第3章

Howcanyou，askanythingofawomanwhodoesn\'twanttogiveit。

Hisfriend\'svoicebecamejudicial。

CHAPTERIII

AZOOLOGICALGARDEN

AfterhisjourneyupfromDover，SheltonwasstillfatheringhisluggageatCharingCross，whentheforeigngirlpassedhim，and，inspiteofhisdesiretosaysomethingcheering，hecouldgetnothingoutbutashame-facedsmile。Herfigurevanished，waveringintothehurly-burly；oneofhisbagshadgoneastray，andsoallthoughtofhersoonfadedfromhismind。Hiscab，however，overtooktheforeignvagrantmarchingalongtowardsPallMallwithacurious，lengthystride——anobservant，disillusionedfigure。

Thefirstbustleofinstallationover，timehungheavyonhishands。

Julyloomeddistant，asinsomefuturecentury；Antonia\'seyesbeckonedhimfaintly，hopelessly。ShewouldnotevenbecomingbacktoEnglandforanothermonth……ImetayoungforeignerinthetrainfromDover[hewrotetoher]——acurioussortofpersonaltogether，whoseemstohaveinfectedme。Everythingherehasgoneflatandunprofitable；theonlygoodthingsinlifeareyourletters……JohnNobledinedwithmeyesterday；thepoorfellowtriedtopersuademetostandforParliament。WhyshouldIthinkmyselffittolegislatefortheunhappywretchesoneseesaboutinthestreets？Ifpeople\'sfacesareafairtestoftheirhappiness，I\'drathernotfeelinanywayresponsible……

Thestreets，infact，afterhislongabsenceintheEast，affordedhimmuchfoodforthought:thecurioussmugnessofthepassers-by；

theutterlyunendingbustle；thefearfulmedleyofmiserable，over-

drivenwomen，andfull-fedmen，withleering，bull-beefeyes，whomhesaweverywhere——inclubwindows，ontheirbeats，onboxseats，onthestepsofhotels，dischargingdilatoryduties；theappallingchoasofhard-eyed，capabledameswithdefiantclothes，andwhite-cheekedhunted-lookingmen；ofsplendidcreaturesintheircabs，andcadgingcreaturesintheirbrokenhats——thecallousnessandthemonotony!

OneafternooninMayhereceivedthislettercouchedinFrench:

3，BLANKROW

WESTMINSTER。

MYDEARSIR，ExcusemeforrecallingtoyourmemorytheofferofassistanceyousokindlymademeduringthejourneyfromDovertoLondon，inwhichI

wassofortunateastotravelwithamanlikeyou。Havingbeatenthewholetown，ignorantofwhatwoodtomakearrows，nearlyattheendofmyresources，myspiritprofoundlydiscouraged，Iventuretoavailmyselfofyourpermission，knowingyourgoodheart。SinceIsawyouIhaverunthroughallthemisfortunesofthecalendar，andcannottellwhatdoorisleftatwhichIhavenotknocked。Ipresentedmyselfatthebusinessfirmwithwhosenameyousuppliedme，butbeingunfortunatelyinrags，theyrefusedtogivemeyouraddress。

IsthisnotverymuchintheEnglishcharacter？Theytoldmetowrite，andsaidtheywouldforwardtheletter。Iputallmyhopesinyou。

Believeme，mydearsir，(whateveryoumaydecide)

YourdevotedLOUISFERRAND。

Sheltonlookedattheenvelope，andsaw，thatit，boredateaweekago。Thefaceoftheyoungvagrantrosebeforehim，vital，mocking，sensitive；thesoundofhisquickFrenchbuzzedinhisears，and，oddly，thewholewhiffofhimhadapowerofraisingmorevividlythaneverhismemoriesofAntonia。IthadbeenattheendofthejourneyfromHyerestoLondonthathehadmethim；thatseemedtogivetheyouthaclaim。

