第13章

Ihaveneverbeenthroughcollege,butIhadarelativewhowasfamousasateacherofrhetoricinoneofouruniversities,andespeciallyfortakingthenonsenseoutofsophomoricalyoungfellowswhocouldnotsayanythingwithoutriggingitupinshowyandsoundingphrases。IthinkIlearnedfromhimtoexpressmyselfingoodold—fashionedEnglish,andwithoutmakingasmuchfussaboutitasourFourthofJulyoratorsandpoliticalharanguerswereinthehabitofmaking。

Ireadagoodmanystoriesduringmyboyhood,oneofwhichleftalastingimpressionuponme,andwhichIhavealwayscommendedtoyoungpeople。Itistoolate,generally,totrytoteacholdpeople,yetonemayprofitbyitatanyperiodoflifebeforethesighthasbecometoodimtobeofanyuse。ThestoryIrefertoisin"EveningsatHome,"andiscalled"EyesandNoEyes。"Ioughttohaveitbyme,butitisconstantlyhappeningthatthebestoldthingsgetoverlaidbythenewesttrash;andthoughIhaveneverseenanythingofthekindhalfsogood,mytableandshelvesarecrackingwiththeweightofinvoluntaryaccessionstomylibrary。

ThisisthestoryasIrememberit:Twochildrenwalkout,andarequestionedwhentheycomehome。Onehasfoundnothingtoobserve,nothingtoadmire,nothingtodescribe,nothingtoaskquestionsabout。Theotherhasfoundeverywhereobjectsofcuriosityandinterest。Iadviseyou,ifyouareachildanywhereunderforty—

five,anddonotyetwearglasses,tosendatoncefor"EveningsatHome"andreadthatstory。Formyself,Iamalwaysgratefultothewriterofitforcallingmyattentiontocommonthings。HowmanypeoplehavebeenwakedtoaquickerconsciousnessoflifebyWordsworth\'ssimplelinesaboutthedaffodils,andwhathesaysofthethoughtssuggestedtohimby"themeanestflowerthatblows"！

Iwasdrivingwithafriend,theotherday,throughasomewhatdrearystretchofcountry,wherethereseemedtobeverylittletoattractnoticeordeserveremark。Still,theoldspiritinfusedby"EyesandNoEyes"wasuponme,andIlookedforsomethingtofastenmythoughtupon,andtreatasanartisttreatsastudyforapicture。Thefirstobjecttowhichmyeyesweredrawnwasanold—fashionedwell—sweep。

Itdidnottakemuchimaginativesensibilitytobestirredbythesightofthismostuseful,mostancient,mostpicturesque,ofdomesticconveniences。IknowsomethingoftheshadoofofEgypt,——

thesamearrangementbywhichthesacredwatersoftheNilehavebeenlifted,fromthedaysofthePharaohstothoseoftheKhedives。ThatlongforefingerpointingtoheavenwasasymbolwhichspoketothePuritanexileasitspokeofoldtotheenslavedIsraelite。Wasthereeveranysuchwaterasthatwhichweusedtodrawfromthedeep,coldwell,in"theoldoakenbucket"？Whatmemoriesgatheraboutthewellinallages！Whatlove—matcheshavebeenmadeatitsmargin,fromthetimesofJacoband,Racheldownward！Whatfairylegendshoveroverit,whatfearfulmysterieshasithidden！Thebeautifulwell—sweep！Itistoorarelythatweseeit,andasitdiesoutandgivesplacetotheodiouslyconvenientpump,withthelastpatentonitscast—ironuninterestingness,doesitnotseemasifthefarmyardaspecthadlosthalfitsattraction？Solongasthedairyfarmexists,doubtlesstheremustbeeveryfacilityforgettingwaterinabundance;butthelossofthewell—sweepcannotbemadeuptousevenifourmilkweredilutedtotwiceitspresentattenuation。

Thewell—sweephadserveditsturn,andmycompanionandIrelapsedintosilence。Afterawhilewepassedanotherfarmyard,withnothingwhichseemeddeservingofremarkexceptthewreckofanoldwagon。

