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bySaraTeasdaleToE。
"Recoislaflammeoul’ombreDetousmesjours。"
ContentsI
BlueSquillsStars"WhatDoICare?"
MeadowlarksDriftwood"IHaveLovedHoursatSea"
AugustMoonriseMemoriesII
PlacesOldTunes"OnlyinSleep"
RedbirdsSunset:St。LouisTheCoinTheVoiceIII
DayandNightCompensationIRemembered"OhYouAreComing"
TheReturnGrayEyesTheNetTheMysteryInaHospitalIV
OpenWindowsTheNewMoonEightO’ClockLostThingsPainTheBrokenFieldTheUnseenAPrayerV
SpringTorrents"IKnowtheStars"
UnderstandingNightfall"ItIsNotaWord"
"MyHeartIsHeavy"
TheNightsRemember"LetItBeForgotten"
TheDarkCupVI
MayDay"SinceThereIsNoEscape"
"TheDreamsofMyHeart"
"ALittleWhile"
TheGardenTheWineInaCubanGarden"IfIMustGo"
VII
InSpring,SantaBarbaraWhiteFogArcturusMoonlightMorningSongGrayFogBellsLovelyChanceVIII
"ThereWillComeSoftRains"
InaGardenNahantWinterStarsABoyWinterDuskBytheSeaIX
TheUnchangingJuneNight"LikeBarleyBending"
"OhDayofFireandSun"
"IThoughtofYou"
OntheDunesSprayIfDeathIsKindX
ThoughtsFacesEvening:NewYorkSnowfallTheSilentBattleTheSanctuaryAtSeaDustTheLongHillXI
SummerStormIntheEnd"ItWillNotChange"
ChangeWaterLilies"DidYouNeverKnow?"
TheTreasureTheStormSongsForMyselfXII
TheTreeAtMidnightSongMakingAloneRedMaplesDebtorTheWindintheHemlockFlameandShadowI
BlueSquillsHowmanymillionAprilscameBeforeIeverknewHowwhiteacherryboughcouldbe,Abedofsquills,howblue!
AndmanyadancingAprilWhenlifeisdonewithme,WilllifttheblueflameoftheflowerAndthewhiteflameofthetree。
Ohburnmewithyourbeauty,then,Ohhurtme,treeandflower,LestintheenddeathtrytotakeEventhisglisteninghour。
Oshakenflowers,Oshimmeringtrees,Osunlitwhiteandblue,Woundme,thatI,throughendlesssleep,Maybearthescarofyou。
StarsAloneinthenightOnadarkhillWithpinesaroundmeSpicyandstill,AndaheavenfullofstarsOvermyhead,WhiteandtopazAndmistyred;
MyriadswithbeatingHeartsoffireThataeonsCannotvexortire;
UpthedomeofheavenLikeagreathill,IwatchthemmarchingStatelyandstill,AndIknowthatI
AmhonoredtobeWitnessOfsomuchmajesty。
"WhatDoICare?"
WhatdoIcare,inthedreamsandthelanguorofspring,Thatmysongsdonotshowmeatall?