Hetookhishatandhurried，toBlankRow。DismissinghiscabatthecornerofVictoriaStreethewithdifficultyfoundthehouseinquestion。Itwasadoorlessplace，withstone-flaggedcorridor——inotherwords，a"doss-house。"Bytappingonasortofticket-officewithaslidingwindow，heattractedtheattentionofablowsywomanwithsoap-sudsonherarms，whoinformedhimthatthepersonhewaslookingforhadgonewithoutleavinghisaddress。

"Butisn\'tthereanybody，"askedShelton，"ofwhomIcanmakeinquiry？"

"Yes；there\'saFrenchman。"Andopeninganinnerdoorshebellowed:

"Frenchy!Wanted!"anddisappeared。

Adried-up，yellowlittleman，cynicalandwearyintheface，asifamoralsteam-rollerhadpassedoverit，answeredthiscall，andstood，sniffing，asitwere，atShelton，onwhomhemadethesingularimpressionofsomelittlecreatureinacage。

"Heleftheretendaysago，inthecompanyofamulatto。Whatdoyouwantwithhim，ifImayask？"Thelittleman\'syellowcheekswerewrinkledwithsuspicion。

Sheltonproducedtheletter。

"Ah!nowIknowyou"——apalesmilebrokethroughtheFrenchman\'scrow\'s-feet——"hespokeofyou。\'IfIcanonlyfindhim，\'heusedtosay，\'I\'msaved。\'Ilikedthatyoungman；hehadideas。"

"Istherenowayofgettingathimthroughhisconsul？"

TheFrenchmanshookhishead。

"Mightaswelllookfordiamondsatthebottomofthesea。"

"Doyouthinkhewillcomebackhere？ButbythattimeIsuppose，you\'llhardlybehereyourself？"

AgleamofamusementplayedabouttheFrenchman\'steeth:

"I？Oh，yes，sir!OnceuponatimeIcherishedthehopeofemerging；

Inolongerhaveillusions。Ishavethesespecimensforaliving，andshallshavethemtillthedayofjudgment。Butleavealetterwithmebyallmeans；hewillcomeback。There\'sanovercoatofhishereonwhichheborrowedmoney——it\'sworthmore。Oh，yes；hewillcomeback——ayouthofprinciple。Leavealetterwithme；I\'malwayshere。"

Sheltonhesitated，butthoselastthreewords，"I\'malwayshere，"

touchedhimintheirsimplicity。Nothingmoredreadfulcouldbesaid。

"Canyoufindmeasheetofpaper，then？"heasked；"pleasekeepthechangeforthetroubleIamgivingyou。"

"Thankyou，"saidtheFrenchmansimply；"hetoldmethatyourheartwasgood。Ifyoudon\'tmindthekitchen，youcouldwritethereatyourease。"

Sheltonwrotehisletteratthetableofthisstone-flaggedkitchenincompanywithanaged，dried-upgentleman；whowasmutteringtohimself；andSheltontriedtoavoidattractinghisattention，suspectingthathewasnotsober。Justashewasabouttotakehisleave，however，theoldfellowthusaccostedhim:

"Didyouevergotothedentist，mister？"hesaid，workingataloosetoothwithhisshrivelledfingers。"Iwenttoadentistonce，whoprofessedtostopteethwithoutgivingpain，andthebeggardidstopmyteethwithoutpain；butdidtheystayin，thosestoppings？No，mybhoy；theycameoutbeforeyoucouldsayJackRobinson。Now，I

shimplyaskyou，d\'youcallthatdentistry？"FixinghiseyesonShelton\'scollar，whichhadthemisfortunetobehighandclean，heresumedwithdrunkenscorn:"Ut\'sthesamealloverthispharisaicalcounthry。TalkofhighmoralityandAnglo-Shaxoncivilisation!Theworldwasneveratsuchlowebb!Phwhat\'sallthismorality？Utstinksoftheshop。LookattheconditionofArtinthiscounthry!

