第4章

"Bytheway，Icongratulateyou，oldchap，"saidHalidome，whiledrivingtothetheatre；therewasnovulgarhurryabouthiscongratulations，nomorethanabouthimself。"They\'reawfullynicepeople，theDennants。"

AsenseofhavinghadasealputonhischoicecameoverShelton。

"Whereareyougoingtolive？Yououghttocomedownandlivenearus；therearesomerippinghousestobehaddownthere；it\'sreallyarippingneighbourhood。HaveyouchuckedtheBar？Yououghttodosomething，youknow；it\'llbefatalforyoutohavenothingtodo。I

tellyouwhat，Bird:yououghttostandfortheCountyCouncil。"

ButbeforeSheltonhadrepliedtheyreachedthetheatre，andtheirenergieswerespentinsidlingtotheirstalls。Hehadtimetopasshisneighboursinreviewbeforetheplaybegan。Seatednexttohimwasaladywithlargehealthyshoulders，displayedwithsplendidliberality；beyondherahusband，red-cheeked，withdrooping，yellow-

greymoustacheandabaldhead；beyondhimagaintwomenwhomhehadknownatEton。Oneofthemhadaclean-shavedface，darkhair，andaweather-tannedcomplexion；hissmallmouthwithitsupperlippushedoutabovethelower，hiseyelidsalittledroopedoverhiswatchfuleyes，gavehimasatiricalandresoluteexpression。"I\'vegotholdofyourtail，oldfellow，"heseemedtosay，asthoughhewerealwaysbusywiththecatchingofsomekindoffox。Theother\'sgogglingeyesrestedonSheltonwithachaffingsmile；histhick，sleekhair，brushedwithwaterandpartedinthemiddle，hisneatmoustacheandadmirablewaistcoat，suggestedthesortofdandyismthatdespiseswomen。FromhisrecognitionoftheseoldschoolfellowsSheltonturnedtolookatHalidome，who，havingclearedhisthroat，wasstaringstraightbeforehimatthecurtain。Antonia\'swordskeptrunninginherlover\'shead，"Idon\'tlikeunhealthypeople。"Well，allthesepeople，anyway，werehealthy；theylookedasiftheyhaddefiedtheelementstoendowthemwithasparkofanythingbuthealth。Justthenthecurtainrose。

Slowly，unwillingly，forhewasofatrustfuldisposition，Sheltonrecognisedthatthisplaywasoneofthosemasterpiecesofthemoderndramawhosecharactersweredrawnontheprinciplethatmenweremadeformoralsratherthanmoralsmadebymen，andhewatchedtheplayunfoldwithallitscarefulsandwichingofgraveandgay。

Amarriedwomananxioustoberiddedofherhusbandwasthepivotofthestory，andanumberofscenes，ingeniouslycontrived，withahundredreasonswhythisdesirewaswrongandinexpedient，wererevealedtoShelton\'seyes。Thesereasonsissuedmainlyfromthemouthofawell-preservedoldgentlemanwhoseemedtoplaythepartofasortofMoralSalesman。HeturnedtoHalidomeandwhispered:

"Canyoustandthatoldwoman？"

Hisfriendfixedhisfineeyesonhimwonderingly。

"Whatoldwoman？"

"Why，theoldasswiththeplatitudes!"

Halidome\'scountenancegrewcold，alittleshocked，asthoughhehadbeenassailedinperson。

"DoyoumeanPirbright？"hesaid。"Ithinkhe\'sripping。"

Sheltonturnedtotheplayrebuffed；hefeltguiltyofabreachofmanners，sittingashewasinoneofhisfriend\'sstalls，andhenaturallysettoworktowatchtheplaymorecriticallythanever。

Antonia\'swordsagainrecurredtohim，"Idon\'tlikeunhealthypeople，"andtheyseemedtothrowasuddenlightuponthisplay。Itwashealthy!

