第3章

Thisgreatlyannoyedhim，andrecollectingthathewasnotaquatic，hestoppedandshoutedacrossthewaves’tumultousroar：

"Takemynameoffthepassengerlist。"

Backtohimoverthewaters，hollowandheartless，likelaughterinatomb，rangthevoiceoftheSkipper：

"’Tain’ton!"

Andthere，inthefocusofamillionpairsofconvergenteyes，theAmbitiousPersonsathimdownbetweenthesunandmoonandmurmuredsadlytohisownsoul：

"Marooned，bythunder!"

CongressandthePeopleSUCCESSIVECongresseshavinggreatlyimpoverishedthePeople，theywerediscouragedandweptcopiously。

"Whydoyouweep？"inquiredanAngelwhohadpercheduponafencenearby。

"Theyhavetakenallwehave，"repliedthePeople—"excepting，"

theyadded，notingthesuggestivevisitant—"exceptingourhopeinheaven。ThankGod，theycannotdepriveusofthat!"

ButatlastcametheCongressof1889。

TheJusticeandHisAccuserANeminentJusticeoftheSupremeCourtofPatagascarwasaccusedofhavingobtainedhisappointmentbyfraud。

"Youwander，"hesaidtotheAccuser；"itisoflittleimportancehowIobtainedmypower；itisonlyimportanthowIhaveusedit。"

"Iconfess，"saidtheAccuser，"thatincomparisonwiththerascallywayinwhichyouhaveconductedyourselfontheBench，therascallywayinwhichyougottheredoesseemratheratrifle。"

TheHighwaymanandtheTravellerAHIGHWAYMANconfrontedaTraveller，andcoveringhimwithafirearm，shouted："Yourmoneyoryourlife!"

"Mygoodfriend，"saidtheTraveller，"accordingtothetermsofyourdemandmymoneywillsavemylife，mylifemymoney；youimplyyouwilltakeoneortheother，butnotboth。Ifthatiswhatyoumean，pleasebegoodenoughtotakemylife。"

"ThatisnotwhatImean，"saidtheHighwayman；"youcannotsaveyourmoneybygivingupyourlife。"

"Thentakeit，anyhow，"theTravellersaid。"Ifitwillnotsavemymoney，itisgoodfornothing。"

TheHighwaymanwassopleasedwiththeTraveller’sphilosophyandwitthathetookhimintopartnership，andthissplendidcombinationoftalentstartedanewspaper。

ThePolicemanandtheCitizenAPOLICEMAN，findingamanthathadfalleninafit，said，"Thismanisdrunk，"andbeganbeatinghimontheheadwithhisclub。A

passingCitizensaid：

"Whydoyoumurderamanthatisalreadyharmless？"

ThereuponthePolicemanleftthemaninafitandattackedtheCitizen，who，afterreceivingseveralseverecontusions，ranaway。

"Alas，"saidthePoliceman，"whydidInotattackthesoberonebeforeexhaustingmyselfupontheother？"

Thenceforwardhepursuedthatplan，andbyzealanddiligencerosetobeChief，andsobrietyisunknownintheregionsubjecttohissway。

TheWriterandtheTrampsANAmbitiousWriter，distinguishedfortheconditionofhislinen，wastravellingthehighroadtofame，whenhemetaTramp。

"Whatisthematterwithyourshirt？"inquiredtheTramp。

"Itbearsthemarksofthatsuperbunconcernwhichisthecharacteristicofgenius，"repliedtheAmbitiousWriter，contemptuouslypassinghimby。

Restingbythewaysidealittlelater，theTrampcarveduponthesmoothbarkofabirch—treethewords，"JohnGump，ChampionGenius。"

TwoPoliticiansTwoPoliticianswereexchangingideasregardingtherewardsforpublicservice。

"TherewardwhichImostdesire，"saidtheFirstPolitician，"isthegratitudeofmyfellow—citizens。"

"Thatwouldbeverygratifying，nodoubt，"saidtheSecondPolitician，"but，alas!inordertoobtainitonehastoretirefrompolitics。"

Foraninstanttheygazeduponeachotherwithinexpressibletenderness；thentheFirstPoliticianmurmured，"God’swillbedone!Sincewecannothopeforreward，letusbecontentwithwhatwehave。"

Andliftingtheirrighthandsfromthepublictreasurytheysworetobecontent。

TheFugitiveOfficeATRAVELLERarrivingatthecapitolofthenationsawavastplainoutsidethewall，filledwithstrugglingandshoutingmen。WhilehelookeduponthealarmingspectacleanOfficebrokeawayfromtheThrongandtookshelterinatombclosetowherehestood，thecrowdbeingtoointentuponhammeringoneanothertoobservethatthecauseoftheircontentionhaddeparted。

"Poorbruisedandbleedingcreature，"saidthecompassionateTraveller，"whatmisfortunecausedyoutobesofarawayfromthesourceofpower？"

"I’soughttheman，’"saidtheOffice。

TheTyrantFrogASNAKEswallowingafroghead—firstwasapproachedbyaNaturalistwithastick。

"Ah，mydeliverer，"saidtheSnakeaswellashecould，"youhavearrivedjustintime；thisreptile，yousee，ispitchingintomewithoutprovocation。"

"Sir，"repliedtheNaturalist，"Ineedasnakeskinformycollection，butifyouhadnotexplainedIshouldnothaveinterruptedyou，forIthoughtyouwereatdinner。"

TheEligibleSon—in—LawATRULYPiousPersonwhoconductedasavingsbankandlentmoneytohissistersandhiscousinsandhisauntsofbothsexes，wasapproachedbyaTatterdemalion，whoappliedforaloanofonehundredthousanddollars。

"Whatsecurityhaveyoutooffer？"askedtheTrulyPiousPerson。

"Thebestintheworld，"theapplicantreplied，confidentially；"I

amabouttobecomeyourson—in—law。"

"Thatwouldindeedbegilt—edged，"saidthebanker，gravely；"butwhatclaimhaveyoutothehandofmydaughter？"

"Onethatcannotbelightlydenied，"saidtheTatterdemalion。"I

amabouttobecomeworthonehundredthousanddollars。"

Unabletodetectaweakpointinthisschemeofmutualadvantage，thefinanciergavethepromoterindisguiseanorderforthemoney，andwroteanotetohiswifedirectinghertocountoutthegirl。