lookatthefoolsyouseeuponth\'stage!lookatthepicturesandbooksthatsell!IknowwhatI\'mtalkingabout，thoughIamasandwichman。Phwhat\'sthesecretofutall？Shop，mybhoy!Utdon\'tpaytogobelowacertaindepth!Scratchtheskin，butpierceut——Oh!dear，no!Wehatetoseethebloodfly，eh？"

Sheltonstooddisconcerted，notknowingifhewereexpectedtoreply；

buttheoldgentleman，pursinguphislips，wenton:

"Sir，therearenoextremesinthisfog-smittenland。Doyethinkblanksloikemeoughttoexist？Whoydon\'ttheykillusoff？

Palliatives——palliatives——andwhoy？Becausetheyobjecttoth\'

extremecourse。Lookatwomen:thestreetshereareascandaltotheworld。Theywon\'trecognisethattheyexist——theirnosesaresodamhigh!Theyblinkthetruthinthismiddle-classcounthry。Mybhoy"——

andhewhisperedconfidentially——"utpays\'em。Eh？yousay，whyshouldn\'tthey，then？"(ButSheltonhadnotspoken。)"Well，let\'em!

let\'em!。Butdon\'ttellmethat\'shmorality，don\'ttellmethat\'shcivilisation!Whatcanyouexpectinacounthrywherethecrimson，emotionsareneverallowedtosmelltheair？Andwhat\'shtheresult？

Mybhoy，theresultissentiment，ayellowthingwithbluespots，likeafungusoraStiltoncheese。Gotothetheatre，andseeoneofthesethingstheycallplays。Tellme，aretheyfoodformenandwomen？Why，they\'repapforbabesandshop-boys!Iwasablankyactormoyself!"

Sheltonlistenedwithmingledfeelingsofamusementanddismay，tilltheoldactor，havingfinished，resumedhiscrouchingpostureatthetable。

"Youdon\'tgetdhrunk，Isuppose？"hesaidsuddenly——"toomuchof\'nEnglishman，nodoubt。"

"Veryseldom，"saidShelton。

"Pity!Thinkofthepleasuresofoblivion!Oi\'mdhrunkeverynight。"

"Howlongwillyoulastatthatrate？"

"TherespeakstheEnglishman!WhyshouldOigiveupmeonlypleasuretokeepmewretchedlifein？Ifyou\'veanythingleftworththekeepingshoberfor，keepshoberbyallmeans；ifnot，thesooneryouaredhrunkthebetter——thatstandstoreason。"

InthecorridorSheltonaskedtheFrenchmanwheretheoldmancamefrom。

"Oh，andEnglishman!Yes，yes，fromBelfastverydrunkenoldman。

Youareadrunkennation"——hemadeamotionwithhishands"henolongereats——noinsideleft。Itisunfortunate-amanofspirit。Ifyouhaveneverseenoneofthesepalaces，monsieur，Ishallbehappytoshowyouoverit。"

Sheltontookouthiscigarettecase。

"Yes，yes，"saidtheFrenchman，makingawrynoseandtakingacigarette；"I\'maccustomedtoit。Butyou\'rewisetofumigatetheair；oneisn\'tinaharem。"

AndSheltonfeltashamedofhisfastidiousness。

"This，"saidtheguide，leadinghimup-stairsandopeningadoor，"isaspecimenoftheapartmentsreservedfortheseprincesoftheblood。"Therewerefouremptybedsonironlegs，and，withtheairofashowman，theFrenchmantwitchedawayadingyquilt。"Theygooutinthemornings，earnenoughtomakethemdrunk，sleepitoff，andthenbeginagain。That\'stheirlife。Therearepeoplewhothinktheyoughttobereformed。\'Monchermonsieur\'，onemustfacerealityalittle，eveninthiscountry。ItwouldbeahundredtimesbetterforthesepeopletospendtheirtimereforminghighSociety。

YourhighSocietymakesallthesecreatures；there\'snoharvestwithoutcuttingstalks。\'Selonmoi\'，"hecontinued，puttingbackthequilt，anddribblingcigarettesmokethroughhisnose，"there\'snogranddifferencebetweenyourhighSocietyandtheseindividualshere；bothwantpleasure，boththinkonlyofthemselves，whichisverynatural。Onelothavehadtheluck，theother——well，yousee。"