Fortheyareafragrance,andIamaflintandafire,Iamananswer,theyareonlyacall。
ButwhatdoIcare,forlovewillbeoversosoon,Letmyhearthaveitssayandmymindstandidlyby,Formymindisproudandstrongenoughtobesilent,Itismyheartthatmakesmysongs,notI。
MeadowlarksInthesilverlightafterastorm,Underdrippingboughsofbrightnewgreen,ItakethelowpathtohearthemeadowlarksAloneandhigh—heartedasifIwereaqueen。
WhathaveItofearinlifeordeathWhohaveknownthreethings:thekissinthenight,Thewhiteflyingjoywhenasongisborn,Andmeadowlarkswhistlinginsilverlight。
DriftwoodMyforefathersgavemeMyspirit’sshakenflame,Theshapeofhands,thebeatofheart,Thelettersofmyname。
Butitwasmylovers,Andnotmysleepingsires,WhogavetheflameitschangefulAndiridescentfires;
AsthedriftwoodburningLearneditsjewelledblazeFromthesea’sbluesplendorOfcolorednightsanddays。
"IHaveLovedHoursatSea"
Ihavelovedhoursatsea,graycities,Thefragilesecretofaflower,Music,themakingofapoemThatgavemeheavenforanhour;
Firststarsaboveasnowyhill,Voicesofpeoplekindlyandwise,Andthegreatlookoflove,longhidden,Foundatlastinmeetingeyes。
Ihavelovedmuchandbeenloveddeeply——
Ohwhenmyspirit’sfireburnslow,Leavemethedarknessandthestillness,Ishallbetiredandgladtogo。
AugustMoonriseThesunwasgone,andthemoonwascomingOvertheblueConnecticuthills;
Thewestwasrosy,theeastwasflushed,AndovermyheadtheswallowsrushedThiswayandthat,withchangefulwills。
IheardthemtwitterandwatchedthemdartNowtogetherandnowapartLikedarkpetalsblownfromatree;
ThemaplesstampedagainstthewestWereblackandstatelyandfullofrest,AndthehazyorangemoongrewupAndslowlychangedtoyellowgoldWhilethehillsweredarkened,foldonfoldToadeeperbluethanaflowercouldhold。
DownthehillIwent,andthenIforgotthewaysofmen,Fornight—scents,heady,anddampandcoolWakenedecstasyinmeOnthebrinkofashiningpool。
OBeauty,outofmanyacupYouhavemademedrunkandwildEversinceIwasachild,ButwhenhaveIbeensureasnowThatnobitternesscanbendAndnosorrowwhollybowOnewholovesyoutotheend?
AndthoughImustgivemybreathAndmylaughteralltodeath,Andmyeyesthroughwhichjoycame,Andmyheart,awaveringflame;
IfallmustleavemeandgobackAlongablindandfearfultrackSothatyoucanmakeanew,Fusingwithintenserfire,Somethingneareryourdesire;
IfmysoulmustgoaloneThroughacoldinfinity,Orevenifitvanish,too,Beauty,Ihaveworshippedyou。
LetthissinglehouratoneForthetheftofallofme。
MemoriesII
PlacesPlacesIlovecomebacktomelikemusic,HushmeandhealmewhenIamverytired;
IseetheoakwoodsatSaxton’sflamingInaflareofcrimsonbythefrostnewlyfired;
AndIamthirstyforthespringinthevalleyAsforakissungivenandlongdesired。
IknowabrightworldofsnowyhillsatBoonton,Ablueandwhitedazzlinglightoneverythingonesees,Theice—coveredbranchesofthehemlockssparkleBendinglowandtinklinginthesharpthinbreeze,Andiridescentcrystalsfallandcrackleonthesnow—crustWiththewintersundrawingcoldblueshadowsfromthetrees。
Violetnow,inveilonveilofeveningThehillsacrossfromCromwellgrowdreamyandfar;
Awood—thrushissingingsoftasaviolIntheheartofthehollowwherethedarkpoolsare;
TheprimrosehasopenedherpaleyellowflowersAndheavenislightingstarafterstar。
PlacesIlovecomebacktomelikemusic——
Mid—ocean,midnight,thewavesbuzzdrowsily;
Intheship’sdeepchurningtheeeriephosphorescenceIslikethesoulsofpeoplewhoweredrownedatsea,AndIcanhearaman’svoice,speaking,hushed,insistent,Atmidnight,inmid—ocean,houronhourtome。
OldTunesAsthewavesofperfume,heliotrope,rose,Floatinthegardenwhennowindblows,Cometous,gofromus,whencenooneknows;
Sotheoldtunesfloatinmymind,Andgofrommeleavingnotracebehind,Likefragranceborneonthehushofthewind。
ButintheinstanttheairsremainIknowthelaughterandthepainOftimesthatwillnotcomeagain。
ItrytocatchatmanyatuneLikepetalsoflightfallenfromthemoon,Brokenandbrightonadarklagoon,Buttheyfloataway——forwhocanholdYouth,orperfumeorthemoon’sgold?
