第7章

Asitpresenteditselftohimatfirst，theideawassonewandinterestingthathewashalfinclinedtoaddressit，withoutmoreado，toMaryherself。Hisnaturalinstincttodividehisthoughtscarefullyintotwodifferentclassesbeforeheexpressedthemtoherprevailed。

Butashewatchedherlookingoutofthewindowanddescribingtheoldlady，thewomanwiththeperambulator，thebailiffandthedissentingminister，hiseyesfilledinvoluntarilywithtears。Hewouldhavelikedtolayhisheadonhershoulderandsob，whileshepartedhishairwithherfingersandsoothedhimandsaid:

“There，there。Don\'tcry！Tellmewhyyou\'recrying——“；andtheywouldclaspeachothertight，andherarmswouldholdhimlikehismother\'s。

Hefeltthathewasverylonely，andthathewasafraidoftheotherpeopleintheroom。

“Howdamnablethisallis！“heexclaimedabruptly。

“Whatareyoutalkingabout？“shereplied，rathervaguely，stilllookingoutofthewindow。

Heresentedthisdividedattentionmorethan，perhaps，heknew，andhethoughthowMarywouldsoonbeonherwaytoAmerica。

“Mary，“hesaid，“Iwanttotalktoyou。Haven\'twenearlydone？Whydon\'ttheytakeawaytheseplates？“

Maryfelthisagitationwithoutlookingathim；shefeltconvincedthatsheknewwhatitwasthathewishedtosaytoher。

“They\'llcomeallingoodtime，“shesaid；andfeltitnecessarytodisplayherextremecalmnessbyliftingasalt-cellarandsweepingupalittleheapofbread-crumbs。

“Iwanttoapologize，“Ralphcontinued，notquiteknowingwhathewasabouttosay，butfeelingsomecuriousinstinctwhichurgedhimtocommithimselfirrevocably，andtopreventthemomentofintimacyfrompassing。

“IthinkI\'vetreatedyouverybadly。Thatis，I\'vetoldyoulies。DidyouguessthatIwaslyingtoyou？OnceinLincoln\'sInnFieldsandagainto-dayonourwalk。Iamaliar，Mary。Didyouknowthat？Doyouthinkyoudoknowme？“

“IthinkIdo，“shesaid。

Atthispointthewaiterchangedtheirplates。

“It\'strueIdon\'twantyoutogotoAmerica，“hesaid，lookingfixedlyatthetable-cloth。“Infact，myfeelingstowardsyouseemtobeutterlyanddamnablybad，“hesaidenergetically，althoughforcedtokeephisvoicelow。

“IfIweren\'taselfishbeastIshouldtellyoutohavenothingmoretodowithme。Andyet，Mary，inspiteofthefactthatIbelievewhatI\'msaying，Ialsobelievethatit\'sgoodweshouldknoweachother——

theworldbeingwhatitis，yousee——“andbyanodofhisheadheindicatedtheotheroccupantsoftheroom，“for，ofcourse，inanidealstateofthings，inadecentcommunityeven，there\'snodoubtyoushouldn\'thaveanythingtodowithme——seriously，thatis。“

“YouforgetthatI\'mnotanidealcharacter，either，“saidMary，inthesamelowandveryearnesttones，which，inspiteofbeingalmostinaudible，surroundedtheirtablewithanatmosphereofconcentrationwhichwasquiteperceptibletotheotherdiners，whoglancedatthemnowandthenwithaqueermixtureofkindness，amusement，andcuriosity。

“I\'mmuchmoreselfishthanIleton，andI\'mworldlyalittle——morethanyouthink，anyhow。Ilikebossingthings——perhapsthat\'smygreatestfault。I\'venoneofyourpassionfor——“hereshehesitated，andglancedathim，asiftoascertainwhathispassionwasfor——“forthetruth，“sheadded，asifshehadfoundwhatshesoughtindisputably。

“I\'vetoldyouI\'maliar，“Ralphrepeatedobstinately。

“Oh，inlittlethings，Idaresay，“shesaidimpatiently。“Butnotinrealones，andthat\'swhatmatters。IdaresayI\'mmoretruthfulthanyouareinsmallways。ButIcouldnevercare“——shewassurprisedtofindherselfspeakingtheword，andhadtoforceherselftospeakitout——“foranyonewhowasaliarinthatway。Ilovethetruthacertainamount——aconsiderableamount——butnotinthewayyouloveit。“Hervoicesank，becameinaudible，andwaveredasifshecouldscarcelykeepherselffromtears。

“Goodheavens！“Ralphexclaimedtohimself。“Shelovesme！WhydidI

neverseeitbefore？She\'sgoingtocry；no，butshecan\'tspeak。“

Thecertaintyoverwhelmedhimsothathescarcelyknewwhathewasdoing；thebloodrushedtohischeeks，andalthoughhehadquitemadeuphismindtoaskhertomarryhim，thecertaintythatshelovedhimseemedtochangethesituationsocompletelythathecouldnotdoit。

Hedidnotdaretolookather。Ifshecried，hedidnotknowwhatheshoulddo。Itseemedtohimthatsomethingofaterribleanddevastatingnaturehadhappened。Thewaiterchangedtheirplatesoncemore。

InhisagitationRalphrose，turnedhisbackuponMary，andlookedoutofthewindow。Thepeopleinthestreetseemedtohimonlyadissolvingandcombiningpatternofblackparticles；which，forthemoment，representedverywelltheinvoluntaryprocessionoffeelingsandthoughtswhichformedanddissolvedinrapidsuccessioninhisownmind。AtonemomentheexultedinthethoughtthatMarylovedhim；atthenext，itseemedthathewaswithoutfeelingforher；herlovewasrepulsivetohim。Nowhefelturgedtomarryheratonce；nowtodisappearandneverseeheragain。Inordertocontrolthisdisorderlyraceofthoughtheforcedhimselftoreadthenameonthechemist\'sshopdirectlyoppositehim；thentoexaminetheobjectsintheshopwindows，andthentofocushiseyesexactlyuponalittlegroupofwomenlookinginatthegreatwindowsofalargedraper\'sshop。Thisdisciplinehavinggivenhimatleastasuperficialcontrolofhimself，hewasabouttoturnandaskthewaitertobringthebill，whenhiseyewascaughtbyatallfigurewalkingquicklyalongtheoppositepavement——atallfigure，upright，dark，andcommanding，muchdetachedfromhersurroundings。Sheheldherglovesinherlefthand，andthelefthandwasbare。AllthisRalphnoticedandenumeratedandrecognizedbeforeheputanametothewhole——KatharineHilbery。Sheseemedtobelookingforsomebody。Hereyes，infact，scannedbothsidesofthestreet，andforonesecondwereraiseddirectlytothebowwindowinwhichRalphstood；butshelookedawayagaininstantlywithoutgivinganysignthatshehadseenhim。Thissuddenapparitionhadanextraordinaryeffectuponhim。Itwasasifhehadthoughtofhersointenselythathismindhadformedtheshapeofher，ratherthanthathehadseenherinthefleshoutsideinthestreet。Andyethehadnotbeenthinkingofheratall。Theimpressionwassointensethathecouldnotdismissit，noreventhinkwhetherhehadseenherormerelyimaginedher。Hesatdownatonce，andsaid，brieflyandstrangely，rathertohimselfthantoMary:

“ThatwasKatharineHilbery。“

“KatharineHilbery？Whatdoyoumean？“sheasked，hardlyunderstandingfromhismannerwhetherhehadseenherornot。

“KatharineHilbery，“herepeated。“Butshe\'sgonenow。“

“KatharineHilbery！“Marythought，inaninstantofblindingrevelation；“I\'vealwaysknownitwasKatharineHilbery！“Sheknewitallnow。

Afteramomentofdowncaststupor，sheraisedhereyes，lookedsteadilyatRalph，andcaughthisfixedanddreamygazeleveledatapointfarbeyondtheirsurroundings，apointthatshehadneverreachedinallthetimethatshehadknownhim。Shenoticedthelipsjustparted，thefingerslooselyclenched，thewholeattitudeofraptcontemplation，whichfelllikeaveilbetweenthem。Shenoticedeverythingabouthim；iftherehadbeenothersignsofhisutteralienationshewouldhavesoughtthemout，too，forshefeltthatitwasonlybyheapingonetruthuponanotherthatshecouldkeepherselfsittingthere，upright。Thetruthseemedtosupporther；itstruckher，evenasshelookedathisface，thatthelightoftruthwasshiningfarawaybeyondhim；thelightoftruth，sheseemedtoframethewordsassherosetogo，shinesonaworldnottobeshakenbyourpersonalcalamities。

Ralphhandedherhercoatandherstick。Shetookthem，fastenedthecoatsecurely，graspedthestickfirmly。Theivyspraywasstilltwistedaboutthehandle；thisonesacrifice，shethought，shemightmaketosentimentalityandpersonality，andshepickedtwoleavesfromtheivyandputtheminherpocketbeforeshedisencumberedherstickoftherestofit。Shegraspedthestickinthemiddle，andsettledherfurcapcloselyuponherhead，asifshemustbeintrimforalongandstormywalk。Next，standinginthemiddleoftheroad，shetookaslipofpaperfromherpurse，andreadoutloudalistofcommissionsentrustedtoher——fruit，butter，string，andsoon；andallthetimesheneverspokedirectlytoRalphorlookedathim。

Ralphheardhergivingorderstoattentive，rosy-checkedmeninwhiteaprons，andinspiteofhisownpreoccupation，hecommenteduponthedeterminationwithwhichshemadeherwishesknown。Oncemorehebegan，automatically，totakestockofhercharacteristics。Standingthus，superficiallyobservantandstirringthesawdustonthefloormeditativelywiththetoeofhisboot，hewasrousedbyamusicalandfamiliarvoicebehindhim，accompaniedbyalighttouchuponhisshoulder。