Heshrugged。"Acommonset!I\'vebeenrobbedherehalfadozentimes。Ifyouhavenewshoes，agoodwaistcoat，anovercoat，youwanteyesinthebackofyourhead。Andtheyarepopulated!Changeyourbed，andyou\'llrunallthedangersofnotsleepingalone。

\'V\'lamaclientele\'!Thehalfofthemdon\'tpayme!"He，snappedhisyellowsticksoffingers。"Apennyforashave，twopenceacut!

\'Quellevie\'!Here，"hecontinued，standingbyabed，"isagentlemanwhoowesmefivepence。Here\'sonewhowasasoldier；he\'sdonefor!Allbrutalised；notonewithanycourageleft!But，believeme，monsieur，"hewenton，openinganotherdoor，"whenyoucomedowntohousesofthissortyoumusthaveavice；it\'sasnecessaryasbreathistothelungs。Nomatterwhat，youmusthaveavicetogiveyoualittlesolace——\'unpeudesoulagement\'。Ah，yes!

beforeyoujudgetheseswine，reflectonlife!I\'vebeenthroughit。

Monsieur，itisnotnicenevertoknowwheretogetyournextmeal。

Gentlemenwhohavefoodintheirstomachs，moneyintheirpockets，andknowwheretogetmore，theyneverthink。Whyshouldthey——\'pasdedanger\'!Allthesecagesarethesame。Comedown，andyoushallseethepantry。"HetookSheltonthroughthekitchen，whichseemedtheonlysitting-roomoftheestablishment，toaninnerroomfurnishedwithdirtycupsandsaucers，plates，andknives。Anotherfirewasburningthere。"Wealwayshavehotwater，"saidtheFrenchman，"andthreetimesaweektheymakeafiredownthere"——hepointedtoacellar——"forourclientstoboiltheirvermin。Oh，yes，wehavealltheluxuries。"

Sheltonreturnedtothekitchen，anddirectlyaftertookleaveofthelittleFrenchman，whosaid，withakindofmoralbutton-holing，asiftryingtoadopthimasapatron:

"Trustme，monsieur；ifhecomesback——thatyoungman——heshallhaveyourletterwithoutfail。MynameisCarolanJulesCarolan；andI

amalwaysatyourservice。"

CHAPTERIV

THEPLAY

Sheltonwalkedaway；hehadbeenindulginginanightmare。"Thatoldactorwasdrunk，"thoughthe，"andnodoubthewasanIrishman；

still，theremaybetruthinwhathesaid。IamaPharisee，likealltherestwhoaren\'tinthepit。Myrespectabilityisonlyluck。

WhatshouldIhavebecomeifI\'dbeenbornintohiskindoflife？"

andhestaredatastreamofpeoplecomingfromtheStares，tryingtopiercethemaskoftheirserious，complacentfaces。Iftheseladiesandgentlemenwereputintothatpitintowhichhehadbeenlooking，wouldasingleoneofthememergeagain？Buttheeffortofpicturingthemtherewastoomuchforhim；itwastoofar——tooridiculouslyfar。