"OnlyinSleep"
OnlyinsleepIseetheirfaces,ChildrenIplayedwithwhenIwasachild,Louisecomesbackwithherbrownhairbraided,Anniewithringletswarmandwild。
OnlyinsleepTimeisforgotten——
Whatmayhavecometothem,whocanknow?
Yetweplayedlastnightaslongago,Andthedoll—housestoodattheturnofthestair。
Theyearshadnotsharpenedtheirsmoothroundfaces,Imettheireyesandfoundthemmild——
Dothey,too,dreamofme,Iwonder,AndforthemamItooachild?
RedbirdsRedbirds,redbirds,Longandlongago,Whatahoney—callyouhadInhillsIusedtoknow;
Redbud,buckberry,Wildplum—treeAndproudriversweepingSouthwardtothesea,BrownandgoldinthesunSparklingfarbelow,TrailingstatelyroundherbluffsWherethepoplarsgrow——
Redbirds,redbirds,AreyousingingstillAsyousangoneMaydayOnSaxton’sHill?
Sunset:St。LouisHushedinthesmokyhazeofsummersunset,WhenIcamehomeagainfromfar—offplaces,HowmanytimesIsawmywesterncityDreambyherriver。
ThenforanhourthewaterworeamantleOftawnygoldandmauveandmistedturquoiseUnderthetallanddarkenedarchesbearingGray,high—flungbridges。
Againstthesunset,water—towersandsteeplesFlickeredwithfireuptheslopetowestward,AndoldwarehousespouredtheirpurpleshadowsAcrossthelevee。
Highoverthemtheblacktrainsweptwiththunder,Cleavingthecity,leavingfarbeneathitWharf—boatsmooredbesidetheoldside—wheelersRestingintwilight。
TheCoinIntomyheart’streasuryIslippedacoinThattimecannottakeNorathiefpurloin,——
OhbetterthanthemintingOfagold—crownedkingIsthesafe—keptmemoryOfalovelything。
TheVoiceAtomsasoldasstars,Mutationonmutation,MillionsandmillionsofcellsDividingyetstillthesame,Fromairandchangingearth,FromancientEasternrivers,Fromturquoisetropicseas,UntomyselfIcame。
MyspiritlikemyfleshSprangfromathousandsources,Fromcave—man,hunterandshepherd,FromKarnak,Cyprus,Rome;
ThelivingthoughtsinmeSpringfromdeadmenandwomen,ForgottentimeoutofmindAndmanyasbubblesoffoam。
Hereforamoment’sspaceIntothelightoutofdarkness,IcomeandtheycomewithmeFindingwordswithmybreath;
Fromthewisdomofmanylife—timesIhearthemcry:"ForeverSeekforBeauty,sheonlyFightswithmanagainstDeath!"
III
DayandNightInWarsawinPolandHalftheworldaway,TheoneIlovebestofallThoughtofmeto—day;
Iknow,forIwentWingedasabird,InthewideflowingwindHisownvoiceIheard;
HisarmswereroundmeInafernyplace,IlookedinthepoolAndtherewashisface——
ButnowitisnightAndthecoldstarssay:
"WarsawinPolandIshalftheworldaway。"
CompensationIshouldbegladoflonelinessAndhoursthatgoonbrokenwings,Athirstybody,atiredheartAndtheunchangingacheofthings,IfIcouldmakeasinglesongAslovelyandasfulloflight,AshushedandbriefasafallingstarOnawinternight。
IRememberedThereneverwasamoodofmine,Gayorheart—broken,luminousordull,ButyoucouldeasemeofitsfeverAndgiveitbacktomemorebeautiful。
InmanyanothersoulIbrokethebread,Anddrankthewineandplayedthehappyguest,ButIwaslonely,Irememberedyou;
Theheartbelongstohimwhoknewitbest。
"OhYouAreComing"
Ohyouarecoming,coming,coming,HowwillhungryTimeputbythehourstillthen?——
ButwhydoesitangermyhearttolongsoForonemanoutoftheworldofmen?