“I\'mnotmistaken？SurelyMr。Denham？Icaughtaglimpseofyourcoatthroughthewindow，andIfeltsurethatIknewyourcoat。HaveyouseenKatharineorWilliam？I\'mwanderingaboutLincolnlookingfortheruins。“

ItwasMrs。Hilbery；herentrancecreatedsomestirintheshop；manypeoplelookedather。

“Firstofall，tellmewhereIam，“shedemanded，but，catchingsightoftheattentiveshopman，sheappealedtohim。“Theruins——mypartyiswaitingformeattheruins。TheRomanruins——orGreek，Mr。Denham？

Yourtownhasagreatmanybeautifulthingsinit，butIwishithadn\'tsomanyruins。Ineversawsuchdelightfullittlepotsofhoneyinmylife——aretheymadebyyourownbees？Pleasegivemeoneofthoselittlepots，andtellmehowIshallfindmywaytotheruins。“

“Andnow，“shecontinued，havingreceivedtheinformationandthepotofhoney，havingbeenintroducedtoMary，andhavinginsistedthattheyshouldaccompanyherbacktotheruins，sinceinatownwithsomanyturnings，suchprospects，suchdelightfullittlehalf-nakedboysdabblinginpools，suchVenetiancanals，sucholdbluechinainthecuriosityshops，itwasimpossibleforonepersonallalonetofindherwaytotheruins。“Now，“sheexclaimed，“pleasetellmewhatyou\'redoinghere，Mr。Denham——foryouAREMr。Denham，aren\'tyou？“

sheinquired，gazingathimwithasuddensuspicionofherownaccuracy。“ThebrilliantyoungmanwhowritesfortheReview，Imean？

Onlyyesterdaymyhusbandwastellingmehethoughtyouoneofthecleverestyoungmenheknew。Certainly，you\'vebeenthemessengerofProvidencetome，forunlessI\'dseenyouI\'msureIshouldneverhavefoundtheruinsatall。“

TheyhadreachedtheRomanarchwhenMrs。Hilberycaughtsightofherownparty，standinglikesentinelsfacingupanddowntheroadsoastointerceptherif，astheyexpected，shehadgotlodgedinsomeshop。

“I\'vefoundsomethingmuchbetterthanruins！“sheexclaimed。“I\'vefoundtwofriendswhotoldmehowtofindyou，whichIcouldneverhavedonewithoutthem。Theymustcomeandhaveteawithus。Whatapitythatwe\'vejusthadluncheon。“Couldtheynotsomehowrevokethatmeal？

Katharine，whohadgoneafewstepsbyherselfdowntheroad，andwasinvestigatingthewindowofanironmonger，asifhermothermighthavegotherselfconcealedamongmowing-machinesandgarden-shears，turnedsharplyonhearinghervoice，andcametowardsthem。ShewasagreatdealsurprisedtoseeDenhamandMaryDatchet。Whetherthecordialitywithwhichshegreetedthemwasmerelythatwhichisnaturaltoasurprisemeetinginthecountry，orwhethershewasreallygladtoseethemboth，atanyratesheexclaimedwithunusualpleasureassheshookhands:

“Ineverknewyoulivedhere。Whydidn\'tyousayso，andwecouldhavemet？AndareyoustayingwithMary？“shecontinued，turningtoRalph。

“Whatapitywedidn\'tmeetbefore。“

Thusconfrontedatadistanceofonlyafewfeetbytherealbodyofthewomanaboutwhomhehaddreamtsomanymilliondreams，Ralphstammered；hemadeaclutchathisself-control；thecoloreithercametohischeeksorleftthem，heknewnotwhich；buthewasdeterminedtofaceherandtrackdowninthecoldlightofdaywhatevervestigeoftruththeremightbeinhispersistentimaginations。Hedidnotsucceedinsayinganything。ItwasMarywhospokeforbothofthem。HewasstruckdumbbyfindingthatKatharinewasquitedifferent，insomestrangeway，fromhismemory，sothathehadtodismisshisoldviewinordertoacceptthenewone。Thewindwasblowinghercrimsonscarfacrossherface；thewindhadalreadyloosenedherhair，whichloopedacrossthecornerofoneofthelarge，darkeyeswhich，soheusedtothink，lookedsad；nowtheylookedbrightwiththebrightnessoftheseastruckbyanuncloudedray；everythingaboutherseemedrapid，fragmentary，andfullofakindofracingspeed。Herealizedsuddenlythathehadneverseenherinthedaylightbefore。

Meanwhile，itwasdecidedthatitwastoolatetogoinsearchofruinsastheyhadintended；andthewholepartybegantowalktowardsthestableswherethecarriagehadbeenputup。

“Doyouknow，“saidKatharine，keepingslightlyinadvanceoftherestwithRalph，“IthoughtIsawyouthismorning，standingatawindow。

ButIdecidedthatitcouldn\'tbeyou。Anditmusthavebeenyouallthesame。“

“Yes，IthoughtIsawyou——butitwasn\'tyou，“hereplied。

Thisremark，andtheroughstraininhisvoice，recalledtohermemorysomanydifficultspeechesandabortivemeetingsthatshewasjerkeddirectlybacktotheLondondrawing-room，thefamilyrelics，andthetea-table；andatthesametimerecalledsomehalf-finishedorinterruptedremarkwhichshehadwantedtomakeherselfortohearfromhim——shecouldnotrememberwhatitwas。

“Iexpectitwasme，“shesaid。“Iwaslookingformymother。IthappenseverytimewecometoLincoln。Infact，thereneverwasafamilysounabletotakecareofitselfasoursis。Notthatitverymuchmatters，becausesomeonealwaysturnsupinthenickoftimetohelpusoutofourscrapes。OnceIwasleftinafieldwithabullwhenIwasababy——butwheredidweleavethecarriage？Downthatstreetorthenext？Thenext，Ithink。“Sheglancedbackandsawthattheotherswerefollowingobediently，listeningtocertainmemoriesofLincolnuponwhichMrs。Hilberyhadstarted。“Butwhatareyoudoinghere？“sheasked。

“I\'mbuyingacottage。I\'mgoingtolivehere——assoonasIcanfindacottage，andMarytellsmethere\'llbenodifficultyaboutthat。“

“But，“sheexclaimed，almoststandingstillinhersurprise，“youwillgiveuptheBar，then？“ItflashedacrosshermindthathemustalreadybeengagedtoMary。

“Thesolicitor\'soffice？Yes。I\'mgivingthatup。“

“Butwhy？“sheasked。Sheansweredherselfatonce，withacuriouschangefromrapidspeechtoanalmostmelancholytone。“Ithinkyou\'reverywisetogiveitup。Youwillbemuchhappier。“

Atthisverymoment，whenherwordsseemedtobestrikingapathintothefutureforhim，theysteppedintotheyardofaninn，andtherebeheldthefamilycoachoftheOtways，towhichonesleekhorsewasalreadyattached，whilethesecondwasbeingledoutofthestabledoorbythehostler。

“Idon\'tknowwhatonemeansbyhappiness，“hesaidbriefly，havingtostepasideinordertoavoidagroomwithabucket。“WhydoyouthinkIshallbehappy？Idon\'texpecttobeanythingofthekind。Iexpecttoberatherlessunhappy。Ishallwriteabookandcursemycharwoman——ifhappinessconsistsinthat。Whatdoyouthink？“

Shecouldnotanswerbecausetheywereimmediatelysurroundedbyothermembersoftheparty——byMrs。Hilbery，andMary，HenryOtway，andWilliam。

RodneywentuptoKatharineimmediatelyandsaidtoher:

“Henryisgoingtodrivehomewithyourmother，andIsuggestthattheyshouldputusdownhalf-wayandletuswalkback。“

Katharinenoddedherhead。Sheglancedathimwithanoddlyfurtiveexpression。

“Unfortunatelywegoinoppositedirections，orwemighthavegivenyoualift，“hecontinuedtoDenham。Hismannerwasunusuallyperemptory；heseemedanxioustohastenthedeparture，andKatharinelookedathimfromtimetotime，asDenhamnoticed，withanexpressionhalfofinquiry，halfofannoyance。Sheatoncehelpedhermotherintohercloak，andsaidtoMary:

“Iwanttoseeyou。AreyougoingbacktoLondonatonce？Iwillwrite。“ShehalfsmiledatRalph，butherlookwasalittleovercastbysomethingshewasthinking，andinaveryfewminutestheOtwaycarriagerolledoutofthestableyardandturneddownthehighroadleadingtothevillageofLampsher。

Thereturndrivewasalmostassilentasthedrivefromhomehadbeeninthemorning；indeed，Mrs。Hilberyleantbackwithclosedeyesinhercorner，andeithersleptorfeignedsleep，asherhabitwasintheintervalsbetweentheseasonsofactiveexertion，orcontinuedthestorywhichshehadbeguntotellherselfthatmorning。

AbouttwomilesfromLampshertheroadranovertheroundedsummitoftheheath，alonelyspotmarkedbyanobeliskofgranite，settingforththegratitudeofsomegreatladyoftheeighteenthcenturywhohadbeensetuponbyhighwaymenatthisspotanddeliveredfromdeathjustashopeseemedlost。Insummeritwasapleasantplace，forthedeepwoodsoneithersidemurmured，andtheheather，whichgrewthickroundthegranitepedestal，madethelightbreezetastesweetly；inwinterthesighingofthetreeswasdeepenedtoahollowsound，andtheheathwasasgrayandalmostassolitaryastheemptysweepofthecloudsaboveit。

