第19章

"Well,onedayIan\'oleDocGurney,wewereinthere,andIundertooktoshowBibbshowtorunhismachine。Hetoldmetolookout,butIwouldn\'tlisten,andIdidn\'tlookout——andthat\'showIgotmyhandhurt,tryin\'toshowBibbshowtodosomethingheknewhowtodoandIdidn\'t。MademesomadIjustwouldn\'tevenadmittomyselfitWAShurt——andso,byandby,oleDocGurneyhadtotakekindo\'radicalmeasureswithme。He\'sarightgooddoctor,too。

Don\'tyouthinkso,MissVertrees？"

"Yes。"

"Yes,heisso！"Sheridannowhadtheairofaramblingtalkerandgossipwithalldayonhishands。"TakehimonBibbs\'scase。Iwastalkin\'aboutBibbs\'scasewithhimthismorning。Well,you\'dlaughtohearthewayoleGurneytalksaboutTHAT！\'CourseheISjustasmuchafriendasheisdoctor——andhetakesasmuchinterestinBibbsasifhewasinthefamily。HesaysBibbsisn\'tanywaysbadoffYET;andhethinkshecouldstandthepaceandgetfatonitif——well,thisiswhat\'dmadeYOUlaughifyou\'dbeenthere,MissVertrees——honestitwould！"Hepausedtochuckle,andstoleaglanceather。Shewasgazingstraightbeforeheratthewall;herlipswereparted,and——visibly——shewasbreathingheavilyandquickly。Hefearedthatshewasgrowingfuriouslyangry;buthehadledtowhathewantedtosay,andhewenton,determinednowtosayitall。Heleanedforwardandalteredhisvoicetooneofconfidentialfriendliness,thoughinithestillmaintainedatonewhichindicatedthatoleDocGurney\'sopinionwasonlyajokehesharedwithher。"Yes,sir,youcertainlywould\'a\'laughed！Why,thatolemanthinksYOUgotsomethingtodowithit。You\'llhavetoblameitonhim,younglady,ifitmakesyoufeellikestartin\'outtowhipsomebody！He\'sactuallygotTHIStheory:hesaysBibbsgottogettin\'betterwhileheworkedoverthereattheshopbecauseyoukepthimcheeredupandfeelin\'good。Andhesaysifyoucouldmanagetojuststandhimhangin\'aroundalittle——maybenotmuch,butjustSOMEtimes——again,hebelievedit\'ddoBibbsamightyloto\'good。

\'Course,that\'sonlywhatthedoctorsaid。Me,Idon\'tknowanythingaboutthat;butIcansaythismuch——IneversawanysuchaMENTALimprovementinanybodyinmylifeasIhavelatelyinBibbs。Iexpectyou\'dfindhimagooddealmoreentertainingthanwhatheusedtobe——andIknowit\'sakindofembarrassingthingtosuggestafterthewayhepiledinoverherethatdaytoaskyoutostandupbeforethepreacherwithhim,butaccordin\'tooleDocGURNEY,he\'sgotyouonhisbrainsobad——"

Maryjumped。"Mr。Sheridan！"sheexclaimed。

Hesighedprofoundly。"There！Inoticedyouweregettin\'mad。Ididn\'t——"

"No,no,no！"shecried。"ButIdon\'tunderstand——andIthinkyoudon\'t。

Whatisityouwantmetodo？"

Hesighedagain,butthistimewithrelief。"Well,well！"hesaid。"You\'reright。It\'llbeeasiertotalkplain。IoughttoknownIcouldwithyou,allthetime。Ijusthopedyou\'dletthatboycomeandseeyousometimes,oncemore。Couldyou？"

"Youdon\'tunderstand。"Sheclaspedherhandstogetherinasorrowfulgesture。"Yes,wemusttalkplain。BibbsheardthatI\'dtriedtomakeyouroldestsoncareformebecauseIwaspoor,andsoBibbscameandaskedmetomarryhim——becausehewassorryforme。AndICAN\'Tseehimanymore,"shecriedindistress。"ICAN\'T！"

Sheridanclearedhisthroatuncomfortably。"Youmeanbecausehethoughtthataboutyou？"