OhIwouldliveinmyselfonlyAndbuildmylifelightlyandstillasadream——
ArenotmythoughtsclearerthanyourthoughtsAndcoloredlikestonesinarunningstream?
Nowtheslowmoonbrightensinheaven,Thestarsareready,thenightishere——
OhwhymustIlosemyselftoloveyou,Mydear?
TheReturnHehascome,heishere,Mylovehascomehome,TheminutesarelighterThanflyingfoam,ThehoursarelikedancersOngold—slipperedfeet,ThedaysareyoungrunnersNakedandfleet——
Formylovehasreturned,Heishome,heishere,InthewholeworldnootherIsdearasmydear!
GrayEyesItwasAprilwhenyoucameThefirsttimetome,AndmyfirstlookinyoureyesWaslikemyfirstlookatthesea。
WehavebeentogetherFourAprilsnowWatchingforthegreenOntheswayingwillowbough;
YetwheneverIturnToyourgrayeyesoverme,ItisasthoughIlookedForthefirsttimeatthesea。
TheNetImadeyoumanyandmanyasong,Yetneveronetoldallyouare——
ItwasasthoughanetofwordsWereflungtocatchastar;
ItwasasthoughIcurvedmyhandAnddippedsea—watereagerly,OnlytofinditlosttheblueDarksplendorofthesea。
TheMysteryYoureyesdrinkofme,Lovemakesthemshine,YoureyesthatleanSoclosetomine。
Wehavelongbeenlovers,WeknowtherangeOfeachother’smoodsAndhowtheychange;
ButwhenwelookAteachothersoThenwefeelHowlittleweknow;
Thespiriteludesus,Timidandfree——
CanIeverknowyouOryouknowme?
InaHospitalIV
OpenWindowsOutofthewindowaseaofgreentreesLifttheirsoftboughslikethearmsofadancer,Theybeckonandcallme,"Comeoutinthesun!"
ButIcannotanswer。
IamalonewithWeaknessandPain,SickabedandJuneisgoing,Icannotkeepher,shehurriesbyWiththesilver—greenofhergarmentsblowing。
MenandwomenpassinthestreetGladoftheshiningsapphireweather,Butweknowmoreofitthanthey,PainandItogether。
Theyaretherunnersinthesun,Breathlessandblindedbytherace,ButwearewatchersintheshadeWhospeakwithWonderfacetoface。
TheNewMoonDay,youhavebruisedandbeatenme,Asrainbeatsdownthebright,proudsea,Beatenmybody,bruisedmysoul,Leftmenothinglovelyorwhole——
YetIhavewrestedagiftfromyou,Daythatdiesinduskyblue:
ForsuddenlyoverthefactoriesIsawamooninthecloudyseas——
AwispofbeautyallaloneInaworldashardandgrayasstone——
OhwhocouldbebitterandwanttodieWhenamaidenmoonwakesupinthesky?
EightO’ClockSuppercomesatfiveo’clock,Atsix,theeveningstar,Mylovercomesateighto’clock——
Buteighto’clockisfar。
HowcouldIbearmypainalldayUnlessIwatchedtoseeTheclock—handslaboringtobringEighto’clocktome。
LostThingsOh,Icouldlettheworldgoby,Itsloudnewwondersanditswars,ButhowwillIgiveuptheskyWhenwinterduskissetwithstars?
AndIcouldletthecitiesgo,Theirchangingcustomsandtheircreeds,——
Butoh,thesummerrainsthatblowInsilveronthejewel—weeds!
