowindows，yousee，sothatpassers-bycan\'tfireinattheRoyalFamily。"

"It\'samunicipaldust-bin，"saidHarveyhurriedly；"youseealltherefuseandlitterofatowniscollectedthere，insteadoflyingaboutandinjuringthehealthofthecitizens。"

Inanawfulsilencehedisinterredalittleleadfigureofamaninblackclothes。

"That，"hesaid，"isadistinguishedcivilian，JohnStuartMill。Hewasanauthorityonpoliticaleconomy。"

"Why？"askedBertie。

"Well，hewantedtobe；hethoughtitwasausefulthingtobe。"

Bertiegaveanexpressivegrunt，whichconveyedhisopinionthattherewasnoaccountingfortastes。

Anothersquarebuildingcameout，thistimewithwindowsandchimneys。

"AmodeloftheManchesterbranchoftheYoungWomen\'sChristianAssociation，"saidHarvey。

"Arethereanylions？"askedErichopefully。HehadbeenreadingRomanhistoryandthoughtthatwhereyoufoundChristiansyoumightreasonablyexpecttofindafewlions。

"Therearenolions，"saidHarvey。"Hereisanothercivilian，RobertRaikes，thefounderofSundayschools，andhereisamodelofamunicipalwash-house。Theselittleroundthingsareloavesbackedinasanitarybakehouse。Thatleadfigureisasanitaryinspector，thisoneisadistrictcouncillor，andthisoneisanofficialoftheLocalGovernmentBoard。"

"Whatdoeshedo？"askedEricwearily。

"HeseestothingsconnectedwithhisDepartment，"saidHarvey。

"Thisboxwithaslitinitisaballot-box。Votesareputintoitatelectiontimes。"

"Whatisputintoitatothertimes？"askedBertie。

"Nothing。Andherearesometoolsofindustry，awheelbarrowandahoe，andIthinkthesearemeantforhop-poles。Thisisamodelbeehive，andthatisaventilator，forventilatingsewers。Thisseemstobeanothermunicipaldust-bin——no，itisamodelofaschoolofartandpubliclibrary。ThislittleleadfigureisMrs。

Hemans，apoetess，andthisisRowlandHill，whointroducedthesystemofpennypostage。ThisisSirJohnHerschel，theeminentastrologer。"

"Arewetoplaywiththesecivilianfigures？"askedEric。

"Ofcourse，"saidHarvey，"thesearetoys；theyaremeanttobeplayedwith。"

"Buthow？"

Itwasratheraposer。"YoumightmaketwoofthemcontestaseatinParliament，"saidHarvey，"anhaveanelection——"

"Withrotteneggs，andfreefights，andeversomanybrokenheads！"

exclaimedEric。

"Andnosesallbleedingandeverybodydrunkascanbe，"echoedBertie，whohadcarefullystudiedoneofHogarth\'spictures。

"Nothingofthekind，"saidHarvey，"nothingintheleastlikethat。

Voteswillbeputintheballot-box，andtheMayorwillcountthem——

andhewillsaywhichhasreceivedthemostvotes，andthenthetwocandidateswillthankhimforpresiding，andeachwillsaythatthecontesthasbeenconductedthroughoutinthepleasantestandmoststraightforwardfashion，andtheypartwithexpressionsofmutualesteem。There\'sajollygameforyouboystoplay。IneverhadsuchtoyswhenIwasyoung。"

"Idon\'tthinkwe\'llplaywiththemjustnow，"saidEric，withanentireabsenceoftheenthusiasmthathisunclehadshown；"Ithinkperhapsweoughttodoalittleofourholidaytask。It\'shistorythistime；we\'vegottolearnupsomethingabouttheBourbonperiodinFrance。"

"TheBourbonperiod，"saidHarvey，withsomedisapprovalinhisvoice。

"We\'vegottoknowsomethingaboutLouistheFourteenth，"continuedEric；"I\'velearntthenamesofalltheprincipalbattlesalready。"

Thiswouldneverdo。"Therewere，ofcourse，somebattlesfoughtduringhisreign，"saidHarvey，"butIfancytheaccountsofthemweremuchexaggerated；newswasveryunreliableinthosedays，andtherewerepracticallynowarcorrespondents，sogeneralsandcommanderscouldmagnifyeverylittleskirmishtheyengagedintilltheyreachedtheproportionsofdecisivebattles。Louiswasreallyfamous，now，asalandscapegardener；thewayhelaidoutVersailleswassomuchadmiredthatitwascopiedalloverEurope。"

"DoyouknowanythingaboutMadameDuBarry？"askedEric；"didn\'tshehaveherheadchoppedoff？"

"Shewasanothergreatloverofgardening，"saidHarvey，evasively；

"infact，IbelievethewellknownroseDuBarrywasnamedafterher，andnowIthinkyouhadbetterplayforalittleandleaveyourlessonstilllater。"