"No,no！WhathethoughtwasTRUE！"

"Well——youmeanhewassomuchin——youmeanhethoughtsomuchofyou——"ThewordswereinconceivablyawkwarduponSheridan\'stongue;heseemedtobeindoubtevenaboutpronouncingthem,butafteraghastlypausehebravelyrepeatedthem。"Youmeanhethoughtsomuchofyouthatyoujustcouldn\'tstandhimaround？"

"NO！Hewassorryforme。Hecaredforme;hewasfondofme;andhe\'drespectedme——toomuch！Inthefinestwayhelovedme,ifyoulike,andhe\'dhavedoneanythingonearthforme,asIwouldforhim,andasheknewI

would。Itwasbeautiful,Mr。Sheridan,"shesaid。"Butthecheap,badthingsonehasdoneseemalwaystocomeback——theywait,andpullyoudownwhenyou\'rehappiest。Bibbsfoundmeout,yousee;andhewasn\'t\'inlove\'withmeatall。"

"Hewasn\'t？Well,itseemstomehegaveupeverythinghewantedtodo——itwasfoolstuff,buthecertainlywanteditmightybad——hejustthrewitawayandwalkedrightupandtookthejobhesworeheneverwould——justforyou。

Anditlookstomeasifamanthat\'ddothatmustthinkquiteaheapo\'thegirlhedoesitfor！Yousayitwasonlybecausehewassorry,butletmetellyouthere\'sonlyONEgirlhecouldfeelTHATsorryfor！Yes,sir！"

"No,no,"shesaid。"Bibbsisn\'tlikeothermen——hewoulddoanythingforanybody。"

Sheridangrinned。"Perhapsnotsomuchasyouthink,nowadays,"hesaid。"Forinstance,Igotkindofasuspicionhedoesn\'tbelievein\'sentimentinbusiness。\'Butthat\'sneitherherenorthere。Whathewantedwas,justplainandsimple,foryoutomarryhim。Well,Iwasafraidhisthinkin\'somuchOF

youhadkindo\'sickenedyouofhim——thewayitdoessometimes。Butfromthewayyoutalk,Iunderstandthatain\'tthetrouble。"Hecoughed,andhisvoicetrembledalittle。"Nowhere,MissVertrees,Idon\'thavetotellyou——becauseyouseethingseasy——IknowIgotnobusinesscomin\'toyoulikethis,butIhadtomakeBibbsgomywayinsteadofhisown——Ihadtodoitforthesakeo\'mybusinessandonhisownaccount,too——andIexpectyougotsomeideahowithurthimtogiveup。Well,he\'smadegood。Hedidn\'tcomeinhalf—heartedormean;hecamein——alltheway！Butthereisn\'tanythinginittohim;youcanseehe\'sjustshuthisteethonitandgoin\'aheadwithdustinhismouth。Yousee,onewayoflookin\'atit,he\'sgotnothin\'toworkFOR。Anditseemstomelikeitcosthimyourfriendship,andIbelieve——honest——that\'swhathurthimtheworst。Nowyousaidwe\'dtalkplain。Whycan\'tyoulethimcomeback？"

Shecoveredherfacedesperatelywithherhands。"Ican\'t！"

Herose,defeated,andlookingit。

"Well,Imustn\'tpressyou,"hesaid,gently。

Atthatshecriedout,anddroppedherhandsandlethimseeherface。"Ah！

Hewasonlysorryforme！"

Hegazedatherintently。Marywasproud,butshehadafatalhonesty,anditconfessedthetruthofhernow;shewashelpless。ItwassoclearthatevenSheridan,marvelingandamazed,wasabletoseeit。Thenachangecameoverhim;gloomfellfromhim,andhegrewradient。

"Don\'t！Don\'t"shecried。"Youmustn\'t——"

"Iwon\'ttellhim,"saidSheridan,fromthedoorway。"Iwon\'ttellanybodyanything！"