PainWavesarethesea’swhitedaughters,Andraindropsthechildrenofrain,ButwhyformyshimmeringbodyHaveIamotherlikePain?
Nightisthemotherofstars,Andwindthemotheroffoam——
Theworldisbrimmingwithbeauty,ButImuststayathome。
TheBrokenFieldMysoulisadarkploughedfieldInthecoldrain;
MysoulisabrokenfieldPloughedbypain。
WheregrassandbendingflowersWeregrowing,ThefieldliesbrokennowForanothersowing。
GreatSowerwhenyoutreadMyfieldagain,ScatterthefurrowsthereWithbettergrain。
TheUnseenDeathwentupthehallUnseenbyeveryone,TrailingtwilightrobesPastthenurseandthenun。
HepausedateverydoorAndlistenedtothebreathOfthosewhodidnotknowHowneartheyweretoDeath。
DeathwentupthehallUnseenbynurseandnun;
Hepassedbymanyadoor——
Butheenteredone。
APrayerWhenIamdying,letmeknowThatIlovedtheblowingsnowAlthoughitstunglikewhips;
ThatIlovedalllovelythingsAndItriedtotaketheirstingsWithgayunembitteredlips;
ThatIlovedwithallmystrength,Tomysoul’sfulldepthandlength,Carelessifmyheartmustbreak,ThatIsangaschildrensingFittingtunestoeverything,Lovinglifeforitsownsake。
V
SpringTorrentsWillitalwaysbelikethisuntilIamdead,EveryspringmustIbearitallagainWiththefirstredhazeofthebuddingmapleboughs,Andthefirstsweet—smellingrain?
OhIamlikearockintherisingriverWherethefloodedwaterbreakswithalowcall——
LikearockthatknowsthecryofthewatersAndcannotansweratall。
"IKnowtheStars"
Iknowthestarsbytheirnames,Aldebaran,Altair,AndIknowthepaththeytakeUpheaven’sbroadbluestair。
IknowthesecretsofmenBythelookoftheireyes,Theirgraythoughts,theirstrangethoughtsHavemademesadandwise。
ButyoureyesaredarktomeThoughtheyseemtocallandcall——
IcannottellifyoulovemeOrdonotlovemeatall。
Iknowmanythings,Buttheyearscomeandgo,IshalldienotknowingThethingIlongtoknow。
UnderstandingIunderstoodtheresttoowell,AndalltheirthoughtshavecometobeClearasgreysea—weedintheswellOfasunnyshallowsea。
ButyouIneverunderstood,Yourspirit’ssecrethideslikegoldSunkinaSpanishgalleonAgesagoinwaterscold。
NightfallWewillneverwalkagainAsweusedtowalkatnight,WatchingourshadowslengthenUnderthegoldstreet—lightWhenthesnowwasnewandwhite。
WewillneverwalkagainSlowly,wetwo,InspringwhentheparkissweetWithmidnightandwithdew,Andthepassers—byarefew。
Isitandthinkofitall,AndtheblueJunetwilightdies,——
DownintheclangingsquareAstreet—pianocriesAndstarscomeoutintheskies。
"ItIsNotaWord"
Itisnotawordspoken,Fewwordsaresaid;
NorevenalookoftheeyesNorabendofthehead,ButonlyahushoftheheartThathastoomuchtokeep,OnlymemorieswakingThatsleepsolightasleep。
"MyHeartIsHeavy"
MyheartisheavywithmanyasongLikeripefruitbearingdownthetree,ButIcannevergiveyouone——
Mysongsdonotbelongtome。
Yetintheevening,intheduskWhenmothsgotoandfro,Inthegrayhourifthefruithasfallen,Takeit,noonewillknow。
TheNightsRememberThedaysrememberandthenightsrememberThekinglyhoursthatonceyoumadesogreat,Deepinmyhearttheylie,hiddenintheirsplendor,Buriedlikesovereignsintheirrobesofstate。
Letthemnotwakeagain,bettertoliethere,Wrappedinmemories,jewelledandarrayed——
Manyaghostlykinghaswakedfromdeath—sleepAndfoundhiscrownstolenandhisthronedecayed。
"LetItBeForgotten"
Letitbeforgotten,asaflowerisforgotten,Forgottenasafirethatoncewassinginggold,Letitbeforgottenforeverandever,Timeisakindfriend,hewillmakeusold。
Ifanyoneasks,sayitwasforgottenLongandlongago,Asaflower,asafire,asahushedfootfallInalongforgottensnow。
TheDarkCupVI
MayDayAdelicatefabricofbirdsongFloatsintheair,ThesmellofwetwildearthIseverywhere。
RedsmallleavesofthemapleAreclenchedlikeahand,LikegirlsattheirfirstcommunionThepeartreesstand。
OhImustpassnothingbyWithoutlovingitmuch,Theraindroptrywithmylips,Thegrasswithmytouch;
ForhowcanIbesureIshallseeagainTheworldonthefirstofMayShiningaftertherain?