TheStatesmanandtheHorseASTATESMANwhohadsavedhiscountrywasreturningfromWashingtononfoot，whenhemetaRaceHorsegoingatfullspeed，andstoppedit。

"Turnaboutandtraveltheotherway，"saidtheStatesman，"andI

willkeepyoucompanyasfarasmyhome。Theadvantagesoftravellingtogetherareobvious。"

"Icannotdothat，"saidtheRaceHorse；"IamfollowingmymastertoWashington。Ididnotgofastenoughtosuithim，andhehasgoneonahead。"

"Whoisyourmaster？"inquiredtheStatesman。

"HeistheStatesmanwhosavedhiscountry，"answeredtheRaceHorse。

"Thereappearstobesomemistake，"theothersaid。"Whydidhewishtotravelsofast？"

"Soastobethereintimetogetthecountrythathesaved。"

"Iguesshegotit，"saidtheother，andlimpedalong，sighing。

AnAErophobeACELEBRATEDDivinehavingaffirmedthefallibilityoftheBible，wasaskedwhy，then，hepreachedthereligionfoundeduponit。

"Ifitisfallible，"hereplied，"thereisthegreaterreasonthatIexplainit，lestitmislead。"

"ThenamItoinfer，"saidhisQuestioner，"thatYOUarenotfallible？"

"YouaretoinferthatIamnotpneumophagous。"

TheThriftofStrengthAWEAKMangoingdown—hillmetaStrongMangoingup，andsaid：

"Itakethisdirectionbecauseitrequireslessexertion，notfromchoice。Iprayyou，sir，assistmetoregainthesummit。"

"Gladly，"saidtheStrongMan，hisfaceilluminatedwiththegloryofhisthought。"Ihavealwaysconsideredmystrengthasacredgiftintrustformyfellow—men。Iwilltakeyoualongwithme。

Justgetbehindmeandpush。"

TheGoodGovernment"WHATahappylandyouare!"saidaRepublicanFormofGovernmenttoaSovereignState。"BegoodenoughtoliestillwhileIwalkuponyou，singingthepraisesofuniversalsuffrageanddescantingupontheblessingsofcivilandreligiousliberty。Inthemeantimeyoucanrelieveyourfeelingsbycursingtheone—manpowerandtheeffetemonarchiesofEurope。"

"Mypublicservantshavebeenfoolsandroguesfromthedateofyouraccessiontopower，"repliedtheState；"mylegislativebodies，bothStateandmunicipal，arebandsofthieves；mytaxesareinsupportable；mycourtsarecorrupt；mycitiesareadisgracetocivilisation；mycorporationshavetheirhandsatthethroatsofeveryprivateinterest—allmyaffairsareindisorderandcriminalconfusion。"

"Thatisallverytrue，"saidtheRepublicanFormofGovernment，puttingonitshobnailshoes；"butconsiderhowIthrillyoueveryFourthofJuly。"

TheLifeSaverANAncientMaiden，standingontheedgeofawharfnearaModernSwain，wasoverheardrehearsingthewords：

"Noblepreserver!Thelifethatyouhavesavedisyours!"

Havingrepeatedthemseveraltimeswithvariousintonations，shesprangintothewater，whereshewassufferedtodrown。

"Iamanoblepreserver，"saidtheModernSwain，thoughtfullymovingaway；"thelifethatIhavesavedisindeedmine。"

TheManandtheBirdAMANwithaShotgunsaidtoaBird：

"Itisallnonsense，youknow，aboutshootingbeingacruelsport。

Iputmyskillagainstyourcunning—thatisallthereisofit。Itisafairgame。"

"True，"saidtheBird，"butIdon’twishtoplay。"

"Whynot？"inquiredtheManwithaShotgun。

"Thegame，"theBirdreplied，"isfairasyousay；thechancesareabouteven；butconsiderthestake。Iaminitforyou，butwhatisthereinitforme？"

Notbeingpreparedwithananswertothequestion，theManwithaShotgunsagaciouslyremovedthepropounder。

FromtheMinutesANOratorafflictedwithatrophyoftheorganofcommon—senseroseinhisplaceinthehallsoflegislationandpointedwithpridetohisUnblottedEscutcheon。Seeingwhatitsupposedtobethefingerofscornpointedatit，theUnblottedEscutcheonturnedblackwithrage。SeeingtheUnblottedEscutcheonturningblackwithwhathesupposedtobetherecordofhisownmisdeedsshowingthroughthewhitewash，theOratorfelldeadofmortification。SeeingtheOratorfalldeadofwhattheysupposedtobeatrophyoftheorganofcommon—sense，hiscolleaguesresolvedthatwhenevertheyshouldadjournbecausetheyweretired，itshouldbeoutofrespecttothememoryofhimwhohadsofrequentlymadethemso。

ThreeofaKindALAWYERinwhomaninstinctofjusticehadsurvivedthewreckofhisignoranceoflawwasretainedforthedefenceofaburglarwhomthepolicehadtakenafteradesperatestrugglewithsomeonenotincustody。InconsultationwithhisclienttheLawyerasked，"Haveyouaccomplices？"

"Yes，sir，"repliedtheBurglar。"Ihavetwo，butneitherhasbeentaken。Ihiredonetodefendmeagainstcapture，youtodefendmeagainstconviction。"

ThisanswerdeeplyimpressedtheLawyer，andhavingascertainedthattheBurglarhadaccumulatednomoneyinhisprofessionhethrewupthecase。

TheFabulistandtheAnimalsAWISEandillustriousWriterofFableswasvisitingatravellingmenageriewithaviewtocollectingliterarymaterials。AshewaspassingneartheElephant，thatanimalsaid：

"Howsadthatsojustlyfamousasatiristshouldmarhisworkbyridiculeofpeoplewithlongnoses—whoarethesaltoftheearth!"