Therewasaheavytown—fogthatafternoon,asmoke—mist,densestinthesanctuaryofthetemple。Thepeoplewentaboutinit,busyanddirty,thickeningtheiroutsideandinsideliningsofcoal—tar,asphalt,sulphurousacid,oilofvitriol,andtheotherfamiliarthingsthemenlikedtobreatheandtohaveupontheirskinsandgarmentsandupontheirwivesandbabiesandsweethearts。Thegrowthofthecitywasvisibleinthesmokeandthenoiseandtherush。TherewasmoresmokethantherehadbeenthisdayofFebruaryayearearlier;therewasmorenoise;andthecrowdswerethicker——yetquickerinspiteofthat。Thetrafficpolicemanhadahardtime,forthepeoplewereindependent——theyretainedsomehabitsoftheoldmarket—townperiod,andwouldcrossthestreetanywhereandanyhow,whichnotonlygotthemkilledmorefrequentlythaniftheyclungtothelegalcrossings,butkeptthemotormen,thechauffeurs,andthetruck—driversinastewofprofanenervousness。Sothetrafficpolicemenledharriedlives;theythemselveswerekilled,ofcourse,withacertainperiodicity,buttheirmaintroublewasthattheycouldnotmakethecitizensrealizethatitwasactuallyandmortallyperiloustogoabouttheircity。Itwasstrange,fortherewereprobablynocitizensofanylengthofresidencewhohadnotpersonallyknowneithersomeonewhohadbeenkilledorinjuredinanaccident,orsomeonewhohadaccidentallykilledorinjuredothers。Andyet,perhapsitwasnotstrange,seeingthesharppreoccupationofthefaces——thepeoplehadsomethingontheirminds;theycouldnotstoptobotheraboutdirtanddanger。

MaryVertreeswasnotoftendown—town;shehadneverseenanaccidentuntilthisafternoon。Shehadcomeuponerrandsforhermotherconnectedwithatimorousrefurbishment;andasshedidthese,inandoutofthedepartmentstores,shehadaninsistentconsciousnessoftheSheridanBuilding。Fromthestreet,anywhere,itwasalmostalwaysinsight,likesomemonstrousgeometricalshadow,murk—coloredandrisinglimitlesslyintotheswimmingheightsofthesmoke—mist。Itwasgauntandgrimyandrepellent;ithadnothingbutstrengthandsize——butinthatconsciousnessofMary\'sthegreatstructuremayhavepartakenofbeauty。Sheridanhadmadesomeofthethingshesaidemphaticenoughttoremainwithher。Shewentoverandoverthem——andtheybegantoseemtrue:"OnlyONEgirlhecouldfeelTHATsorryfor！"

"Gurneysayshe\'sgotyouonhisbrainsobad——"Theman\'sclumsytalkbegantosinginherheart。Thesongwasbeguntherewhenshesawtheaccident。

ShewasdirectlyoppositetheSheridanBuildingthen,waitingforthetraffictothinbeforeshecrossed,thoughotherpeoplewereriskingthepassage,dartingandhaltinganddodgingparlously。Twomencamefromthecrowdbehindher,talkingearnestly,andstartedacross。Bothworeblack;onewastallandbroadandthick,andtheotherwastaller,butnoticeablyslender。AndMarycaughtherbreath,fortheywereBibbsandhisfather。Theydidnotseeher,andshecaughtaphraseinBibbs\'smellowvoice,whichhadtakenacrisperring:"Sixty—eightthousanddollars？Notsixty—eightthousandbuttons！"Itstartledherqueerly,andastherewasaglimpseofhisprofileshesawforthefirsttimearesemblancetohisfather。

Shewatchedthem。InthemiddleofthestreetBibbshadtostepaheadofhisfather,andthetwowereseparated。Buttherecklesspassingofatruck,beyondthesecondlineofrails,frightenedagroupofcountrywomenwhowereincourseofpassage;theywerejustinfrontofBibbs,andshovedbackwarduponhimviolently。Toextricatehimselffromthemhesteppedback,directlyinfrontofamovingtrolley—car——noplaceforabsent—mindedness,butBibbswasstillabsorbedinthoughtsconcernedwithwhathehadbeensayingtohisfather。Therewereshrieksandyells;Bibbslookedthewrongway——andthenMarysawtheheavyfigureofSheridanplungestraightforwardinfrontofthecar。Withabsolutedisregardofhisownlife,hehurledhimselfatBibbslikeafootball—playershuntingoffanopponent,andtoMaryitseemedthattheybothwentdowntogether。Butthatwasallshecouldsee——automobiles,trucks,andwagonsclosedinbetween。Shemadeoutthatthetrolley—carstoppedjerkily,andshesawapolicemanbreakinghiswaythroughtheinstantlycondensingcrowd,whilethetrafficcametoastandstill,andpeoplestoodupinautomobilesorclimbeduponthehubsandtiresofwheels,nottomissachanceofseeinganythinghorrible。

