第4章

ProfessordeWormsfellbackinhischairwithacuriousairofkindlycollapse。

"That’sapity，"hesaid，"becauseIam。"

Symesprangupstraight，sendingbackthebenchbehindhimwithacrash。

"Becauseyouarewhat？"hesaidthickly。"Youarewhat？"

"Iamapoliceman，"saidtheProfessorwithhisfirstbroadsmile。

andbeamingthroughhisspectacles。"Butasyouthinkpolicemanonlyarelativeterm，ofcourseIhavenothingtodowithyou。I

amintheBritishpoliceforce;butasyoutellmeyouarenotintheBritishpoliceforce，IcanonlysaythatImetyouinadynamiters’club。IsupposeIoughttoarrestyou。"AndwiththesewordshelaidonthetablebeforeSymeanexactfacsimileofthebluecardwhichSymehadinhisownwaistcoatpocket，thesymbolofhispowerfromthepolice。

Symehadforaflashthesensationthatthecosmoshadturnedexactlyupsidedown，thatalltreesweregrowingdownwardsandthatallstarswereunderhisfeet。Thencameslowlytheoppositeconviction。Forthelasttwenty—fourhoursthecosmoshadreallybeenupsidedown，butnowthecapsizeduniversehadcomerightsideupagain。Thisdevilfromwhomhehadbeenfleeingalldaywasonlyanelderbrotherofhisownhouse，whoontheothersideofthetablelaybackandlaughedathim。Hedidnotforthemomentaskanyquestionsofdetail;heonlyknewthehappyandsillyfactthatthisshadow，whichhadpursuedhimwithanintolerableoppressionofperil，wasonlytheshadowofafriendtryingtocatchhimup。

Heknewsimultaneouslythathewasafoolandafreeman。Forwithanyrecoveryfrommorbiditytheremustgoacertainhealthyhumiliation。Therecomesacertainpointinsuchconditionswhenonlythreethingsarepossible：firstaperpetuationofSatanicpride，secondlytears，andthirdlaughter。Syme’segotismheldhardtothefirstcourseforafewseconds，andthensuddenlyadoptedthethird。Takinghisownbluepoliceticketfromhisownwaistcoatpocket，hetosseditontothetable;thenheflunghisheadbackuntilhisspikeofyellowbeardalmostpointedattheceiling，andshoutedwithabarbariclaughter。

Eveninthatcloseden，perpetuallyfilledwiththedinofknives，plates，cans，clamorousvoices，suddenstrugglesandstampedes，therewassomethingHomericinSyme’smirthwhichmademanyhalf—drunkenmenlookround。

"Whatyerlaughingat，guv’nor？"askedonewonderinglabourerfromthedocks。

"Atmyself，"answeredSyme，andwentoffagainintotheagonyofhisecstaticreaction。

"Pullyourselftogether，"saidtheProfessor，"oryou’llgethysterical。Havesomemorebeer。I’lljoinyou。"

"Youhaven’tdrunkyourmilk，"saidSyme。

"Mymilk！"saidtheother，intonesofwitheringandunfathomablecontempt，"mymilk！DoyouthinkI’dlookatthebeastlystuffwhenI’moutofsightofthebloodyanarchists？We’reallChristiansinthisroom，thoughperhaps，"headded，glancingaroundatthereelingcrowd，"notstrictones。Finishmymilk？Greatblazes！yes，I’llfinishitrightenough！"andheknockedthetumbleroffthetable，makingacrashofglassandasplashofsilverfluid。

Symewasstaringathimwithahappycuriosity。

"Iunderstandnow，"hecried;"ofcourse，you’renotanoldmanatall。"

"Ican’ttakemyfaceoffhere，"repliedProfessordeWorms。"It’sratheranelaboratemake—up。AstowhetherI’manoldman，that’snotformetosay。Iwasthirty—eightlastbirthday。"

"Yes，butImean，"saidSymeimpatiently，"there’snothingthematterwithyou。"

"Yes，"answeredtheotherdispassionately。"Iamsubjecttocolds。"

Syme’slaughteratallthishadaboutitawildweaknessofrelief。

HelaughedattheideaoftheparalyticProfessorbeingreallyayoungactordressedupasifforthefoot—lights。Buthefeltthathewouldhavelaughedasloudlyifapepperpothadfallenover。

ThefalseProfessordrankandwipedhisfalsebeard。

"Didyouknow，"heasked，"thatthatmanGogolwasoneofus？"

"I？No，Ididn’tknowit，"answeredSymeinsomesurprise。"Butdidn’tyou？"

"Iknewnomorethanthedead，"repliedthemanwhocalledhimselfdeWorms。"IthoughtthePresidentwastalkingaboutme，andI

rattledinmyboots。"

"AndIthoughthewastalkingaboutme，"saidSyme，withhisratherrecklesslaughter。"Ihadmyhandonmyrevolverallthetime。"

"SohadI，"saidtheProfessorgrimly;"sohadGogolevidently。"

Symestruckthetablewithanexclamation。

"Why，therewerethreeofusthere！"hecried。"Threeoutofsevenisafightingnumber。Ifwehadonlyknownthatwewerethree！"

ThefaceofProfessordeWormsdarkened，andhedidnotlookup。

"Wewerethree，"hesaid。"Ifwehadbeenthreehundredwecouldstillhavedonenothing。"

"Notifwewerethreehundredagainstfour？"askedSyme，jeeringratherboisterously。

"No，"saidtheProfessorwithsobriety，"notifwewerethreehundredagainstSunday。"