"Look,"Isaid,"ifyouwanttoseeoneofthegreatestofallthetriumphsofhumaningenuity,oneofthemostbeautiful,asitisoneofthemostuseful,ofallthemechanismswhichtheintelligenceofsuccessiveageshascalledintobeing。"

"Iseenothing,"mycompanionanswered,"butanoldbroken—downwagon。Whytheyleavesuchapieceoflumberingtrashabouttheirplace,wherepeoplecanseeitastheypass,ismorethanIcanaccountfor。"

"Andyet,"saidI,"thereisoneofthemostextraordinaryproductsofhumangeniusandskill,——anobjectwhichcombinestheusefulandthebeautifultoanextentwhichhardlyanysimpleformofmechanismcanpretendtorival。Doyounoticehow,whileeverythingelsehasgonetosmash,thatwheelremainssoundandfitforservice？Lookatitmerelyforitsbeauty。

Seetheperfectcircles,theouterandtheinner。Acircleisinitselfaconsummatewonderofgeometricalsymmetry。Itisthelineinwhichtheomnipotentenergydelightstomove。Thereisnofaultinittobeamended。Thefirstdrawncircleandthelastbothembodythesamecompletefulfillmentofaperfectdesign。Thenlookattherayswhichpassfromtheinnertotheoutercircle。Howbeautifullytheybringthegreaterandlessercirclesintoconnectionwitheachother！Theflowersknowthatsecret,——themargueriteinthemeadowdisplaysitasclearlyasthegreatsuninheaven。Howbeautifulisthisflowerofwoodandiron,whichwewerereadytopassbywithoutwastingalookuponit！Butitsbeautyisonlythebeginningofitswonderfulclaimuponusforouradmiration。Lookatthatfieldoffloweringgrass,thetriticumvulgare,——seehowitswavesfollowthebreezeinsatinyalternationsoflightandshadow。Youadmireitforitslovelyaspect;butwhenyourememberthatthisfloweringgrassiswheat,thefinestfoodofthehighesthumanraces,itgainsadignity,aglory,thatitsbeautyalonecouldnotgiveit。

"Nowlookatthatexquisitestructurelyingneglectedanddisgraced,butessentiallyunchangedinitsperfection,beforeyou。Thatslightanddelicate—lookingfabrichasstoodsuchatrialashardlyanyslendercontrivance,exceptingalwaysthevalvesoftheheart,waseversubjectedto。Ithasrattledforyearsoverthecobble—stonesofaroughcitypavement。Ithasclimbedoveralltheaccidentalobstructionsitmetinthehighway,anddroppedintoalltheholesanddeeprutsthatmadetheheavyfarmersittingoveritusehisSundayvocabularyinaweek—dayformofspeech。Atonetimeoranother,almosteverypartofthatoldwagonhasgivenway。Ithashadtwonewpairsofshafts。Twicetheaxlehasbrokenoffclosetothehub,ornave。TheseatbrokewhenZekleandHuldywerehavingwhattheycalled\'aride\'together。Thefrontwaskickedinbyaviciousmare。Thespringsgavewayandthefloorbumpedontheaxle。

Everyportionofthewagonbecameapreyofitsspecialaccident,exceptthatmostfragilelookingofallitsparts,thewheel。Whocanhelpadmiringtheexactdistributionofthepowerofresistanceattheleastpossibleexpenditureofmaterialwhichismanifestedinthiswondroustriumphofhumangeniusandskill？Thespokesareplantedinthesolidhubasstronglyasthejaw—teethofalionintheirdeep—sunkensockets。Eachspokehasitsownterritoryinthecircumference,forwhichitisresponsible。Accordingtotheloadthevehicleisexpectedtocarry,theyarefewormany,stoutorslender,buttheysharetheirjointlaborwithabsolutejustice,——notonedoesmore,notonedoesless,thanitsjustproportion。Theouterendofthespokesisreceivedintothedeepmortiseofthewoodenfellies,andthestructureappearstobecomplete。Buthowlongwouldittaketoturnthatcircleintoapolygon,unlesssomemightycounteractingforceshouldpreventit？Seetheirontirebroughthotfromthefurnaceandlaidaroundthesmokingcircumference。Onceinplace,theworkmancoolsthehotiron;andasitshrinkswithaforcethatseemslikeahand—graspoftheOmnipotent,itclaspsthefittedfragmentsofthestructure,andcompressesthemintoasingleinseparablewhole。