Marytriedtogetthrough;itwasimpossible。Otherpolicemencametohelpthefirst,andinaminuteortwothetrafficwasinmotionagain。Thecrowdbecamepliant,dispersing——therewasnofigureupontheground,andnoambulancecame。Butoneofthepolicemenwasdetainedbytheclingingandbeseechingofaglovedhand。

"WhatISthematter,lady？"

"Wherearethey？"Marycried。

"Who？OlemanSheridan？IreckonHEwasn\'tmuchhurt！"

"HisSON——"

"Wasthatwhotheotheronewas？Iseenhimknockhim——oh,he\'snotbadoff,Iguess,lady。Theolemangothimoutofthewayallright。Thefendershovedtheolemanaroundsome,butIreckonheonlygotshookup。TheybothwentonintheSheridanBuildingwithoutanyhelp。Excuseme,lady。"

SheridanandBibbs,infact,wereatthatmomentintheelevator,ascending。

"Whisk—broomupintheoffice,"Sheridanwassaying。"Yougottolookoutonthosecornersnowadays,Itellyou。Idon\'tknowIgotanycalltoblow,though——becauseItriedtocrossafteryoudid。That\'showIhappenedtorunintoyou。Well,youwantremembertolookoutafterthis。Weweretalkin\'

aboutMurtrie\'saskin\'sixty—eightthousandflatforthatninety—nine—yearlease。It\'shislookoutifhe\'drathertakeitthatway,andIdon\'tknowbut——"

"No,"saidBibbs,emphatically,astheelevatorstopped;"hewon\'tgetit。NotfromUs,hewon\'t,andI\'llshowyouwhy。Icanconvinceyouinfiveminutes。"Hefollowedhisfatherintotheofficeanteroom——andconvincedhim。

Then,havingbeendiligentlybrushedbyayouthofcolor,Bibbswentintohisownroomandclosedthedoor。

Hewasmoreshakenthanhehadallowedhisfathertoperceive,andhissidewassorewhereSheridanhadstruckhim。Hedesiredtobealone;hewantedtorubhimselfand,foronce,todosomeuselessthinkingagain。Heknewthathisfatherhadnot"happened"torunintohim;heknewthatSheridanhadinstantly——andinstinctively——provedthatheheldhisownlifeofnoaccountwhatevercomparedtothatofhissonandheir。Bibbshadbeenunabletospeakofthat,ortoseemtoknowit;forSheridan,justasinstinctively,hadsweptthematteraside——asofnoimportance,sinceallwaswell——revertingimmediatelytobusiness。

Bibbsbegantothinkintentlyofhisfather。Heperceived,ashehadneverperceivedbefore,theshadowingofsomethingenormousandindomitable——andlawless;nottobedauntedbythewillofnature\'sveryself;laughingatthelightningandatwoundsandmutilation;conquering,irresistible——andblindlynoble。ForthefirsttimeinhislifeBibbsbegantounderstandthemeaningofbeingtrulythisman\'sson。

Hewouldbethemoretrulyhissonhenceforth,though,asSheridansaid,Bibbshadnotcomedown—townwithhimmeanlyorhalf—heartedly。Hehadgivenhiswordbecausehehadwantedthemoney,simply,forMaryVertreesinherneed。