AndthemerenamestruckSymecoldandserious;hislaughterhaddiedinhisheartbeforeitcoulddieonhislips。ThefaceoftheunforgettablePresidentsprangintohismindasstartlingasacolouredphotograph，andheremarkedthisdifferencebetweenSundayandallhissatellites，thattheirfaces，howeverfierceorsinister，becamegraduallyblurredbymemorylikeotherhumanfaces，whereasSunday’sseemedalmosttogrowmoreactualduringabsence，asifaman’spaintedportraitshouldslowlycomealive。

Theywerebothsilentforameasureofmoments，andthenSyme’sspeechcamewitharush，likethesuddenfoamingofchampagne。

"Professor，"hecried，"itisintolerable。Areyouafraidofthisman？"

TheProfessorliftedhisheavylids，andgazedatSymewithlarge，wide—open，blueeyesofanalmostetherealhonesty。

"Yes，Iam，"hesaidmildly。"Soareyou。"

Symewasdumbforaninstant。Thenherosetohisfeeterect，likeaninsultedman，andthrustthechairawayfromhim。

"Yes，"hesaidinavoiceindescribable，"youareright。Iamafraidofhim。ThereforeIswearbyGodthatIwillseekoutthismanwhomIfearuntilIfindhim，andstrikehimonthemouth。Ifheavenwerehisthroneandtheearthhisfootstool，IswearthatIwouldpullhimdown。"

"How？"askedthestaringProfessor。"Why？"

"BecauseIamafraidofhim，"saidSyme;"andnomanshouldleaveintheuniverseanythingofwhichheisafraid。"

DeWormsblinkedathimwithasortofblindwonder。Hemadeanefforttospeak，butSymewentoninalowvoice，butwithanundercurrentofinhumanexaltation——

"Whowouldcondescendtostrikedownthemerethingsthathedoesnotfear？Whowoulddebasehimselftobemerelybrave，likeanycommonprizefighter？Whowouldstooptobefearless——likeatree？

Fightthethingthatyoufear。YouremembertheoldtaleoftheEnglishclergymanwhogavethelastritestothebrigandofSicily，andhowonhisdeath—bedthegreatrobbersaid，’Icangiveyounomoney，butIcangiveyouadviceforalifetime：yourthumbontheblade，andstrikeupwards。’SoIsaytoyou，strikeupwards，ifyoustrikeatthestars。"

Theotherlookedattheceiling，oneofthetricksofhispose。

"Sundayisafixedstar，"hesaid。

"Youshallseehimafallingstar，"saidSyme，andputonhishat。

ThedecisionofhisgesturedrewtheProfessorvaguelytohisfeet。

"Haveyouanyidea，"heasked，withasortofbenevolentbewilderment，"exactlywhereyouaregoing？"

"Yes，"repliedSymeshortly，"IamgoingtopreventthisbombbeingthrowninParis。"

"Haveyouanyconceptionhow？"inquiredtheother。

"No，"saidSymewithequaldecision。

"Youremember，ofcourse，"resumedthesoi—disantdeWorms，pullinghisbeardandlookingoutofthewindow，"thatwhenwebrokeupratherhurriedlythewholearrangementsfortheatrocitywereleftintheprivatehandsoftheMarquisandDr。Bull。TheMarquisisbythistimeprobablycrossingtheChannel。ButwherehewillgoandwhathewilldoitisdoubtfulwhethereventhePresidentknows;

certainlywedon’tknow。TheonlymanwhodoesknowisDr。Bull。

"Confoundit！"criedSyme。"Andwedon’tknowwhereheis。"

"Yes，"saidtheotherinhiscurious，absent—mindedway，"Iknowwhereheismyself。"

"Willyoutellme？"askedSymewitheagereyes。

"Iwilltakeyouthere，"saidtheProfessor，andtookdownhisownhatfromapeg。

Symestoodlookingathimwithasortofrigidexcitement。

"Whatdoyoumean？"heaskedsharply。"Willyoujoinme？Willyoutaketherisk？"

"Youngman，"saidtheProfessorpleasantly，"IamamusedtoobservethatyouthinkIamacoward。AstothatIwillsayonlyoneword，andthatshallbeentirelyinthemannerofyourownphilosophicalrhetoric。YouthinkthatitispossibletopulldownthePresident。

Iknowthatitisimpossible，andIamgoingtotryit，"andopeningthetaverndoor，whichletinablastofbitterair，theywentouttogetherintothedarkstreetsbythedocks。

Mostofthesnowwasmeltedortrampledtomud，buthereandthereaclotofitstillshowedgreyratherthanwhiteinthegloom。Thesmallstreetsweresloppyandfullofpools，whichreflectedtheflaminglampsirregularly，andbyaccident，likefragmentsofsomeotherandfallenworld。Symefeltalmostdazedashesteppedthroughthisgrowingconfusionoflightsandshadows;buthiscompanionwalkedonwithacertainbriskness，towardswhere，attheendofthestreet，aninchortwoofthelamplitriverlookedlikeabarofflame。

"Whereareyougoing？"Symeinquired。

"Justnow，"answeredtheProfessor，"IamgoingjustroundthecornertoseewhetherDr。Bullhasgonetobed。Heishygienic，andretiresearly。"

"Dr。Bull！"exclaimedSyme。"Doesheliveroundthecorner？"

"No，"answeredhisfriend。"Asamatteroffacthelivessomewayoff，ontheothersideoftheriver，butwecantellfromherewhetherhehasgonetobed。"