HereRodneystoppedthecarriageandhelpedKatharinetoalight。

Henry，too，gaveherhishand，andfanciedthatshepresseditveryslightlyinpartingasifshesenthimamessage。Butthecarriagerolledonimmediately，withoutwakeningMrs。Hilbery，andleftthecouplestandingbytheobelisk。ThatRodneywasangrywithherandhadmadethisopportunityforspeakingtoher，Katharineknewverywell；

shewasneithergladnorsorrythatthetimehadcome，nor，indeed，knewwhattoexpect，andthusremainedsilent。Thecarriagegrewsmallerandsmallerupontheduskyroad，andstillRodneydidnotspeak。Perhaps，shethought，hewaiteduntilthelastsignofthecarriagehaddisappearedbeneaththecurveoftheroadandtheywereleftentirelyalone。Tocloaktheirsilenceshereadthewritingontheobelisk，todowhichshehadtowalkcompletelyroundit。Shewasmurmuringawordtotwoofthepiouslady\'sthanksaboveherbreathwhenRodneyjoinedher。Insilencetheysetoutalongthecart-trackwhichskirtedthevergeofthetrees。

TobreakthesilencewasexactlywhatRodneywishedtodo，andyetcouldnotdotohisownsatisfaction。IncompanyitwasfareasiertoapproachKatharine；alonewithher，thealoofnessandforceofhercharactercheckedallhisnaturalmethodsofattack。Hebelievedthatshehadbehavedverybadlytohim，buteachseparateinstanceofunkindnessseemedtoopettytobeadvancedwhentheywerealonetogether。

“There\'snoneedforustorace，“hecomplainedatlast；uponwhichsheimmediatelyslackenedherpace，andwalkedtooslowlytosuithim。

Indesperationhesaidthefirstthinghethoughtof，verypeevishlyandwithoutthedignifiedpreludewhichhehadintended。

“I\'venotenjoyedmyholiday。“

“No？“

“No。Ishallbegladtogetbacktoworkagain。“

“Saturday，Sunday，Monday——thereareonlythreedaysmore，“shecounted。

“Nooneenjoysbeingmadeafoolofbeforeotherpeople，“heblurtedout，forhisirritationroseasshespoke，andgotthebetterofhisaweofher，andwasinflamedbythatawe。

“Thatreferstome，Isuppose，“shesaidcalmly。

“Everydaysincewe\'vebeenhereyou\'vedonesomethingtomakemeappearridiculous，“hewenton。“Ofcourse，solongasitamusesyou，you\'rewelcome；butwehavetorememberthatwearegoingtospendourlivestogether。Iaskedyou，onlythismorning，forexample，tocomeoutandtakeaturnwithmeinthegarden。Iwaswaitingforyoutenminutes，andyounevercame。Everyonesawmewaiting。Thestable-boyssawme。IwassoashamedthatIwentin。Then，onthedriveyouhardlyspoketome。Henrynoticedit。Everyonenoticesit……YoufindnodifficultyintalkingtoHenry，though。“

Shenotedthesevariouscomplaintsanddeterminedphilosophicallytoanswernoneofthem，althoughthelaststunghertoconsiderableirritation。Shewishedtofindouthowdeephisgrievancelay。

“Noneofthesethingsseemtometomatter，“shesaid。

“Verywell，then。Imayaswellholdmytongue，“hereplied。

“Inthemselvestheydon\'tseemtometomatter；iftheyhurtyou，ofcoursetheymatter，“shecorrectedherselfscrupulously。Hertoneofconsiderationtouchedhim，andhewalkedoninsilenceforaspace。

“Andwemightbesohappy，Katharine！“heexclaimedimpulsively，anddrewherarmthroughhis。Shewithdrewitdirectly。

“Aslongasyouletyourselffeellikethisweshallneverbehappy，“

shesaid。

Theharshness，whichHenryhadnoticed，wasagainunmistakableinhermanner。Williamflinchedandwassilent。Suchseverity，accompaniedbysomethingindescribablycoldandimpersonalinhermanner，hadconstantlybeenmetedouttohimduringthelastfewdays，alwaysinthecompanyofothers。Hehadrecoupedhimselfbysomeridiculousdisplayofvanitywhich，asheknew，puthimstillmoreathermercy。

Nowthathewasalonewithhertherewasnostimulusfromoutsidetodrawhisattentionfromhisinjury。Byaconsiderableeffortofself-controlheforcedhimselftoremainsilent，andtomakehimselfdistinguishwhatpartofhispainwasduetovanity，whatparttothecertaintythatnowomanreallylovinghimcouldspeakthus。

“WhatdoIfeelaboutKatharine？“hethoughttohimself。Itwasclearthatshehadbeenaverydesirableanddistinguishedfigure，themistressofherlittlesectionoftheworld；butmorethanthat，shewasthepersonofallotherswhoseemedtohimthearbitressoflife，thewomanwhosejudgmentwasnaturallyrightandsteady，ashishadneverbeeninspiteofallhisculture。Andthenhecouldnotseehercomeintoaroomwithoutasenseoftheflowingofrobes，ofthefloweringofblossoms，ofthepurplewavesofthesea，ofallthingsthatarelovelyandmutableonthesurfacebutstillandpassionateintheirheart。

“IfshewerecallousallthetimeandhadonlyledmeontolaughatmeIcouldn\'thavefeltthatabouther，“hethought。“I\'mnotafool，afterall。Ican\'thavebeenutterlymistakenalltheseyears。Andyet，whenshespeakstomelikethat！Thetruthofitis，“hethought，“thatI\'vegotsuchdespicablefaultsthatnoonecouldhelpspeakingtomelikethat。Katharineisquiteright。Andyetthosearenotmyseriousfeelings，assheknowsquitewell。HowcanIchangemyself？

Whatwouldmakehercareforme？“HewasterriblytemptedheretobreakthesilencebyaskingKatharineinwhatrespectshecouldchangehimselftosuither；buthesoughtconsolationinsteadbyrunningoverthelistofhisgiftsandacquirements，hisknowledgeofGreekandLatin，hisknowledgeofartandliterature，hisskillinthemanagementofmeters，andhisancientwest-countryblood。ButthefeelingthatunderlayallthesefeelingsandpuzzledhimprofoundlyandkepthimsilentwasthecertaintythathelovedKatharineassincerelyashehaditinhimtoloveanyone。Andyetshecouldspeaktohimlikethat！Inasortofbewildermenthelostalldesiretospeak，andwouldquitereadilyhavetakenupsomedifferenttopicofconversationifKatharinehadstartedone。This，however，shedidnotdo。

Heglancedather，incaseherexpressionmighthelphimtounderstandherbehavior。Asusual，shehadquickenedherpaceunconsciously，andwasnowwalkingalittleinfrontofhim；buthecouldgainlittleinformationfromhereyes，whichlookedsteadilyatthebrownheather，orfromthelinesdrawnseriouslyuponherforehead。Thustolosetouchwithher，forhehadnoideawhatshewasthinking，wassounpleasanttohimthathebegantotalkabouthisgrievancesagain，without，however，muchconvictioninhisvoice。

“Ifyouhavenofeelingforme，wouldn\'titbekindertosaysotomeinprivate？“

“Oh，William，“sheburstout，asifhehadinterruptedsomeabsorbingtrainofthought，“howyougoonaboutfeelings！Isn\'titbetternottotalksomuch，nottobeworryingalwaysaboutsmallthingsthatdon\'treallymatter？“

“That\'sthequestionprecisely，“heexclaimed。“Ionlywantyoutotellmethattheydon\'tmatter。Therearetimeswhenyouseemindifferenttoeverything。I\'mvain，I\'veathousandfaults；butyouknowthey\'renoteverything；youknowIcareforyou。“

“AndifIsaythatIcareforyou，don\'tyoubelieveme？“

“Sayit，Katharine！Sayitasifyoumeantit！Makemefeelthatyoucareforme！“

Shecouldnotforceherselftospeakaword。Theheatherwasgrowingdimaroundthem，andthehorizonwasblottedoutbywhitemist。Toaskherforpassionorforcertaintyseemedlikeaskingthatdampprospectforfiercebladesoffire，orthefadedskyfortheintensebluevaultofJune。

Hewentonnowtotellherofhisloveforher，inwordswhichbore，eventohercriticalsenses，thestampoftruth；butnoneofthistouchedher，until，comingtoagatewhosehingewasrusty，heheaveditopenwithhisshoulder，stilltalkingandtakingnoaccountofhiseffort。Thevirilityofthisdeedimpressedher；andyet，normally，sheattachednovaluetothepowerofopeninggates。Thestrengthofmuscleshasnothingtodoonthefaceofitwiththestrengthofaffections；nevertheless，shefeltasuddenconcernforthispowerrunningtowasteonheraccount，which，combinedwithadesiretokeeppossessionofthatstrangelyattractivemasculinepower，madeherrouseherselffromhertorpor。

Whyshouldshenotsimplytellhimthetruth——whichwasthatshehadacceptedhiminamistystateofmindwhennothinghaditsrightshapeorsize？thatitwasdeplorable，butthatwithclearereyesightmarriagewasoutofthequestion？Shedidnotwanttomarryanyone。

Shewantedtogoawaybyherself，preferablytosomebleaknorthernmoor，andtherestudymathematicsandthescienceofastronomy。Twentywordswouldexplainthewholesituationtohim。Hehadceasedtospeak；hehadtoldheroncemorehowhelovedherandwhy。Shesummonedhercourage，fixedhereyesuponalightning-splinteredash-tree，and，almostasifshewerereadingawritingfixedtothetrunk，began:

“Iwaswrongtogetengagedtoyou。Ishallnevermakeyouhappy。I

haveneverlovedyou。“

“Katharine！“heprotested。

“No，never，“sherepeatedobstinately。“Notrightly。Don\'tyousee，I

didn\'tknowwhatIwasdoing？“

“Youlovesomeoneelse？“hecuthershort。

“Absolutelynoone。“

“Henry？“hedemanded。

“Henry？Ishouldhavethought，William，evenyou——“

“Thereissomeone，“hepersisted。“Therehasbeenachangeinthelastfewweeks。Youoweittometobehonest，Katharine。“