Andheshiveredwithhorrorofhimself,thinkinghowhehadgonetohertoofferit,askinghertomarryhim——withhisheadonhisbreastinshamefulfearthatshewouldaccepthim！Hehadnotknownher;theknowinghadlosthertohim,andthishadbeenhisrealawakening;forheknewnowhowdeephadbeenthatslumberwhereinhedreamilycelebratedthesuperiorityof"friendship"！Thesleep—walkerhadwakenedtobitterknowledgeofloveandlife,findinghimselfafailureinboth。Hehadmadeaburntofferingofhisdreams,andthesacrificehadbeenanunforgivablehurttoMary。Allthatwasleftforhimwastheworkhehadnotchosen,butatleasthewouldnotfailinthat,thoughitwasindeednomorethan"dustinhismouth。"Iftherehadbeenanything"toworkfor——"

Hewenttothewindow,raisedit,andletintheuproarofthestreetsbelow。

Helookeddownattheblurred,hurryingswarms——andhelookedacross,overtheroofswiththeirpantingjetsofvapor,intothevast,foggyheartofthesmoke。Dizzytraceriesofsteelwererisingdimlyagainstit,chatteringwithsteelonsteel,andscreechinginsteam,whiletinyfiguresofmenwalkedonthreadsinthedullsky。BuildingswouldovertoptheSheridan。Bignesswasbeingserved。

Butwhatfor？TheoldquestioncametoBibbswithanewdespair。Here,wherehiseyesfell,hadoncebeengreenfieldsandrunningbrooks,andhowhadthekindearthbeendespoiledanddisfigured！Thepioneershadbegunthework,butintheiroldagetheiroratorshadsaidforthemthattheyhadtoiledandriskedandsacrificedthattheirposteritymightliveinpeaceandwisdom,enjoyingthefruitsoftheearth。Well,theirposteritywashere——andtherewasonlyturmoil。Wherewasthepromisedland？Ithadbeenpromisedbythesoldiersofallthewars;ithadbeenpromisedtothisgenerationbythepioneers;butherewastheveryposteritytowhomithadbeenpromised,toilingandriskingandsacrificinginturn——forwhat？

Theharshroarofthecitycameinthroughtheopenwindow,continuouslybeatinguponBibbs\'searuntilhebegantodistinguishapulsationinit——abrokenandirregularcadence。Itseemedtohimthatitwaslikeatitanicvoice,discordant,hoarse,rustilymetallic——thevoiceofthegod,Bigness。

AndthevoicesummonedBibbsasitsummonedallitsservants。

"Comeandwork！"itseemedtoyell。"ComeandworkforMe,allmen！ByyouryouthandyourhopeIsummonyou！ByyourageandyourdespairIsommonyoutoworkforMeyetalittle,withwhatstrengthyouhave。ByyourloveofhomeIsummonyou！ByyourloveofwomanIsummonyou！ByyourhopeofchildrenIsummonyou！

"YoushallbeblindslavesofMine,blindtoeverythingbutMe,youMasterandDriver！Foryourrewardyoushallgazeonlyuponmyugliness。Youshallgiveyourtoilandyourlives,youshallgomadforloveandworshipofmyugliness！YoushallperishstillworshippingMe,andyourchildrenshallperishknowingnoothergod！"

Andthen,asBibbsclosedthewindowdowntight,heheardhisfather\'svoiceboominginthenextroom;hecouldnotdistinguishthewords,butthetonewasexultant——andtherecametheTHUMP！THUMP！ofthemaimedhand。BibbsguessedthatSheridanwasbraggingofthecityandofBignesstosomevisitorfromout—of—town。

AndhethoughthowtrulySheridanwasthehighpriestofBigness。Butwiththeold,oldthoughtagain,,"Whatfor？"Bibbscaughtaglimmeroffar,faintlight。HesawthatSheridanhadallhislifestruggledandconquered,andmustallhislifegoonstrugglingandinevitablyconquering,aspartofavastimpulsenothisown。Sheridanservedblindly——butwastheimpulseblind？

Bibbsaskedhimselfifitwasnothewhohadbeeninthegreaterhurry,afterall。Thekilnmustbefiredbeforethevaseisglazed,andtheAcropoliswasnotcrownedwithmarbleinaday。