Turningthecornerashespoke，andfacingthedimriver，fleckedwithflame，hepointedwithhissticktotheotherbank。OntheSurreysideatthispointthereranoutintotheThames，seemingalmosttooverhangit，abulkandclusterofthosetalltenements，dottedwithlightedwindows，andrisinglikefactorychimneystoanalmostinsaneheight。TheirspecialpoiseandpositionmadeoneblockofbuildingsespeciallylooklikeaTowerofBabelwithahundredeyes。Symehadneverseenanyofthesky—scrapingbuildingsinAmerica，sohecouldonlythinkofthebuildingsinadream。

Evenashestared，thehighestlightinthisinnumerablylightedturretabruptlywentout，asifthisblackArgushadwinkedathimwithoneofhisinnumerableeyes。

ProfessordeWormsswungroundonhisheel，andstruckhisstickagainsthisboot。

"Wearetoolate，"hesaid，"thehygienicDoctorhasgonetobed。"

"Whatdoyoumean？"askedSyme。"Doesheliveoverthere，then？"

"Yes，"saiddeWorms，"behindthatparticularwindowwhichyoucan’tsee。Comealongandgetsomedinner。Wemustcallonhimtomorrowmorning。"

Withoutfurtherparley，heledthewaythroughseveralby—waysuntiltheycameoutintotheflareandclamouroftheEastIndiaDockRoad。TheProfessor，whoseemedtoknowhiswayabouttheneighbourhood，proceededtoaplacewherethelineoflightedshopsfellbackintoasortofabrupttwilightandquiet，inwhichanoldwhiteinn，alloutofrepair，stoodbacksometwentyfeetfromtheroad。

"YoucanfindgoodEnglishinnsleftbyaccidenteverywhere，likefossils，"explainedtheProfessor。"IoncefoundadecentplaceintheWestEnd。"

"Isuppose，"saidSyme，smiling，"thatthisisthecorrespondingdecentplaceintheEastEnd？"

"Itis，"saidtheProfessorreverently，andwentin。

Inthatplacetheydinedandslept，bothverythoroughly。Thebeansandbacon，whichtheseunaccountablepeoplecookedwell，theastonishingemergenceofBurgundyfromtheircellars，crownedSyme’ssenseofanewcomradeshipandcomfort。Throughallthisordealhisroothorrorhadbeenisolation，andtherearenowordstoexpresstheabyssbetweenisolationandhavingoneally。Itmaybeconcededtothemathematiciansthatfouristwicetwo。Buttwoisnottwiceone;twoistwothousandtimesone。Thatiswhy，inspiteofahundreddisadvantages，theworldwillalwaysreturntomonogamy。

Symewasabletopouroutforthefirsttimethewholeofhisoutrageoustale，fromthetimewhenGregoryhadtakenhimtothelittletavernbytheriver。Hediditidlyandamply，inaluxuriantmonologue，asamanspeakswithveryoldfriends。Onhisside，also，themanwhohadimpersonatedProfessordeWormswasnotlesscommunicative。HisownstorywasalmostassillyasSyme’s。

"That’sagoodget—upofyours，"saidSyme，drainingaglassofMacon;"alotbetterthanoldGogol’s。EvenatthestartIthoughthewasabittoohairy。"

"Adifferenceofartistictheory，"repliedtheProfessorpensively。

"Gogolwasanidealist。Hemadeupastheabstractorplatonicidealofananarchist。ButIamarealist。Iamaportraitpainter。

But，indeed，tosaythatIamaportraitpainterisaninadequateexpression。Iamaportrait。"

"Idon’tunderstandyou，"saidSyme。

"Iamaportrait，"repeatedtheProfessor。"IamaportraitofthecelebratedProfessordeWorms，whois，Ibelieve，inNaples。"

"Youmeanyouaremadeuplikehim，"saidSyme。"Butdoesn’theknowthatyouaretakinghisnoseinvain？"

"Heknowsitrightenough，"repliedhisfriendcheerfully。

"Thenwhydoesn’thedenounceyou？"

"Ihavedenouncedhim，"answeredtheProfessor。

"Doexplainyourself，"saidSyme。

"Withpleasure，ifyoudon’tmindhearingmystory，"repliedtheeminentforeignphilosopher。"Iambyprofessionanactor，andmynameisWilks。WhenIwasonthestageImixedwithallsortsofBohemianandblackguardcompany。SometimesItouchedtheedgeoftheturf，sometimestheriff—raffofthearts，andoccasionallythepoliticalrefugee。InsomedenofexileddreamersIwasintroducedtothegreatGermanNihilistphilosopher，ProfessordeWorms。Ididnotgathermuchabouthimbeyondhisappearance，whichwasverydisgusting，andwhichIstudiedcarefully。IunderstoodthathehadprovedthatthedestructiveprincipleintheuniversewasGod;

henceheinsistedontheneedforafuriousandincessantenergy，rendingallthingsinpieces。Energy，hesaid，wastheAll。Hewaslame，shortsighted，andpartiallyparalytic。WhenImethimIwasinafrivolousmood，andIdislikedhimsomuchthatIresolvedtoimitatehim。IfIhadbeenadraughtsmanIwouldhavedrawnacaricature。Iwasonlyanactor，Icouldonlyactacaricature。I