Oneparticularcouple，alarge；finemanandwife，who，inthemidstofallthedirtandrumblinghurry，thegloomy，ludicrous，anddesperatelyjovialstreets，walkedsidebysideinwell-bredsilence，hadevidentlyboughtsomearticlewhichpleasedthem。Therewasnothingoffensiveintheirmanner；theyseemedquiteunconcernedatthepassingoftheotherpeople。Themanhadthatfinesolidityofshoulderandofwaist，theglossyself-possessionthatbelongstothosewithhorses，guns，anddressing-bags。Thewife，herchincomfortablysettledinherfur，kepthergreyeyesontheground，and，whenshespoke，herevenandunruffledvoicereachedShelton\'searsaboveallthewhirringofthetraffic。Itwasleisurelyprecise，asifithadneverhurried，hadneverbeenexhausted，orpassionate，orafraid。Theirtalk，likethatofmanydozensoffinecouplesinvadingLondonfromtheircountryplaces，wasofwheretodine，whattheatretheyshouldgoto，whomtheyhadseen，whattheyshouldbuy。AndSheltonknewthatfromday\'sendtoend，andevenintheirbed，thesewouldbethesubjectsoftheirconversation。Theywerethebest-bredpeopleofthesorthemetincountryhousesandacceptedasofcourse，withavaguediscomfortatthebottomofhissoul。Antonia\'shome，forinstance，hadbeenfullofthem。Theywerethebest-bredpeopleofthesortwhosupportedcharities，kneweverybody，hadclear，calmjudgment，andintoleranceofallsuchconductasseemedtothem"impossible，"allbreachesofmorality，suchasmistakesofetiquette，suchasdishonesty，passion，sympathy(exceptwithacanonisedclassofobjects——thelegitimatesufferings，forinstance，oftheirownfamiliesandclass)。Howhealthytheywere!Thememoryofthedoss-houseworkedinShelton\'smindlikepoison。Hewasconsciousthatinhisowngroomedfigure，intheundemonstrativeassuranceofhiswalk，heboreresemblancetothecoupleheapostrophised。"Ah!"hethought，"howvulgarourrefinementis!"Buthehardlybelievedinhisownoutburst。Thesepeopleweresowellmannered，sowellconducted，andsohealthy，hecouldnotreallyunderstandwhatirritatedhim。Whatwasthematterwiththem？Theyfulfilledtheirduties，hadgoodappetites，clearconsciences，allthefurnitureofperfectcitizens；theymerelylacked-feelers，alossthat，hehadread，wassufferedbyplantsandanimalswhichnolongerhadaneedforusingthem。Somerarenationalfacultyofseeingonlytheobviousandmateriallyusefulhaddestroyedtheirpowerofcatchinggleamsorscentstorightorleft。

Theladylookedupatherhusband。Thelightofquiet，proprietaryaffectionshoneinhercalmgreyeyes，decorouslyilluminingherfeaturesslightlyreddenedbythewind。Andthehusbandlookedbackather，calm，practical，protecting。Theywereverymuchalike。Sodoubtlesshelookedwhenhepresentedhimselfinsnowyshirt-sleevesforhertostraightenthebowofhiswhitetie；sonightlyshewouldlook，standingbeforethefull-lengthmirror，fixinghisgiftsuponherbosom。Calm，proprietary，kind!Hepassedthemandwalkedbehindasecondlessdistinguishedcouple，whomanifestedamutualdislikeasmatter-of-factandfreefromnonsenseastheunruffledsatisfactionofthefirst；thisdislikewasjustashealthy，andproducedinSheltonaboutthesamesensation。Itwaslikeknockingatanever-openeddoor，lookingatacircle——coupleaftercoupleallthesame。Noheads，toes，anglesoftheirsoulsstuckoutanywhere。

Intheseaoftheirenvironmentstheyweredrowned；nolegbravedtheair，noarmemergedwetandnakedwavingattheskies；shop-persons，aristocrats，workmen，officials，theywereallrespectable。Andhehimselfasrespectableasany。

Hereturned，thusmoody，tohisroomsand，withtheimpetuositywhichdistinguishedhimwhenabouttodoanunwisething，heseizedapenandpouredoutbeforeAntoniasomeofhisimpressions:……Meanistheword，darling；wearemean，that\'swhat\'sthematterwithus，dukesanddustmen，thewholehumanspecies——asmeanascaterpillars。Tosecureourownpropertyandourowncomfort，todoleoutoursympathyaccordingtorulejustsothatitwon\'treallyhurtus，iswhatwe\'reallafter。There\'ssomethingabouthumannaturethatisawfullyrepulsive，andthehealthierpeopleare，themorerepulsivetheyseemtometobe……