Thescenewasadrawing-room，softlylightedbyelectriclamps，withacat(Sheltoncouldnotdecidewhethershewasrealornot)asleepuponthemat。

Thehusband，athick-set，healthymanineveningdress，wasdrinkingoffneatwhisky。Heputdownhistumbler，anddeliberatelystruckamatch；thenwithevengreaterdeliberationhelitagold-tippedcigarette……

Sheltonwasnoinexperiencedplay-goer。Heshiftedhiselbows，forhefeltthatsomethingwasabouttohappen；andwhenthematchwaspitchedintothefire，heleanedforwardinhisseat。Thehusbandpouredmorewhiskyout，drankitatadraught，andwalkedtowardsthedoor；then，turningtotheaudienceasiftoadmitthemtothesecretofsometremendousresolution，hepuffedatthemapuffofsmoke。Helefttheroom，returned，andoncemorefilledhisglass。Aladynowentered，paleoffaceanddarkofeye——hiswife。Thehusbandcrossedthestage，andstoodbeforethefire，hislegsastride，intheattitudewhichsomehowSheltonhadfeltsurehewouldassume。Hespoke:

"Comein，andshutthedoor。"

Sheltonsuddenlyperceivedthathewasfacetofacewithoneofthosedumbmomentsinwhichtwopeopledeclaretheirinextinguishablehatred——thehatredunderlyingthesexualintimacyoftwoill-

assortedcreatures——andhewassuddenlyremindedofascenehehadoncewitnessedinarestaurant。Herememberedwithextrememinutenesshowthewomanandthemanhadsatfacingeachotheracrossthenarrowpatchofwhite，emblazonedbyacandlewithcheapshadesandathingreenvasewithyellowflowers。Herememberedthecuriousscornfulangeroftheirvoices，subduedsothatonlyafewwordsreachedhim。Herememberedthecoldloathingintheireyes。And，aboveall，herememberedhisimpressionthatthissortofscenehappenedbetweenthemeveryotherday，andwouldcontinuesotohappen；andasheputonhisovercoatandpaidhisbillhehadaskedhimself，"Whyinthenameofdecencydotheygoonlivingtogether？"

Andnowhethought，ashelistenedtothetwoplayerswranglingonthestage:"What\'sthegoodofallthistalk？There\'ssomethingherepastwords。"

Thecurtaincamedownupontheact，andhelookedattheladynexthim。Shewasshrugginghershouldersatherhusband，whosefacewashealthyandoffended。

"Idodisliketheseunhealthywomen，"hewassaying，butcatchingShelton\'seyeheturnedsquareinhisseatandsniffedironically。

ThefaceofShelton\'sfriendbeyond，composed，satiricalasever，wasclothedwithamaskofscornfulcuriosity，asifhehadbeenlisteningtosomethingthathaddispleasedhimnotalittle。Thegoggle-eyedmanwasyawning。SheltonturnedtoHalidome:

"Canyoustandthissortofthing？"saidhe。

"No；Icallthatsceneabittoohot，"repliedhisfriend。

Sheltonwriggled；hehadmeanttosayitwasnothotenough。

"I\'llbetyouanything，"hesaid，"Iknowwhat\'sgoingtohappennow。

You\'llhavethatoldass——what\'shisname？——lunchingoffcutletsandchampagnetofortifyhimself——foralecturetothewife。He\'llshowherhowunhealthyherfeelingsare——Iknowhim——andhe\'lltakeherhandandsay，\'Dearlady，isthereanythinginthispoorworldbutthegoodopinionofSociety？\'andhe\'llpretendtolaughathimselfforsayingit；butyou\'llseeperfectlywellthattheoldwomanmeansit。Andthenhe\'llputherintoasetofcircumstancesthataren\'therownbuthisversionofthem，andshowhertheonlywayofsalvationistokissherhusband"；andSheltongrinned。"Anyway，I\'llbetyouanythinghetakesherhandandsays，\'Dearlady。\'"

Halidometurnedonhimthedisapprovalofhiseyes，andagainhesaid，"IthinkPirbright\'sripping!"