TheKangaroosaid：

"Idosoenjoythatgreatman’scensureoftheridiculous—

particularlyhisattacksontheProboscidae；but，alas!hehasnoreverencefortheMarsupials，andlaughsatourwayofcarryingouryounginapouch。"

TheCamelsaid：

"IfhewouldonlyrespectthesacredHump，hewouldbefaultless。

Asitis，Icannotpermithisfablestobereadinthepresenceofmyfamily。"

TheOstrich，seeinghisapproach，thrustherheadinthestraw，saying：

"IfIdonotconcealmyself，hemayberemindedtowritesomethingdisagreeableaboutmylackofacrestormyappetiteforscrap—

iron；andalthoughheisinexpressiblybrilliantwhenhedevoteshimselftocensureoffollyandgreed，hisdulnessismatchlesswhenhetranscendsthelimitsoflegitimatecomment。"

"That，’saidtheBuzzardtohismate，"isthedistinguishedauthorofthatgloriousfable，’TheOstrichandtheKegofRawNails。’I

regrettoadd，thathewrote，also，’TheBuzzard’sFeast，’inwhichacarriondietiscontumeliouslydisparaged。Acarriondietisthefoundationofsoundhealth。Ifnothingelsebutcorpseswereeaten，deathwouldbeunknown。"

Seeinganattendantapproaching，thewiseandillustriousWriterofFablespassedoutofthetentandmingledwiththecrowd。Itwasafterwarddiscoveredthathehadcreptinunderthecanvaswithoutpaying。

ARevivalistRevivedAREVIVALISTwhohadfallendeadinthepulpitfromtooviolentreligiousexercisewasastonishedtowakeupinHades。HepromptlysentfortheAdversaryofSoulsanddemandedhisfreedom，explainingthathewasentirelyorthodox，andhadalwaysledapiousandholylife。

"Thatisallverytrue，"saidtheAdversary，"butyoutaughtbyexamplethataverbshouldnotagreewithitssubjectinpersonandnumber，whereastheGoodBooksaysthatcontentionisworsethanadinnerofherbs。Youalsotriedtoreleasetheobjectivecasefromitsthraldomtothepreposition，anditiswrittenthatservantsshouldobeytheirmasters。Youstayrighthere。"

TheDebatersAHURLED—BACKAllegation，which，afterabriefrest，hadagainstartedforthuponitsmissionofmischief，metanInk—standinmid—air。

"HowdidtheHonourableMemberwhomyourepresentknowthatIwascomingagain？"inquiredtheHurled—backAllegation。

"Hedidnot，"theInkstandreplied；"heisn’tatallforehandedatrepartee。"

"Why，then，doyoucome，thingsbeingevenwhenhehadhurledmeback？"

"Hewantedtobealittleahead。"

TwoofthePiousACHRISTIANandaHeatheninHisBlindnessweredisputing，whentheChristian，withthatcharmingconsiderationwhichservestodistinguishthetrulypiousfromthewolvesthatperish，exclaimed：

"IfIcouldhavemyway，I’dblowupallyourgodswithdynamite。"

"AndifIcouldhavemine，"retortedtheHeatheninHisBlindness，bitterlymalevolentbutoleaginuouslysuave，"I’dfanallyoursoutoftheuniverse。"

TheDesperateObjectADISHONESTGainwasdrivinginitsluxuriouscarriagethroughitsprivatepark，whenitsawsomethingwhichfranticallyandrepeatedlyranagainstastonewall，endeavouringtobuttoutitsbrains。

"Hold!Hold!thoudesperateObject，"criedtheDishonestGain；

"thesebeautifulprivategroundsarenoplaceforsuchworkasthine。"

"True，"saidtheObject，pausing；"Ihaveotherandbettergroundsforit。"

"Thenthouartahappyman，"saidtheDishonestGain，"andthybleedingheadisbutmeredissembling。Whoartthou，greatactor？"

"Iamknown，"saidtheObject，dashingitselfagainatthewall，"astheConsciousnessofDutyWellPerformed。"

TheAppropriateMemorialAHIGHPublicFunctionaryhavingdied，thecitizensofhistownheldameetingtoconsiderhowtohonourhismemory，andanOtherHighPublicFunctionaryroseandaddressedthemeeting。

"Mr。ChairmanandGintlemen，"saidtheOther，"itsamestome，andI’mhopin’yezwullapprovethesuggistion，thatanapproprietwaytohonourthemimoryofthedecaisedwouldbetoerectanemolumentsootablyinscribedwidhisvartues。"

ThesoulofthegreatmanlookeddownfromHeavenandwept。

ANeedlessLabourAFTERwaitingmanyawearydaytorevengehimselfuponaLionforsomeunconsideredmanifestationofcontempt，aSkunkfinallysawhimcoming，andpostinghimselfinthepathaheadutteredtheinaudiblediscordofhisrace。ObservingthattheLiongavenoattentiontothematter，theSkunk，keepingcarefullyoutofreach，said：

"Sir，IbegleavetopointoutthatIhavesetonfootanimplacableodour。"

"Mydearfellow，"theLionreplied，"youhavetakenaneedlesstrouble；IalreadyknewthatyouwereaSkunk。"

AFlourishingIndustry"AREtheindustriesofthiscountryinaflourishingcondition？"

askedaTravellerfromaForeignLandofthefirstmanhemetinAmerica。

"Splendid!"saidtheMan。"IhavemoreordersthanIcanfill。"

"Whatisyourbusiness？"theTravellerfromaForeignLandinquired。

TheManreplied，"Imakeboxing—glovesforthetonguesofpugilists。"

TheSelf—MadeMonkeyAMANofhumblebirthandnobreading，whoheldahighpoliticaloffice，waspassingthroughaforest，whenhemetaMonkey。

"Itakeityouareoneofmyconstituents，"theMansaid。

"No，"repliedtheMonkey；"butIwillsupportyouifyoucanurgeavalidclaimtomyapproval。"

"Iamaself—mademan，"saidtheother，proudly。

"Thatisnothing，"theMonkeysaid。Andgoingtoabiggerpine，herosebyhisownunaidedexertionstothetopbranch，wherehesat，allbedaubedwiththepitchwhichthatvegetableexudes。"Now，"headded，"Iamaself—madeMonkey。"

ThePatriotandtheBankerAPATRIOTwhohadtakenofficepoorandretiredrichwasintroducedatabankwherehedesiredtoopenanaccount。

"Withpleasure，"saidtheHonestBanker；"weshallbegladtodobusinesswithyou；butfirstyoumustmakeyourselfanhonestmanbyrestoringwhatyoustolefromtheGovernment。"

"Goodheavens!"criedthePatriot；"ifIdothat，Ishallhavenothingtodepositwithyou。"

"Idon’tseethat，"theHonestBankerreplied。"WearenotthewholeAmericanpeople。"