Harveyretreatedtothelibraryandspentsomethirtyorfortyminutesinwonderingwhetheritwouldbepossibletocompileahistory，foruseinelementaryschools，inwhichthereshouldbenoprominentmentionofbattles，massacres，murderousintrigues，andviolentdeaths。TheYorkandLancasterperiodandtheNapoleonicerawould，headmittedtohimself，presentconsiderabledifficulties，andtheThirtyYears\'Warwouldentailsomethingofagapifyouleftitoutaltogether。Still，itwouldbesomethinggainedif，atahighlyimpressionableage，childrencouldbegottofixtheirattentionontheinventionofcalicoprintinginsteadoftheSpanishArmadaortheBattleofWaterloo。

Itwastime，hethought，togobacktotheboys\'room，andseehowtheyweregettingonwiththeirpeacetoys。AshestoodoutsidethedoorhecouldhearEric\'svoiceraisedincommand；Bertiechimedinnowandagainwithahelpfulsuggestion。

"ThatisLouistheFourteenth，"Ericwassaying，"thatoneinknee-

breeches，thatUnclesaidinventedSundayschools。Itisn\'tabitlikehim，butit\'llhavetodo。"

"We\'llgivehimapurplecoatfrommypaintboxbyandby，"saidBertie。

"Yes，an\'redheels。ThatisMadamedeMaintenon，thatonehecalledMrs。Hemans。ShebegsLouisnottogoonthisexpedition，butheturnsadeafear。HetakesMarshalSaxewithhim，andwemustpretendthattheyhavethousandsofmenwiththem。ThewatchwordisQuivive？andtheanswerisL\'etatc\'estmoi——thatwasoneofhisfavouriteremarks，youknow。TheylandatManchesterinthedeadofthenight，andaJacobiteconspiratorgivesthemthekeysofthefortress。"

PeepinginthroughthedoorwayHarveyobservedthatthemunicipaldustbinhadbeenpiercedwithholestoaccommodatethemuzzlesofimaginarycannon，andnowrepresentedtheprincipalfortifiedpositioninManchester；JohnStuartMillhadbeendippedinredink，andapparentlystoodforMarshalSaxe。

"LouisordershistroopstosurroundtheYoungWomen\'sChristianAssociationandseizethelotofthem。\'OncebackattheLouvreandthegirlsaremine，\'heexclaims。WemustuseMrs。Hemansagainforoneofthegirls；shesays\'Never，\'andstabsMarshalSaxetotheheart。"

"Hebleedsdreadfully，"exclaimedBertie，splashingredinkliberallyoverthefacadeoftheAssociationbuilding。

"Thesoldiersrushinandavengehisdeathwiththeutmostsavagery。

Ahundredgirlsarekilled"——hereBertieemptiedtheremainderoftheredinkoverthedevotedbuilding——"andthesurvivingfivehundredaredraggedofftotheFrenchships。\'IhavelostaMarshal，\'saysLouis，\'butIdonotgobackempty-handed。\'"

Harveystoleawayfromtheroom，andsoughtouthissister。

"Eleanor，"hesaid，"theexperiment——"

"Yes？"

"Hasfailed。Wehavebeguntoolate。"

LOUISE

"Theteawillbequitecold，you\'dbetterringforsomemore，"saidtheDowagerLadyBeanford。

SusanLadyBeanfordwasavigorousoldwomanwhohadcoquettedwithimaginaryill-healthforthegreaterpartofalifetime；ClovisSangrailirreverentlydeclaredthatshehadcaughtachillattheCoronationofQueenVictoriaandhadneverletitgoagain。Hersister，JaneThropplestance，whowassomeyearsherjunior，waschieflyremarkableforbeingthemostabsent-mindedwomaninMiddlesex。

"I\'vereallybeenunusuallycleverthisafternoon，"sheremarkedgaily，assherangforthetea。"I\'vecalledonallthepeopleI

meanttocallon；andI\'vedonealltheshoppingthatIsetouttodo。IevenrememberedtotryandmatchthatsilkforyouatHarrod\'s，butI\'dforgottentobringthepatternwithme，soitwasnouse。IreallythinkthatwastheonlyimportantthingIforgotduringthewholeafternoon。Quitewonderfulforme，isn\'tit？"

"WhathaveyoudonewithLouise？"askedhersister。"Didn\'tyoutakeheroutwithyou？Yousaidyouweregoingto。"

"Goodgracious，"exclaimedJane，"whathaveIdonewithLouise？I

musthavelefthersomewhere。"

"Butwhere？"

"That\'sjustit。WherehaveIlefther？Ican\'trememberiftheCarrywoodswereathomeorifIjustleftcards。IftherewereathomeImayhaveleftLouisetheretoplaybridge。I\'llgoandtelephonetoLordCarrywoodandfindout。"

"Isthatyou，LordCarrywood？"shequeriedoverthetelephone；"it\'sme，JaneThropplestance。Iwanttoknow，haveyouseenLouise？"