“IfIcould，Iwould，“shereplied。

“Whydidyoutellmeyouwouldmarryme，then？“hedemanded。

Why，indeed？Amomentofpessimism，asuddenconvictionoftheundeniableproseoflife，alapseoftheillusionwhichsustainsyouthmidwaybetweenheavenandearth，adesperateattempttoreconcileherselfwithfacts——shecouldonlyrecallamoment，asofwakingfromadream，whichnowseemedtoheramomentofsurrender。Butwhocouldgivereasonssuchasthesefordoingwhatshehaddone？Sheshookherheadverysadly。

“Butyou\'renotachild——you\'renotawomanofmoods，“Rodneypersisted。“Youcouldn\'thaveacceptedmeifyouhadn\'tlovedme！“hecried。

Asenseofherownmisbehavior，whichshehadsucceededinkeepingfromherbysharpeningherconsciousnessofRodney\'sfaults，nowsweptoverherandalmostoverwhelmedher。Whatwerehisfaultsincomparisonwiththefactthathecaredforher？Whatwerehervirtuesincomparisonwiththefactthatshedidnotcareforhim？Inaflashtheconvictionthatnottocareistheuttermostsinofallstampeditselfuponherinmostthought；andshefeltherselfbrandedforever。

Hehadtakenherarm，andheldherhandfirmlyinhis，norhadshetheforcetoresistwhatnowseemedtoherhisenormouslysuperiorstrength。Verywell；shewouldsubmit，ashermotherandherauntandmostwomen，perhaps，hadsubmitted；andyetsheknewthateverysecondofsuchsubmissiontohisstrengthwasasecondoftreacherytohim。

“IdidsayIwouldmarryyou，butitwaswrong，“sheforcedherselftosay，andshestiffenedherarmasiftoannuleventheseemingsubmissionofthatseparatepartofher；“forIdon\'tloveyou，William；you\'venoticedit，everyone\'snoticedit；whyshouldwegoonpretending？WhenItoldyouIlovedyou，Iwaswrong。IsaidwhatI

knewtobeuntrue。“

Asnoneofherwordsseemedtoheratalladequatetorepresentwhatshefelt，sherepeatedthem，andemphasizedthemwithoutrealizingtheeffectthattheymighthaveuponamanwhocaredforher。Shewascompletelytakenabackbyfindingherarmsuddenlydropped；thenshesawhisfacemoststrangelycontorted；washelaughing，itflashedacrossher？Inanothermomentshesawthathewasintears。Inherbewildermentatthisapparitionshestoodaghastforasecond。Withadesperatesensethatthishorrormust，atallcosts，bestopped，shethenputherarmsabouthim，drewhisheadforamomentuponhershoulder，andledhimon，murmuringwordsofconsolation，untilheheavedagreatsigh。Theyheldfasttoeachother；hertears，too，randownhercheeks；andwerebothquitesilent。Noticingthedifficultywithwhichhewalked，andfeelingthesameextremelassitudeinherownlimbs，sheproposedthattheyshouldrestforamomentwherethebrackenwasbrownandshriveledbeneathanoak-tree。Heassented。Oncemorehegaveagreatsigh，andwipedhiseyeswithachildlikeunconsciousness，andbegantospeakwithoutatraceofhispreviousanger。Theideacametoherthattheywerelikethechildreninthefairytalewhowerelostinawood，andwiththisinhermindshenoticedthescatteringofdeadleavesallroundthemwhichhadbeenblownbythewindintoheaps，afootortwodeep，hereandthere。

“Whendidyoubegintofeelthis，Katharine？“hesaid；“foritisn\'ttruetosaythatyou\'vealwaysfeltit。IadmitIwasunreasonablethefirstnightwhenyoufoundthatyourclotheshadbeenleftbehind。

Still，where\'sthefaultinthat？Icouldpromiseyounevertointerferewithyourclothesagain。IadmitIwascrosswhenIfoundyouupstairswithHenry。PerhapsIshowedittooopenly。Butthat\'snotunreasonableeitherwhenone\'sengaged。Askyourmother。Andnowthisterriblething——“Hebrokeoff，unableforthemomenttoproceedanyfurther。“Thisdecisionyousayyou\'vecometo——haveyoudiscusseditwithanyone？Yourmother，forexample，orHenry？“

“No，no，ofcoursenot，“shesaid，stirringtheleaveswithherhand。

“Butyoudon\'tunderstandme，William——“

“Helpmetounderstandyou——“

“Youdon\'tunderstand，Imean，myrealfeelings；howcouldyou？I\'veonlynowfacedthemmyself。ButIhaven\'tgotthesortoffeeling——love，Imean——Idon\'tknowwhattocallit“——shelookedvaguelytowardsthehorizonsunkundermist——“but，anyhow，withoutitourmarriagewouldbeafarce——“

“Howafarce？“heasked。“Butthiskindofanalysisisdisastrous！“heexclaimed。

“Ishouldhavedoneitbefore，“shesaidgloomily。

“Youmakeyourselfthinkthingsyoudon\'tthink，“hecontinued，becomingdemonstrativewithhishands，ashismannerwas。“Believeme，Katharine，beforewecameherewewereperfectlyhappy。Youwerefullofplansforourhouse——thechair-covers，don\'tyouremember？——likeanyotherwomanwhoisabouttobemarried。Now，fornoreasonwhatever，youbegintofretaboutyourfeelingandaboutmyfeeling，withtheusualresult。Iassureyou，Katharine，I\'vebeenthroughitallmyself。AtonetimeIwasalwaysaskingmyselfabsurdquestionswhichcametonothingeither。Whatyouwant，ifImaysayso，issomeoccupationtotakeyououtofyourselfwhenthismorbidmoodcomeson。

Ifithadn\'tbeenformypoetry，Iassureyou，Ishouldoftenhavebeenverymuchinthesamestatemyself。Toletyouintoasecret，“hecontinued，withhislittlechuckle，whichnowsoundedalmostassured，“I\'veoftengonehomefromseeingyouinsuchastateofnervesthatI

hadtoforcemyselftowriteapageortwobeforeIcouldgetyououtofmyhead。AskDenham；he\'lltellyouhowhemetmeonenight；he\'lltellyouwhatastatehefoundmein。“

KatharinestartedwithdispleasureatthementionofRalph\'sname。ThethoughtoftheconversationinwhichherconducthadbeenmadeasubjectfordiscussionwithDenhamrousedheranger；but，assheinstantlyfelt，shehadscarcelytherighttogrudgeWilliamanyuseofhername，seeingwhatherfaultagainsthimhadbeenfromfirsttolast。AndyetDenham！Shehadaviewofhimasajudge。Shefiguredhimsternlyweighinginstancesofherlevityinthismasculinecourtofinquiryintofemininemoralityandgrufflydismissingbothherandherfamilywithsomehalf-sarcastic，half-tolerantphrasewhichsealedherdoom，asfarashewasconcerned，forever。Havingmethimsolately，thesenseofhischaracterwasstronginher。Thethoughtwasnotapleasantoneforaproudwoman，butshehadyettolearntheartofsubduingherexpression。Hereyesfixedupontheground，herbrowsdrawntogether，gaveWilliamaveryfairpictureoftheresentmentthatshewasforcingherselftocontrol。Acertaindegreeofapprehension，occasionallyculminatinginakindoffear，hadalwaysenteredintohisloveforher，andhadincreased，rathertohissurprise，inthegreaterintimacyoftheirengagement。Beneathhersteady，exemplarysurfaceranaveinofpassionwhichseemedtohimnowperverse，nowcompletelyirrational，foritnevertookthenormalchannelofglorificationofhimandhisdoings；and，indeed，healmostpreferredthesteadygoodsense，whichhadalwaysmarkedtheirrelationship，toamoreromanticbond。Butpassionshehad，hecouldnotdenyit，andhithertohehadtriedtoseeitemployedinhisthoughtsuponthelivesofthechildrenwhoweretobeborntothem。

“Shewillmakeaperfectmother——amotherofsons，“hethought；butseeinghersittingthere，gloomyandsilent，hebegantohavehisdoubtsonthispoint。“Afarce，afarce，“hethoughttohimself。“Shesaidthatourmarriagewouldbeafarce，“andhebecamesuddenlyawareoftheirsituation，sittingupontheground，amongthedeadleaves，notfiftyyardsfromthemainroad，sothatitwasquitepossibleforsomeonepassingtoseeandrecognizethem。Hebrushedoffhisfaceanytracethatmightremainofthatunseemlyexhibitionofemotion。

ButhewasmoretroubledbyKatharine\'sappearance，asshesatraptinthoughtupontheground，thanbyhisown；therewassomethingimpropertohiminherself-forgetfulness。Amannaturallyalivetotheconventionsofsociety，hewasstrictlyconventionalwherewomenwereconcerned，andespeciallyifthewomenhappenedtobeinanywayconnectedwithhim。Henoticedwithdistressthelongstrandofdarkhairtouchinghershoulderandtwoorthreedeadbeech-leavesattachedtoherdress；buttorecallhermindintheirpresentcircumstancestoasenseofthesedetailswasimpossible。Shesatthere，seemingunconsciousofeverything。Hesuspectedthatinhersilenceshewasreproachingherself；buthewishedthatshewouldthinkofherhairandofthedeadbeech-leaves，whichwereofmoreimmediateimportancetohimthananythingelse。Indeed，thesetriflesdrewhisattentionstrangelyfromhisowndoubtfulanduneasystateofmind；forrelief，mixingitselfwithpain，stirredupamostcurioushurryandtumultinhisbreast，almostconcealinghisfirstsharpsenseofbleakandoverwhelmingdisappointment。Inordertorelievethisrestlessnessandcloseadistressinglyill-orderedscene，heroseabruptlyandhelpedKatharinetoherfeet。Shesmiledalittleattheminutecarewithwhichhetidiedherandyet，whenhebrushedthedeadleavesfromhisowncoat，sheflinched，seeinginthatactionthegestureofalonelyman。