"Ah，Iunderstand，"saidthePatriot，musing。"Atwhatsumdoyouestimatethisbank’sproportionofthecountry’slossbyme？"

"Aboutadollar，"answeredtheHonestBanker。

Andwithaproudconsciousnessofservinghiscountrywiselyandwellhechargedthatsumtotheaccount。

TheMourningBrothersOBSERVINGthathewasabouttodie，anOldMancalledhistwoSonstohisbedsideandexpoundedthesituation。

"Mychildren，"saidhe，"youhavenotshownmemanymarksofrespectduringmylife，butyouwillattestyoursorrowformydeath。Tohimwhothelongerwearsaweeduponhishatinmemoryofmeshallgomyentirefortune。Ihavemadeawilltothateffect。"

SowhentheOldManwasdeadeachoftheyouthsputaweeduponhishatandworeituntilhewashimselfold，when，seeingthatneitherwouldgivein，theyagreedthattheyoungershouldleaveoffhisweedsandtheeldergivehimhalfoftheestate。ButwhentheelderappliedforthepropertyhefoundthattherehadbeenanExecutor!

Thuswerehypocrisyandobstinacyfitlypunished。

TheDisinterestedArbiterTWODogswhohadbeenfightingforabone，withoutadvantagetoeither，referredtheirdisputetoaSheep。TheSheeppatientlyheardtheirstatements，thenflungtheboneintoapond。

"Whydidyoudothat？"saidtheDogs。

"Because，"repliedtheSheep，"Iamavegetarian。"

TheThiefandtheHonestManATHIEFwhohadbroughtasuitagainsthisaccomplicestorecoverhisshareoftheplundertakenfromanHonestMan，demandedtheHonestMan’sattendanceatthetrialtotestifytohisloss。ButtheHonestManexplainedthatashewasmerelytheagentofacompanyofotherhonestmenitwasnoneofhisaffair；andwhentheofficerscametoservehimwithasubpoenahehidhimselfbehindhisbackandwiledawaythedragginghoursofretirementandinactionbypickinghisownpockets。

TheDutifulSonAMILLIONAIREwhohadgonetoanalmshousetovisithisfathermetaNeighbourthere，whowasgreatlysurprised。

"What!"saidtheNeighbour，"youdosometimesvisityourfather？"

"Ifoursituationswerereversed，"saidtheMillionaire，"Iamsurehewouldvisitme。Theoldmanhasalwaysbeenratherproudofme。

Besides，"headded，softly，"Ihadtohavehissignature；Iaminsuringhislife。"

AESOPUSEMENDATUS

TheCatandtheYouthACATfellinlovewithahandsomeYoungMan，andentreatedVenustochangeherintoawoman。

"Ishouldthink，"saidVenus，"youmightmakesotriflingachangewithoutbotheringme。However，beawoman。"

Afterward，wishingtoseeifthechangewerecomplete，Venuscausedamousetoapproach，whereuponthewomanshriekedandmadesuchashowofherselfthattheYoungManwouldnotmarryher。

TheFarmerandHisSonsAFARMERbeingabouttodie，andknowingthatduringhisillnesshisSonshadpermittedthevineyardtobecomeovergrownwithweedswhiletheyimprovedtheshininghourbygamblingwiththedoctor，saidtothem：

"Myboys，thereisagreattreasureburiedinthevineyard。Youdiginthegrounduntilyoufindit。"

SotheSonsdugupalltheweeds，andallthevinestoo，andevenneglectedtoburytheoldman。

JupiterandtheBabyShowJUPITERheldababyshow，opentoallanimals，andaMonkeyenteredherhideouscubforaprize，butJupiteronlylaughedather。

"Itisallverywell，"saidtheMonkey，"tolaughatmyoffspring，butyougointoanygalleryofantiquesculptureandlookatthestatuesandbustsofthefellowsthatyoubegotyourself。"

"’Sh!don’texposeme，"saidJupiter，andawardedherthefirstprize。

TheManandtheDogAMANwhohadbeenbittenbyaDogwastoldthatthewoundwouldhealifhewoulddipapieceofbreadinthebloodandgiveittotheDog。Hedidso。

"No，"saidtheDog；"ifIweretoacceptthat，itmightbethoughtthatinbitingyouIwasactuatedbyimpropermotives。"

"Andbywhatmotiveswereyouactuated？"askedtheMan。

"Idesired，"repliedtheDog，"merelytoharmonisemyselfwiththeDivineSchemeofThings。I’machildofNature。"

TheCatandtheBirdsHEARINGthattheBirdsinanaviarywereill，aCatwenttothemandsaidthathewasaphysician，andwouldcurethemiftheywouldlethimin。

"Towhatschoolofmedicinedoyoubelong？"askedtheBirds。

"IamaMiaulopathist，"saidtheCat。

"DidyoueverpractiseGohomoeopathy？"theBirdsinquired，winkingfaintly。

TheCattookthehintandhisleave。

MercuryandtheWoodchopperAWOODCHOPPER，whohaddroppedhisaxeintoadeeppool，besoughtMercurytorecoveritforhim。Thatthoughtlessdeityimmediatelyplungedintothepool，whichbecamesosalivatedthatthetreesaboutitsmarginallcamelooseanddroppedout。

TheFoxandtheGrapesAFOX，seeingsomesourgrapeshangingwithinaninchofhisnose，andbeingunwillingtoadmitthattherewasanythinghewouldnoteat，solemnlydeclaredthattheywereoutofhisreach。

ThePenitentThiefABOYwhohadbeentaughtbyhisMothertostealgrewtobeamanandwasaprofessionalpublicofficial。Onedayhewastakenintheactandcondemnedtodie。WhilegoingtotheplaceofexecutionhepassedhisMotherandsaidtoher：

"Beholdyourwork!Ifyouhadnottaughtmetosteal，Ishouldnothavecometothis。"

"Indeed!"saidtheMother。"Andwho，pray，taughtyoutobedetected？"

TheArcherandtheEagleANEaglemortallywoundedbyanArcherwasgreatlycomfortedtoobservethatthearrowwasfeatheredwithoneofhisownquills。

"Ishouldhavefeltbad，indeed，"hesaid，"tothinkthatanyothereaglehadahandinthis。"