mademyselfupintowhatwasmeantforawildexaggerationoftheoldProfessor’sdirtyoldself。WhenIwentintotheroomfullofhissupportersIexpectedtobereceivedwitharoaroflaughter，or（iftheyweretoofargone）witharoarofindignationattheinsult。IcannotdescribethesurpriseIfeltwhenmyentrancewasreceivedwitharespectfulsilence，followed（whenIhadfirstopenedmylips）withamurmurofadmiration。Thecurseoftheperfectartisthadfallenuponme。Ihadbeentoosubtle，Ihadbeentootrue。TheythoughtIreallywasthegreatNihilistProfessor。Iwasahealthy—mindedyoungmanatthetime，andI

confessthatitwasablow。BeforeIcouldfullyrecover，however，twoorthreeoftheseadmirersranuptomeradiatingindignation，andtoldmethatapublicinsulthadbeenputuponmeinthenextroom。Iinquireditsnature。Itseemedthatanimpertinentfellowhaddressedhimselfupasapreposterousparodyofmyself。Ihaddrunkmorechampagnethanwasgoodforme，andinaflashoffollyIdecidedtoseethesituationthrough。ConsequentlyitwastomeettheglareofthecompanyandmyownliftedeyebrowsandfreezingeyesthattherealProfessorcameintotheroom。

"Ineedhardlysaytherewasacollision。ThepessimistsallroundmelookedanxiouslyfromoneProfessortotheotherProfessortoseewhichwasreallythemorefeeble。ButIwon。Anoldmaninpoorhealth，likemyrival，couldnotbeexpectedtobesoimpressivelyfeebleasayoungactorintheprimeoflife。Yousee，hereallyhadparalysis，andworkingwithinthisdefinitelimitation，hecouldn’tbesojollyparalyticasIwas。Thenhetriedtoblastmyclaimsintellectually。Icounteredthatbyaverysimpledodge。

Wheneverhesaidsomethingthatnobodybuthecouldunderstand，I

repliedwithsomethingwhichIcouldnotevenunderstandmyself。

’Idon’tfancy，’hesaid，’thatyoucouldhaveworkedouttheprinciplethatevolutionisonlynegation，sincethereinheresinittheintroductionoflacuna，whichareanessentialofdifferentiation。’Irepliedquitescornfully，’YoureadallthatupinPinckwerts;thenotionthatinvolutionfunctionedeugenicallywasexposedlongagobyGlumpe。’ItisunnecessaryformetosaythatthereneverweresuchpeopleasPinckwertsandGlumpe。Butthepeopleallround（rathertomysurprise）seemedtorememberthemquitewell，andtheProfessor，findingthatthelearnedandmysteriousmethodlefthimratheratthemercyofanenemyslightlydeficientinscruples，fellbackuponamorepopularformofwit。

’Isee，’hesneered，’youprevaillikethefalsepiginAesop。’

’Andyoufail，’Ianswered，smiling，’likethehedgehoginMontaigne。’NeedIsaythatthereisnohedgehoginMontaigne？

’Yourclaptrapcomesoff，’hesaid;’sowouldyourbeard。’Ihadnointelligentanswertothis，whichwasquitetrueandratherwitty。

ButIlaughedheartily，answered，’LikethePantheist’sboots，’atrandom，andturnedonmyheelwithallthehonoursofvictory。TherealProfessorwasthrownout，butnotwithviolence，thoughonemantriedverypatientlytopulloffhisnose。Heisnow，I

believe，receivedeverywhereinEuropeasadelightfulimpostor。

Hisapparentearnestnessandanger，yousee，makehimallthemoreentertaining。"

"Well，"saidSyme，"Icanunderstandyourputtingonhisdirtyoldbeardforanight’spracticaljoke，butIdon’tunderstandyournevertakingitoffagain。"

"Thatistherestofthestory，"saidtheimpersonator。"WhenI

myselfleftthecompany，followedbyreverentapplause，Iwentlimpingdownthedarkstreet，hopingthatIshouldsoonbefarenoughawaytobeabletowalklikeahumanbeing。Tomyastonishment，asIwasturningthecorner，Ifeltatouchontheshoulder，andturning，foundmyselfundertheshadowofanenormouspoliceman。HetoldmeIwaswanted。Istruckasortofparalyticattitude，andcriedinahighGermanaccent，’Yes，Iamwanted——bytheoppressedoftheworld。Youarearrestingmeonthechargeofbeingthegreatanarchist，ProfessordeWorms。’Thepolicemanimpassivelyconsultedapaperinhishand，’No，sir，’hesaidcivilly，’atleast，notexactly，sir。Iamarrestingyouonthechargeofnotbeingthecelebratedanarchist，ProfessordeWorms。’

Thischarge，ifitwascriminalatall，wascertainlythelighterofthetwo，andIwentalongwiththeman，doubtful，butnotgreatlydismayed。Iwasshownintoanumberofrooms，andeventuallyintothepresenceofapoliceofficer，whoexplainedthataseriouscampaignhadbeenopenedagainstthecentresofanarchy，andthatthis，mysuccessfulmasquerade，mightbeofconsiderablevaluetothepublicsafety。Heofferedmeagoodsalaryandthislittlebluecard。Thoughourconversationwasshort，hestruckmeasamanofverymassivecommonsenseandhumour;butIcannottellyoumuchabouthimpersonally，because——"

Symelaiddownhisknifeandfork。

"Iknow，"hesaid，"becauseyoutalkedtohiminadarkroom。"

ProfessordeWormsnoddedanddrainedhisglass。

CHAPTERIX

THEMANINSPECTACLES

"BURGUNDYisajollything，"saidtheProfessorsadly，ashesethisglassdown。

"Youdon’tlookasifitwere，"saidSyme;"youdrinkitasifitweremedicine。"