“William，“shesaid，“Iwillmarryyou。Iwilltrytomakeyouhappy。“

CHAPTERXIX

Theafternoonwasalreadygrowingdarkwhenthetwootherwayfarers，MaryandRalphDenham，cameoutonthehighroadbeyondtheoutskirtsofLincoln。Thehighroad，astheybothfelt，wasbettersuitedtothisreturnjourneythantheopencountry，andforthefirstmileorsoofthewaytheyspokelittle。InhisownmindRalphwasfollowingthepassageoftheOtwaycarriageovertheheath；hethenwentbacktothefiveortenminutesthathehadspentwithKatharine，andexaminedeachwordwiththecarethatascholardisplaysupontheirregularitiesofanancienttext。Hewasdeterminedthattheglow，theromance，theatmosphereofthismeetingshouldnotpaintwhathemustinfutureregardassoberfacts。OnhersideMarywassilent，notbecauseherthoughtstookmuchhandling，butbecausehermindseemedemptyofthoughtasherheartoffeeling。OnlyRalph\'spresence，assheknew，preservedthisnumbness，forshecouldforeseeatimeoflonelinesswhenmanyvarietiesofpainwouldbesether。Atthepresentmomenthereffortwastopreservewhatshecouldofthewreckofherself-respect，forsuchshedeemedthatmomentaryglimpseofherlovesoinvoluntarilyrevealedtoRalph。Inthelightofreasonitdidnotmuchmatter，perhaps，butitwasherinstincttobecarefulofthatvisionofherselfwhichkeepspacesoevenlybesideeveryoneofus，andhadbeendamagedbyherconfession。Thegraynightcomingdownoverthecountrywaskindtoher；andshethoughtthatoneofthesedaysshewouldfindcomfortinsittingupontheearth，alone，beneathatree。Lookingthroughthedarkness，shemarkedtheswellinggroundandthetree。Ralphmadeherstartbysayingabruptly；

“WhatIwasgoingtosaywhenwewereinterruptedatlunchwasthatifyougotoAmericaIshallcome，too。Itcan\'tbehardertoearnalivingtherethanitishere。However，that\'snotthepoint。Thepointis，Mary，thatIwanttomarryyou。Well，whatdoyousay？“Hespokefirmly，waitedfornoanswer，andtookherarminhis。“Youknowmebythistime，thegoodandthebad，“hewenton。“Youknowmytempers。

I\'vetriedtoletyouknowmyfaults。Well，whatdoyousay，Mary？“

Shesaidnothing，butthisdidnotseemtostrikehim。

“Inmostways，atleastintheimportantways，asyousaid，weknoweachotherandwethinkalike。IbelieveyouaretheonlypersonintheworldIcouldlivewithhappily。Andifyoufeelthesameaboutme——asyoudo，don\'tyou，Mary？——weshouldmakeeachotherhappy。“

Herehepaused，andseemedtobeinnohurryforananswer；heseemed，indeed，tobecontinuinghisownthoughts。

“Yes，butI\'mafraidIcouldn\'tdoit，“Marysaidatlast。Thecasualandratherhurriedwayinwhichshespoke，togetherwiththefactthatshewassayingtheexactoppositeofwhatheexpectedhertosay，baffledhimsomuchthatheinstinctivelyloosenedhisclaspuponherarmandshewithdrewitquietly。

“Youcouldn\'tdoit？“heasked。

“No，Icouldn\'tmarryyou，“shereplied。

“Youdon\'tcareforme？“

Shemadenoanswer。

“Well，Mary，“hesaid，withacuriouslaugh，“Imustbeanarrantfool，forIthoughtyoudid。“Theywalkedforaminuteortwoinsilence，andsuddenlyheturnedtoher，lookedather，andexclaimed:

“Idon\'tbelieveyou，Mary。You\'renottellingmethetruth。“

“I\'mtootiredtoargue，Ralph，“shereplied，turningherheadawayfromhim。“IaskyoutobelievewhatIsay。Ican\'tmarryyou；Idon\'twanttomarryyou。“

ThevoiceinwhichshestatedthiswassoevidentlythevoiceofoneinsomeextremityofanguishthatRalphhadnocoursebuttoobeyher。

Andassoonasthetoneofhervoicehaddiedout，andthesurprisefadedfromhismind，hefoundhimselfbelievingthatshehadspokenthetruth，forhehadbutlittlevanity，andsoonherrefusalseemedanaturalthingtohim。Heslippedthroughallthegradesofdespondencyuntilhereachedabottomofabsolutegloom。Failureseemedtomarkthewholeofhislife；hehadfailedwithKatharine，andnowhehadfailedwithMary。UpatoncesprangthethoughtofKatharine，andwithitasenseofexultingfreedom，butthishecheckedinstantly。NogoodhadevercometohimfromKatharine；hiswholerelationshipwithherhadbeenmadeupofdreams；andashethoughtofthelittlesubstancetherehadbeeninhisdreamshebegantolaytheblameofthepresentcatastropheuponhisdreams。

“Haven\'tIalwaysbeenthinkingofKatharinewhileIwaswithMary？I

mighthavelovedMaryifithadn\'tbeenforthatidiocyofmine。Shecaredformeonce，I\'mcertainofthat，butItormentedhersowithmyhumorsthatIletmychancesslip，andnowshewon\'triskmarryingme。

AndthisiswhatI\'vemadeofmylife——nothing，nothing，nothing。“

Thetrampoftheirbootsuponthedryroadseemedtoasseveratenothing，nothing，nothing。Marythoughtthatthissilencewasthesilenceofrelief；hisdepressionsheascribedtothefactthathehadseenKatharineandpartedfromher，leavingherinthecompanyofWilliamRodney。ShecouldnotblamehimforlovingKatharine，butthat，whenhelovedanother，heshouldaskhertomarryhim——thatseemedtoherthecruellesttreachery。Theiroldfriendshipanditsfirmbaseuponindestructiblequalitiesofcharactercrumbled，andherwholepastseemedfoolish，herselfweakandcredulous，andRalphmerelytheshellofanhonestman。Oh，thepast——somuchmadeupofRalph；andnow，asshesaw，madeupofsomethingstrangeandfalseandotherthanshehadthoughtit。Shetriedtorecaptureasayingshehadmadetohelpherselfthatmorning，asRalphpaidthebillforluncheon；butshecouldseehimpayingthebillmorevividlythanshecouldrememberthephrase。Somethingabouttruthwasinit；howtoseethetruthisourgreatchanceinthisworld。

“Ifyoudon\'twanttomarryme，“Ralphnowbeganagain，withoutabruptness，withdiffidencerather，“thereisnoneedwhyweshouldceasetoseeeachother，isthere？Orwouldyouratherthatweshouldkeepapartforthepresent？“

“Keepapart？Idon\'tknow——Imustthinkaboutit。“

“Tellmeonething，Mary，“heresumed；“haveIdoneanythingtomakeyouchangeyourmindaboutme？“

Shewasimmenselytemptedtogivewaytohernaturaltrustinhim，revivedbythedeepandnowmelancholytonesofhisvoice，andtotellhimofherlove，andofwhathadchangedit。Butalthoughitseemedlikelythatshewouldsooncontrolherangerwithhim，thecertaintythathedidnotloveher，confirmedbyeverywordofhisproposal，forbadeanyfreedomofspeech。Tohearhimspeakandtofeelherselfunabletoreply，orconstrainedinherreplies，wassopainfulthatshelongedforthetimewhensheshouldbealone。Amorepliantwomanwouldhavetakenthischanceofanexplanation，whateverrisksattachedtoit；buttooneofMary\'sfirmandresolutetemperamenttherewasdegradationintheideaofself-abandonment；letthewavesofemotionriseeversohigh，shecouldnotshuthereyestowhatsheconceivedtobethetruth。HersilencepuzzledRalph。Hesearchedhismemoryforwordsordeedsthatmighthavemadeherthinkbadlyofhim。

Inhispresentmoodinstancescamebuttooquickly，andontopofthemthisculminatingproofofhisbaseness——thathehadaskedhertomarryhimwhenhisreasonsforsuchaproposalwereselfishandhalf-hearted。

“Youneedn\'tanswer，“hesaidgrimly。“Therearereasonsenough，I

know。Butmusttheykillourfriendship，Mary？Letmekeepthat，atleast。“

“Oh，“shethoughttoherself，withasuddenrushofanguishwhichthreateneddisastertoherself-respect，“ithascometothis——tothis——whenIcouldhavegivenhimeverything！“

“Yes，wecanstillbefriends，“shesaid，withwhatfirmnessshecouldmuster。

“Ishallwantyourfriendship，“hesaid。Headded，“Ifyoufinditpossible，letmeseeyouasoftenasyoucan。Theoftenerthebetter。

Ishallwantyourhelp。“

Shepromisedthis，andtheywentontotalkcalmlyofthingsthathadnoreferencetotheirfeelings——atalkwhich，initsconstraint，wasinfinitelysadtobothofthem。

Onemorereferencewasmadetothestateofthingsbetweenthemlatethatnight，whenElizabethhadgonetoherroom，andthetwoyoungmenhadstumbledofftobedinsuchastateofsleepthattheyhardlyfeltthefloorbeneaththeirfeetafteraday\'sshooting。

Marydrewherchairalittlenearertothefire，forthelogswereburninglow，andatthistimeofnightitwashardlyworthwhiletoreplenishthem。Ralphwasreading，butshehadnoticedforsometimethathiseyesinsteadoffollowingtheprintwerefixedratherabovethepagewithanintensityofgloomthatcametoweighuponhermind。

Shehadnotweakenedinherresolvenottogiveway，forreflectionhadonlymadehermorebitterlycertainthat，ifshegaveway，itwouldbetoherownwishandnottohis。Butshehaddeterminedthattherewasnoreasonwhyheshouldsufferifherreticencewerethecauseofhissuffering。Therefore，althoughshefounditpainful，shespoke:

“YouaskedmeifIhadchangedmymindaboutyou，Ralph，“shesaid。“I

thinkthere\'sonlyonething。Whenyouaskedmetomarryyou，Idon\'tthinkyoumeantit。Thatmademeangry——forthemoment。Before，you\'dalwaysspokenthetruth。“

Ralph\'sbooksliddownuponhiskneeandfelluponthefloor。Herestedhisforeheadonhishandandlookedintothefire。HewastryingtorecalltheexactwordsinwhichhehadmadehisproposaltoMary。

“IneversaidIlovedyou，“hesaidatlast。

Shewinced；butsherespectedhimforsayingwhathedid，forthis，afterall，wasafragmentofthetruthwhichshehadvowedtoliveby。

“Andtomemarriagewithoutlovedoesn\'tseemworthwhile，“shesaid。

“Well，Mary，I\'mnotgoingtopressyou，“hesaid。“Iseeyoudon\'twanttomarryme。Butlove——don\'twealltalkagreatdealofnonsenseaboutit？Whatdoesonemean？IbelieveIcareforyoumoregenuinelythanninemenoutoftencareforthewomenthey\'reinlovewith。It\'sonlyastoryonemakesupinone\'smindaboutanotherperson，andoneknowsallthetimeitisn\'ttrue。Ofcourseoneknows；why，one\'salwaystakingcarenottodestroytheillusion。Onetakescarenottoseethemtoooften，ortobealonewiththemfortoolongtogether。

It\'sapleasantillusion，butifyou\'rethinkingoftherisksofmarriage，itseemstomethattheriskofmarryingapersonyou\'reinlovewithissomethingcolossal。“

“Idon\'tbelieveawordofthat，andwhat\'smoreyoudon\'t，either，“

sherepliedwithanger。“However，wedon\'tagree；Ionlywantedyoutounderstand。“Sheshiftedherposition，asifshewereabouttogo。AninstinctivedesiretopreventherfromleavingtheroommadeRalphriseatthispointandbeginpacingupanddownthenearlyemptykitchen，checkinghisdesire，eachtimehereachedthedoor，toopenitandstepoutintothegarden。Amoralistmighthavesaidthatatthispointhismindshouldhavebeenfullofself-reproachforthesufferinghehadcaused。Onthecontrary，hewasextremelyangry，withtheconfusedimpotentangerofonewhofindshimselfunreasonablybutefficientlyfrustrated。Hewastrappedbytheillogicalityofhumanlife。Theobstaclesinthewayofhisdesireseemedtohimpurelyartificial，andyethecouldseenowayofremovingthem。Mary\'swords，thetoneofhervoiceeven，angeredhim，forshewouldnothelphim。Shewaspartoftheinsanelyjumbledmuddleofaworldwhichimpedesthesensiblelife。Hewouldhavelikedtoslamthedoororbreakthehindlegsofachair，fortheobstacleshadtakensomesuchcuriouslysubstantialshapeinhismind。

“Idoubtthatonehumanbeingeverunderstandsanother，“hesaid，stoppinginhismarchandconfrontingMaryatadistanceofafewfeet。

“Suchdamnedliarsasweallare，howcanwe？Butwecantry。Ifyoudon\'twanttomarryme，don\'t；butthepositionyoutakeupaboutlove，andnotseeingeachother——isn\'tthatmeresentimentality？YouthinkI\'vebehavedverybadly，“hecontinued，asshedidnotspeak。

“OfcourseIbehavebadly；butyoucan\'tjudgepeoplebywhattheydo。

Youcan\'tgothroughlifemeasuringrightandwrongwithafoot-rule。

That\'swhatyou\'realwaysdoing，Mary；that\'swhatyou\'redoingnow。“

ShesawherselfintheSuffrageOffice，deliveringjudgment，metingoutrightandwrong，andthereseemedtohertobesomejusticeinthecharge，althoughitdidnotaffecthermainposition。

“I\'mnotangrywithyou，“shesaidslowly。“Iwillgoonseeingyou，asIsaidIwould。“

Itwastruethatshehadpromisedthatmuchalready，anditwasdifficultforhimtosaywhatmoreitwasthathewanted——someintimacy，somehelpagainsttheghostofKatharine，perhaps，somethingthatheknewhehadnorighttoask；andyet，ashesankintohischairandlookedoncemoreatthedyingfireitseemedtohimthathehadbeendefeated，notsomuchbyMaryasbylifeitself。Hefelthimselfthrownbacktothebeginningoflifeagain，whereeverythinghasyettobewon；butinextremeyouthonehasanignoranthope。Hewasnolongercertainthathewouldtriumph。

CHAPTERXX

HappilyforMaryDatchetshereturnedtotheofficetofindthatbysomeobscureParliamentarymaneuverthevotehadoncemoreslippedbeyondtheattainmentofwomen。Mrs。Sealwasinaconditionborderinguponfrenzy。TheduplicityofMinisters，thetreacheryofmankind，theinsulttowomanhood，thesetbacktocivilization，theruinofherlife\'swork，thefeelingsofherfather\'sdaughter——allthesetopicswerediscussedinturn，andtheofficewaslitteredwithnewspapercuttingsbrandedwiththeblue，ifambiguous，marksofherdispleasure。Sheconfessedherselfatfaultinherestimateofhumannature。

“Thesimpleelementaryactsofjustice，“shesaid，wavingherhandtowardsthewindow，andindicatingthefoot-passengersandomnibusesthenpassingdownthefarsideofRussellSquare，“areasfarbeyondthemastheyeverwere。Wecanonlylookuponourselves，Mary，aspioneersinawilderness。Wecanonlygoonpatientlyputtingthetruthbeforethem。Itisn\'tTHEM，“shecontinued，takingheartfromhersightofthetraffic，“it\'stheirleaders。It\'sthosegentlemensittinginParliamentanddrawingfourhundredayearofthepeople\'smoney。Ifwehadtoputourcasetothepeople，weshouldsoonhavejusticedonetous。Ihavealwaysbelievedinthepeople，andIdosostill。But——“Sheshookherheadandimpliedthatshewouldgivethemonemorechance，andiftheydidn\'ttakeadvantageofthatshecouldn\'tanswerfortheconsequences。

Mr。Clacton\'sattitudewasmorephilosophicalandbettersupportedbystatistics。HecameintotheroomafterMrs。Seal\'soutburstandpointedout，withhistoricalillustrations，thatsuchreverseshadhappenedineverypoliticalcampaignofanyimportance。Ifanything，hisspiritswereimprovedbythedisaster。Theenemy，hesaid，hadtakentheoffensive；anditwasnowuptotheSocietytooutwittheenemy。HegaveMarytounderstandthathehadtakenthemeasureoftheircunning，andhadalreadybenthismindtothetaskwhich，sofarasshecouldmakeout，dependedsolelyuponhim。Itdepended，soshecametothink，wheninvitedintohisroomforaprivateconference，uponasystematicrevisionofthecard-index，upontheissueofcertainnewlemon-coloredleaflets，inwhichthefactsweremarshaledoncemoreinaverystrikingway，anduponalargescalemapofEnglanddottedwithlittlepinstuftedwithdifferentlycoloredplumesofhairaccordingtotheirgeographicalposition。Eachdistrict，underthenewsystem，haditsflag，itsbottleofink，itssheafofdocumentstabulatedandfiledforreferenceinadrawer，sothatbylookingunderMorS，asthecasemightbe，youhadallthefactswithrespecttotheSuffrageorganizationsofthatcountyatyourfingers\'

ends。Thiswouldrequireagreatdealofwork，ofcourse。

“Wemusttrytoconsiderourselvesratherinthelightofatelephoneexchange——fortheexchangeofideas，MissDatchet，“hesaid；andtakingpleasureinhisimage，hecontinuedit。“Weshouldconsiderourselvesthecenterofanenormoussystemofwires，connectingusupwitheverydistrictofthecountry。Wemusthaveourfingersuponthepulseofthecommunity；wewanttoknowwhatpeoplealloverEnglandarethinking；wewanttoputtheminthewayofthinkingrightly。“Thesystem，ofcourse，wasonlyroughlysketchedsofar——jotteddown，infact，duringtheChristmasholidays。

“Whenyououghttohavebeentakingarest，Mr。Clacton，“saidMarydutifully，buthertonewasflatandtired。

“Welearntodowithoutholidays，MissDatchet，“saidMr。Clacton，withasparkofsatisfactioninhiseye。

Hewishedparticularlytohaveheropinionofthelemon-coloredleaflet。Accordingtohisplan，itwastobedistributedinimmensequantitiesimmediately，inordertostimulateandgenerate，“togenerateandstimulate，“herepeated，“rightthoughtsinthecountrybeforethemeetingofParliament。“

“Wehavetotaketheenemybysurprise，“hesaid。“Theydon\'tletthegrassgrowundertheirfeet。HaveyouseenBingham\'saddresstohisconstituents？That\'sahintofthesortofthingwe\'vegottomeet，MissDatchet。“

Hehandedheragreatbundleofnewspapercuttings，and，begginghertogivehimherviewsupontheyellowleafletbeforelunch-time，heturnedwithalacritytohisdifferentsheetsofpaperandhisdifferentbottlesofink。