TruthandtheTravellerAMANtravellinginadesertmetaWoman。

"Whoartthou？"askedtheMan，"andwhydostthoudwellinthisdreadfulplace？"

"Myname，"repliedtheWoman，"isTruth；andIliveinthedesertinordertobenearmyworshipperswhentheyaredrivenfromamongtheirfellows。Theyallcome，soonerorlater。"

"Well，"saidtheMan，lookingabout，"thecountrydoesn’tseemtobeverythicklysettledhere。"

TheWolfandtheLambALAMB，pursuedbyaWolf，fledintothetemple。

"Thepriestwillcatchyouandsacrificeyou，"saidtheWolf，"ifyouremainthere。"

"Itisjustaswelltobesacrificedbythepriestastobeeatenbyyou，"saidtheLamb。

"Myfriend，"saidtheWolf，"itpainsmetoseeyouconsideringsogreataquestionfromapurelyselfishpointofview。Itisnotjustaswellforme。"

TheLionandtheBoarALIONandaBoar，whowerefightingforwateratapool，sawsomevultureshoveringsignificantlyabovethem。"Letusmakeupourquarrel，"saidtheBoar，"orthesefellowswillgetoneofus，sure。"

"Ishouldnotsomuchmindthat，"repliedtheLion，"iftheywouldgettherightone。However，Iamwillingtostopfighting，andthenperhapsIcangrabavulture。Ilikechickenbetterthanpork，anyhow。"

TheGrasshopperandtheAntONEdayinwinterahungryGrasshopperappliedtoanAntforsomeofthefoodwhichtheyhadstored。

"Why，"saidtheAnt，"didyounotstoreupsomefoodforyourself，insteadofsingingallthetime？"

"SoIdid，"saidtheGrasshopper；"soIdid；butyoufellowsbrokeinandcarrieditallaway。"

TheFisherandtheFishedAFISHERMANwhohadcaughtaverysmallFishwasputtingitinhisbasketwhenitsaid：

"Iprayyouputmebackintothestream，forIcanbeofnousetoyou；thegodsdonoteatfish。"

"ButIamnogod，"saidtheFisherman。

"True，"saidtheFish，"butassoonasJupiterhasheardofyourexploit，hewillelevateyoutothedeitage。Youaretheonlymanthatevercaughtasmallfish。"

TheFarmerandtheFoxAFARMERwhohadadeadlyandimplacablehatredagainstacertainFox，caughthimandtiedsometowtohistail；thencarryinghimtothecentreofhisowngrain—field，setthetowonfireandlettheanimalgo。

"Alas!"saidtheFarmer，seeingtheresult；"ifthatgrainhadnotbeenheavilyinsured，ImighthavehadtodissemblemyhatredoftheFox。"

DameFortuneandtheTravellerAWEARYTravellerwhohadlaindownandfallenasleeponthebrinkofadeepwellwasdiscoveredbyDameFortune。

"Ifthisfool，"shesaid，"shouldhaveanuneasydreamandrollintothewellmenwouldsaythatIdidit。Itispainfultometobeunjustlyaccused，andIshallseethatIamnot。"

Sosayingsherolledthemanintothewell。

TheVictorandtheVictimTWOGameCocks，havingfoughtabattle，thedefeatedoneskulkedawayandhid，butthevictormountedawallandcrowedlustily。

Thisattractedtheattentionofahawk，whosaid：

"Behold!howpridegoethbeforeafall。"

Soheswoopeddownupontheboastingbirdandwasabouttodestroyhim，whenthevanquishedCockcameoutofhishiding—place，andbetweenthetwotheHawkwascalamitouslydefeated。

TheWolfandtheShepherdsAWOLFpassingaShepherd’shutlookedinandsawtheshepherdsdining。

"Comein，"saidoneofthem，ironically，"andpartakeofyourfavouritedish，ahaunchofmutton。"

"Thankyou，"saidtheWolf，movingaway，"butyoumustexcuseme；I

havejusthadasaddleofshepherd。"

TheGooseandtheSwanACERTAINrichmanrearedaGooseandaSwan，theoneforhistable，theotherbecauseshewasreputedagoodsinger。OnenightwhentheCookwenttokilltheGoosehegotholdoftheSwaninstead。ThereupontheSwan，toinducehimtospareherlife，begantosing；butshesavedhimnothingbutthetroubleofkillingher，forshediedofthesong。

TheLion，theCock，andtheAssALIONwasabouttoattackabrayingAss，whenaCocknearbycrowedshrilly，andtheLionranaway。"Whatfrightenedhim？"theAssasked。

"Lionshaveasuperstitiousterrorofmyvoice，"answeredtheCock，proudly。

"Well，well，well，"saidtheAss，shakinghishead；"Ishouldthinkthatanyanimalthatisafraidofyourvoiceanddoesn’tmindminemusthaveanuncommonkindofear。"

TheSnakeandtheSwallowASWALLOWwhohadbuilthernestinacourtofjusticerearedafinefamilyofyoungbirds。OnedayaSnakecameoutofachinkinthewallandwasabouttoeatthem。TheJustJudgeatonceissuedaninjunction，andmakinganorderfortheirremovaltohisownhouse，atethemhimself。

TheWolvesandtheDogs"WHYshouldtherebestrifebetweenus？"saidtheWolvestotheSheep。"Itisallowingtothosequarrelsomedogs。Dismissthem，andweshallhavepeace。"

"Youseemtothink，"repliedtheSheep，"thatitisaneasythingtodismissdogs。Haveyoualwaysfounditso？"

TheHenandtheVipersAHENwhohadpatientlyhatchedoutabroodofvipers，wasaccostedbyaSwallow，whosaid："Whatafoolyouaretogivelifetocreatureswhowillrewardyoubydestroyingyou。"

"Iamalittlebitonthedestroymyself，"saidtheHen，tranquillyswallowingoneofthelittlereptiles；"anditisnotanactoffollytoprovideoneselfwiththedelicaciesoftheseason。"

ASeasonableJokeASPENDTHRIFT，seeingasingleswallow，pawnedhiscloak，thinkingthatSummerwasathand。Itwas。

TheLionandtheThornALIONroamingthroughtheforest，gotathorninhisfoot，and，meetingaShepherd，askedhimtoremoveit。TheShepherddidso，andtheLion，havingjustsurfeitedhimselfonanothershepherd，wentawaywithoutharminghim。SometimeafterwardtheShepherdwascondemnedonafalseaccusationtobecasttothelionsintheamphitheatre。Whentheywereabouttodevourhim，oneofthemsaid：