"Youmustexcusemymanner，"saidtheProfessordismally，"mypositionisratheracuriousone。InsideIamreallyburstingwithboyishmerriment;butIactedtheparalyticProfessorsowell，thatnowIcan’tleaveoff。SothatwhenIamamongfriends，andhavenoneedatalltodisguisemyself，Istillcan’thelpspeakingslowandwrinklingmyforehead——justasifitweremyforehead。Icanbequitehappy，youunderstand，butonlyinaparalyticsortofway。

Themostbuoyantexclamationsleapupinmyheart，buttheycomeoutofmymouthquitedifferent。Youshouldhearmesay，’Buckup，oldcock！’Itwouldbringtearstoyoureyes。"

"Itdoes，"saidSyme;"butIcannothelpthinkingthatapartfromallthatyouarereallyabitworried。"

TheProfessorstartedalittleandlookedathimsteadily。

"Youareaverycleverfellow，"hesaid，"itisapleasuretoworkwithyou。Yes，Ihaveratheraheavycloudinmyhead。Thereisagreatproblemtoface，"andhesankhisbaldbrowinhistwohands。

Thenhesaidinalowvoice——

"Canyouplaythepiano？"

"Yes，"saidSymeinsimplewonder，"I’msupposedtohaveagoodtouch。"

Then，astheotherdidnotspeak，headded——

"Itrustthegreatcloudislifted。"

Afteralongsilence，theProfessorsaidoutofthecavernousshadowofhishands——

"Itwouldhavedonejustaswellifyoucouldworkatypewriter。"

"Thankyou，"saidSyme，"youflatterme。"

"Listentome，"saidtheother，"andrememberwhomwehavetoseetomorrow。YouandIaregoingtomorrowtoattemptsomethingwhichisverymuchmoredangerousthantryingtostealtheCrownJewelsoutoftheTower。Wearetryingtostealasecretfromaverysharp，verystrong，andverywickedman。Ibelievethereisnoman，exceptthePresident，ofcourse，whoissoseriouslystartlingandformidableasthatlittlegrinningfellowingoggles。Hehasnotperhapsthewhite—hotenthusiasmuntodeath，themadmartyrdomforanarchy，whichmarkstheSecretary。ButthenthatveryfanaticismintheSecretaryhasahumanpathos，andisalmostaredeemingtrait。ButthelittleDoctorhasabrutalsanitythatismoreshockingthantheSecretary’sdisease。Don’tyounoticehisdetestablevirilityandvitality。Hebounceslikeanindia—rubberball。Dependonit，Sundaywasnotasleep（Iwonderifheeversleeps？）whenhelockedupalltheplansofthisoutrageintheround，blackheadofDr。Bull。"

"Andyouthink，"saidSyme，"thatthisuniquemonsterwillbesoothedifIplaythepianotohim？"

"Don’tbeanass，"saidhismentor。"Imentionedthepianobecauseitgivesonequickandindependentfingers。Syme，ifwearetogothroughthisinterviewandcomeoutsaneoralive，wemusthavesomecodeofsignalsbetweenusthatthisbrutewillnotsee。I

havemadearoughalphabeticalcyphercorrespondingtothefivefingers——likethis，see，"andherippledwithhisfingersonthewoodentable——"BAD，bad，awordwemayfrequentlyrequire。"

Symepouredhimselfoutanotherglassofwine，andbegantostudythescheme。Hewasabnormallyquickwithhisbrainsatpuzzles，andwithhishandsatconjuring，anditdidnottakehimlongtolearnhowhemightconveysimplemessagesbywhatwouldseemtobeidletapsuponatableorknee。Butwineandcompanionshiphadalwaystheeffectofinspiringhimtoafarcicalingenuity，andtheProfessorsoonfoundhimselfstrugglingwiththetoovastenergyofthenewlanguage，asitpassedthroughtheheatedbrainofSyme。

"Wemusthaveseveralword—signs，"saidSymeseriously——"wordsthatwearelikelytowant，fineshadesofmeaning。Myfavouritewordis’coeval’。What’syours？"

"Dostopplayingthegoat，"saidtheProfessorplaintively。"Youdon’tknowhowseriousthisis。"

"’Lush’too，"saidSyme，shakinghisheadsagaciously，"wemusthave’lush’——wordappliedtograss，don’tyouknow？"

"Doyouimagine，"askedtheProfessorfuriously，"thatwearegoingtotalktoDr。Bullaboutgrass？"

"Thereareseveralwaysinwhichthesubjectcouldbeapproached，"

saidSymereflectively，"andthewordintroducedwithoutappearingforced。Wemightsay，’Dr。Bull，asarevolutionist，yourememberthatatyrantonceadvisedustoeatgrass;andindeedmanyofus，lookingonthefreshlushgrassofsummer"’

"Doyouunderstand，"saidtheother，"thatthisisatragedy？"

"Perfectly，"repliedSyme;"alwaysbecomicinatragedy。Whatthedeuceelsecanyoudo？Iwishthislanguageofyourshadawiderscope。Isupposewecouldnotextenditfromthefingerstothetoes？Thatwouldinvolvepullingoffourbootsandsocksduringtheconversation，whichhoweverunobtrusivelyperformed——"

"Syme，"saidhisfriendwithasternsimplicity，"gotobed！"

Syme，however，satupinbedforaconsiderabletimemasteringthenewcode。Hewasawakenednextmorningwhiletheeastwasstillsealedwithdarkness，andfoundhisgrey—beardedallystandinglikeaghostbesidehisbed。