"Wasitnotworthourwhiletostopamomentbeforepassingthatoldbrokenwagon,andseewhetherwecouldnotfindasmuchinitasSwiftfoundinhis\'MeditationsonaBroomstick\'？Ihavebeenlaughedatformakingsomuchofsuchacommonthingasawheel。

Idiots！Solomon\'scourtfoolwouldhavescoffedatthethoughtoftheyoungGalileanwhodaredcomparetheliliesofthefieldtohisaugustmaster。NiladmirariisverywellforaNorthAmericanIndianandhisdegeneratesuccessor,whohasgrowntoograndtoadmireanythingbuthimself,andtakesacynicalprideinhisstolidindifferencetoeverythingworthreverencingorhonoring。"

Aftercallingmycompanion\'sattentiontothewheel,anddiscoursinguponituntilIthoughthewasgettingsleepy,wejoggedalonguntilwecametoarunningstream。Itwascrossedbyastonebridgeofasinglearch。ThereareveryfewstonearchesoverthestreamsinNewEnglandcountrytowns,andIalwaysdelightedinthisone。Itwasbuiltinthelastcentury,amidstthedoubtingpredictionsofstaringrustics,andstandsto—dayasstrongasever,andseeminglygoodforcenturiestocome。

"Seethere！"saidI,——"thereisanotherofmy\'EyesandNoEyes\'

subjectstomeditateupon。Nexttothewheel,thearchisthenoblestofthoseelementarymechanicalcomposites,correspondingtotheproximateprinciplesofchemistry。Thebeautyofthearchconsistsfirstinitscurve,commonlyapartofthecircle,oftheperfectionofwhichIhavespoken。Butthemindderivesanotherdistinctpleasurefromtheadmirablemannerinwhichtheseveralparts,eachdifferentfromalltheothers,contributetoasingleharmoniouseffect。Itisatypicalexampleofthepiuneluno。Anarchcutoutorasinglestonewouldnotbesobeautifulasoneofwhicheachindividualstonewasshapedforitsexactposition。Itscompletionbythelockingofthekeystoneisadelighttowitnessandtocontemplate。Andhowthearchendures,whenitslateralthrustismetbysolidmassesofresistance！InoneofthegreattemplesofBaalbecakeystonehasslipped,buthowrareisthatoccurrence！Onewillhardlyfindanothersuchexampleamongalltheruinsofantiquity。Yes,Inevergettiredofarches。Theyarenoblewhenshapedofsolidmarbleblocks,eachcarefullybeveledforitsposition。TheyarebeautifulwhenconstructedwiththelargethintilestheRomansweresofondofusing。Inoticedsomearchesbuiltinthiswayinthewallofoneofthegrandhousesjustgoinguponthebankoftheriver。Theywereoverthecapstonesofthewindows,—

—totakeoffthepressurefromthem,nodoubt,fornowandthenacapstonewillcrackundertheweightofthesuperincumbentmass。Howclosetheyfit,andhowstrikingtheeffectoftheirlongradiations！"

Thecompanylistenedverywelluptothispoint。Whenhebeganthestrainofthoughtswhichfollows,acuriouslookwentroundTheTeacups。

Whatastrangeundergroundlifeisthatwhichisledbytheorganismswecalltrees！Thesegreatflutteringmassesofleaves,stems,boughs,trunks,arenottherealtrees。Theyliveunderground,andwhatweseearenothingmorenorlessthantheirtails。

TheMistressdroppedherteaspoon。NumberFivelookedattheDoctor,whosefacewasverystillandsober。ThetwoAnnexesgiggled,orcameverynearit。