"\'Louise，\'"cametheanswer，"it\'sbeenmyfatetoseeitthreetimes。Atfirst，Imustadmit，Iwasn\'timpressedbyit，butthemusicgrowsononeafterabit。Still，Idon\'tthinkIwanttoseeitagainjustatpresent。Wereyougoingtooffermeaseatinyourbox？"

"Nottheopera\'Louise\'——myniece，LouiseThropplestance。IthoughtImighthaveleftheratyourhouse。"

"Youleftcardsonusthisafternoon，Iunderstand，butIdon\'tthinkyouleftaniece。Thefootmanwouldhavebeensuretohavementioneditifyouhad。Isitgoingtobeafashiontoleaveniecesonpeopleaswellascards？Ihopenot；someofthesehousesinBerkeley-squarehavepracticallynoaccommodationforthatsortofthing。"

"She\'snotattheCarrywoods\'，"announcedJane，returningtohertea；"nowIcometothinkofit，perhapsIleftheratthesilkcounteratSelfridge\'s。ImayhavetoldhertowaitthereamomentwhileIwenttolookatthesilksinabetterlight，andImayeasilyhaveforgottenaboutherwhenIfoundIhadn\'tyourpatternwithme。Inthatcaseshe\'sstillsittingthere。Shewouldn\'tmoveunlessshewastoldto；Louisehasnoinitiative。"

"YousaidyoutriedtomatchthesilkatHarrod\'s，"interjectedthedowager。

"DidI？PerhapsitwasHarrod\'s。Ireallydon\'tremember。Itwasoneofthoseplaceswhereeveryoneissokindandsympatheticanddevotedthatonealmosthatestotakeevenareelofcottonawayfromsuchpleasantsurroundings。"

"IthinkyoumighthavetakenLouiseaway。Idon\'tliketheideaofherbeingthereamongalotofstrangers。Supposingsomeunprincipledpersonwastogetintoconversationwithher。"

"Impossible。Louisehasnoconversation。I\'veneverdiscoveredasingletopiconwhichshe\'danythingtosaybeyond\'Doyouthinkso？

Idaresayyou\'reright。\'IreallythoughtherreticenceaboutthefalloftheRibotMinistrywasridiculous，consideringhowmuchherdearmotherusedtovisitParis。Thisbreadandbutteriscutfartoothin；itcrumblesawaylongbeforeyoucangetittoyourmouth。

Onefeelssoabsurd，snappingatone\'sfoodinmid-air，likeatroutleapingatmay-fly。"

"Iamrathersurprised，"saidthedowager，"thatyoucansittheremakingaheartyteawhenyou\'vejustlostafavouriteniece。"

"YoutalkasifI\'dlostherinachurchyardsense，insteadofhavingtemporarilymislaidher。I\'msuretorememberpresentlywhereIlefther。"

"Youdidn\'tvisitanyplaceofdevotion，didyou？Ifyou\'velefthermooningaboutWestminsterAbbeyorSt。Peter\'s，EatonSquare，withoutbeingabletogiveanysatisfactoryreasonwhyshe\'sthere，she\'llbeseizedundertheCatandMouseActandsenttoReginaldMcKenna。"

"Thatwouldbeextremelyawkward，"saidJane，meetinganirresolutepieceofbreadandbutterhalfway；"wehardlyknowtheMcKennas，anditwouldbeverytiresomehavingtotelephonetosomeunsympatheticprivatesecretary，describingLouisetohimandaskingtohavehersentbackintimefordinner。Fortunately，Ididn\'tgotoanyplaceofdevotion，thoughIdidgetmixedupwithaSalvationArmyprocession。Itwasquiteinterestingtobeatclosequarterswiththem，they\'resoabsolutelydifferenttowhattheyusedtobewhenI

firstremembertheminthe\'eighties。Theyusedtogoaboutthenunkemptanddishevelled，inasortofsmilingragewiththeworld，andnowthey\'respruceandjauntyandflamboyantlydecorative，likeageraniumbedwithreligiousconvictions。LauraKettlewaywasgoingonaboutthemintheliftoftheDoverStreetTubetheotherday，sayingwhatalotofgoodworktheydid，andwhatalossitwouldhavebeenifthey\'dneverexisted。\'Iftheyhadneverexisted，\'Isaid，\'GranvilleBarkerwouldhavebeencertaintohaveinventedsomethingthatlookedexactlylikethem。\'Ifyousaythingslikethat，quiteloud，inaTubelift，theyalwayssoundlikeepigrams。"

"IthinkyououghttodosomethingaboutLouise，"saidthedowager。

"I\'mtryingtothinkwhethershewaswithmewhenIcalledonAdaSpelvexit。Iratherenjoyedmyselfthere。Adawastrying，asusual，toramthatodiousKoriatoffskiwomandownmythroat，knowingperfectlywellthatIdetesther，andinanunguardedmomentshesaid：\'She\'sleavingherpresenthouseandgoingtoLowerSeymourStreet。\'\'Idaresayshewill，ifshestaystherelongenough，\'I

said。Adadidn\'tseeitforaboutthreeminutes，andthenshewaspositivelyuncivil。No，IamcertainIdidn\'tleaveLouisethere。"