"SinceThereIsNoEscape"
Sincethereisnoescape,sinceattheendMybodywillbeutterlydestroyed,ThishandIloveasIhavelovedafriend,ThisbodyItended,weptwithandenjoyed;
SincethereisnoescapeevenformeWholovelifewithalovetoosharptobear:
Thescentoforchardsintherain,theseaAndhoursalonetoostillandsureforprayer——
Sincedarknesswaitsforme,thenallthemoreLetmegodownaswavessweeptotheshoreInpride;andletmesingwithmylastbreath;
InthesefewhoursoflightIliftmyhead;
Lifeismylover——IshallleavethedeadIfthereisanywaytobaffledeath。
"TheDreamsofMyHeart"
Thedreamsofmyheartandmymindpass,Nothingstayswithmelong,ButIhavehadfromachildThedeepsolaceofsong;
Ifthatshouldeverleaveme,LetmefinddeathandstayWiththingswhosetunesareplayedoutandforgottenLiketherainofyesterday。
"ALittleWhile"
AlittlewhilewhenIamgoneMylifewillliveinmusicafterme,AsspunfoamliftedandborneonAfterthewaveislostinthefullsea。
AwhilethesenightsanddayswillburnInsongwiththebrightfrailtyoffoam,LivinginlightbeforetheyturnBacktothenothingnessthatistheirhome。
TheGardenMyheartisagardentiredwithautumn,Heapedwithbendingastersanddahliasheavyanddark,Inthehazysunshine,thegardenremembersApril,Thedrenchofrainsandasnow—dropquickandclearasaspark;
Daffodilsblowinginthecoldwindofmorning,Andgoldentulips,gobletsholdingtherain——
Thegardenwillbehushedwithsnow,forgottensoon,forgotten——
Afterthestillness,willspringcomeagain?
TheWineIcannotdie,whodrankdelightFromthecupofthecrescentmoon,Andhungrilyasmeneatbread,LovedthescentednightsofJune。
Therestmaydie——butistherenotSomeshiningstrangeescapeformeWhosoughtinBeautythebrightwineOfimmortality?
InaCubanGardenHibiscusflowersarecupsoffire,(Loveme,mylover,lifewillnotstay)
Thebrightpoinsettiashakesinthewind,Ascarletleafisblowingaway。
Alizardliftshisheadandlistens——
Kissmebeforethenoongoesby,HereintheshadeoftheceibahidemeFromthegreatblackvulturecirclingthesky。
"IfIMustGo"
IfImustgotoheaven’sendClimbingtheageslikeastair,BenearmeandforeverbendWiththesameeyesabovemethere;
Timewillflypastuslikeleavesflying,Weshallnotheed,forweshallbeBeyondliving,beyonddying,Knowingandknownunchangeably。