Thenthevoicecametohimagain,buttherewasastraininitasofsomehughmusicstrugglingtobebornoftheturmoil。"UglyIam,"itseemedtosaytohim,"butneverforgetthatIAMagod！"Andthevoicegrewinsonorousnessandindignity。"Thehighestshouldserve,butsolongasyouworshipmeformyownsakeIwillnotserveyou。Itismanwhomakesmeugly,byhisworshipofme。Ifmanwouldletmeservehim,Ishouldbebeautiful！"

Lookingoncemorefromthewindow,Bibbssculpturedforhimself——inthevaguecontortionsofthesmokeandfogabovetheroofs——agiganitcfigurewithfeetpedestaleduponthegreatbuildingsandshouldersdisappearingintheclouds,acolossusofsteelandwhollyblackenedwithsoot。ButBibbscarriedhisfancyfurther——fortherewasstillalittlepoetlingeringinthebackofhishead——andhethoughtthatupovertheclouds,unseenfrombelow,thegiantlaboredwithhishandsinthecleansunshine;andBibbshadaglimpseofwhathemadethere——perhapsforafellowshipofthechildrenofthechildrenthatwerechildrennow——anobleandjoyouscity,unbelievablywhite——"

Itwasthetelephonethatcalledhimfromhisvision。Itrangfiercely。

Heliftedthethingfromhisdeskandanswered——andasthesmallvoiceinsideitspokehedroppedthereceiverwithacrash。Hetrembledviolentlyashepickeditup,buthetoldhimselfhewaswrong——hehadbeenmistaken——yetitwasastartlinglybeautifulvoice;startlinglykind,too,andineffablyliketheonehehungeredmosttohear。

"Who？"hesaid,hisownvoiceshaking——likehishand。

"Mary。"

Herespondedwithtwohushedandincredulouswords:"ISIT？"

Therewasalittlethrillofpathetichalf—laughterintheinstrument。

"Bibbs——Iwantedto——justtoseeifyou——"

"Yes——Mary？"

"Iwaslookingwhenyouweresonearlyrunover。Isawit,Bibbs。Theysaidyouhadn\'tbeenhurt,theythought,butIwantedtoknowformyself。"

"No,no,Iwasn\'thurtatall——Mary。Itwasfatherwhocamenearerit。Hesavedme。"

"Yes,Isaw;butyouhadfallen。Icouldn\'tgetthroughthecrowduntilyouhadgone。AndIwantedtoKNOW。"

"Mary——wouldyou——haveminded？"hesaid。

Therewasalongintervalbeforesheanswered。

"Yes。"

"Thenwhy——"

"Yes,Bibbs？"

"Idon\'tknowwhattosay,"hecried。"It\'ssowonderfultohearyourvoiceagain——I\'mshaking,Mary——I——Idon\'tknow——Idon\'tknowanythingexceptthatI

AMtalkingtoyou！ItISyou——Mary？"

"Yes,Bibbs！"

"Mary——I\'veseenyoufrommywindowathome——onlyfivetimessinceI——sincethen。Youlooked——oh,howcanItellyou？Itwaslikeamanchainedinacavecatchingaglimpseofthebluesky,Mary。Mary,won\'tyou——letmeseeyouagain——near？IthinkIcouldmakeyoureallyforgiveme——you\'dhaveto——"

"IDID——then。"

"No——notreally——oryouwouldn\'thavesaidyoucouldn\'tseemeanymore。"

"Thatwasn\'tthereason。"Thevoicewasverylow。

"Mary,"hesaid,evenmoretremulouslythanbefore,"Ican\'t——youCOULDN\'T

meanitwasbecause——youcan\'tmeanitwasbecauseyou——care？"

Therewasnoanswer。

"Mary？"hecalled,huskily。"IfyoumeanTHAT——you\'dletmeseeyou——

wouldn\'tyou？"

Andnowthevoicewassolowhecouldnotbesureitspokeatall,butifitdid,thewordswere,"Yes,Bibbs——dear。"

Butthevoicewasnotintheinstrument——itwassogentleandsolight,soalmostnothing,itseemedtobemadeofair——anditcamefromtheair。

Slowlyandincredulouslyheturned——andgloryfelluponhisshiningeyes。Thedoorofhisfather\'sroomhadopened。

Marystooduponthethreshold。