"IfyoucouldmanagetorememberwhereyouDIDleaveher，itwouldbemoretothepointthanthesenegativeassurances，"saidLadyBeanford；"sofar，allweknowisthatsheisnotattheCarrywoods\'，orAdaSpelvexit\'s，orWestminsterAbbey。"

"Thatnarrowsthesearchdownabit，"saidJanehopefully；"IratherfancyshemusthavebeenwithmewhenIwenttoMornay\'s。IknowI

wenttoMornay\'s，becauseIremembermeetingthatdelightfulMalcolmWhat\'s-his-namethere——youknowwhomImean。That\'sthegreatadvantageofpeoplehavingunusualfirstnames，youneedn\'ttryandrememberwhattheirothernameis。OfcourseIknowoneortwootherMalcolms，butnonethatcouldpossiblybedescribedasdelightful。HegavemetwoticketsfortheHappySundayEveningsinSloaneSquare。I\'veprobablyleftthematMornay\'s，butstillitwasawfullykindofhimtogivethemtome。"

"DoyouthinkyouleftLouisethere？"

"Imighttelephoneandask。Oh，Robert，beforeyouclearthetea-

thingsawayIwishyou\'dringupMornay\'s，inRegentStreet，andaskifIlefttwotheatreticketsandonenieceintheirshopthisafternoon。"

"Aniece，ma\'am？"askedthefootman。

"Yes，MissLouisedidn\'tcomehomewithme，andI\'mnotsurewhereI

lefther。"

"MissLouisehasbeenupstairsalltheafternoon，ma\'am，readingtothesecondkitchenmaid，whohastheneuralgia。ItookupteatoMissLouiseataquartertofiveo\'clock，ma\'am。"

"Ofcourse，howsillyofme。Iremembernow，IaskedhertoreadtheFaerieQueenetopoorEmma，totrytosendhertosleep。I

alwaysgetsomeonetoreadtheFaerieQueenetomewhenIhaveneuralgia，anditusuallysendsmetosleep。Louisedoesn\'tseemtohavebeensuccessful，butonecan\'tsayshehasn\'ttried。Iexpectafterthefirsthourorsothekitchenmaidwouldratherhavebeenleftalonewithherneuralgia，butofcourseLouisewouldn\'tleaveofftillsomeonetoldherto。Anyhow，youcanringupMornay\'s，Robert，andaskwhetherIlefttwotheatreticketsthere。Exceptforyoursilk，Susan，thoseseemtobetheonlythingsI\'veforgottenthisafternoon。Quitewonderfulforme。"

TEA

JamesCushat-Prinklywasayoungmanwhohadalwayshadasettledconvictionthatoneofthesedayshewouldmarry；uptotheageofthirty-fourhehaddonenothingtojustifythatconviction。Helikedandadmiredagreatmanywomencollectivelyanddispassionatelywithoutsinglingoutoneforespecialmatrimonialconsideration，justasonemightadmiretheAlpswithoutfeelingthatonewantedanyparticularpeakasone\'sownprivateproperty。

Hislackofinitiativeinthismatterarousedacertainamountofimpatienceamongthesentimentally-mindedwomen-folkofhishomecircle；hismother，hissisters，anaunt-in-residence，andtwoorthreeintimatematronlyfriendsregardedhisdilatoryapproachtothemarriedstatewithadisapprovalthatwasfarfrombeinginarticulate。Hismostinnocentflirtationswerewatchedwiththestrainingeagernesswhichagroupofunexercisedterriersconcentratesontheslightestmovementsofahumanbeingwhomaybereasonablyconsideredlikelytotakethemforawalk。Nodecent-

souledmortalcanlongresistthepleadingofseveralpairsofwalk-

beseechingdog-eyes；JamesCushat-Prinklywasnotsufficientlyobstinateorindifferenttohomeinfluencestodisregardtheobviouslyexpressedwishofhisfamilythatheshouldbecomeenamouredofsomenicemarriageablegirl，andwhenhisUncleJulesdepartedthislifeandbequeathedhimacomfortablelittlelegacyitreallyseemedthecorrectthingtodotosetaboutdiscoveringsomeonetoshareitwithhim。Theprocessofdiscoverywascarriedonmorebytheforceofsuggestionandtheweightofpublicopinionthanbyanyinitiativeofhisown；aclearworkingmajorityofhisfemalerelativesandtheaforesaidmatronlyfriendshadpitchedonJoanSebastableasthemostsuitableyoungwomaninhisrangeofacquaintancetowhomhemightproposemarriage，andJamesbecamegraduallyaccustomedtotheideathatheandJoanwouldgotogetherthroughtheprescribedstagesofcongratulations，present-receiving，NorwegianorMediterraneanhotels，andeventualdomesticity。Itwasnecessary，howevertoasktheladywhatshethoughtaboutthematter；thefamilyhadsofarconductedanddirectedtheflirtationwithabilityanddiscretion，buttheactualproposalwouldhavetobeanindividualeffort。