Symesatupinbedblinking;thenslowlycollectedhisthoughts，threwoffthebed—clothes，andstoodup。Itseemedtohiminsomecuriouswaythatallthesafetyandsociabilityofthenightbeforefellwiththebedclothesoffhim，andhestoodupinanairofcolddanger。Hestillfeltanentiretrustandloyaltytowardshiscompanion;butitwasthetrustbetweentwomengoingtothescaffold。

"Well，"saidSymewithaforcedcheerfulnessashepulledonhistrousers，"Idreamtofthatalphabetofyours。Didittakeyoulongtomakeitup？"

TheProfessormadenoanswer，butgazedinfrontofhimwitheyesthecolourofawintrysea;soSymerepeatedhisquestion。

"Isay，didittakeyoulongtoinventallthis？I’mconsideredgoodatthesethings，anditwasagoodhour’sgrind。Didyoulearnitallonthespot？"

TheProfessorwassilent;hiseyeswerewideopen，andheworeafixedbutverysmallsmile。

"Howlongdidittakeyou？"

TheProfessordidnotmove。

"Confoundyou，can’tyouanswer？"calledoutSyme，inasuddenangerthathadsomethinglikefearunderneath。WhetherornotheProfessorcouldanswer，hedidnot。

Symestoodstaringbackatthestifffacelikeparchmentandtheblank，blueeyes。HisfirstthoughtwasthattheProfessorhadgonemad，buthissecondthoughtwasmorefrightful。Afterall，whatdidheknowaboutthisqueercreaturewhomhehadheedlesslyacceptedasafriend？Whatdidheknow，exceptthatthemanhadbeenattheanarchistbreakfastandhadtoldhimaridiculoustale？HowimprobableitwasthatthereshouldbeanotherfriendtherebesideGogol！Wasthisman’ssilenceasensationalwayofdeclaringwar？

Wasthisadamantinestareafterallonlytheawfulsneerofsomethreefoldtraitor，whohadturnedforthelasttime？Hestoodandstrainedhisearsinthisheartlesssilence。Healmostfanciedhecouldheardynamiterscometocapturehimshiftingsoftlyinthecorridoroutside。

Thenhiseyestrayeddownwards，andheburstoutlaughing。ThoughtheProfessorhimselfstoodthereasvoicelessasastatue，hisfivedumbfingersweredancingaliveuponthedeadtable。Symewatchedthetwinklingmovementsofthetalkinghand，andreadclearlythemessage——

"Iwillonlytalklikethis。Wemustgetusedtoit。"

Herappedouttheanswerwiththeimpatienceofrelief——

"Allright。Let’sgetouttobreakfast。"

Theytooktheirhatsandsticksinsilence;butasSymetookhissword—stick，heheldithard。

Theypausedforafewminutesonlytostuffdowncoffeeandcoarsethicksandwichesatacoffeestall，andthenmadetheirwayacrosstheriver，whichunderthegreyandgrowinglightlookedasdesolateasAcheron。Theyreachedthebottomofthehugeblockofbuildingswhichtheyhadseenfromacrosstheriver，andbeganinsilencetomountthenakedandnumberlessstonesteps，onlypausingnowandthentomakeshortremarksontherailofthebanisters。Atabouteveryotherflighttheypassedawindow;eachwindowshowedthemapaleandtragicdawnliftingitselflaboriouslyoverLondon。

Fromeachtheinnumerableroofsofslatelookedliketheleadensurgesofagrey，troubledseaafterrain。Symewasincreasinglyconsciousthathisnewadventurehadsomehowaqualityofcoldsanityworsethanthewildadventuresofthepast。Lastnight，forinstance，thetalltenementshadseemedtohimlikeatowerinadream。Ashenowwentupthewearyandperpetualsteps，hewasdauntedandbewilderedbytheiralmostinfiniteseries。Butitwasnotthehothorrorofadreamorofanythingthatmightbeexaggerationordelusion。Theirinfinitywasmoreliketheemptyinfinityofarithmetic，somethingunthinkable，yetnecessarytothought。Oritwaslikethestunningstatementsofastronomyaboutthedistanceofthefixedstars。Hewasascendingthehouseofreason，athingmorehideousthanunreasonitself。

BythetimetheyreachedDr。Bull’slanding，alastwindowshowedthemaharsh，whitedawnedgedwithbanksofakindofcoarsered，morelikeredclaythanredcloud。AndwhentheyenteredDr。Bull’sbaregarretitwasfulloflight。

Symehadbeenhauntedbyahalfhistoricmemoryinconnectionwiththeseemptyroomsandthatausteredaybreak。ThemomenthesawthegarretandDr。Bullsittingwritingatatable，herememberedwhatthememorywas——theFrenchRevolution。Thereshouldhavebeentheblackoutlineofaguillotineagainstthatheavyredandwhiteofthemorning。Dr。Bullwasinhiswhiteshirtandblackbreechesonly;hiscropped，darkheadmightwellhavejustcomeoutofitswig;hemighthavebeenMaratoramoreslipshodRobespierre。

Yetwhenhewasseenproperly，theFrenchfancyfellaway。TheJacobinswereidealists;therewasaboutthismanamurderousmaterialism。HisDositiongavehimasomewhatnewappearance。Thestrong，whitelightofmorningcomingfromonesidecreatingsharpshadows，madehimseembothmorepaleandmoreangularthanhehadlookedatthebreakfastonthebalcony。Thusthetwoblackglassesthatencasedhiseyesmightreallyhavebeenblackcavitiesinhisskull，makinghimlooklikeadeath’s—head。And，indeed，ifeverDeathhimselfsatwritingatawoodentable，itmighthavebeenhe。