ButasSheltonhadpredicted，soitturnedout，amidstgreatapplause。

CHAPTERV

THEGOODCITIZEN

Leavingthetheatre，theypausedamomentinthehalltodontheircoats；astreamofpeoplewithspotlessbosomseddiedroundthedoors，asifinmomentarydreadofleavingthishothouseoffalsemoralsandemotionsforthewet，gustystreets，wherehumanplantsthriveanddie，humanweedsflourishandfadeunderthefresh，impartialskies。Thelightsrevealedinnumerablesolemnfaces，gleamedinnumerablyonjewels，onthesilkofhats，thenpassedtowhitenapavementwetwithnewly-fallenrain，toflareonhorses，onthevisagesofcabmen，andstray，queerobjectsthatdonotbearthelight。

"Shallwewalk？"askedHalidome。

"Hasiteverstruckyou，"answeredShelton，"thatinaplaynowadaysthere\'salwaysa\'ChorusofScandalmongers\'whichseemstohaveacquiredtheattitudeofGod？"

Halidomeclearedhisthroat，andtherewassomethingportentousinthesound。

"You\'resod——dfastidious，"washisanswer。

"I\'veaprejudiceforkeepingthetwothingsseparate，"wentonShelton。"Thatendingmakesmesick。"

"Why？"repliedHalidome。"Whatotherendispossible？Youdon\'twantaplaytoleaveyouwithabadtasteinyourmouth。"

"Butthisdoes。"

Halidomeincreasedhisstride，alreadymuchtoolong；forinhiswalk，asinallotherphasesofhislife，hefounditnecessarytobeinfront。

"Howdoyoumean？"heaskedurbanely；"it\'sbetterthanthewomanmakingafoolofherself。"

"I\'mthinkingoftheman。"

"Whatman？"

"Thehusband。"

"What\'sthematterwithhim？Hewasabitofabounder，certainly。"

"Ican\'tunderstandanymanwantingtolivewithawomanwhodoesn\'twanthim。"

SomenoteofbattleinShelton\'svoice，ratherthanthesentimentitself，causedhisfriendtoreplywithdignity:

"There\'salotofnonsensetalkedaboutthatsortofthing。Womendon\'treallycare；it\'sonlywhat\'sputintotheirheads。"

"That\'smuchthesameassayingtoastarvingman:\'Youdon\'treallywantanything；it\'sonlywhat\'sputintoyourhead!\'Youarebeggingthequestion，myfriend。"

ButnothingwasmorecalculatedtoannoyHalidomethantotellhimhewas"beggingthequestion，"forhepridedhimselfonbeingstronginlogic。

"Thatbed——d，"hesaid。

"Notatall，oldchap。Hereisacasewhereawomanwantsherfreedom，andyoumerelyanswerthatshedogsn\'twantit。"

"Womenlikethatareimpossible；betterleavethemoutofcourt。"

Sheltonponderedthisandsmiled；hehadrecollectedanacquaintanceofhisown，who，whenhiswifehadlefthim，inventedthetheorythatshewasmad，andthisstruckhimnowasfunny。Butthenhethought:

"Poordevil!hewasboundtocallhermad!Ifhedidn\'t，itwouldbeconfessinghimselfdistasteful；howevertrue，youcan\'texpectamantoconsiderhimselfthat。"Butaglanceathisfriend\'seyewarnedhimthathe，too，mightthinkhiswifemadinsuchacase。

"Surely，"hesaid，"evenifshe\'shiswife，aman\'sboundtobehavelikeagentleman。"

"Dependsonwhethershebehaveslikealady。"

"Doesit？Idon\'tseetheconnection。"

Halidomepausedintheactofturningthelatch-keyinhisdoor；

therewasaratherangrysmileinhisfineeyes。

"Mydearchap，"hesaid，"you\'retoosentimentalaltogether。"

Theword"sentimental"nettledShelton。"Agentlemaneitherisagentlemanorheisn\'t；whathasittodowiththewayotherpeoplebehave？"

Halidometurnedthekeyinthelockandopenedthedoorintohishall，wherethefirelightfellonthedecantersandhugechairsdrawntowardstheblaze。

"No，Bird，"hesaid，resuminghisurbanity，andgatheringhiscoat-

tailsinhishands；"it\'sallverywelltotalk，butwaituntilyou\'remarried。Amanmustbemaster，andshowit，too。"