Cushat-PrinklywalkedacrosstheParktowardstheSebastableresidenceinaframeofmindthatwasmoderatelycomplacent。Asthethingwasgoingtobedonehewasgladtofeelthathewasgoingtogetitsettledandoffhismindthatafternoon。Proposingmarriage，eventoanicegirllikeJoan，wasaratherirksomebusiness，butonecouldnothaveahoneymooninMinorcaandasubsequentlifeofmarriedhappinesswithoutsuchpreliminary。HewonderedwhatMinorcawasreallylikeasaplacetostopin；inhismind\'seyeitwasanislandinperpetualhalf-mourning，withblackorwhiteMinorcahensrunningalloverit。Probablyitwouldnotbeabitlikethatwhenonecametoexamineit。PeoplewhohadbeeninRussiahadtoldhimthattheydidnotrememberhavingseenanyMuscovyducksthere，soitwaspossiblethattherewouldbenoMinorcafowlsontheisland。

HisMediterraneanmusingswereinterruptedbythesoundofaclockstrikingthehalf-hour。Half-pastfour。Afrownofdissatisfactionsettledonhisface。HewouldarriveattheSebastablemansionjustatthehourofafternoontea。Joanwouldbeseatedatalowtable，spreadwithanarrayofsilverkettlesandcream-jugsanddelicateporcelaintea-cups，behindwhichhervoicewouldtinklepleasantlyinaseriesoflittlefriendlyquestionsaboutweakorstrongtea，howmuch，ifany，sugar，milk，cream，andsoforth。"Isitonelump？Iforgot。Youdotakemilk，don\'tyou？Wouldyoulikesomemorehotwater，ifit\'stoostrong？"

Cushat-Prinklyhadreadofsuchthingsinscoresofnovels，andhundredsofactualexperienceshadtoldhimthattheyweretruetolife。Thousandsofwomen，atthissolemnafternoonhour，weresittingbehinddaintyporcelainandsilverfittings，withtheirvoicestinklingpleasantlyinacascadeofsolicitouslittlequestions。Cushat-Prinklydetestedthewholesystemofafternoontea。Accordingtohistheoryoflifeawomanshouldlieonadivanorcouch，talkingwithincomparablecharmorlookingunutterablethoughts，ormerelysilentasathingtobelookedon，andfrombehindasilkencurtainasmallNubianpageshouldsilentlybringinatraywithcupsanddainties，tobeacceptedsilently，asamatterofcourse，withoutdrawn-outchatteraboutcreamandsugarandhotwater。Ifone\'ssoulwasreallyenslavedatone\'smistress\'sfeethowcouldonetalkcoherentlyaboutweakenedtea？Cushat-Prinklyhadneverexpoundedhisviewsonthesubjecttohismother；allherlifeshehadbeenaccustomedtotinklepleasantlyattea-timebehinddaintyporcelainandsilver，andifhehadspokentoheraboutdivansandNubianpagesshewouldhaveurgedhimtotakeaweek\'sholidayattheseaside。Now，ashepassedthroughatangleofsmallstreetsthatledindirectlytotheelegantMayfairterraceforwhichhewasbound，ahorrorattheideaofconfrontingJoanSebastableathertea-tableseizedonhim。Amomentarydeliverancepresenteditself；ononefloorofanarrowlittlehouseatthenoisierendofEsquimaultStreetlivedRhodaEllam，asortofremotecousin，whomadealivingbycreatinghatsoutofcostlymaterials。ThehatsreallylookedasiftheyhadcomefromParis；thechequesshegotforthemunfortunatelyneverlookedasiftheyweregoingtoParis。

However，Rhodaappearedtofindlifeamusingandtohaveafairlygoodtimeinspiteofherstraitenedcircumstances。Cushat-Prinklydecidedtoclimbuptoherflooranddeferbyhalf-an-hourorsotheimportantbusinesswhichlaybeforehim；byspinningouthisvisithecouldcontrivetoreachtheSebastablemansionafterthelastvestigesofdaintyporcelainhadbeenclearedaway。

Rhodawelcomedhimintoaroomthatseemedtododutyasworkshop，sitting-room，andkitchencombined，andtobewonderfullycleanandcomfortableatthesametime。

"I\'mhavingapicnicmeal，"sheannounced。"There\'scaviareinthatjaratyourelbow。Beginonthatbrownbread-and-butterwhileIcutsomemore。Findyourselfacup；theteapotisbehindyou。Nowtellmeabouthundredsofthings。"