Helookedupandsmiledbrightlyenoughasthemencamein，androsewiththeresilientrapidityofwhichtheProfessorhadspoken。Hesetchairsforbothofthem，andgoingtoapegbehindthedoor，proceededtoputonacoatandwaistcoatofrough，darktweed;hebuttoneditupneatly，andcamebacktositdownathistable。

Thequietgoodhumourofhismannerlefthistwoopponentshelpless。ItwaswithsomemomentarydifficultythattheProfessorbrokesilenceandbegan，"I’msorrytodisturbyousoearly，comrade，"saidhe，withacarefulresumptionoftheslowdeWormsmanner。"YouhavenodoubtmadeallthearrangementsfortheParisaffair？"Thenheaddedwithinfiniteslowness，"Wehaveinformationwhichrendersintolerableanythinginthenatureofamoment’sdelay。"

Dr。Bullsmiledagain，butcontinuedtogazeonthemwithoutspeaking。TheProfessorresumed，apausebeforeeachwearyword——

"Pleasedonotthinkmeexcessivelyabrupt;butIadviseyoutoalterthoseplans，orifitistoolateforthat，tofollowyouragentwithallthesupportyoucangetforhim。ComradeSymeandIhavehadanexperiencewhichitwouldtakemoretimetorecountthanwecanafford，ifwearetoactonit。Iwill，however，relatetheoccurrenceindetail，evenattheriskoflosingtime，ifyoureallyfeelthatitisessentialtotheunderstandingoftheproblemwehavetodiscuss。"

Hewasspinningouthissentences，makingthemintolerablylongandlingering，inthehopeofmaddeningthepracticallittleDoctorintoanexplosionofimpatiencewhichmightshowhishand。

ButthelittleDoctorcontinuedonlytostareandsmile，andthemonologuewasuphillwork。Symebegantofeelanewsicknessanddespair。TheDoctor’ssmileandsilencewerenotatalllikethecatalepticstareandhorriblesilencewhichhehadconfrontedintheProfessorhalfanhourbefore。AbouttheProfessor’smakeupandallhisanticstherewasalwayssomethingmerelygrotesque，likeagollywog。SymerememberedthosewildwoesofyesterdayasoneremembersbeingafraidofBogyinchildhood。Butherewasdaylight;herewasahealthy，square—shoulderedmanintweeds，notoddsavefortheaccidentofhisuglyspectacles，notglaringorgrinningatall，butsmilingsteadilyandnotsayingaword。

Thewholehadasenseofunbearablereality。UndertheincreasingsunlightthecoloursoftheDoctor’scomplexion，thepatternofhistweeds，grewandexpandedoutrageously，assuchthingsgrowtooimportantinarealisticnovel。Buthissmilewasquiteslight，theposeofhisheadpolite;theonlyuncannythingwashissilence。

"AsIsay，"resumedtheProfessor，likeamantoilingthroughheavysand，"theincidentthathasoccurredtousandhasledustoaskforinformationabouttheMarquis，isonewhichyoumaythinkitbettertohavenarrated;butasitcameinthewayofComradeSymeratherthanme——"

Hiswordsheseemedtobedraggingoutlikewordsinananthem;

butSyme，whowaswatching，sawhislongfingersrattlequicklyontheedgeofthecrazytable。Hereadthemessage，"Youmustgoon。Thisdevilhassuckedmedry！"

Symeplungedintothebreachwiththatbravadoofimprovisationwhichalwayscametohimwhenhewasalarmed。

"Yes，thethingreallyhappenedtome，"hesaidhastily。"Ihadthegoodfortunetofallintoconversationwithadetectivewhotookme，thankstomyhat，forarespectableperson。Wishingtoclinchmyreputationforrespectability，ItookhimandmadehimverydrunkattheSavoy。Underthisinfluencehebecamefriendly，andtoldmeinsomanywordsthatwithinadayortwotheyhopetoarresttheMarquisinFrance。

SounlessyouorIcangetonhistrack——"

TheDoctorwasstillsmilinginthemostfriendlyway，andhisprotectedeyeswerestillimpenetrable。TheProfessorsignalledtoSymethathewouldresumehisexplanation，andhebeganagainwiththesameelaboratecalm。

"Symeimmediatelybroughtthisinformationtome，andwecameheretogethertoseewhatuseyouwouldbeinclinedtomakeofit。Itseemstomeunquestionablyurgentthat——"

AllthistimeSymehadbeenstaringattheDoctoralmostassteadilyastheDoctorstaredattheProfessor，butquitewithoutthesmile。Thenervesofbothcomrades—in—armswerenearsnappingunderthatstrainofmotionlessamiability，whenSymesuddenlyleantforwardandidlytappedtheedgeofthetable。Hismessagetohisallyran，"Ihaveanintuition。"

TheProfessor，withscarcelyapauseinhismonologue，signalledback，"Thensitonit。"

Symetelegraphed，"Itisquiteextraordinary。"

Theotheranswered，"Extraordinaryrot！"

Symesaid，"Iamapoet。"

Theotherretorted，"Youareadeadman。"

Symehadgonequitereduptohisyellowhair，andhiseyeswereburningfeverishly。Ashesaidhehadanintuition，andithadrisentoasortoflightheadedcertainty。Resuminghissymbolictaps，hesignalledtohisfriend，"Youscarcelyrealisehowpoeticmyintuitionis。Ithasthatsuddenqualitywesometimesfeelinthecomingofspring。"