Yes,atreeisanundergroundcreature,withitstailintheair。

Allitsintelligenceisinitsroots。Allthesensesithasareinitsroots。Thinkwhatsagacityitshowsinitssearchafterfoodanddrink！Somehoworother,therootlets,whichareitstentacles,findoutthatthereisabrookatamoderatedistancefromthetrunkofthetree,andtheymakeforitwithalltheirmight。Theyfindeverycrackintherockswherethereareafewgrainsofthenourishingsubstancetheycarefor,andinsinuatethemselvesintoitsdeepestrecesses。Whenspringandsummercome,theylettheirtailsgrow,anddelightinwhiskingthemaboutinthewind,orlettingthembewhiskedaboutbyit;forthesetailsarepoorpassivethings,withverylittlewilloftheirown,andbendinwhateverdirectionthewindchoosestomakethem。Theleavesmakeadealofnoisewhispering。IhavesometimesthoughtIcouldunderstandthem,astheytalkwitheachother,andthattheyseemedtothinktheymadethewindastheywaggedforwardandback。RememberwhatIsay。Thenexttimeyouseeatreewavinginthewind,recollectthatitisthetailofagreatunderground,many—armed,polypus—likecreature,whichisasproudofitscaudalappendage,especiallyinsummer—time,asapeacockofhisgorgeousexpanseofplumage。

Doyouthinkthereisanythingsoveryoddaboutthisidea？Oncegetitwellintoyourheads,andyouwillfinditrendersthelandscapewonderfullyinteresting。Thereareasmanykindsoftree—tailsasthereareoftailstodogsandotherquadrupeds。StudythemasDaddyGilpinstudiedtheminhis"ForestScenery,"butdon\'tforgetthattheyareonlytheappendageoftheundergroundvegetablepolypus,thetrueorganismtowhichtheybelong。

Hepausedatthispoint,andwealldrewlongbreaths,wonderingwhatwascomingnext。Therewasnodenyingit,the"crackedTeacup"wasclinkingalittlefalse,——soitseemedtothecompany。Yet,afterall,thefancywasnotdelirious,——themindcouldfollowitwellenough;lethimgoon。

Whatdoyousaytothis？YouhaveheardallsortsofthingssaidinproseandverseaboutNiagara。AskouryoungDoctortherewhatitremindshimof。Isn\'titagiantputtinghistongueout？Howcanyoufailtoseetheresemblance？Thecontinentisagreatgiant,andthenorthernhalfholdstheheadandshoulders。Youcancountthepulseofthegiantwhereverthetiderunsupacreek;butifyouwanttolookatthegiant\'stongue,youmustgotoNiagara。Ifthereweresuchathingasacosmicphysician,Ibelievehecouldtellthestateofthecountry\'shealth,andtheprospectsofthemortalityforthecomingseason,bycarefulinspectionofthegreattongue,whichNiagaraisputtingoutforhim,andhasbeenshowingtomankindeversincethefirstflint—shaperschippedtheirarrow—heads。Youdon\'tthinktheideaaddstothesublimityandassociationsofthecataract？Iamsorryforthat,butIcan\'thelpthesuggestion。ItisjustasmanifestlyatongueputoutforinspectionasifithadNature\'sownlabeltothateffecthungoverit。Idon\'tknowwhetheryoucanseethesethingsasclearlyasIdo。Therearesomepeoplethatneverseeanything,ifitisasplainasaholeinagrindstone,untilitispointedouttothem;andsomethatcan\'tseeitthen,andwon\'tbelievethereisanyholetillthey\'vepokedtheirfingerthroughit。I\'vegotagreatmanythingstothankGodfor,butperhapsmostofallthatIcanfindsomethingtoadmire,towonderat,tosetmyfancygoing,andtowindupmyenthusiasmprettymucheverywhere。