"Thisisthemanwhoremovedthethornfrommyfoot。"

Hearingthis，theothershonourablyabstained，andtheclaimantatetheShepherdallhimself。

TheFawnandtheBuckAFAWNsaidtoitsfather："Youarelarger，stronger，andmoreactivethanadog，andyouhavesharphorns。Whydoyourunawaywhenyouhearonebarking？"

"Because，mychild，"repliedtheBuck，"mytemperissouncertainthatifIpermitoneofthosenoisycreaturestocomeintomypresenceIamlikelytoforgetmyselfanddohimaninjury。"

TheKite，thePigeons，andtheHawkSOMEPigeonsexposedtotheattacksofaKiteaskedaHawktodefendthem。Heconsented，andbeingadmittedintothecotewaitedfortheKite，whomhefelluponanddevoured。Whenhewassosurfeitedthathecouldscarcelymove，thegratefulPigeonsscratchedouthiseyes。

TheWolfandtheBabeAFAMISHINGWolf，passingthedoorofacottageintheforest，heardaMothersaytoherbabe：

"Bequiet，orIwillthrowyououtofthewindow，andthewolveswillgetyou。"

Sohewaitedalldaybelowthewindow，growingmorehungryallthetime。ButatnighttheOldMan，havingreturnedfromthevillageclub，threwoutbothMotherandChild。

TheWolfandtheOstrichAWOLF，whoindevouringamanhadchokedhimselfwithabunchofkeys，askedanostrichtoputherheaddownhisthroatandpullthemout，whichshedid。

"Isuppose，"saidtheWolf，"youexpectpaymentforthatservice。"

"Akindact，"repliedtheOstrich，"isitsownreward；Ihaveeatenthekeys。"

TheHerdsmanandtheLionAHERDSMANwhohadlostabullockentreatedthegodstobringhimthethief，andvowedhewouldsacrificeagoattothem。JustthenaLion，hisjawsdrippingwithbullock’sblood，approachedtheHerdsman。

"Ithankyou，gooddeities，"saidtheHerdsman，continuinghisprayer，"forshowingmethethief。Andnowifyouwilltakehimaway，Iwillstandanothergoat。"

TheManandtheViperAMANfindingafrozenViperputitintohisbosom。

"Thecoldnessofthehumanheart，"hesaid，withagrin，"willkeepthecreatureinhispresentconditionuntilIcanreachhomeandrevivehimonthecoals。"

ButthepleasuresofhopesofiredhisheartthattheViperthawed，andslidingtothegroundthankedtheMancivillyforhishospitalityandglidedaway。

TheManandtheEagleANEaglewasoncecapturedbyaMan，whoclippedhiswingsandputhiminthepoultryyard，alongwiththechickens。TheEaglewasmuchdepressedinspiritsbythechange。

"Whyshouldyounotratherrejoice？"saidtheMan。"Youwereonlyanordinaryfellowasaneagle；butasanoldroosteryouareafowlofincomparabledistinction。

TheWar—horseandtheMillerHAVINGheardthattheStatewasabouttobeinvadedbyahostilearmy，aWar—horsebelongingtoaColoneloftheMilitiaofferedhisservicestoapassingMiller。

"No，"saidthepatrioticMiller，"Iwillemploynoonewhodesertshispositioninthehourofdanger。Itissweettodieforone’scountry。"

Somethinginthesentimentsoundedfamiliar，and，lookingattheMillermorecloselytheWar—horserecognisedhismasterindisguise。

TheDogandtheReflectionADOGpassingoverastreamonaplanksawhisreflectioninthewater。

"Youuglybrute!"hecried；"howdareyoulookatmeinthatinsolentway。"

Hemadeagrabinthewater，and，gettingholdofwhathesupposedwastheotherdog’slip，liftedoutafinepieceofmeatwhichabutcher’sboyhaddroppedintothestream。

TheManandtheFish—hornATRUTHFULMan，findingamusicalinstrumentintheroad，askedthenameofit，andwastoldthatitwasafish—horn。Thenexttimehewentfishinghesethisnetsandblewthefish—hornalldaytocharmthefishintothem；butatnightfalltherewerenotonlynofishinhisnets，butnonealongthatpartofthecoast。Meetingafriendwhileonhiswayhomehewasaskedwhatluckhehadhad。

"Well，"saidtheTruthfulMan，"theweatherisnotrightforfishing，butit’sared—letterdayformusic。"

TheHareandtheTortoiseAHAREhavingridiculedtheslowmovementsofaTortoise，waschallengedbythelattertorunarace，aFoxtogotothegoalandbethejudge。Theygotoffwelltogether，thehareatthetopofherspeed，theTortoise，whohadnootherintentionthanmakinghisantagonistexertherself，goingveryleisurely。AftersaunteringalongforsometimehediscoveredtheHarebythewayside，apparentlyasleep，andseeingachancetowinpushedonasfastashecould，arrivingatthegoalhoursafterward，sufferingfromextremefatigueandclaimingthevictory。

"Notso，"saidtheFox；"theHarewasherelongago，andwentbacktocheeryouonyourway。"

HerculesandtheCarterACARTERwasdrivingawaggonloadedwithamerchant’sgoods，whenthewheelsstuckinarut。ThereuponhebegantopraytoHercules，withoutotherexertion。

"Indolentfellow!"saidHercules；"youaskmetohelpyou，butwillnothelpyourself。"

SotheCarterhelpedhimselftosomanyofthemostvaluablegoodsthatthehorseseasilyranawaywiththeremainder。

TheLionandtheBullALIONwishingtolureaBulltoaplacewhereitwouldbesafetoattackhim，said："Myfriend，Ihavekilledafinesheep；willyoucomewithmeandpartakeofthemutton？"

"Withpleasure，"saidtheBull，"assoonasyouhaverefreshedyourselfalittleforthejourney。Prayhavesomegrass。"

TheManandhisGoose"SEEthesevaluablegoldeneggs，"saidaManthatownedaGoose。

"SurelyaGoosewhichcanlaysucheggsasthosemusthaveagoldmineinsideher。"