Shemadenootherallusiontofood，buttalkedamusinglyandmadehervisitortalkamusinglytoo。Atthesametimeshecutthebread-

and-butterwithamasterlyskillandproducedredpepperandslicedlemon，wheresomanywomenwouldmerelyhaveproducedreasonsandregretsfornothavingany。Cushat-PrinklyfoundthathewasenjoyinganexcellentteawithouthavingtoanswerasmanyquestionsaboutitasaMinisterforAgriculturemightbecalledontoreplytoduringanoutbreakofcattleplague。

"Andnowtellmewhyyouhavecometoseeme，"saidRhodasuddenly。

"Youarousenotmerelymycuriositybutmybusinessinstincts。I

hopeyou\'vecomeabouthats。Iheardthatyouhadcomeintoalegacytheotherday，and，ofcourse，itstruckmethatitwouldbeabeautifulanddesirablethingforyoutocelebratetheeventbybuyingbrilliantlyexpensivehatsforallyoursisters。Theymaynothavesaidanythingaboutit，butIfeelsurethesameideahasoccurredtothem。Ofcourse，withGoodwoodonus，Iamratherrushedjustnow，butinmybusinesswe\'reaccustomedtothat；weliveinaseriesofrushes——liketheinfantMoses。"

"Ididn\'tcomeabouthats，"saidhervisitor。"Infact，Idon\'tthinkIreallycameaboutanything。IwaspassingandIjustthoughtI\'dlookinandseeyou。SinceI\'vebeensittingtalkingtoyou，however，ratherimportantideahasoccurredtome。Ifyou\'llforgetGoodwoodforamomentandlistentome，I\'lltellyouwhatitis。"

SomefortyminuteslaterJamesCushat-Prinklyreturnedtothebosomofhisfamily，bearinganimportantpieceofnews。

"I\'mengagedtobemarried，"heannounced。

Arapturousoutbreakofcongratulationandself-applausebrokeout。

"Ah，weknew！Wesawitcoming！Weforetolditweeksago！"

"I\'llbetyoudidn\'t，"saidCushat-Prinkly。"Ifanyonehadtoldmeatlunch-timeto-daythatIwasgoingtoaskRhodaEllamtomarrymeandthatshewasgoingtoacceptmeIwouldhavelaughedattheidea。"

TheromanticsuddennessoftheaffairinsomemeasurecompensatedJames\'swomen-folkfortheruthlessnegationofalltheirpatienteffortandskilleddiplomacy。Itwasrathertryingtohavetodeflecttheirenthusiasmatamoment\'snoticefromJoanSebastabletoRhodaEllam；but，afterall，itwasJames\'swifewhowasinquestion，andhistasteshadsomeclaimtobeconsidered。

OnaSeptemberafternoonofthesameyear，afterthehoneymooninMinorcahadended，Cushat-Prinklycameintothedrawing-roomofhisnewhouseinGranchesterSquare。Rhodawasseatedatalowtable，behindaserviceofdaintyporcelainandgleamingsilver。Therewasapleasanttinklingnoteinhervoiceasshehandedhimacup。

"Youlikeitweakerthanthat，don\'tyou？ShallIputsomemorehotwatertoit？No？"

THEDISAPPEARANCEOFCRISPINAUMBERLEIGH

Inafirst-classcarriageofatrainspeedingBalkanwardacrosstheflat，greenHungarianplaintwoBritonssatinfriendly，fitfulconverse。Theyhadfirstforegatheredinthecoldgreydawnatthefrontierline，wherethepresidingeagletakesonanextraheadandTeutonlandspassfromHohenzollerntoHabsburgkeeping——andwhereaprobingofficialbeakrequirestodelveinpoliteandperhapsperfunctory，butalwaystiresome，mannerintothebaggageofsleep-

hungrypassengers。Afteraday\'sbreakoftheirjourneyatViennathetravellershadagainforegatheredatthetrainsideandpaidoneanotherthecomplimentofsettlinginstinctivelyintothesamecarriage。Theelderofthetwohadtheappearanceandmannerofadiplomat；inpointoffacthewasthewell-connectedfoster-brotherofawinebusiness。Theotherwascertainlyajournalist。Neithermanwastalkativeandeachwasgratefultotheotherfornotbeingtalkative。Thatiswhyfromtimetotimetheytalked。

Onetopicofconversationnaturallythrustitselfforwardinfrontofallothers。InViennathepreviousdaytheyhadlearnedofthemysteriousvanishingofaworld-famouspicturefromthewallsoftheLouvre。

"Adramaticdisappearanceofthatsortissuretoproduceacropofimitations，"saidtheJournalist。

"Ithashadalotofanticipations，forthematterofthat，"saidtheWine-brother。

"Oh，ofcoursetherehavebeentheftsfromtheLouvrebefore。"

"Iwasthinkingofthespiritingawayofhumanbeingsratherthanpictures。InparticularIwasthinkingofthecaseofmyaunt，CrispinaUmberleigh。"

"Irememberhearingsomethingoftheaffair，"saidtheJournalist，"butIwasawayfromEnglandatthetime。Ineverquiteknewwhatwassupposedtohavehappened。"