Lookhere！Therearecrowdsofpeoplewhirledthroughourstreetsonthesenew—fashionedcars,withtheirwitch—broomsticksoverhead,——iftheydon\'tcomefromSalem,theyoughtto,——andnotmorethanoneinadozenofthesefish—eyedbipedsthinksorcaresanickel\'sworthaboutthemiraclewhichiswroughtfortheirconvenience。Theyknowthatwithouthandsorfeet,withouthorses,withoutsteam,sofarastheycansee,theyaretransportedfromplacetoplace,andthatthereisnothingtoaccountforitexceptthewitch—broomstickandtheironorcoppercobwebwhichtheyseestretchedabovethem。Whatdotheyknoworcareaboutthislastrevelationoftheomnipresentspiritofthematerialuniverse？Weoughttogodownonourkneeswhenoneofthesemightycaravans,caraftercar,spinsbyus,underthemysticimpulsewhichseemstoknownotwhetheritstrainisloadedorempty。Weareusedtoforceinthemusclesofhorses,intheexpansivepotencyofsteam,butherewehaveforcestrippedstarknaked,——nothingbutafilamenttocoveritsnudity,——andyetshowingitsmightineffortsthatwouldtasktheworking—beamofaponderoussteam—engine。IamthankfulthatinanageofcynicismIhavenotlostmyreverence。Perhapsyouwouldwondertoseehowsomeverycommonsightsimpressme。IalwaystakeoffmyhatifIstoptospeaktoastone—cutterathiswork。"Why？"doyouaskme？BecauseIknowthathisistheonlylaborthatislikelytoendure。AscoreofcenturieshasnoteffacedthemarksoftheGreek\'sortheRoman\'schiselonhisblockofmarble。Andnow,beforethisnewmanifestationofthatformofcosmicvitalitywhichwecallelectricity,IfeelliketakingthepostureofthepeasantslisteningtotheAngelus。Hownearthemysticeffluenceofmechanicalenergybringsustothedivinesourceofallpowerandmotion！Intheoldmythology,therighthandofJoveheldandsentforththelightning。

So,intherecordoftheHebrewprophets,didtherighthandofJehovahcastforthanddirectit。WasNahumthinkingofourfar—offtimewhenhewrote,"Thechariotsshallrageinthestreets,theyshalljustleoneagainstanotherinthebroadways:theyshallseemliketorches,theyshallrunlikethelightnings"？

NumberSevenhadfinishedreadinghispaper。Twobrightspotsinhischeeksshowedthathehadfeltagooddealinwritingit,andtheflushreturnedashelistenedtohisownthoughts。Pooroldfellow！

The"crackedTeacup"ofouryoungerwits,——notyetcometotheirfullhumansensibilities,——the"crank"ofvulgartongues,theeccentric,theseventhsonofaseventhson,toooftenmadethebuttofthoughtlesspleasantry,was,afterall,afellow—creature,withfleshandbloodliketherestofus。Thewildfreaksofhisfancydidnothurtus,nordidtheypreventhimfromseeingmanythingsjustly,andperhapssometimesmorevividlyandacutelythanifhewereassoundasthedullestofus。

Theteaspoonstinkledloudlyallroundthetable,ashefinishedreading。TheMistresscaughtherbreath。Iwasafraidshewasgoingtosob,butshetookitoutinvigorousstirringofhertea。WillyoubelievethatIsawNumberFive,withasweet,approvingsmileonherfaceallthetime,brushhercheekwithherhand—kerchief？Theremusthavebeenatearstealingfrombeneathitseyelid。IhopeNumberSevensawit。Heisoneofthetwomenatourtablewhomostneedthetenderlooksandtonesofawoman。TheProfessorandIarehorsdecombat;theCounsellorisbusywithhiscasesandhisambitions;theDoctorisprobablyinlovewithamicroscope,andflirtingwithpathologicalspecimens;butNumberSevenandtheTutorare,Ifear,bothsufferingfromthatworstofallfamines,heart—

hunger。

DoyourememberthatNumberSevensaidheneverwrotealineof"poetry"inhislife,exceptoncewhenhewassufferingfromtemporaryweaknessofbodyandmind？Thatisbecauseheisapoet。