SohekilledtheGooseandcutheropen，butfoundthatshewasjustlikeanyothergoose。Moreover，onexaminingtheeggsthatshehadlaidhefoundtheywerejustlikeanyothereggs。

TheWolfandtheFeedingGoatAWOLFsawaGoatfeedingatthesummitofarock，wherehecouldnotgetather。

"Whydoyoustayupthereinthatsterileplaceandgohungry？"

saidtheWolf。"DownherewhereIamthebroken—bottlevinecomethupasaflower，thecelluloidcollarblossomsastherose，andthetin—cantreebringsforthafteritskind。"

"Thatistrue，nodoubt，"saidtheGoat，"buthowaboutthecircus—

postercrop？Ihearthatitfailedthisyeardownthere。"

TheWolf，perceivingthathewasbeingchaffed，wentawayandresumedhisdutiesatthedoorsofthepoor。

JupiterandtheBirdsJUPITERcommandedallthebirdstoappearbeforehim，sothathemightchoosethemostbeautifultobetheirking。Theuglyjackdaw，collectingallthefinefeatherswhichhadfallenfromtheotherbirds，attachedthemtohisownbodyandappearedattheexamination，lookingverygay。Theotherbirds，recognisingtheirownborrowedplumage，indignantlyprotested，andbegantostriphim。

"Hold!"saidJupiter；"thisself—madebirdhasmoresensethananyofyou。Heisyourking。"

TheLionandtheMouseALIONwhohadcaughtaMousewasabouttokillhim，whentheMousesaid：

"Ifyouwillsparemylife，Iwilldoasmuchforyousomeday。"

TheLion，good—naturedlylethimgo。IthappenedshortlyafterwardsthattheLionwascaughtbysomehuntersandboundwithcords。TheMouse，passingthatway，andseeingthathisbenefactorwashelpless，gnawedoffhistail。

TheOldManandHisSonsANOldMan，afflictedwithafamilyofcontentiousSons，broughtinabundleofsticksandaskedtheyoungmentobreakit。Afterrepeatedeffortstheyconfessedthatitcouldnotbedone。

"Behold，"saidtheOldMan，"theadvantageofunity；aslongasthesesticksareinalliancetheyareinvincible，butobservehowfeebletheyareindividually。"

Pullingasinglestickfromthebundle，hebrokeiteasilyupontheheadoftheeldestSon，andthisherepeateduntilallhadbeenserved。

TheCrabandHisSonALOGICALCrabsaidtohisSon，"Whydoyounotwalkstraightforward？Yoursidelonggaitissingularlyungraceful。"

"Whydon’tyouwalkstraightforwardyourself，"saidtheSon。

"Erringyouth，"repliedtheLogicalCrab，"youareintroducingnewandirrelevantmatter。"

TheNorthWindandtheSunTHESunandtheNorthWinddisputedwhichwasthemorepowerful，andagreedthatheshouldbedeclaredvictorwhocouldthesoonerstripatravellerofhisclothes。Sotheywaiteduntilatravellercameby。Butthetravellerhadbeenindiscreetenoughtostayovernightatasummerhotel，andhadnoclothes。

TheMountainandtheMouseAMOUNTAINwasinlabour，andthepeopleofsevencitieshadassembledtowatchitsmovementsandhearitsgroans。WhiletheywaitedinbreathlessexpectancyoutcameaMouse。

"Oh，whatababy!"theycriedinderision。

"Imaybeababy，"saidtheMouse，gravely，ashepassedoutwardthroughtheforestofshins，"butIknowtolerablywellhowtodiagnoseavolcano。"

TheBellamyandtheMembersTHEMembersofabodyofSocialistsroseininsurrectionagainsttheirBellamy。

"Why，"saidthey，"shouldwebeallthetimetuckingyououtwithfoodwhenyoudonothingtotuckusout？"

So，resolvingtotakenofurtheraction，theywentaway，andlookingbackwardhadthesatisfactiontoseetheBellamycompelledtosellhisownbook。

OLDSAWSWITHNEWTEETH

CERTAINANCIENTFABLESAPPLIEDTO

THELIFEOFOURTIMES

TheWolfandtheCraneARICHManwantedtotellacertainlie，buttheliewasofsuchmonstroussizethatitstuckinhisthroat；soheemployedanEditortowriteitoutandpublishitinhispaperasaneditorial。

ButwhentheEditorpresentedhisbill，theRichMansaid：

"Becontent—isitnothingthatIrefrainedfromadvisingyouaboutinvestments？"

TheLionandtheMouseAJUDGEwasawakenedbythenoiseofalawyerprosecutingaThief。

RisinginwrathhewasabouttosentencetheThieftolifeimprisonmentwhenthelattersaid：

"Ibegthatyouwillsetmefree，andIwillsomedayrequiteyourkindness。"

Pleasedandflatteredtobebribed，althoughbynothingbutanemptypromise，theJudgelethimgo。Soonafterwardhefoundthatitwasmorethananemptypromise，for，havingbecomeaThief，hewashimselfsetfreebytheother，whohadbecomeaJudge。

TheHaresandtheFrogsTHEMembersofaLegislature，beingtoldthattheywerethemeanestthievesintheworld，resolvedtocommitsuicide。Sotheyboughtshrouds，andlayingtheminaconvenientplacepreparedtocuttheirthroats。WhiletheyweregrindingtheirrazorssomeTrampspassingthatwaystoletheshrouds。

"Letuslive，myfriends，"saidoneoftheLegislatorstotheothers；"theworldisbetterthanwethought。Itcontainsmeanerthievesthanwe。"

TheBellyandtheMembersSOMEWorkingmenemployedinashoefactorywentonastrike，saying："Whyshouldwecontinuetoworktofeedandclotheouremployerwhenwehavenonetoomuchtoeatandwearourselves？"

TheManufacturer，seeingthathecouldgetnolabourforalongtimeandfindingthetimesprettyhardanyhow，burneddownhisshoefactoryfortheinsurance，andwhenthestrikerswantedtoresumeworktherewasnoworktoresume。Sotheyboycottedatanner。

ThePipingFishermanANEditorwhowasalwaysvauntingthepurity，enterprise，andfearlessnessofhispaperwaspainedtoobservethathegotnosubscribers。Onedayitoccurredtohimtostopsayingthathispaperwaspureandenterprisingandfearless，andmakeitso。"Ifthesearenotgoodqualities，"hereasoned，"itisfollytoclaimthem。"