Maryshutthedoor，laidthedocumentsuponhertable，andsankherheadonherhands。Herbrainwascuriouslyemptyofanythought。Shelistened，asif，perhaps，bylisteningshewouldbecomemergedagainintheatmosphereoftheoffice。FromthenextroomcametherapidspasmodicsoundsofMrs。Seal\'serratictypewriting；she，doubtless，wasalreadyhardatworkhelpingthepeopleofEngland，asMr。Clactonputit，tothinkrightly；“generatingandstimulating，“thosewerehiswords。Shewasstrikingablowagainsttheenemy，nodoubt，whodidn\'tletthegrassgrowbeneaththeirfeet。Mr。Clacton\'swordsrepeatedthemselvesaccuratelyinherbrain。Shepushedthepaperswearilyovertothefarthersideofthetable。Itwasnouse，though；somethingorotherhadhappenedtoherbrain——achangeoffocussothatnearthingswereindistinctagain。Thesamethinghadhappenedtoheroncebefore，sheremembered，aftershehadmetRalphinthegardensofLincoln\'sInnFields；shehadspentthewholeofacommitteemeetinginthinkingaboutsparrowsandcolors，until，almostattheendofthemeeting，heroldconvictionshadallcomebacktoher。Buttheyhadonlycomeback，shethoughtwithscornatherfeebleness，becauseshewantedtousethemtofightagainstRalph。Theyweren\'t，rightlyspeaking，convictionsatall。Shecouldnotseetheworlddividedintoseparatecompartmentsofgoodpeopleandbadpeople，anymorethanshecouldbelievesoimplicitlyintherightnessofherownthoughtastowishtobringthepopulationoftheBritishIslesintoagreementwithit。

Shelookedatthelemon-coloredleaflet，andthoughtalmostenviouslyofthefaithwhichcouldfindcomfortintheissueofsuchdocuments；

forherselfshewouldbecontenttoremainsilentforeverifashareofpersonalhappinessweregrantedher。ShereadMr。Clacton\'sstatementwithacuriousdivisionofjudgment，notingitsweakandpompousverbosityontheonehand，and，atthesametime，feelingthatfaith，faithinanillusion，perhaps，but，atanyrate，faithinsomething，wasofallgiftsthemosttobeenvied。Anillusionitwas，nodoubt。Shelookedcuriouslyroundheratthefurnitureoftheoffice，atthemachineryinwhichshehadtakensomuchpride，andmarveledtothinkthatoncethecopying-presses，thecard-index，thefilesofdocuments，hadallbeenshrouded，wrappedinsomemistwhichgavethemaunityandageneraldignityandpurposeindependentlyoftheirseparatesignificance。Theuglycumbersomenessofthefurniturealoneimpressedhernow。Herattitudehadbecomeverylaxanddespondentwhenthetypewriterstoppedinthenextroom。Maryimmediatelydrewuptothetable，laidhandsonanunopenedenvelope，andadoptedanexpressionwhichmighthideherstateofmindfromMrs。

Seal。SomeinstinctofdecencyrequiredthatsheshouldnotallowMrs。

Sealtoseeherface。Shadinghereyeswithherfingers，shewatchedMrs。Sealpulloutonedrawerafteranotherinhersearchforsomeenvelopeorleaflet。Shewastemptedtodropherfingersandexclaim:

“Dositdown，Sally，andtellmehowyoumanageit——howyoumanage，thatis，tobustleaboutwithperfectconfidenceinthenecessityofyourownactivities，whichtomeseemasfutileasthebuzzingofabelatedblue-bottle。“Shesaidnothingofthekind，however，andthepresenceofindustrywhichshepreservedsolongasMrs。Sealwasintheroomservedtosetherbraininmotion，sothatshedispatchedhermorning\'sworkmuchasusual。Atoneo\'clockshewassurprisedtofindhowefficientlyshehaddealtwiththemorning。AssheputherhatonshedeterminedtolunchatashopintheStrand，soastosetthatotherpieceofmechanism，herbody，intoaction。Withabrainworkingandabodyworkingonecouldkeepstepwiththecrowdandneverbefoundoutforthehollowmachine，lackingtheessentialthing，thatonewasconsciousofbeing。

SheconsideredhercaseasshewalkeddowntheCharingCrossRoad。Sheputtoherselfaseriesofquestions。Wouldshemind，forexample，ifthewheelsofthatmotor-omnibuspassedoverherandcrushedhertodeath？No，notintheleast；oranadventurewiththatdisagreeable-

lookingmanhangingabouttheentranceoftheTubestation？No；shecouldnotconceivefearorexcitement。Didsufferinginanyformappallher？No，sufferingwasneithergoodnorbad。Andthisessentialthing？Intheeyesofeverysinglepersonshedetectedaflame；asifasparkinthebrainignitedspontaneouslyatcontactwiththethingstheymetanddrovethemon。Theyoungwomenlookingintothemilliners\'windowshadthatlookintheireyes；andelderlymenturningoverbooksinthesecond-handbook-shops，andeagerlywaitingtohearwhatthepricewas——theverylowestprice——theyhadit，too。

Butshecarednothingatallforclothesorformoneyeither。Bookssheshrankfrom，fortheywereconnectedtoocloselywithRalph。Shekeptonherwayresolutelythroughthecrowdofpeople，amongwhomshewassomuchofanalien，feelingthemcleaveandgivewaybeforeher。

Strangethoughtsarebredinpassingthroughcrowdedstreetsshouldthepassenger，bychance，havenoexactdestinationinfrontofhim，muchasthemindshapesallkindsofforms，solutions，imageswhenlisteninginattentivelytomusic。Fromanacuteconsciousnessofherselfasanindividual，Marypassedtoaconceptionoftheschemeofthingsinwhich，asahumanbeing，shemusthavehershare。Shehalfheldavision；thevisionshapedanddwindled。ShewishedshehadapencilandapieceofpapertohelphertogiveaformtothisconceptionwhichcomposeditselfasshewalkeddowntheCharingCrossRoad。Butifshetalkedtoanyone，theconceptionmightescapeher。

Hervisionseemedtolayoutthelinesofherlifeuntildeathinawaywhichsatisfiedhersenseofharmony。Itonlyneededapersistenteffortofthought，stimulatedinthisstrangewaybythecrowdandthenoise，toclimbthecrestofexistenceandseeitalllaidoutonceandforever。Alreadyhersufferingasanindividualwasleftbehindher。Ofthisprocess，whichwastohersofullofeffort，whichcomprisedinfinitelyswiftandfullpassagesofthought，leadingfromonecresttoanother，assheshapedherconceptionoflifeinthisworld，onlytwoarticulatewordsescapedher，mutteredbeneathherbreath——“Nothappiness——nothappiness。“

ShesatdownonaseatoppositethestatueofoneofLondon\'sheroesupontheEmbankment，andspokethewordsaloud。Tohertheyrepresentedtherareflowerorsplinterofrockbroughtdownbyaclimberinproofthathehasstoodforamoment，atleast，uponthehighestpeakofthemountain。Shehadbeenupthereandseentheworldspreadtothehorizon。Itwasnownecessarytoalterhercoursetosomeextent，accordingtohernewresolve。Herpostshouldbeinoneofthoseexposedanddesolatestationswhichareshunnednaturallybyhappypeople。Shearrangedthedetailsofthenewplaninhermind，notwithoutagrimsatisfaction。

“Now，“shesaidtoherself，risingfromherseat，“I\'llthinkofRalph。“

Wherewashetobeplacedinthenewscaleoflife？Herexaltedmoodseemedtomakeitsafetohandlethequestion。Butshewasdismayedtofindhowquicklyherpassionsleaptforwardthemomentshesanctionedthislineofthought。Nowshewasidentifiedwithhimandrethoughthisthoughtswithcompleteself-surrender；now，withasuddencleavageofspirit，sheturneduponhimanddenouncedhimforhiscruelty。

“ButIrefuse——Irefusetohateanyone，“shesaidaloud；chosethemomenttocrosstheroadwithcircumspection，andtenminuteslaterlunchedintheStrand，cuttinghermeatfirmlyintosmallpieces，butgivingherfellow-dinersnofurthercausetojudgehereccentric。Hersoliloquycrystallizeditselfintolittlefragmentaryphrasesemergingsuddenlyfromtheturbulenceofherthought，particularlywhenshehadtoexertherselfinanyway，eithertomove，tocountmoney，ortochooseaturning。“Toknowthetruth——toacceptwithoutbitterness“——

those，perhaps，werethemostarticulateofherutterances，fornoonecouldhavemadeheadortailofthequeergibberishmurmuredinfrontofthestatueofFrancis，DukeofBedford，savethatthenameofRalphoccurredfrequentlyinverystrangeconnections，asif，havingspokenit，shewished，superstitiously，tocancelitbyaddingsomeotherwordthatrobbedthesentencewithhisnameinitofanymeaning。

Thosechampionsofthecauseofwomen，Mr。ClactonandMrs。Seal，didnotperceiveanythingstrangeinMary\'sbehavior，savethatshewasalmosthalfanhourlaterthanusualincomingbacktotheoffice。

Happily，theirownaffairskeptthembusy，andshewasfreefromtheirinspection。Iftheyhadsurprisedhertheywouldhavefoundherlost，apparently，inadmirationofthelargehotelacrossthesquare，for，afterwritingafewwords，herpenresteduponthepaper，andhermindpursueditsownjourneyamongthesun-blazonedwindowsandthedriftsofpurplishsmokewhichformedherview。And，indeed，thisbackgroundwasbynomeansoutofkeepingwithherthoughts。Shesawtotheremotespacesbehindthestrifeoftheforeground，enablednowtogazethere，sinceshehadrenouncedherowndemands，privilegedtoseethelargerview，tosharethevastdesiresandsufferingsofthemassofmankind。Shehadbeentoolatelyandtooroughlymasteredbyfactstotakeaneasypleasureinthereliefofrenunciation；suchsatisfactionasshefeltcameonlyfromthediscoverythat，havingrenouncedeverythingthatmadelifehappy，easy，splendid，individual，thereremainedahardreality，unimpairedbyone\'spersonaladventures，remoteasthestars，unquenchableastheyare。