"Youmayhearwhatreallyhappenedifyouwillrespectitasaconfidence，"saidtheWineMerchant。"InthefirstplaceImaysaythatthedisappearanceofMrs。Umberleighwasnotregardedbythefamilyentirelyasabereavement。Myuncle，EdwardUmberleigh，wasnotbyanymeansaweak-kneedindividual，infactintheworldofpoliticshehadtobereckonedwithmoreorlessasastrongman，buthewasunmistakablydominatedbyCrispina；indeedInevermetanyhumanbeingwhowasnotfrozenintosubjectionwhenbroughtintoprolongedcontactwithher。Somepeopleareborntocommand；

CrispinaMrs。Umberleighwasborntolegislate，codify，administrate，censor，license，ban，execute，andsitinjudgementgenerally。Ifshewasnotbornwiththatdestinysheadopteditatanearlyage。Fromthekitchenregionsupwardseveryoneinthehouseholdcameunderherdespoticswayandstayedtherewiththesubmissivenessofmolluscsinvolvedinaglacialepoch。Asanephewonafootingofonlyoccasionalvisitssheaffectedmemerelyasanepidemic，disagreeablewhileitlasted，butwithoutanypermanenteffect；butherownsonsanddaughtersstoodinmortalaweofher；

theirstudies，friendships，diet，amusements，religiousobservances，andwayofdoingtheirhairwereallregulatedandordainedaccordingtotheaugustlady\'swillandpleasure。Thiswillhelpyoutounderstandthesensationofstupefactionwhichwascausedinthefamilywhensheunobtrusivelyandinexplicablyvanished。ItwasasthoughSt。Paul\'sCathedralorthePiccadillyHotelhaddisappearedinthenight，leavingnothingbutanopenspacetomarkwhereithadstood。Asfaraswasknownnothingwastroublingher；

infacttherewasmuchbeforehertomakelifeparticularlywellworthliving。Theyoungestboyhadcomebackfromschoolwithanunsatisfactoryreport，andshewastohavesatinjudgementonhimtheveryafternoonofthedayshedisappeared——ifithadbeenhewhohadvanishedinahurryonecouldhavesuppliedthemotive。Thenshewasinthemiddleofanewspapercorrespondencewitharuraldeaninwhichshehadalreadyprovedhimguiltyofheresy，inconsistency，andunworthyquibbling，andnoordinaryconsiderationwouldhaveinducedhertodiscontinuethecontroversy。Ofcoursethematterwasputinthehandsofthepolice，butasfaraspossibleitwaskeptoutofthepapers，andthegenerallyacceptedexplanationofherwithdrawalfromhersocialcirclewasthatshehadgoneintoanursinghome。"

"Andwhatwastheimmediateeffectonthehomecircle？"askedtheJournalist。

"Allthegirlsboughtthemselvesbicycles；thefemininecyclingcrazewasstillinexistence，andCrispinahadrigidlyvetoedanyparticipationinitamongthemembersofherhousehold。Theyoungestboylethimselfgotosuchanextentduringhisnexttermthatithadtobehislastasfarasthatparticularestablishmentwasconcerned。Theelderboyspropoundedatheorythattheirmothermightbewanderingsomewhereabroad，andsearchedforherassiduously，chiefly，itmustbeadmitted，inaclassofMontmartreresortwhereitwasextremelyimprobablethatshewouldbefound。"

"Andallthiswhilecouldn\'tyourunclegetholdoftheleastclue？"

"Asamatteroffacthehadreceivedsomeinformation，thoughofcourseIdidnotknowofitatthetime。Hegotamessageonedaytellinghimthathiswifehadbeenkidnappedandsmuggledoutofthecountry；shewassaidtobehiddenaway，inoneoftheislandsoffthecoastofNorwayIthinkitwas，incomfortablesurroundingsandwellcaredfor。Andwiththeinformationcameademandformoney；alumpsumof2000poundswastobepaidyearly。Failingthisshewouldbeimmediatelyrestoredtoherfamily。"

TheJournalistwassilentforamoment，andthembegantolaughquietly。

"Itwascertainlyaninvertedformofholdingtoransom，"hesaid。

"Ifyouhadknownmyaunt，"saidtheWineMerchant，"youwouldhavewonderedthattheydidn\'tputthefigurehigher。"

"Irealisethetemptation。Didyourunclesuccumbtoit？"