Ifhehadnotbeenone,hewouldverycertainlyhavetakentotinklingrhymes。Whatshouldyouthinkoftheprobablemusicalgeniusofayoungmanwhowasparticularlyfondofjinglingasetofsleigh—bells？ShouldyouexpecthimtoturnoutaMozartoraBeethoven？Now,IthinkIrecognizethepoeticalinstinctinNumberSeven,howeverimperfectmaybeitsexpression,andhoweverhemayberunawaywithattimesbyfantasticnotionsthatcomeintohishead。

Iffatehadallottedhimahelpfulcompanionintheshapeofalovingandintelligentwife,hemighthavebeenhalfcuredofhiseccentricities,andweshouldnothavehadtosay,inspeakingofhim,"Poorfellow！"Butsincethiscannotbe,Iampleasedthatheshouldhavebeensokindlytreatedontheoccasionofthereadingofhispaper。IfhesawNumberFive\'stear,hewillcertainlyfallinlovewithher。NomatterifhedoesNumberFiveisakindofCircewhodoesnotturnthevictimsofherenchantmentintoswine,butintolambs。IwanttoseeNumberSevenoneofherlittleflock。Isay"little。"Isuspectitislargerthanmostofusknow。Anyhow,shecansparehimsympathyandkindnessandencouragementenoughtokeephimcontentedwithhimselfandwithher,andnevermissthepulsesofherlovinglifeshelendshim。Itseemstobetheerrandofsomewomentogivemanypeopleasmuchhappinessastheyhaveanyrighttointhisworld。Iftheyconcentratedtheiraffectiononone,theywouldgivehimmorethananymortalcouldclaimashisshare。IsawNumberFivewateringherflowers,theotherday。Thewatering—pothadoneofthoseperforatedheads,throughwhichthewaterrunsinmanysmallstreams。Everyplantgotitsshare:theproudestlilybentbeneaththegentleshower;thelowliestdaisyhelditslittlefaceupforbaptism。Allwererefreshed,nonewasflooded。

Presentlyshetooktheperforatedhead,or"rose,"fromtheneckofthewatering—pot,andthefullstreampouredoutinaround,solidcolumn。Itwasalmosttoomuchforthepoorgeraniumonwhichitfell,anditlookedatoneminuteasiftherootswouldbelaidbare,andperhapsthewholeplantbewashedoutofthesoilinwhichitwasplanted。WhatifNumberFiveshouldtakeoffthe"rose"thatsprinklesheraffectionsonsomany,andpourthemallonone？Canthateverbe？Ifitcan,lifeisworthlivingforhimonwhomherlovemaybelavished。

Oneofmyneighbors,athoroughAmerican,ismuchconcernedaboutthegrowthofwhathecallsthe"hard—handedaristocracy。"Hetellsthefollowingstory:——

"Iwasputtingupafenceaboutmyyard,andemployedamanofwhomI

knewsomething,——thathewasindustrious,temperate,andthathehadawifeandchildrentosupport,——aworthyman,anativeNewEnglander。Iengagedhim,Isay,todigsomepost—holes。Myemployeeboughtanewspadeandscooponpurpose,andcametomyplaceattheappointedtime,andbegandigging。Whilehewasatwork,twomencameoverfromadrinking—saloon,towhichmyresidenceisnearerthanIcoulddesire。OneofthemIhadknownasMikeFagan,theotherasHansSchleimer。TheylookedatHiram,myNewHampshireman,inacontemptuousandthreateningwayforaminuteorso,whenFaganaddressedhim:

"\'Andhowmuchdoesthemanpayyezbythehour？\'

Thegentlemandoesn\'tpaymebythehour,\'saidHiram。

"\'Howmoshdoeshebayyoubyderveeks？\'saidHans。

"\'Idon\'knowasthat\'sanyofyourbusiness,\'answeredHiram。

"\'Faith,we\'llmakeitourbusiness,\'saidMikeFagan。\'We\'reKnoightsofLabor,we\'dhaveyeztoknow,andyecan\'tmakeyerbargainsfistasyeloikes。Wemanestoknowhowmonyhoursyeworrks,andhowmuchyegetsforit。\'