WhileMaryDatchetwasundergoingthiscurioustransformationfromtheparticulartotheuniversal，Mrs。Sealrememberedherdutieswithregardtothekettleandthegas-fire。ShewasalittlesurprisedtofindthatMaryhaddrawnherchairtothewindow，and，havinglitthegas，sheraisedherselffromastoopingpostureandlookedather。Themostobviousreasonforsuchanattitudeinasecretarywassomekindofindisposition。ButMary，rousingherselfwithaneffort，deniedthatshewasindisposed。

“I\'mfrightfullylazythisafternoon，“sheadded，withaglanceathertable。“Youmustreallygetanothersecretary，Sally。“

Thewordsweremeanttobetakenlightly，butsomethinginthetoneofthemrousedajealousfearwhichwasalwaysdormantinMrs。Seal\'sbreast。ShewasterriblyafraidthatoneofthesedaysMary，theyoungwomanwhotypifiedsomanyrathersentimentalandenthusiasticideas，whohadsomesortofvisionaryexistenceinwhitewithasheafofliliesinherhand，wouldannounce，inajauntyway，thatshewasabouttobemarried。

“Youdon\'tmeanthatyou\'regoingtoleaveus？“shesaid。

“I\'venotmadeupmymindaboutanything，“saidMary——aremarkwhichcouldbetakenasageneralization。

Mrs。Sealgottheteacupsoutofthecupboardandsetthemonthetable。

“You\'renotgoingtobemarried，areyou？“sheasked，pronouncingthewordswithnervousspeed。

“Whyareyouaskingsuchabsurdquestionsthisafternoon，Sally？“Maryasked，notverysteadily。“Mustweallgetmarried？“

Mrs。Sealemittedamostpeculiarchuckle。Sheseemedforonemomenttoacknowledgetheterriblesideoflifewhichisconcernedwiththeemotions，theprivatelives，ofthesexes，andthentosheerofffromitwithallpossiblespeedintotheshadesofherownshiveringvirginity。Shewasmadesouncomfortablebytheturntheconversationhadtaken，thatsheplungedherheadintothecupboard，andendeavoredtoabstractsomeveryobscurepieceofchina。

“Wehaveourwork，“shesaid，withdrawingherhead，displayingcheeksmorethanusuallycrimson，andplacingajam-potemphaticallyuponthetable。But，forthemoment，shewasunabletolaunchherselfupononeofthoseenthusiastic，butinconsequent，tiradesuponliberty，democracy，therightsofthepeople，andtheiniquitiesoftheGovernment，inwhichshedelighted。Somememoryfromherownpastorfromthepastofhersexrosetohermindandkeptherabashed。SheglancedfurtivelyatMary，whostillsatbythewindowwithherarmuponthesill。Shenoticedhowyoungshewasandfullofthepromiseofwomanhood。Thesightmadehersouneasythatshefidgetedthecupsupontheirsaucers。

“Yes——enoughworktolastalifetime，“saidMary，asifconcludingsomepassageofthought。

Mrs。Sealbrightenedatonce。Shelamentedherlackofscientifictraining，andherdeficiencyintheprocessesoflogic，butshesethermindtoworkatoncetomaketheprospectsofthecauseappearasalluringandimportantasshecould。Shedeliveredherselfofanharangueinwhichsheaskedagreatmanyrhetoricalquestionsandansweredthemwithalittlebangofonefistuponanother。

“Tolastalifetime？Mydearchild，itwilllastallourlifetimes。Asonefallsanotherstepsintothebreach。Myfather，inhisgeneration，apioneer——I，comingafterhim，domylittlebest。What，alas！canonedomore？Andnowit\'syouyoungwomen——welooktoyou——thefuturelookstoyou。Ah，mydear，ifI\'dathousandlives，I\'dgivethemalltoourcause。Thecauseofwomen，d\'yousay？Isaythecauseofhumanity。Andtherearesome“——sheglancedfiercelyatthewindow——

“whodon\'tseeit！Therearesomewhoaresatisfiedtogoon，yearafteryear，refusingtoadmitthetruth。Andwewhohavethevision——

thekettleboilingover？No，no，letmeseetoit——wewhoknowthetruth，“shecontinued，gesticulatingwiththekettleandtheteapot。

Owingtotheseencumbrances，perhaps，shelostthethreadofherdiscourse，andconcluded，ratherwistfully，“It\'sallsoSIMPLE。“Shereferredtoamatterthatwasaperpetualsourceofbewildermenttoher——theextraordinaryincapacityofthehumanrace，inaworldwherethegoodissounmistakablydividedfromthebad，ofdistinguishingonefromtheother，andembodyingwhatoughttobedoneinafewlarge，simpleActsofParliament，whichwould，inaveryshorttime，completelychangethelotofhumanity。

“Onewouldhavethought，“shesaid，“thatmenofUniversitytraining，likeMr。Asquith——onewouldhavethoughtthatanappealtoreasonwouldnotbeunheardbythem。Butreason，“shereflected，“whatisreasonwithoutReality？“

Doinghomagetothephrase，sherepeateditoncemore，andcaughttheearofMr。Clacton，asheissuedfromhisroom；andherepeateditathirdtime，givingit，ashewasinthehabitofdoingwithMrs。

Seal\'sphrases，adrylyhumorousintonation。Hewaswellpleasedwiththeworld，however，andheremarked，inaflatteringmanner，thathewouldliketoseethatphraseinlargelettersattheheadofaleaflet。

“But，Mrs。Seal，wehavetoaimatajudiciouscombinationofthetwo，“headdedinhismagisterialwaytochecktheunbalancedenthusiasmofthewomen。“Realityhastobevoicedbyreasonbeforeitcanmakeitselffelt。Theweakpointofallthesemovements，MissDatchet，“hecontinued，takinghisplaceatthetableandturningtoMaryasusualwhenabouttodeliverhismoreprofoundcogitations，“isthattheyarenotbaseduponsufficientlyintellectualgrounds。A

mistake，inmyopinion。TheBritishpubliclikesapelletofreasoninitsjamofeloquence——apillofreasoninitspuddingofsentiment，“

hesaid，sharpeningthephrasetoasatisfactorydegreeofliteraryprecision。

Hiseyesrested，withsomethingofthevanityofanauthor，upontheyellowleafletwhichMaryheldinherhand。Sherose，tookherseatattheheadofthetable，pouredoutteaforhercolleagues，andgaveheropinionupontheleaflet。Soshehadpouredouttea，soshehadcriticizedMr。Clacton\'sleafletsahundredtimesalready；butnowitseemedtoherthatshewasdoingitinadifferentspirit；shehadenlistedinthearmy，andwasavolunteernolonger。Shehadrenouncedsomethingandwasnow——howcouldsheexpressit？；——notquite“intherunning“forlife。ShehadalwaysknownthatMr。ClactonandMrs。Sealwerenotintherunning，andacrossthegulfthatseparatedthemshehadseenthemintheguiseofshadowpeople，flittinginandoutoftheranksoftheliving——eccentrics，undevelopedhumanbeings，fromwhosesubstancesomeessentialparthadbeencutaway。Allthishadneverstruckhersoclearlyasitdidthisafternoon，whenshefeltthatherlotwascastwiththemforever。Oneviewoftheworldplungedindarkness，soamorevolatiletemperamentmighthavearguedafteraseasonofdespair，lettheworldturnagainandshowanother，moresplendid，perhaps。No，Marythought，withunflinchingloyaltytowhatappearedtohertobethetrueview，havinglostwhatisbest，I

donotmeantopretendthatanyotherviewdoesinstead。Whateverhappens，Imeantohavenopresencesinmylife。Herverywordshadasortofdistinctnesswhichissometimesproducedbysharp，bodilypain。ToMrs。Seal\'ssecretjubilationtherulewhichforbadediscussionofshopattea-timewasoverlooked。MaryandMr。Clactonarguedwithacogencyandaferocitywhichmadethelittlewomanfeelthatsomethingveryimportant——shehardlyknewwhat——wastakingplace。

Shebecamemuchexcited；onecrucifixbecameentangledwithanother，andshedugaconsiderableholeinthetablewiththepointofherpencilinordertoemphasizethemoststrikingheadsofthediscourse；

andhowanycombinationofCabinetMinisterscouldresistsuchdiscourseshereallydidnotknow。

Shecouldhardlybringherselftorememberherownprivateinstrumentofjustice——thetypewriter。Thetelephone-bellrang，andasshehurriedofftoansweravoicewhichalwaysseemedaproofofimportancebyitself，shefeltthatitwasatthisexactspotonthesurfaceoftheglobethatallthesubterraneanwiresofthoughtandprogresscametogether。Whenshereturned，withamessagefromtheprinter，shefoundthatMarywasputtingonherhatfirmly；therewassomethingimperiousanddominatinginherattitudealtogether。

“Look，Sally，“shesaid，“theseletterswantcopying。TheseI\'venotlookedat。Thequestionofthenewcensuswillhavetobegoneintocarefully。ButI\'mgoinghomenow。Goodnight，Mr。Clacton；goodnight，Sally。“

“Weareveryfortunateinoursecretary，Mr。Clacton，“saidMrs。Seal，pausingwithherhandonthepapers，asthedoorshutbehindMary。Mr。

ClactonhimselfhadbeenvaguelyimpressedbysomethinginMary\'sbehaviortowardshim。Heenvisagedatimeevenwhenitwouldbecomenecessarytotellherthattherecouldnotbetwomastersinoneoffice——butshewascertainlyable，veryable，andintouchwithagroupofverycleveryoungmen。Nodoubttheyhadsuggestedtohersomeofhernewideas。

HesignifiedhisassenttoMrs。Seal\'sremark，butobserved，withaglanceattheclock，whichshowedonlyhalfanhourpastfive:

“Ifshetakestheworkseriously，Mrs。Seal——butthat\'sjustwhatsomeofyourcleveryoungladiesdon\'tdo。“Sosayinghereturnedtohisroom，andMrs。Seal，afteramoment\'shesitation，hurriedbacktoherlabors。