"Well，yousee，hehadtothinkofothersaswellashimself。ForthefamilytohavegonebackintotheCrispinathraldomafterhavingtastedthedelightsoflibertywouldhavebeenatragedy，andtherewereevenwiderconsiderationstobetakenintoaccount。Sincehisbereavementhehadunconsciouslytakenupafarbolderandmoreinitiatorylineinpublicaffairs，andhispopularityandinfluencehadincreasedcorrespondingly。Frombeingmerelyastrongmaninthepoliticalworldhebegantobespokenofasthestrongman。AllthisheknewwouldbejeopardisedifheoncemoredroppedintothesocialpositionofthehusbandofMrs。Umberleigh。Hewasarichman，andthe2000poundsayear，thoughnotexactlyafleabite，didnotseemanextravagantpricetopayfortheboarding-outofCrispina。Ofcourse，hehadseverequalmsofconscienceaboutthearrangement。Lateron，whenhetookmeintohisconfidence，hetoldmethatinpayingtheransom，orhush-moneyasIshouldhavecalledit，hewaspartlyinfluencedbythefearthatifherefuseditthekidnappersmighthaveventedtheirrageanddisappointmentontheircaptive。Itwasbetter，hesaid，tothinkofherbeingwellcaredforasahighly-valuedpaying-guestinoneoftheLofodenIslandsthantohaveherstrugglingmiserablyhomeinamaimedandmutilatedcondition。Anywayhepaidtheyearlyinstalmentaspunctuallyasonepaysafireinsurance，andwithequalpromptitudetherewouldcomeanacknowledgmentofthemoneyandabriefstatementtotheeffectthatCrispinawasingoodhealthandfairlycheerfulspirits。

OnereportevenmentionedthatshewasbusyingherselfwithaschemeforproposedreformsinChurchmanagementtobepressedonthelocalpastorate。Anotherspokeofarheumaticattackandajourneytoa\'cure\'onthemainland，andonthatoccasionanadditionaleightypoundswasdemandedandconceded。Ofcourseitwastotheinterestofthekidnapperstokeeptheirchargeingoodhealth，butthesecrecywithwhichtheymanagedtoshroudtheirarrangementsarguedareallywonderfulorganisation。Ifmyunclewaspayingaratherhighprice，atleasthecouldconsolehimselfwiththereflectionthathewaspayingspecialists\'fees。"

"Meanwhilehadthepolicegivenupallattemptstotrackthemissinglady？"askedtheJournalist。

"Notentirely；theycametomyunclefromtimetotimetoreportonclueswhichtheythoughtmightyieldsomeelucidationastoherfateorwhereabouts，butIthinktheyhadtheirsuspicionsthathewaspossessedofmoreinformationthanhehadputattheirdisposal。

Andthen，afteradisappearanceofmorethaneightyears，Crispinareturnedwithdramaticsuddennesstothehomeshehadleftsomysteriously。"

"Shehadgivenhercaptorstheslip？"

"Shehadneverbeencaptured。Herwanderingawayhadbeencausedbyasuddenandcompletelossofmemory。Sheusuallydressedratherinthestyleofasuperiorkindofcharwoman，anditwasnotsoverysurprisingthatsheshouldhaveimaginedthatshewasone；andstilllessthatpeopleshouldacceptherstatementandhelphertogetwork。ShehadwanderedasfarafieldasBirmingham，andfoundfairlysteadyemploymentthere，herenergyandenthusiasminputtingpeople\'sroomsinordercounterbalancingherobstinateanddomineeringcharacteristics。Itwastheshockofbeingpatronisinglyaddressedas\'mygoodwoman\'byacurate，whowasdisputingwithherwherethestoveshouldbeplacedinaparishconcerthallthatledtothesuddenrestorationofhermemory。\'I

thinkyouforgetwhoyouarespeakingto，\'sheobservedcrushingly，whichwasratherundulysevere，consideringshehadonlyjustremembereditherself。"

"But，"exclaimedtheJournalist，"theLofodenIslandpeople！Whohadtheygotholdof？"

"Apurelymythicalprisoner。Itwasanattemptinthefirstplacebysomeonewhoknewsomethingofthedomesticsituation，probablyadischargedvalet，tobluffalumpsumoutofEdwardUmberleighbeforethemissingwomanturnedup；thesubsequentyearlyinstalmentswereanunlooked-forincrementtotheoriginalhaul。

"Crispinafoundthattheeightyears\'interregnumhadmateriallyweakenedherascendancyoverhernowgrown-upoffspring。Herhusband，however，neveraccomplishedanythinggreatinthepoliticalworldafterherreturn；thestrainoftryingtoaccountsatisfactorilyforanunspecifiedexpenditureofsixteenthousandpoundsspreadovereightyearssufficientlyoccupiedhismentalenergies。HereisBelgradandanothercustomhouse。"

THEWOLVESOFCERNOGRATZ

"Aretheyanyoldlegendsattachedtothecastle？"askedConradofhissister。ConradwasaprosperousHamburgmerchant，buthewastheonepoetically-dispositionedmemberofaneminentlypracticalfamily。

TheBaronessGruebelshruggedherplumpshoulders。

"Therearealwayslegendshangingabouttheseoldplaces。Theyarenotdifficulttoinventandtheycostnothing。Inthiscasethereisastorythatwhenanyonediesinthecastleallthedogsinthevillageandthewildbeastsinforesthowlthenightlong。Itwouldnotbepleasanttolistento，wouldit？"

"Itwouldbeweirdandromantic，"saidtheHamburgmerchant。