"\'KnightsofLabor！\'saidI。\'Why,thatisakindoftitleofnobility,isn\'tit？Ithoughtthelawsofourcountrydidn\'tallowtitlesofthatkind。Butifyouhavearighttobecalledknights,I

supposeIoughttoaddressyouassuch。SirMichael,Icongratulateyouonthedignityyouhaveattained。IhopeLadyFaganisgettingonwellwithmyshirts。SirHans,Ipaymyrespectstoyourtitle。

ItrustthatLadySchleixnerhasgotthroughthatlittledifficultybetweenherladyshipandyourselfinwhichthepolicecourtthoughtitnecessarytointervene。\'

"Thetwomenlookedatme。Iweighaboutahundredandeightypounds,andamwellputtogether。Hiramwasnotedinhisvillageasa\'rahstler。\'Butmyfaceisratherpallidandpeaked,andHiramhadsomethingofthegreenhornlook。Thetwomen,whohadbeendrinking,hardlyknewwhatgroundtotake。Theyratherlikedthesoundof,SirMichaeland,SirHans。Theydidnotknowverywellwhattomakeoftheirwivesas\'ladies。\'Theylookeddoubtfulwhethertotakewhathadbeensaidasacasusbelliornot,buttheywantedapretextofsomekindorother。Presentlyoneofthemsawalabelonthescoop,orlonghandled,spoon—likeshovel,withwhichHiramhadbeenworking。

"\'Arrah,bejabers！\'exclaimedMikeFagan,\'buthasn\'thebeena—tradin\'widBrown,thehardwarefellah,thatweboycotted！Grabit,Hans,andwe\'llcarryitoffandshowittothebrotherhood。\'

Themenmadeamovetowardtheimplement。

"\'Youletthatarescoop—shovelalone,\'saidHiram。

"Isteppedtohisside。TheKnightswerecombative,astheirnoblepredecessorswiththesametitlealwayswere,anditwasnecessarytocometoavoiedefait。MystraightblowfromtheshoulderdidforSirMichael。HiramtreatedSirHanstowhatistechnicallyknownasacross—buttock。

"\'Naow,Dutchman,\'saidHiram,\'ifyoudon\'twanttobeplantedinthatarepost—hole,y\'dbettertakey\'rselfouto\'thisherepieceofprivateproperty。"Dangerouspassin\',"asthesign—postssay,abaoutthesetimes。\'

"SirMichaelwentdownhalfstunnedbymyexpressivegesture;SirHansdidnotknowwhetherhishipwasoutofjointorhehadgotabadsprain;buttheywerebothoutofconditionforfurtherhostilities。Perhapsitwashardlyfairtotakeadvantageoftheirmisfortunestoinflictadiscourseuponthem,buttheyhadbroughtitonthemselves,andweeachofusgavethemapieceofourmind。

"\'Itellyouwhatitis,\'saidHiram,\'I\'mafreeandindependentAmericancitizen,andIan\'ta—gon\'tohevnomantyrannizeoverme,ifhedooscallhimselfbyoneo\'themnoblemen\'stitles。EfIcan\'tworkjes\'asIchoose,furfolksthatwantsmetoworkfur\'emandthatIwanttoworkfur,Imightjes\'aswellgotoSiberyanddonewithit。Mygran\'f\'therfitinBunkerHillbattle。Iguessifourfolksinthemdaysdidn\'tcarenogreatabaoutLordPercyandSirWilliamHaowe,wean\'ta—gon\'tobescartbySirMichaelFaganandSirHansWhat\'s—his—name,nornootherfellahsthatundertakestobenoblemen,andtellsuscommonfolkswhatweshalldewan\'whatwesha\'n\'t。No,sir！\'

"ItooktheopportunitytoexplaintoSirMichaelandSirHanswhatitwasourfathersfoughtfor,andwhatisthemeaningofliberty。

Ifthesenoblemendidnotlikethecountry,theycouldgoelsewhere。

Iftheydidn\'tlikethelaws,theyhadtheballot—box,andcouldchoosenewlegislators。Butaslongasthelawsexistedtheymustobeythem。Icouldnotadmitthat,becausetheycalledthemselvesbythetitlestheOldWorldnobilitythoughtsomuchof,theyhadarighttointerfereintheagreementsIenteredintowithmyneighbor。