AnideaoccurredtoShelton。

"Lookhere，Hal，"hesaid:"whatshouldyoudoifyourwifegottiredofyou？"

TheexpressiononHalidome\'sfacewasamixtureofamusementandcontempt。

"Idon\'tmeananythingpersonal，ofcourse，butapplythesituationtoyourself。"

Halidometookoutatoothpick，useditbrusquely，andresponded:

"Ishouldn\'tstandanyhumbug——takehertravelling；shakehermindup。She\'dsooncomeround。"

"Butsupposeshereallyloathedyou？"

Halidomeclearedhisthroat；theideawassoobviouslyindecent。Howcouldanybodyloathehim？Withgreatcomposure，however，regardingSheltonasifhewereaforwardbutamusingchild，heanswered:

"Thereareagreatmanythingstobetakenintoconsideration。"

"Itappearstome，"saidShelton，"tobeaquestionofcommonpride。

"Amanoughtnottosuffer，"hesaid，poringoverhiswhisky，"becauseawomangetshysteria。YouhavetothinkofSociety，yourchildren，house，moneyarrangements，athousandthings。It\'sallverywelltotalk。Howdoyoulikethiswhisky？"

"Thepartofthegoodcitizen，infact，"saidShelton，"self-

preservation!"

"Common-sense，"returnedhisfriend；"Ibelieveinjusticebeforesentiment。"Hedrank，andcallouslyblewsmokeatShelton。

"Besides，therearemanypeoplewithreligiousviewsaboutit。"

"It\'salwaysseemedtome，"saidShelton，"tobequaintthatpeopleshouldassertthatmarriagegivesthemtherightto\'aneyeforaneye，\'andcallthemselvesChristians。Didyoueverknowanybodystandontheirrightsexceptoutofwoundedprideorforthesakeoftheirowncomfort？Letthemcalltheirreasonswhattheylike，youknowaswellasIdothatit\'scant。"

"Idon\'tknowaboutthat，"saidHalidome，moreandmoresuperiorasSheltongrewmorewarm；"whenyoustandonyourrights，youdoitforthesakeofSocietyaswellasforyourown。Ifyouwanttodoawaywithmarriage，whydon\'tyousayso？"

"ButIdon\'t，"saidShelton:"isitlikely？Why，I\'mgoing——"Hestoppedwithoutaddingthewords"tobemarriedmyself，"foritsuddenlyoccurredtohimthatthereasonwasnotthemostloftyandphilosophicintheworld。"AllIcansayis，"hewentonsoberly，"thatyoucan\'tmakeahorsedrinkbydrivinghim。Generosityisthesurestwayoftighteningtheknotwithpeoplewho\'veanysenseofdecency；astotherest，thechiefthingistopreventtheirbreeding。"

Halidomesmiled。

"You\'rearumchap，"hesaid。

Sheltonjerkedhiscigaretteintothefire。

"Itellyouwhat"——forlateatnightacertainpowerofvisioncametohim——"it\'shumbugtotalkofdoingthingsforthesakeofSociety；

it\'snothingbuttheinstincttokeepourownheadsabovethewater。"

ButHalidomeremainedunruffled。

"Allright，"hesaid，"callitthat。Idon\'tseewhyIshouldgotothewall；itwouldn\'tdoanygood。"

"Youadmit，then，"saidShelton，"thatourmoralityisthesumtotalofeverybody\'sprivateinstinctofself-preservation？"

Halidomestretchedhissplendidframeandyawned。

"Idon\'tknow，"hebegan，"thatIshouldquitecallitthat——"

Butthecompellingcomplacencyofhisfineeyes，thedignifiedpostureofhishealthybody，theloftyslopeofhisnarrowforehead，theperfectlyhumanelookofhiscultivatedbrutality，struckSheltonasridiculous。

"Hangit，Hall"hecried，jumpingfromhischair，"whatanoldfraudyouare!I\'llbeoff。"

"No，lookhere!"saidHalidome；thefaintestshadeofdoubthadappeareduponhisface；hetookSheltonbyalapel:"You\'requitewrong——"

"Verylikely；good-night，oldchap!"