Hethenstudiedtheansweronhisfriend’sfingers。Theanswerwas，"Gotohell！"

TheProfessorthenresumedhismerelyverbalmonologueaddressedtotheDoctor。

"PerhapsIshouldrathersay，"saidSymeonhisfingers，"thatitresemblesthatsuddensmelloftheseawhichmaybefoundintheheartoflushwoods。"

Hiscompaniondisdainedtoreply。

"Oryetagain，"tappedSyme，"itispositive，asisthepassionateredhairofabeautifulwoman。"

TheProfessorwascontinuinghisspeech，butinthemiddleofitSymedecidedtoact。Heleantacrossthetable，andsaidinavoicethatcouldnotbeneglected——

"Dr。Bull！"

TheDoctor’ssleekandsmilingheaddidnotmove，buttheycouldhaveswornthatunderhisdarkglasseshiseyesdartedtowardsSyme。

"Dr。Bull，"saidSyme，inavoicepeculiarlypreciseandcourteous，"wouldyoudomeasmallfavour？Wouldyoubesokindastotakeoffyourspectacles？"

TheProfessorswungroundonhisseat，andstaredatSymewithasortoffrozenfuryofastonishment。Syme，likeamanwhohasthrownhislifeandfortuneonthetable，leanedforwardwithafieryface。TheDoctordidnotmove。

Forafewsecondstherewasasilenceinwhichonecouldhearapindrop，splitoncebythesinglehootofadistantsteamerontheThames。ThenDr。Bullroseslowly，stillsmiling，andtookoffhisspectacles。

Symesprangtohisfeet，steppingbackwardsalittle，likeachemicallecturerfromasuccessfulexplosion。Hiseyeswerelikestars，andforaninstanthecouldonlypointwithoutspeaking。

TheProfessorhadalsostartedtohisfeet，forgetfulofhissupposedparalysis。HeleantonthebackofthechairandstareddoubtfullyatDr。Bull，asiftheDoctorhadbeenturnedintoatoadbeforehiseyes。Andindeeditwasalmostasgreatatransformationscene。

Thetwodetectivessawsittinginthechairbeforethemaveryboyish—lookingyoungman，withveryfrankandhappyhazeleyes，anopenexpression，cockneyclotheslikethoseofacityclerk，andanunquestionablebreathabouthimofbeingverygoodandrathercommonplace。Thesmilewasstillthere，butitmighthavebeenthefirstsmileofababy。

"IknewIwasapoet，"criedSymeinasortofecstasy。"IknewmyintuitionwasasinfallibleasthePope。Itwasthespectaclesthatdidit！Itwasallthespectacles。Giventhosebeastlyblackeyes，andalltherestofhimhishealthandhisjollylooks，madehimalivedevilamongdeadones。"

"Itcertainlydoesmakeaqueerdifference，"saidtheProfessorshakily。"ButasregardstheprojectofDr。Bull——"

"Projectbedamned！"roaredSyme，besidehimself。"Lookathim！

Lookathisface，lookathiscollar，lookathisblessedboots！

Youdon’tsuppose，doyou，thatthatthing’sananarchist？"

"Syme！"criedtheotherinanapprehensiveagony。

"Why，byGod，"saidSyme，"I’lltaketheriskofthatmyself！Dr。

Bull，Iamapoliceofficer。There’smycard，"andheflungdownthebluecarduponthetable。

TheProfessorstillfearedthatallwaslost;buthewasloyal。Hepulledouthisownofficialcardandputitbesidehisfriend’s。

Thenthethirdmanburstoutlaughing，andforthefirsttimethatmorningtheyheardhisvoice。

"I’mawfullygladyouchapshavecomesoearly，"hesaid，withasortofschoolboyflippancy，"forwecanallstartforFrancetogether。Yes，I’mintheforcerightenough，"andheflickedabluecardtowardsthemlightlyasamatterofform。

Clappingabriskbowleronhisheadandresuminghisgoblinglasses，theDoctormovedsoquicklytowardsthedoor，thattheothersinstinctivelyfollowedhim。Symeseemedalittledistrait，andashepassedunderthedoorwayhesuddenlystruckhisstickonthestonepassagesothatitrang。

"ButLordGodAlmighty，"hecriedout，"ifthisisallright，thereweremoredamneddetectivesthanthereweredamneddynamitersatthedamnedCouncil！"

"Wemighthavefoughteasily，"saidBull;"wewerefouragainstthree。"

TheProfessorwasdescendingthestairs，buthisvoicecameupfrombelow。

"No，"saidthevoice，"wewerenotfouragainstthree——wewerenotsolucky。WewerefouragainstOne。"

Theotherswentdownthestairsinsilence。

TheyoungmancalledBull，withaninnocentcourtesycharacteristicofhim，insistedongoinglastuntiltheyreachedthestreet;buttherehisownrobustrapidityasserteditselfunconsciously，andhewalkedquicklyonaheadtowardsarailwayinquiryoffice，talkingtotheothersoverhisshoulder。

"Itisjollytogetsomepals，"hesaid。"I’vebeenhalfdeadwiththejumps，beingquitealone。InearlyflungmyarmsroundGogolandembracedhim，whichwouldhavebeenimprudent。Ihopeyouwon’tdespisemeforhavingbeeninabluefunk。"

"Allthebluedevilsinbluehell，"saidSyme，"contributedtomybluefunk！Buttheworstdevilwasyouandyourinfernalgoggles。"

Theyoungmanlaugheddelightedly。