ItoldSirMichaelthatifhewouldgohomeandhelpLadyFagantosawandsplitthewoodforherfire,hewouldbebetteremployedthaninmeddlingwithmydomesticarrangements。IadvisedSirHanstoaskLadySchleimerforherbottleofspiritstouseasanembrocationforhislamehip。Andsomytwovisitorswiththearistocratictitlesstaggeredoff,andleftusplain,untitledcitizens,Hiramandmyself,tosetourposts,andconsiderthequestionwhetherwelivedinafreecountryorundertheauthorityofaself—constitutedorderofquasi—nobility。"

Itisaverycuriousfactthat,withallourboasted"freeandequal"

superiorityoverthecommunitiesoftheOldWorld,ourpeoplehavethemostenormousappetiteforOldWorldtitlesofdistinction。SirMichaelandSirHansbelongtooneofthemostextendedofthearistocraticorders。Butwehavealso"KnightsandLadiesofHonor,"

and,whatisstillgrander,"RoyalConclaveofKnightsandLadies,"

"RoyalArcanum,"and"RoyalSocietyofGoodFellows,""SupremeCouncil,""ImperialCourt,""GrandProtector,"and"GrandDictator,"andsoon。Nothinglessthan"Grand"and11Supreme"isgoodenoughforthedignitariesofourassociationsofcitizens。

Wheredoesallthisambitionfornameswithoutrealitiescomefrom？

BecauseaKnightoftheGarterwearsagoldenstar,whydoestheworthycordwainer,whomendstheshoesofhisfellow—citizens,wanttowearatinstar,andtakeanamethathadameaningasusedbytherepresentativesofancientfamilies,orthemenwhohadmadethemselvesillustriousbytheirachievements？

ItappearstobeapeculiarlyAmericanweakness。TheFrenchrepublicansoftheearlierperiodthoughtthetermcitizenwasgoodenoughforanybody。Atalaterperiod,"RoiCitoyen"——thecitizenkingwasacommontitlegiventoLouisPhilippe。ButnothingistoograndfortheAmerican,inthewayoftitles。Theproudestofthemallsignifyabsolutelynothing。Theydonotstandforability,forpublicservice,forsocialimportance,forlargepossessions;but,onthecontrary,areoftenestfoundinconnectionwithpersonalitiestowhichtheyaresupremelyinapplicable。Wecanhardlyaffordtoquarrelwithanationalhabitwhich,iflightlyhandled,mayinvolveusinseriousdomesticdifficulties。The"RightWorshipful"

functionarywhoseequipagestopsatmybackgate,andwhoseservicesareindispensabletothehealthandcomfortofmyhousehold,isadignitarywhomImustnotoffend。Imustspeakwithproperdeferencetotheladywhoisscrubbingmyfloors,whenIrememberthatherhusband,whosawsmywood,carriesastringofhigh—soundingtitleswhichwouldsatisfyaSpanishnobleman。

Afterall,everypeoplemusthaveitsownformsofostentation,pretence,andvulgarity。TheancientRomanshadtheirs,theEnglishandtheFrenchhavetheirsaswell,——whyshouldnotweAmericanshaveours？Educatedandrefinedpersonsmustrecognizefrequentinternalconflictsbetweenthe"Homosum"ofTerenceandthe"Odiprofanumvulgus"ofHorace。ThenoblersentimentshouldbethatofeverytrueAmerican,anditisinthatdirectionthatourbestcivilizationisconstantlytending。

Wewerewaitedonbyanewgirl,theotherevening。Ourprettymaidenhadleftusforavisittosomerelative,——sotheMistresssaid。Idosincerelyhopeshewillsooncomeback,forweallliketoseeherflittingroundthetable。

Idon\'tknowwhattomakeofit。Ihaditalllaidoutinmymind。

Withsuchacompanytheremustbealove—story。Perhapstherewillbe,buttheremaybenewcombinationsoftheelementswhicharetomakeitup,andhereisabudamongthefull—blownflowerstowhichI

mustdevotealittlespace。