Hepaused，bitinghispen。Hadheoneacquaintancewhowouldnotcounselhimtoseeadoctorforwritinginthatstyle？Howwouldtheworldgoround，howcouldSocietyexist，withoutcommon-sense，practicalability，andthelackofsympathy？

Helookedoutoftheopenwindow。Downinthestreetafootmanwassettlingtherugoverthekneesofaladyinacarriage，andthedecorousimmovabilityofboththeirfaces，whichwereclearlyvisibletohim，waslikeaportionofsomewell-oiledengine。

Hegotupandwalkedupanddown。Hisrooms，inanarrowsquareskirtingBelgravia，wereunchangedsincethedeathofhisfatherhadmadehimamanofmeans。Selectedfortheircentrality，theywerefurnishedinaverymiscellaneousway。Theywerenotbare，butcloseinspectionrevealedthateverythingwasdamaged，moreorless，andtherewasabsolutelynothingthatseemedtohaveaninteresttakeninit。Hisgoodswereaccidents，presents，orthehaphazardacquisitionsofapressingneed。Nothing，ofcourse，wasfrowsy，buteverythingwassomewhatdusty，asifbelongingtoamanwhoneverrebukedaservant。Aboveall，therewasnothingthatindicatedhobbies。

Threedayslaterhehadheranswertohisletter:……Idon\'tthinkIunderstandwhatyoumeanby"thehealthierpeopleare，themorerepulsivetheyseemtobe"；onemustbehealthytobeperfect，mustn\'tone？Idon\'tlikeunhealthypeople。Ihadtoplayonthatwretchedpianoafterreadingyourletter；itmademefeelunhappy。I\'vebeenhavingasplendidlotoftennislately，gottheback-handedliftingstrokeatlast——hurrah!……

Bythesamepost，too，camethefollowingnoteinanautocraticwriting:

DEARBIRD[forthiswasShelton\'scollegenickname]，Mywifehasgonedowntoherpeople，soI\'m\'engarcon\'forafewdays。Ifyou\'venothingbettertodo，comeanddineto-nightatseven，andgotothetheatre。It\'sagessinceIsawyou。

Yoursasever，B。M。HALIDOME。

Sheltonhadnothingbettertodo，forpleasantwerehisfriendHalidome\'swell-appointeddinners。Atseven，therefore，hewenttoChesterSquare。Hisfriendwasinhisstudy，readingMatthewArnoldbythelightofanelectriclamp。Thewallsoftheroomwerehungwithcostlyetchings，arrangedwithsolidandunfailingtaste；fromthecarvingofthemantel-piecetothebindingofthebooks，fromthemiraculously-colouredmeerschaumstothechasedfire-irons，everythingdisplayedanunpretentiousluxury，anorderandafinishsignificantoflifecompletelyunderruleofthumb。Everythinghadbeencollected。ThecollectorroseasSheltonentered，afinefigureofaman，cleanshaven，——withdarkhair，aRomannose，goodeyes，andtheratherweightydignityofattitudewhichcomesfromtheassurancethatoneisintheright。

TakingSheltonbythelapel，hedrewhimintotheradiusofthelamp，whereheexaminedhim，smilingaslowsmile。"Gladtoseeyou，oldchap。Iratherlikeyourbeard，"hesaidwithgenialbrusqueness；

andnothing，perhaps，couldbetterhavesummeduphisfacultyforformingindependentjudgmentswhichSheltonfoundsoadmirable。Hemadenoapologyforthesmallnessofthedinner，which，consistingofeightcoursesandthreewines，servedbyabutlerandonefootman，smackedofthesameperfectionasthefurniture；infact，heneverapologisedforanything，exceptwithajovialbrusquenessthatwasworsethantheoffence。ThesuaveandreasonableweightofhisdislikesandhisapprovalsstirredSheltonuptofeelironicalandinsignificant；butwhetherfromasenseofthesolid，humane，andhealthyqualityofhisfriend\'segoism，ormerelyfromthefactthatthisfriendshiphadbeenlonginbottle，hedidnotresenthismixedsensations。