Underthenewpolicyhegotsomanysubscribersthathisrivalsendeavouredtodiscoverthesecretofhisprosperity，buthekeptit，andwhenhedieditdiedwithhim。

TheAntsandtheGrasshopperSOMEMembersofaLegislatureweremakingschedulesoftheirwealthattheendofthesession，whenanHonestMinercamealongandaskedthemtodividewithhim。ThemembersoftheLegislatureinquired：

"Whydidyounotacquirepropertyofyourown？"

"Because，"repliedtheHonestMiner，"IwassobusydiggingoutgoldthatIhadnoleisuretolayupsomethingworthwhile。"

ThentheMembersoftheLegislaturederidedhim，saying：

"Ifyouwasteyourtimeinprofitlessamusement，youcannot，ofcourse，expecttosharetherewardsofindustry。"

TheDogandHisReflectionASTATEOfficialcarryingofftheDomeoftheCapitolmettheGhostofhispredecessor，whohadcomeoutofhispoliticalgravetowarnhimthatGodsawhim。Astheplaceofmeetingwaslonelyandthetimemidnight，theStateOfficialsetdowntheDomeoftheCapitol，andcommandedthesupposedtravellertothrowuphishands。TheGhostrepliedthathehadnoteatenthem，andwhilehewasexplainingthesituationanotherStateOfficialsilentlyaddedthedometohisowncollection。

TheLion，theBear，andtheFoxTwoThieveshavingstolenaPianoandbeingunabletodivideitfairlywithoutaremainderwenttolawaboutitandcontinuedthecontestaslongaseitheronecouldstealadollartobribethejudge。WhentheycouldgivenomoreanHonestMancamealongandbyasinglesmallpaymentobtainedajudgmentandtookthePianohome，wherehisdaughterusedittodevelopherbicepsmuscles，becomingafamouspugiliste。

TheAssandtheLion’sSkinAMEMBERoftheStateMilitiastoodatastreetcorner，scowlingstormily，andthepeoplepassingthatwaywentalongwayaroundhim，thinkingofthehorrorsofwar。Butpresently，inordertoterrifythemstillmore，hestrodetowardthem，when，hisswordentanglinghislegs，hefelluponthefieldofglory，andthepeoplepassedoverhimsingingtheirsweetestsongs。

TheAssandtheGrasshoppersASTATESMANheardsomeLabourerssingingattheirwork，andwishingtobehappytoo，askedthemwhatmadethemso。

"Honesty，"repliedtheLabourers。

SotheStatesmanresolvedthathetoowouldbehonest，andtheresultwasthathediedofwant。

TheWolfandtheLionANIndianwhohadbeendrivenoutofafertilevalleybyaWhiteSettler，said：

"Nowthatyouhaverobbedmeofmyland，thereisnothingformetodobutissueinvitationstoawar—dance。"

"Idon’tsomuchmindyourdancing，"saidtheWhiteSettler，puttingafreshcartridgeintohisrifle，"butifyouattempttomakemedanceyouwillbecomeagoodIndianlamentedbyallwhodidn’tknowyou。HowdidYOUgetthisland，anyhow？"

TheIndian’sclaimwascompromisedforaplughatandatinhorn。

TheHareandtheTortoiseOFtwoWritersonewasbrilliantbutindolent；theotherthoughdull，industrious。Theysetoutforthegoaloffamewithequalopportunities。Beforetheydiedthebrilliantonewasdetectedinseventylanguagesastheauthorofbuttwoorthreebooksoffictionandpoetry，whiletheotherwashonouredintheBureauofStatisticsofhisnativelandasthecompilerofsixteenvolumesoftabulatedinformationrelatingtothedomestichog。

TheMilkmaidandHerBucketASENATORfelltomusingasfollows："WiththemoneywhichIshallgetformyvoteinfavourofthebilltosubsidisecat—ranches，I

canbuyakitofburglar’stoolsandopenabank。Theprofitofthatenterprisewillenablemetoobtainalong，low，blackschooner，raiseadeath’s—headflagandengageincommerceonthehighseas。FrommygainsinthatbusinessIcanpayforthePresidency，whichat$50，000ayearwillgivemeinfouryears—"

butittookhimsolongtomakethecalculationthatthebilltosubsidisecat—ranchespassedwithouthisvote，andhewascompelledtoreturntohisconstituentsanhonestman，tormentedwithacleanconscience。

KingLogandKingStorkTHEPeoplebeingdissatisfiedwithaDemocraticLegislature，whichstolenomorethantheyhad，electedaRepublicanone，whichnotonlystolealltheyhadbutexactedapromissorynoteforthebalancedue，securedbyamortgageupontheirhopeofdeath。

TheWolfWhoWouldBeaLionAFOOLISHFellowwhohadbeentoldthathewasagreatmanbelievedit，andgothimselfappointedaCommissionertotheInterasylumExpositionofPreservedIdiots。AtthefirstmeetingoftheBoardhewasmistakenforoneoftheexhibits，andthejanitorwasorderedtoremovehimtohisappropriateglasscase。

"Alas!"heexclaimedashewascarriedout，"whywasInotcontenttoremainwherethecutofmyforeheadissocommonastobeknownasthePacificSlope？"

TheMonkeyandtheNutsACERTAINCitydesiringtopurchaseasiteforapublicDeformatoryprocuredanappropriationfromtheGovernmentofthecountry。

Deemingthisinsufficientforpurchaseofthesiteandpaymentofreasonablecommissionstothemselves，themeninchargeofthematteraskedforalargersum，whichwasreadilygiven。Believingthatthefountaincouldnotbedippeddry，theyappliedforstillmoreandmoreyet。Weariedatlastbytheirimportunities，theGovernmentsaiditwouldbedamnedifitgaveanything。Soitgavenothingandwasdamnedalltheharder。

TheBoysandtheFrogsSOMEeditorsofnewspaperswereengagedindiffusinggeneralintelligenceandelevatingthemoralsentimentofthepublic。Theyhadbeendoingthisforsometime，whenanEminentStatesmanstuckhisheadoutofthepoolofpolitics，and，speakingforthemembersofhisprofession，said：

"Myfriends，Ibegyouwilldesist。Iknowyoumakeagreatdealofmoneybythiskindofthing，butconsiderthedamageyouinflictuponthebusinessofothers!"